by Ron Foster
“I for one have no problem exercising a final option on those that don’t heed his words.” Many preppers were heard to mumble before going back to rapt attention to such words of wisdom.
LowBuck decided he would take back over the show at this point and either diffuse, reiterate or further explain the ramifications of such a declaration.
“What it all boils down to is we have several groups of people bent on their own survival and even though their paths are quite divergent they all depend on one thing and one thing only.” LowBuck said and a restless and confused audience conferred.
“You know I am too far from home to consider bugging back and if one of you Yahoos tells the FEMA man I am holed up on this island with a pistol and an attitude, it won’t go well for you if I have to give up and end up in the same camp as you.” LowBuck said glaring.
“Enough said LowBuck and I will back that statement up. Do what you want for you and your families but everything that goes on at this island stays on this island. Now, we got basically the following classifications of would be rescues if I can somehow bring some realization to these plans we are discussing. Our first group of folks are those willing to depend on government help if I can find it and I assure you I will do my utmost to try and get it for you. If you are part of that group keep in mind we got us a passel of preppers trying to hide in the background waiting for those FEMA buses to leave that ain`t giving up our weapons and plan on trying to walk to home. Then we got whoever is left for whatever reason chooses to remain here and try to start a new life while we carry on with an existence. A lot of people are just too geographically far from home to ever consider getting back... These folks are strangers in a strange land and never considered getting stuck in Alabama and let alone on a desolate island to even consider what the hell they going to do next. I for one am going to give my commitment if I can keep it to getting some supplies back and making their life easier. Hell, I could drown tomorrow or get shot trying to make it home and some of these damn naysayers would think I might be being selfish by never returning to help in their rescue. It’s not a game guys, I said I would be back and carry what I can. However, if only one person impeded this effort by saying something stupid like I was bringing guns and ammunition back to my prepper buddies, I would have no problem tacking your hide to my barn.” Crick said in a final warning.
He couldn’t stomach anyone breaking the codes of honor he and LowBuck prescribed as necessary.
6
TASKS AT HAND
“Ok, this is the plan folks.” Crick said leaning on the table that was serving as his podium as everyone quieted down and listened intently.
“I don’t have us a chalkboard and I am no artist but if you will all bear with me, I think you will understand the principles of this river crossing we are going to do.” Crick said going to a makeshift board which consisted of a desk calendar blotter from the registration station tacked to one of the pavilions support beams.
“The idea is that we will construct two rafts and initially keep them connected with these two litters that Ben the bondsman donated for the giveaway drawing. Think of these two rafts being rigged like a catamaran or out rigger canoe and you will get my meaning.” Crick said, doodling two square rafts connected by the two military stretchers forming a platform between them on his makeshift blackboard with a blue sharpie marker.
“Ok, so basically we have us a 4 man boat with two people per raft. Me and Cowboy Prepper will be on one side of the boat and Country Boy prepper and whoever he picks as a volunteer will be on the other side.” Crick explained before his sidekick Morgan chimed in.
“No need for a volunteer, I told you this morning that since the rafts were separating midstream and you were going on a mission I would be on the other one and not going far from shore.” Morgan said miffed that all his talking to Crick and LowBuck hadn’t changed their minds about letting him attempt the crossing.
The idea that the rafts would be somehow disconnected midstream hadn’t been brought up yet caused the audience to chatter and question the concept and interfered with Crick’s briefing.
“Thanks for the spoiler, Morgan! Settle down you all and listen to Crick.” LowBuck growled, taking on the added role of Sergeant at Arms for the meeting.
“Thanks LowBuck, now if Morgan could of waited for a second, I was getting to who was going to be the other rider on the raft and why we were building the rafts this way.” Crick said looking meaningfully at Morgan to stay hushed for the moment so the rest of the gathering could understand the plan they had come up with.
Morgan still looked like he had more to say but allowed that this was a good idea and that he would wait on Crick to finish before he had his say.
“Hey by the way Crick it ain`t him but me going.” LowBuck said confusing the issue even further once more.
“Damn it! Not you too, LowBuck? Not by the Sargeant At Arms at that?” Crick said, exasperated that he had another voice of discontent to deal with.
“Just saying.” LowBuck declared before sitting down to let Crick carry on with the meeting.
“Well you ain`t going either and we will get to those reasons later.” Crick declared wishing it didn’t take so many confounded explanations to just tell folks what he was going to do just to cross the river.
“I am quiet!” Both detractors said almost at once and looked around the assembly for salvation and affirmation.
“Back to business then folks, this joined raft or out rigger idea we have is based on some pretty sound logic that you all need to understand before I explain further the why fors and wherefores of this for lack of a better word disjoinment of rafts later. One of the main points of contention as you all have probably figured out by now is who gets to ride on that other side of the boat and why. Now, LowBuck and Morgan both want to claim that extra spot but if they would think community versus personal ambitions for a moment, they wouldn’t even consider it.” Crick said trying to chastise the pair into further silence but it didn’t look like they were going to have any part of it.
