“I’m kind of surprised you’re drinking. When did you get the beer?”
“I brought it down with me.” His tone was one of finality. There’d be no further discussion.
She sighed and tugged at her shirt. “So, Daddy, how long are you here for?”
“I was going to go home tomorrow, but after your disaster today, perhaps it’s better if I stay a bit longer. Keep my eye on you.” He downed a swig while holding his sight on her.
Her eyes rolled. “Daddy, I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“We’ll see. For now, I’ll stay a couple of days. Then go from there.” He drained the remainder of his beer before tossing it into the trash container. A pop as another beer opened. “I’m going to bed. It was nice to meet you, Nate. Goodnight, Princess.”
“Goodnight, Daddy.” She waited until he closed the spare bedroom door before getting up and retrieving the empty beer can. With a shudder, she tossed it into the recycling can. She leaned against the cabinets, staring out into the eating area.
Nate came and blocked her view. “You okay?”
She blinked, and searched his brown eyes. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You got real quiet and zoned out.” He wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Do you want to get out of here? I think I need to go for a walk or something.” She grabbed a pen and piece of paper.
His face brightened. “Sure. Let’s go.” He stopped at the table. “I meant to ask earlier. Who are the flowers from?”
The pen skidded across the paper. “Kaitlyn,” she said, not tearing her eyes away from the drying ink. “For the death-aversary.”
“Oh,” he said. “That’s a nice gesture.”
Breathing once more, she taped the note to the spare bedroom door, and they left the apartment hand in hand. They walked in silence across the street to the empty park. She sat in the swing and absentmindedly swung it, little by little.
Nate sat in the swing beside her. “Your dad’s pretty cool.”
“He’s acting like a jerk right now.” She drew a circle in the sand with her foot. “He knows better than to bring alcohol into the apartment.” Angry at her daddy, she kicked at the circle, sending sand flying in multiple directions.
“I’m sure today is hard on him.”
“Perhaps. You’d never know it though.”
He pushed back and lifted his legs, swinging forward. “You scared him today. Do you think it’s possible he worried that he was about to lose you too?”
“He already lost me. Two years ago. He won’t talk to me, like really talk to me. It’s all very generalized, like he’s doing it because he has to. The check-ins are to make sure I’m not over-medicating and that my studies are going well. That’s it.”
“Well, he’s worried.”
The swing came to a halt. She pushed her hair off her face, and stared at him. “And you know this how?”
He twisted his swing and faced her. “He told me.”
“Great.” She jumped off her swing. “He can tell you that, but he won’t talk to me?” She stormed over to the giant tree they’d had lunch at, and kicked the base of it as hard as she could.
Nate grabbed her and pulled her back as she kicked wildly. “Hey. Hey. What did that tree ever do to you?”
When her feet touched the grass, she spun around, burying her face into his chest. Her body shook with the sobs she’d held in for too long. Nate said nothing, and held her tighter to keep her from falling apart.
With her anger extinguished, she pushed out of his embrace. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what? Having feelings?” A soft finger wiped away a trail of tears.
“I’m so frustrated with him.”
“Yeah, I sense that.” He brushed her hair off to the side. “But he loves you. Dads just have a different way of showing it.” Hand in hand, he led her over to a picnic table where they sat on the tabletop. “My dad was a very strict man. But yet, I knew he loved me – even if he never said it. It’s in all the little things he did for me. He was my biggest supporter although he would’ve been the first to tell me to try harder.” Whatever memory he thought of, it brought a twinkle to his eyes. “And my mom, she’s the total opposite. Wears her heart on her sleeve and everyone within a fifty-mile radius can feel her zest for life. It was so neat to see my parents interact with others. Dad rarely smiled, always so serious. But he’d also be the first man to give you the shirt off his back if you ever needed it.”
“Do you miss him? Like every day?”
