“Aurora?”
Tired of being there, waiting to be fired, she figured she had nothing more to lose. “Listen, I show up, I do my job and I go home. I’m not here to make friends or to have a career in the library field. If you think I’m terrible at shelving books, then please, you have my blessing. Fire me. I’ll talk it over with Matthew James personally so he doesn’t leave you scrambling.”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” Sara said, although the implication was ripe in her voice.
“Why not? It’s not like I have anything to lose. My life is falling apart. I’ve pushed the love of my life away and I’m struggling with drug addiction. Stir-rug-a-ling!” Her fingers spread wide as she tightened and shook them. “My body feels like its being eaten alive with pain.”
Sara’s eyes widened, and she leaned away from her. “I’m sorry, Aurora. I had no idea.”
“Of course you didn’t. You just thought I was being a bitch.” A blank expression told her everything she needed to know. “So, are you firing me?” Sara hung her head. “Am I free to go?” Sara nodded, and she bolted from the room.
***
A few days later, she pushed around a cart full of novels. As she shelved a few books, a voice said, “Excuse me, where can I find a book on getting two people back together?”
She knew that voice, a familiar little brother. “Lucas, what are you doing here?” Her voice dropped to a whisper, but her face broke out in a smile. The first in a long, long time.
“Checking on you. Had to see if you’re as miserable as him.”
A pinch to the bridge of her nose. “Well, I’m fine.” The heartache grew every time Nate texted. Nothing more than “Can we talk? Please?” but each time she ignored it. Even as much as she wanted to be back in his arms, she couldn’t do it just yet. The whole he-could-still-die-in-front-of-her remained an issue she didn’t know how to solve, or work through.
The visions of his pained face didn’t disappear or reduce their occurrence. Her brain had replayed the crash over and over, taunting her. The fucking insomnia wasn’t helping either, nor the constant sensation of doom that washed over her. Although, her daddy told her that was a minor withdrawal effect.
“If that’s true, then great.”
She looked at him, studied the way he was looking at her. There was mischievousness behind those eyes – she remembered how Nate’s eyes sparkled exactly the same way. Geezus she missed him. Lowering her head, she grabbed another small stack of books and shoved them onto the shelf. “I’m not, but there’s no future for us. We’re too different.” Curious, she sighed and asked, “How is he?”
“Miserable.” He looked over her head towards the construction area. “And he’d kill me if he found out I was here.” As he stood in front of her, he held her gaze.
“So what are you doing here then?”
“I wanted to tell you something.” Stepping closer, he put his hands in his pockets. “Nate’s decided to retire. At the end of the season.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth hit the floor. “He can’t. He loves racing.”
“I know that. Hell, everybody knows that.” He leaned back on the shelf, and suddenly her heart ached a whole lot more. Aside from the difference in hair colour and the fact that Lucas was a touch taller, they had identical mannerisms. He leaned exactly the same way Nate would. And she missed him even more.
“Why then?” She moved closer to take in his every word.
“Says his heart’s not in it anymore.”
Two male voices approached from behind, jolting her to spin around and see who it was. Disappointment filled her soul. Although it was a pair of construction workers, Nate was not one of them. She looked back over to Lucas, who had ducked behind the shelves.
The area clear, he said, “But, to be honest, I think – no, I know – he still loves you. Very much.” He kicked at an invisible rock on the floor. “He doesn’t want the racing to be an issue between the two of you.”
It’s not the only issue, but maybe he didn’t share the other reason with you. Thanks for keeping that a secret, Nate. “But he can’t retire. He loves it so much.”
Lucas shrugged and a hint of a smile leaked out. “Guess you know where you stand in the scheme of things.”
“I’ve been thinking about something and I wonder if you’d be willing to help me?” She leaned closer to him and whispered her idea in his ear.
He rocked back on his heels. “That’s a mighty tall request.”
“I know. Believe me, I know. But will you help me?”
Lucas gave her a hug – a long, tight hug – which she didn’t want to break free from. It felt nice to be embraced. If given a choice, she’d prefer Nate, but at this moment, Lucas was a close second and she’d take every hug handed out. “Of course I will, just tell me how.”
“Thank you.” She pulled out her phone and gave it to him. “I’ll text you the details.”
He punched in his contact information. “I expect to hear them soon. I will need some time with this.”
“Promise. You’ll know before the day is through. I need to try something first.”
Nodding, Lucas patted her shoulder, and peered between the shelves. Slinking along the row, his head popped out and darted around.
“What are you doing?” she whispered, holding back a giggle.
“Making sure the coast is clear.”
To help him, she limped out to the aisle and checked the area. Having spent the last two weeks looking for him, searching for any little nook and cranny where he could hide had become second nature. “All clear.”
“Sweet. Bye.” He smiled as he patted her arm again, and dashed past the construction zone, his head moving left and right until he disappeared.
Putting her plan into motion was a monumental task. While the details filled every moment of her free time, it also gave her something to look forward to at the end of a Nate-less viewing day. The insomnia, for once, helped her as she now had extra hours to plan and execute. She affectionately dubbed it Operation Save Nate.
