APOCALYCIOUS: Satire of the Dead

by K Helms

  The explosion was deafening as the lead H-2 rocketed upward off the pavement in a mushroom of smoke and fire. He shot the second, but it didn’t explode. He squinted through the scope and saw that gas poured from the punctured tank and ran in a gently curving river toward the burning chunk of metal in front of it. A smile touched just one corner of his mouth as he watched the flames leap toward the gasoline, igniting it.

  The men retreated into the shadows of the store as the second H-2 combusted into flames and the gas tank exploded, rocking the vehicle and slamming it over on its side. Shrapnel peppered the huge smiley face on the sign above the doors.

  He did not bask in the glory of his easy carnage for long though. The explosions would not only bring more of the dead to this location, but it would also alert the men in the store that they were not the only living people vying for this chunk of land. The good thing was that the fires burning the tires of the H-2s had created an impenetrable smoke screen to block Shere’s retreat from their sight.

  A few minutes later Shere returned covered in sweat; her deep brown skin glistening. “You didn’t shoot them, did you?” Shere demanded, sounding angry.

  “No, they’re yours. Remember?”

  She let out a sigh of relief and said, “As long as the dead don’t get to them first.”

  “They won’t,” Hito assured her.

  “You can’t know that.”

  “Yes I can,” he said peering through the scope. “Look,” he said and nodded toward the direction of the Wal-Mart. Shere grabbed her binoculars from the floor and focused in.

  “I just see a bunch of corpses running into the store, Hito,” she said impatiently.

  “Not there. The roof,” Hito said, pointing with a nod of his head.

  Shere shifted the binoculars up a few degrees and Hito watched as her clenched jaw relaxed and a smile creased her cheek. “Hito, you are a wonderful, wonderful man.”

  Hito folded the bi-pod against the barrel of his Springfield and policed his brass. “I do what I can,” he said grandly.

  “Can we get over there from the sewers?”

  “I doubt it, but I suppose we could try.”

  Suddenly aware of the way that she’d been talking to Hito she softened her tone. “Before you close up shop do you want to plink some varmints?”

  He raised an eyebrow quizzically.

  “Just don’t shoot the one with the bandana.”

  “The one that looks like he is holding up a bank?” he said knowing full well which one she was referring to.

  “That’s the one,” Shere agreed.

  “He’s yours?”

  Shere nodded her head. “Yeah, he’s mine alright.”

  Shere brought the M4 up as she lay in a prone position. “They’re looking over the edge of the building. I think they are going to try to snipe some of the dead in the parking lot. Wait! What is that?” Shere asked excitedly.

  “Where?” Hito asked, swinging the barrel back into position.

  “That white cage to the left of the main entrance.”

  Hito uncapped his scope again and closed his left eye as he panned the crosshairs. “Ahh…I see.”

  “What do you think?” Shere asked.

  “It’ll be big.”

  “How big?”

  Hito scanned the rooftop and located the man in the bandana’s location. “I think he’ll be fine.”

  “Mind if I do the honors?” Shere asked politely.

  “It was your idea after all. I’ll just kick back and enjoy the show,” he side easing the rifle to its side.

  “You’re a bit of alright, you know that Mr. Takahashi?” Shere said, with a twinkle in her eye. She snugged the butt of the stock into her shoulder. Hito would have offered her the use of his Springfield, but he knew she was more than capable of hitting the contents of the large white crate with the open sights of the carbine. He heard her exhale slowly. It sounded almost sexual to him; she made the same sound as they lay together, covered in sweat, as she fought to regain her composure. It was a sweet sound. He heard the report, it was loud and sharp, but was instantly eclipsed by the tremendous explosion that followed. He felt the whole building shake on its foundation. The white cage that contained the pressurized tanks for propane gas grills had blown the entire front half of the building to rubble. Chunks of concrete, wood, glass and metal studs rained down on the parking lot like the wrath of God upon Sodom and Gomorrah.

  They had to wait for the smoke and dust to clear to make out the damage.

  As the echoes of the explosion and debris died down they could hear coughing and cursing and someone sobbing from the rooftop. It was a satisfying sound, but disconcertingly they also heard angry groans coming from every direction. The massive cacophony of the sounds of war would bring every dead man, woman and child within a five mile radius.