LowBuck and Ben were evidently comparing notes on how they thought the rafts should be joined with the stretchers that served as Crick’s backdrop as a speaker and Morgan was just staring bullet holes at him waiting for a chance to speak again.
Crick considered both men’s situation for the moment before continuing on a different tack.
“I don’t need to tell you all how important a successful crossing of this river, lake or whatever you want to call it as it exists now, is for all of us. We got to be successful and we got to do this by thinking outside the box with safety and comfort for all. I told you all earlier that LowBuck and Morgan were disqualified for this task but because we couldn’t get in agreement about it we all gave our solemn promise that we would abide by whatever vote the community supported...” Crick said letting his words weigh heavy on the gathered preppers and outsiders that they themselves would influence the outcomes of whatever the proposed plan might be.
“Back to the drawing board, boys and girls! As my crude drawing here depicts we plan on having two self-autonomous rafts joined at the hip as it were until we hit midstream. There is method in this madness and you need to concentrate on what I am saying to fully understand the principle.” Crick said using a hefty Damascus knife his buddy David had given him as a pointer.
The knife he was carrying was not something he would have normally chosen for himself but David had gifted it to him and its beauty and functionality of it had grown on him as he carried it in support of David’s Damascus steel promotional efforts. It was far from being cheap steel but it wasn’t extravagant, it was more form function and artistic expression to Crick to value and carry the blade with a bit of reverence.
“Ok, we have two 100 yard rolls of paracord that was slotted for the giveaway and donated back to the cause. That river still has a pretty good current to it and we don’t want the boat getting too far downstream before Crick and Cowboy can get to the other side.
He knows the roads and what’s across from us here but not further downstream. The general idea is for everyone to paddle out as far as they can to the middle of the channel while we pay line out and try to keep them from drifting so far. When we get to the end of the line, we will throw it in for them to retrieve. Our end is attached to a buoy of sorts and they have another buoy on the other side of the raft to tie a line on when they disconnect. This is where it gets interesting so bear with me. We originally thought the rafts sailors would retrieve the line and buoy and throw it out in front of them and eventually it will entangle some of that debris on the other side and guide them in but we come up with a different plan. What we are going to do is disconnect the two rafts and let Country boys raft float ahead of Cricks on a hundred yards of line for a bit. Crick can sort of hold position for a while by sea anchoring in the channel using some of them crazy bucket boots that came with those crazy ponchos Julie donated for the giveaway.
“You mean pickle suits, don’t ya?” LowBuck said laughing taking a playful poke at Neil who had been the impromptu model for one.
“You never did put the boots on!” Crick said joining in the fun playing with Neil.
“I was saving them for LowBuck to wear next time it rained so he could leave some tracks and give everybody a Sasquatch scare.” Neil retorted back amusing everyone.
The Czech ponchos had a pocket inside the skirt of them that contained the damndest piece of military gear anyone had ever seen. It was basically a PVC and rubberized bucket like bootie with tie strings on it that seemed more fitting for an elephant’s foot than a human. It had draw strings and ties to secure above your knees and well, was just Soviet bloc crazy in its construction and materials but still served a purpose well.
“Well we are going to secure a couple sets on a paracord dragline and basically try to hold position with them. That could back fire and the current grab them and pull us along but we are thinking they will work well enough to be able to guide us some by letting out line or pulling against them. Anyway, the idea is try to be floating along in two rafts in sort of a C pattern dragging two buoys to snag some debris and make landing on the far shore. I am guessing worst case scenario we hook on to that tugboat washed up on the other side if we miss them logs or that runabout smashed on the remains of that dock over there.” Crick said referring to what flotsam and jetsam they could see from their camp sites on this side of the river.
“Can I hold onto your hat for you, Cowboy?” Morgan asked like it was an innocent question knowing it was sure to get a rise out of the old wagon train scout. Yea, Cowboy was actually a wagon train scout with many years’ experience scouting for the Alabama Wagon train. That was the reason he was chosen to make the crossing with Crick because it was his job to round up the cavalry if needed but more on that later.
“You ain`t wearing my hat, boy!” Cowboy Prepper said playfully holding on to his Stetson like he was trying to keep it on in a hurricane.
“That’s right!” SoCal prepper added to the conversation’s levity. “I bet he already knows how to turn that Stetson into some kind of personal flotation device!” SoCal said chuckling.
RC Chop reminded everyone not to get Cowboy Prepper going or the next thing we would hear about was how he might try to swim a herd of horses across the river.
Not put off a bit, Cowboy told him he probably could and nobody knew if he was serious or not as he eyed the river and appeared to be doing some mental calculations.
“Hey, not to be joking around but Country Boy, you ain`t going to try to make that crossing in them Carharts are you?” Rod said referring to the large pair of cotton duck overalls he was normally seen in.
“You fall in you are going to sink like a rock.” Rod said expressing some good advice.
“ No, I got me some blue jeans but them overalls are going with me, it’s still cold out here and no telling how long I am going to have to stay on that other shore before I find me a way back over here.” Country Boy said with a smile.