It was brilliant in concept, but dangerous in execution. There were many nights when she wondered if she’d mentally and physically survive it.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“Dude, you need to stop this.”
Nate straightened up and turned to face Jason. “Stop what?”
“Watching her.” He thumbed toward the main part of the library. Towards Aurora.
“I’m not watching her.”
“Dude, if you spent half as much time on this project, as you did spying on her, we’d be finished by now.” Jason shook his head and muttered, “Come on,” as he stepped away.
Nate turned back around and peered through the shelves. Maybe it was true he watched her too much. But he also texted her too much, telling her he wanted to talk and work things out. It had been a long month, and he was trying to forgive her. “Baby steps,” he’d said unable to stop himself.
Upon hearing ramblings from the library staff that Aurora had turned into a major bitch and was close to being fired, didn’t sound right and sit well with him. It was true she was snappy that was who she was. One just needed to get through the cracks to see how soft she was inside, but he doubted anyone tried. The library was too busy and hell bent on getting everything ready for the Matthew James event. God, he hated that man.
His heart broke as he followed her, hidden in the shadows. Day after day, she’d slam book after book onto the shelves. Oh, Aurora. He sympathized with her, it must be hard staying clean. But he only knew because he’d accidentally overheard a conversation Chris had where she’d mentioned a drug detox clinic at the hospital. He’d pieced together what was going on. But that was all he found out. Chris shut him out of any further conversations bearing her name.
But today she looked different. There was a hardness to her that hadn’t been there before. He wanted to ask what caused the change, but stopped himself, choosing instead to follow her with his eyes. Geez, she was beautif
ul. And he missed her so much. Missed holding her, missed her witty banter and the way she smiled at him. He was so close to forgiving her. Just needed a little more time, even if his every waking thought was of her. Things will be different when he retires, and the racing won’t be an issue between them. He could stop racing although he’d never actually leave the track. He’d need to help Lucas. But at least he wouldn’t have her worry about any more crashes. She’d be devastated to learn he’d been in another, and just two weeks after finally getting the #15 back on the track.
“Nate,” Jason yelled, “Come on.”
Before he spun around, Aurora had turned in his direction and for a fraction of a second he thought she spotted him. But she couldn’t have. He’d gotten too good at hiding from her.
Finishing up for the day, he was leaving the bathroom in the staff area, and stopped cold in his tracks when two voices spoke from the other side of the lockers. One he knew by heart.
“Matthew,” she said, a tinge of surprise in her voice.
Matthew? As in the jerk, Matthew James? The one they’re naming the new wing after?
“There you are, my lady. I figured I’d find you in here.”
“Yeah, here I am.” Was she rolling her eyes? At least her tone sounded like an eye roll. A locker door slammed, startling him, and he presumed she was grabbing her things.
“I wanted to tell you. My lady, the trial’s over. It’s done.”
What trial? He stepped a little closer to the end of the lockers and turned his ear towards the conversation. He wanted to hear Aurora’s reaction. There was only silence.
“You, we, can put it to rest now. Thomas Anderson will spend the rest of his life in prison. Three counts of vehicular manslaughter causing death.”
Someone banged against the locker, and he assumed it was her. Was Matthew connected to her accident? And if he was, why didn’t she tell him?
“That’s,” Aurora said, her voice cracking, “great news.”
“Aw, don’t cry. It’s what we hoped for.”
She’s crying? His heart ached hearing those two words, and he inched closer. Quietly.
“No–” Her voice fell to a barely audible whisper. “I wish it’d never happened and they would all,” she stumbled over the last words, “be here.”
“I know that.” His voice soft as if he understood. “Come here.”
The urge to make himself known overwhelmed him as fury fuelled up inside. Was she snuggling into him? Chancing a look, he took a quick peek. In a microsecond, he saw everything and regretted it, wishing he could undo his movements.
Matthew wiped away her falling tears with his thumbs. Her beautiful face held up in Matthew’s direction. Her eyes were closed, but that hadn’t stopped the rivers of tears. She looked wrecked, but made no hesitation as Matthew leaned down to kiss her.
A sound escaped him, and it was raw and full of emotion, and unlike anything he’d made in his life.
Her eyes flashed open as she turned to stare at him. Not wanting to look at her, he stormed away and banged against the lockers on his way out.
Sitting in his car, he smacked the steering wheel, his anger at what he witnessed growing. Just when he was getting ready to forgive her too. He’d understood and was coming to terms with her mistake. He’d remembered back to the weekend before his birthday, when she’d slammed the door in his face, and later explained she believed they had broken up. If that’s what she thought, then in her mind she hadn’t done anything wrong. And he understood her point of view on it, even if he didn’t agree with it. But now?
Matthew James, the pretentious jerk, and the love of his life were together. By the way he’d touched her, they’d been together for a while at least. But when, and why? It’s not as if Matthew lived here, that much he knew. If they were connected because of her accident, was that why she was always so hell bent on defending Matthew? Previous conversations rolled over and over in his mind.
Suddenly it dawned on him. Oh my god. That’s who she slept with. She’d slept with Matthew James. Of all the men in all the world, why did it have to be with him?