He huffed. “Yes, and no. The hurt I felt daily is gone. But I still miss him. There are times when I’d like to sit down with him and get his opinion, but–” he trailed off, as he looked into her eyes. “But it gets easier.” He kissed the top of her hand. “And maybe that’s a guy thing. We tend to handle things differently.”
“Maybe.” A shrug.
“What about your dad? What was he like when you were growing up?”
“When I was little, Dad’d be home for one week, gone for three. It’s the nature of the beast working in the oil field. So our time together was always precious, and he’d make sure to spend those evenings with us, doing fun things. Momma, Mom, was always the disciplinarian, ensuring we had our homework and chores done first. Then as we got older, the fun died down a little, because the homework demands rose.
“When Carmen moved here for university, it changed the dynamic at home. Totally. Suddenly, Mom was the fun one and Dad was the strict one, always pushing Carmen to do better, to be better. She was gone for months, and only came home at Christmas and Reading Week, but I never blamed her. It was tough being around him. Mom worked more to pay for our weekend trips down and part of her income paid for Carmen’s living expenses and provided her with an allowance so she didn’t need to work during the year and could focus on her studies. The same deal applies to me, but only Dad’s the one footing the entire bill. It was rare, but he’d come and visit Carmen as he passed through, but never for an overnight. I used to joke he fathered her long-distance because there wasn’t much said between the two of them. Mom and I came down at least once a month and it was always a girls’ weekend– movies, shopping, pedicures. Female bonding stuff.”
Nate’s face scrunched. “Yep, sounds like a girly thing to do.”
“Yeah, but, I’m not a girly girl like Carmen and Mom were. I’m the tomboy. I love video games and going to watch the Oilers. That was what Dad and I did. Now, it’s more like I’m on probation and he’s the warden.”
His calloused hand ran over hers, soothing her. “Take him to a game.”
“You really don’t follow hockey at all, do you?” She laughed. “The Oilers didn’t make the playoffs.”
“Oh. Well–” He looked thoughtful. “You could always have a video game night with him. I’ve seen the stacks of games you have.”
Moving closer to him, she agreed. “That’d be fun, I suppose.”
He gazed at her and leaned in for a kiss. The brush of his lips fuelled her heat, burning away thoughts of her father. Everywhere he touched her – her face, her cheek, the length of her arm, the electricity snapped her cells alive and ached for more. Her body longed for him and responded well to him. It was almost hypnotic.
“Come on, I’ll take you back home. We both have to work in the morning.”
She slipped off the picnic table. “Yeah, I’m not looking forward to going in. They won’t be happy with me.”
“It’ll be fine. I told them you were sick.”
“You lied?”
“It wasn’t a lie. Technically you were sick.” He raised an eyebrow.
She rolled it over in her mind, and supposed he was right. Technically. They stood and walked back through the park, towards the tower.
“Where’s your car?”
“Still at work. Remember? I followed you home.”
Nodding, she did remember. “Well, let’s walk back and get it.”
“And you’re going to what? Sit in it while
I drive you back home?”
Snorting, she shook her head. “Yeah right. No, I’ll walk back home.”
“Not at night, and not when I’m right here. I’ll walk you upstairs,” he said, cocking his head at the tower, “and kiss you good night.”
“Such a traditionalist, eh?” she asked, although secretly inside she beamed. She had to admit it felt nice to be treated that way.
They arrived at her door, and she placed her key into the lock. Before she opened it fully, he spun her around and planted a deep, lingering kiss on her lips. She pressed herself hard onto his lips and into his body, the bulge in his tight overalls pushing against her hips. Breathless herself, she bid him good night and closed the door.
Surprised to see the spare room door open, she glanced to her left and saw her father sitting in the living room.
“Hey, Daddy.”
“Princess.” He patted the space beside him. “Come sit.”
A hesitation. “I’m surprised to see you out. I thought you were going to bed.”
“No,” he said, running his hands through his hair, “I wanted to give you and Nate some time alone.”