“I was wondering did you have any regular pants or not. I thought you and Texas Two-step would have to maybe share wardrobe or you were crossing in your skivvies!” BC truck said laughing and grabbing the straps of his own pair of denim hog washers for effect.
“Hey, I was going to ask to borrow a pair of your skivvies for a sail but I wasn’t sure you wore any.” Country boy chortled back at the big man.
“Hey, in all seriousness that’s a point. Why aren’t you all going to try using a sail instead of all that paddling and letting out lines you talking about?” BC Truck, the Rocket stove engineer and metal fabrication specialist, asked.
“Well, they did think of that!” Pop prepper said drawing everyone’s attention his way.
“ I took a door hinge off each one of the men’s and ladies restroom doors and attached it to a two by four to make a collapsible mast but since we don’t have the time or materials to make it pivot, it may or may not work. You see them rafts don’t have a keel and then there is a matter of creating a usable rudder, etc. and I told Crick if he gives me a day or so I could create something more sea worthy but you all know we are in a hurry.” Pop Prepper the master cabinet maker said, miffed that he couldn’t use his skills to play boat Wright but people were starving now and there were no electric saws, drills or anything else for manufacturing except axes and large knives.
“Now given time Pops we know you could have built us a grand piano or a giant butcher blocks to float across on.” LowBuck said grinning at the old woodworker.
“ But Pops, as you know, just making that makeshift crap we got took us two days and if Crick hadn’t donated that tool set we would have been hard pressed to just get them deck railings off to make the rafts.”
All the camp sites on the bluff had nice wooden decks for the enjoyment of the campers but the railings were bolted on and it took a socket set and a piece of pipe to break the rusted bolts off for removal. Hell, we didn’t have one single carpenters hammer or axe amongst us for nail removal and just that fact vexed us immensely.
The rafts that were constructed from makeshift materials and ingenuity wouldn’t win any prizes in looks or draft but they seemed functional and practical never the less. Who the hell knew that a simple prep and a good deal on a dozen Czechoslovakian ponchos would save their asses so much. Everyone had tolerated and been bemused by David reciting 28 uses he could think of for them off the top of his head for the cheap Cold war things but no one had even considered what a life saver they turned out to be. Regular military ponchos of this modern era were designed for but one thing, to be light weight and keep a soldier dry. Cost effectiveness, ergonomics, bullshit about the performance of miracle applications of fabric treatments like Gore-Tex had influenced modern preppers and armies not to consider breathable and waterproof didn’t equal hard use and replace- by dates under extended harsh conditions with no chance of resupply. Waterproof was waterproof, as simple as that. Yes it wasn’t as comfortable but truly waterproof materials that did not depend on an impervious spray-on coating that could wear off, get UV breakdown or deteriorate with age or dumbass factory worker applications was being evidenced everyday as this flock of preppers was finding out for themselves. Yea, it was funnier than hell that all us “prepared preppers” tents leaked first good downfall of rain that sent us scurrying to our vehicles and spending the better part of the day drying our gear out the next, but now no one was laughing at this problematic doubts on our gear. Like it has been said before there was no hierarchy to our encampment when we first got here but times now were changed.
Failure to heed warnings or participate towards mutual efficiency was no longer tolerated and this created opportunities and challenges no one could foresee. Too many people wanted to go hunting or fishing at the same time, too many folks were collecting every edible woodland plant in sight, hoarding them for another day’s meal. There just had to be a consistency and a methodology of so many folks trying to live together with these limited resources availab
le and meetings were held to try and contain the misguided exuberance of some to survive over the ignorant actions of others.
The very first meeting Crick and LowBuck called for the community was about a funny or necessity minded thing they had both experienced that had explained to them the hazards of close living with humans that haven’t experienced the woods as a sustainable habit that must be nurtured.
Crick walked away from his camp for a call of nature and accidentally stepped in someone’s poo and had himself a conniption fit that some A-hole hadn’t buried their crap and now he had it on his shoes. Generally speaking, in his days of camping, a shovel with a roll of toilet paper shoved down the handle was an indication and the tool to go take care of your business off in the woods when there were no crappers available.
Apparently someone thought shitting in the woods was a squat and forget but with 75 folks in the area of operations that dog would never hunt. LowBuck had grabbed his shovel and his wiping gear one day headed towards a likely spot when he came across a buzz fly smoking heap of somebody’s excrement uphill from him that would have washed over his campsite next rain that also set him off.
Ramro was pissed because whatever kid had crapped close to his muskrat hole he was attempting a trap at evidently looked like there was a grizzly bear in the area and had run them off and it was decided that sanitation was equal to salvation and we must do something about establishing a general sanitation order for the camps.
Latrine duty was not a subject or duty any one was willing to undertake outside of the military-minded experienced boys and girls trained in the protocol with it but all the campers acknowledged the need. Digging a slit trench is easy, getting everyone to use it with the stench and the bugs was another thing, so as we say in the military, being a screw up was punished with duty to maintain them things but such discipline needed to be enforced with logic, reasoning and a bit of attitude adjustment and a hierarchy was formed.