Looking up from his dashboard, he saw her. She ran through the doors, turning her head back and forth as if searching for him.
He peeled out of the parking lot, spinning onto the nearby road, redlining the engine. Afraid of the damage he’d do, he pulled into a nearby parking lot. All this time, it had been Matthew? He slammed the car into park, narrowly missing the curb.
Matthew? Really? He shook as anger raced through him. Grabbing his phone, he flipped through his contact list. Sure, women weren’t beating down his door, but one always was. His thumb hovered over the button. Maybe it was time to stop pushing her away and expand company relations.
He hit dial and before her sultry voice answered, he said, “Hi, Marissa.”
Chapter Forty
“Stop pacing, you’re making me nervous,” Kaitlyn said as Aurora completed her millionth lap around the living room.
Aurora shook her hands, trying to disperse her energy. “What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then it doesn’t work.”
Scowling, she stopped pacing for a moment. “Thanks.”
“Well, it’s the truth.” Kaitlyn said as she rose and intercepted her on another pass. “Besides, it’ll be fine. It has to be. You’ve worked too hard on this to fail.”
Aurora rolled her eyes. “But so much can go wrong. You and I both know that.”
“Yeah, but let’s not dwell on that.” Like a speck of dust, she fanned that incident away. “Focus on the end goal. Let that be what pushes you forward.” Kaitlyn swept her hair off her trembling shoulders. “You look lovely, by the way.”
Aurora had spent half the day deciding what to wear. After rummaging through her closet, she decided simple was best and selected a white v-neck t-shirt to go with her black capris. She wanted to blend in, not stand out. “Kait, I’m so nervous.” She extended her hands which shook like leaves on a windy day. “What if he still hates me?”
“He’s never hated you.”
She hung her head. That’s not how I remember it.
“I’d tell you to stop worrying, but that’s not what you want to hear.” She gripped her shoulders. “Breathe. You can do this.”
Pushing her hands away, she stepped to the side, and breathed as instructed. “I know. I know.” She wiped her brow.
“What time did he say he was coming?”
“Around three?”
“He’ll be here soon. Do you have everything?”
“It’s on the table so I don’t forget. Purse, jacket, poster.” She rubbed her neck, the black satin of the necklace rolling against her palm. Her heart raced so fast she wondered if it were visible to Kaitlyn.
Her phone pinged an incoming message from her father. Good luck, Princess.
She flashed it to Kaitlyn who smiled.
“I’m so glad you two are getting along.”
“Me too. Who knew he’d be the one I needed most coming off the drugs.” The phone dropped into the pocket of her capris, as she paced, shaking her hands with each loop.
“He told me once, it was probably harder for him to watch you detox, than it was for you to actually detox.”
Halfway through another lap, she paused and said, “He did. When?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Kaitlyn smiled a shy little smile. “Anyways, you’re clean now. A little rougher around the edges, but clean nonetheless.”
Grabbing Kaitlyn’s hand, she trembled. “Let’s go downstairs. I think some fresh air will make me feel better.” She opened the door and stepped into the hallway.
“You’re the boss,” Kaitlyn said, adding, “Forgetting anything?”
The poster. Her jacket. Her purse. “You’re a lifesaver. What would I do without you?”
“Oh, I’m sure you’d be fine.” Kaitlyn patted her on the arm as they stepped into the elevator.
Aurora took deep breaths all the way down and her heart skipped a bea
t when the doors opened and Lucas stood beyond them at the entrance. “He’s here,” she whispered.
“Go get ‘em, Tiger,” Kaitlyn said, pushing her towards the door.
Aurora managed one foot in front of the other, through the glass doors to where Lucas waited.
“You all set?” he asked, stepping closer to meet them.
She swallowed and lifted her things.
Kaitlyn walked up behind them, draping an arm on her shoulders. “She’s a nervous wreck.”
“Good,” Lucas said, smiling, “it gives us something to focus on.” He reached for her bag, coat and poster, which he placed in the trunk of his white sports car. Opening the passenger door, he motioned for her to get in.
“Good luck,” Kaitlyn said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. She whispered in her ear, “I want all the details later.”
“Sure, you won’t follow us?”
“As much as I’d love to see how this plays out, I can’t. But call me later.”
“Okay,” she said, shaking so hard she could barely stand as she braced herself against the car door.
Kaitlyn blew a kiss and walked away.
Aurora looked from Lucas to the passenger seat and back to him. She swallowed again.
“Whenever you’re ready. We have lots of time.”
I can do this. I can do this. Huffing and puffing like a swimmer reading for a long dive, she breathed and fell in against the seat. Her legs trembled, and a fresh band of sweat formed in her armpits. I am doing this. This is what I’ve been working on all this time. Focus. Think of Nate. And breathe.
“All good?” Lucas asked as he propped himself against the car.
The door closing was the hardest part. At least with it open, there was still a chance to escape. I can do this. Breathe. Focus. Remember why you’re doing this. When she gave him a nod, he closed it and rushed to his side. He slipped behind the wheel, waiting to start the car until she gave him the signal. A flat hand meeting her opposite palm was code for stop. A thumbs up was go.
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