“Thanks, we went for a walk though.” She crossed her arms over her chest. The fight inside her roared to life in a heartbeat. “Why would you bring alcohol into my apartment?”
“Your apartment? I pay the rent on this, Princess, so watch your words.”
“Watch my words? What else do I have to watch, Daddy? I have to watch so much around you, I’m afraid to do anything. I can’t speak my mind, I can’t talk to you. I’m a science and social experiment for you to show off to my boyfriend.”
“Hey,” he said, standing, “I did that FOR YOU.”
“For me? Great thanks.”
“I mean it. That boy, he cares about you. I want you to be with him and not be afraid. It sounds as if he’s trying awfully hard to help you – the least you could do is this for him. He wants you there, and he wants you to meet his family. It’ll do you a world of good to go someplace new.”
“But that’s the thing, I don’t want to go somewhere new. I want to stay here because I like it here.” Her hands retracted inside the sleeve of her shirt.
“No, you’ve just resigned yourself to this kind of life, and this isn’t living.”
“What do you mean? I’m getting a university degree. I’m working. I have a boyfriend again. I can hang out with my friends. I’m happy. I’m living.” She pointed her finger towards her father. “It’s YOU that’s not living.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“Have you gone out on a date with anyone? Started seeing anyone?” He stood in front of her, anger pouring out of his beet-red ears. “Why not? You won’t talk about Momma, so why don’t you get out and start living?”
“It doesn’t work that way for me. I’m an old man.”
“Fuck that, Daddy. You’re barely into your fifties.” She stood level with him, not budging an inch. “When are you going to start living? Because you can’t preach to me about it, holed up in your home, watching bad TV and pretending things aren’t the way they are.”
“Aurora, stop.”
“No, you stop. I’m trying to move on. I’m trying to get into cars again, and it’s terrifying. Second scariest thing I’ve ever done. Every time I touch his car, or sit on it, I feel like months are being shaved off my life. But I do it, even when I so desperately want nothing more than to walk away.” Before he opened his mouth, she cut him off. “And it’s not for him. It’s for me.” She slumped her shoulders when the realisation dropped on her head. “Because, maybe someday I do want to get out again and see the world.” Wow, I really do. “And he’s the person who’ll help me, who is helping me to do that. I just didn’t see it until now.” She hugged her father. “Thank you.”
“Although I’m not sure why you’re thanking me, I appreciate the hug.” He kissed the top of her head.
“I’d always thought I was happy here, in this little life I’ve made. But I’m not. Not really. I want to explore. So thank you for getting me out tonight, and using that nasty fucking pill to show Nate. Maybe there is hope for me.” Tears edged her eyes. “And if there’s hope for me, then there’s hope for you too, Daddy.”
“Well that, Princess, I’m not sure about.”
“Since you won’t talk to me about Momma or Carmen, will you talk to someone? A therapist, perhaps?”
“It won’t help.” Cole turned and slumped back on the couch.
“Because you haven’t tried. Try it. You and I, we’re the only bits of this family left. We need to stick together. You know that’s what she’d want.” A vision of her momma shaking a finger at the pair of them sprung to the front of her mind.
“I’m not making any promises.”
“But you’ll try? You’ve been pushing me, so I’m going to push back.”
He sighed. “I’ll think about it.”
“Well, it’s a start.” She smiled and walked to the kitchen. “Do you want anything?”
“No, but I am interested in knowing who the flowers are from?” He tipped his head to the bouquet on the table. The ones that Matthew sent.
She waved her hand through the air. “Oh those? Those are from Kaitlyn.” Lies. Lies. Lies. What possessed her to keep them? All they did was laugh and taunt her, with their smug little daisy smiles. They reminded her of her stupidity. Fucking one-night stand. She still couldn’t believe she did that. Shame coursed through her mind, but not through her body which remembered Saturday night. Vividly. Opening the fridge door, she inhaled several cool gulps of air. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh, you left your phone behind, and it rang a couple of times. Some Matthew guy popped up.”
She narrowly missed bonking her head on the top of the fridge. “Oh, he’s just a guy I worked with.” Haha, that’s not a lie. A twisting of the truth, but still not a lie.
“If you say so.”
She heard him turn on the TV, so she desperately hunted for where she’d last left her phone. Lifting a few newspapers, she stole a peek underneath. Nothing. Trying to act nonchalantly, she stepped out into the living room, her eyes searching for the flipping phone.
“It’s on the table,” he said, amusement and smugness in both his expression and voice.
“Oh good,” she said relieved. “I wanted to text Nate and say good night.”
“To him or me?”
“Both, but I’ll say good night to you first.”
He turned his focus from the TV to her. “I’ll leave tomorrow, okay?”
She felt the weight of his decision. What had changed that he didn’t think it necessary to ‘babysit’ her? The phone flipped over in her hands.
“I think you’re in good hands with Nate.” For a moment their eyes locked.
Her heart fluttered hearing his name. “At least stay for dinner tomorrow night. You can leave on Wednesday.”
“Only if you’re sure.”
“I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t.” She kissed his forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Feeling relaxed with Daddy’s approval, she walked to her bedroom and took a deep breath before closing her door. She was no longer as interested in reading Matthew’s texts.
8:35 Thanks for Saturday night. I had a good time.
8:37 Couldn’t wait to talk to you again. I keep thinking about you.
8:40 Call me if you want.
8:45 I’ll be back in town mid-June. Can I take you out again?
Oh, fuck. She was positive her father had read every single text. It was all there on her lock screen. Dammit, why didn’t she think to take her phone with her? Is this why he said she was in good hands with Nate?
She hopped in the shower and washed away the yucky remnants of guilt, hoping to see it twirl its way into the sewer system. But it didn’t. No matter how hard she scrubbed, the truth remained – she’d slept with Matthew and it appeared he was falling for her.
Fuck! Nate was the one she adored, even though he refused to take
the next step with her. For now. She’d never been in a relationship like this. The physical always happened first, and the getting to know you came second. Confusion settled in around her, and it pissed her off. But she didn’t know where to begin.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Before Aurora knew it, Friday arrived. The week had been a blur of activity, and she wasn’t looking forward to the end of the week. The big birthday trip weighed heavy on her mind.
Cole stayed until Wednesday and the two of them had an enjoyable dinner together, and managed quality time playing video games. It was a start. Baby steps as Nate told her. When he left Wednesday morning, she was a little sad, but for the most part relieved because she could go back to living the way she liked – messy. It was hard to pretend to be a neat and tidy person when that’s not who she was.
She continued to play ‘touch the car’ with Nate, which in a sick way she actually looked forward to. Her heart told her it was because Nate was such a fantastic kisser, but her stupid brain said it was because it wasn’t as frightening to touch the car. Or, gasp, sit on the hood – as long as Nate secured her in his strong arms. She hadn’t yet ventured back into the car.
Aurora sauntered out the front doors of the library, bee-lining straight over to Nate. A long kiss came first. The delicious taste of Nate. A fantastic way to end her work day, and she tingled all-day in heady anticipation of it. “Hey,” she said, breaking off the kiss. She leaned against the car, and put her hands in the air. “Tada,” she said smiling.
“I’m impressed.”
“Good. Because I like impressing you.” She kissed him again as he lifted her. The cool metal helped bring the hidden heat down a notch, but the way Nate kissed her back, well, it didn’t stay cool for long.
Breathing fast, from both the passion and the fear, she rested her cheek against Nate’s chest.
“Aurora MacIntyre,” a high-pitched female voice called out behind Nate.
She launched herself off Nate’s car and righting herself, stared directly into Kaitlyn’s eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“I had some library books to pick up.” Kaitlyn’s gaze ran over the tall man.
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