  “He’s limping, but still kicking,” Hito said.

  “How many of his buddies are left?”

  “Two. Wait! No, one of them just fell through the roof. Bandana and one other man are all that are left.”

  “They must have figured out we’re over here. They’ve hunkered down behind that big air conditioning unit,” Shere said.

  “I think it’s a good time to relocate before we get swarmed. We’ve been here too long,” Hito said.

  “Where to?” Shere asked. “I don’t want to lose them.”

  Hito grinned, “What about the roof of the Home Depot?”

  “It won’t be easy,” Shere said apprehensively as she watched the dead emerging from every quarter.

  “Nothing worthwhile ever is,” he agreed. “We might as well try the sewers.”

  Chapter 52 - Fireball Twilight

  Dixton, Ohio

  Darkness had fallen slowly and solemnly over the town of Dixton like a funeral shroud. It was as if God, the great mortician, had been readying the body of the land for its nightly burial ritual.

  Annie and Juanita had watched the blasts light up the night from the house and knew something big was happening. Explosions like that had greatly diminished since the first couple weeks of the infection and although not unheard of, it was still a rare occurrence.

  Explosions usually meant that men were at work, not the dead. It was always a crap shoot as to whether the people were friendly or not. With the enhancements of the plastic surgery the doctor had performed on the two women, they had to be more cautious than other women. Men were still men, after all, and without laws and police to enforce those laws the possibility of them becoming sex slaves again was more than a possibility.

  Both Annie and Juanita had a desire to find other people, good people because they knew there was safety in numbers; at the very least relative safety in numbers. Juanita had known how it felt to be a minority, not that being Latina was always hard, but being a little person was never an easy road. People laughed at her, mocked her or tried to intimidate her. Juanita was capable of defending herself and holding her own, but she was also acutely aware that normal sized people were almost invariably stronger and faster than she. The doctor’s house had been a testament to that fact, and she didn’t intend to have the events repeat if she had anything to say about it.

  Morning dawned and excitement built within the two women. A shower, although cold, had invigorated Juanita, and now as she dried herself in front of the mirror, she examined the diminutive body that faced her from the glass. She was tall for a dwarf, standing at an even 4’ 4” tall and although her legs and arms were disproportionately short, she didn’t share the enlarged forehead that most dwarfs had. Her head was perfectly proportionate for her size and her face was that of a goddess. Also rare for a dwarf was her thin waist, her hips although slightly big for her stature wasn’t as extreme as most females of her condition due in part to the lipo-suction and party because she had always been an athlete. Saline implants had been added, giving her a large d-cup size and although smaller in size than the surgery that Annie had; because of her short stature they looked much larger t
han they actually were. Permanent makeup had been tattooed around her eyes and lips. She had to admit that the doctor, although one sick little piggy, had done good work. If this had been the real world, Juanita would have undoubtedly become the star attraction of the wrestling circuit with her over-endowed curves on display for horned-up, middle-aged men the world round. But the real world application of disproportionately large breasts and short arms were a nuisance. Finding clothes that fit over them without them hanging to her shins was impossible. She always kept scissors in her pack for just such a use.

  Annie entered the bathroom and leaned against the door frame. “You look beautiful, you know that don’t you?”

  Juanita shrugged. “Whatever.”

  “There are good men out there ‘Nita. You’ll find one, I promise.”

  “Like Hito, you mean?” Juanita asked. Annie had painted a rich tapestry of detail about the dark Asian man who had saved her and could have had his own way with her had he wanted, but had treated both her and Shere so well.

  “Yes, like Hito.”

  “But he picked Shere over you," reminded Juanita. Annie had confided her observations of Hito and Shere to her little friend.

  Annie had not been unaware of the mutually growing feelings between Shere and Hito, but hearing it still hurt. “Even still, he was a good man.”

  “Maybe…” Juanita said, not convinced.

  “He helped you and our other sisters escape, didn’t he?” reminded the tall blonde.

  Juanita stepped into her thick canvas pants and cinched the belt tight. “But you didn’t think he’d take us in.”

  “No, he has some serious trust issues.”

  Juanita bloused her boots and strapped on plastic knee pads and shin guards. “Sounds like he has some mental issues, if you ask me,” Juanita said, pulling a t-shirt on over her head. “You want to find him again even though he is in love with that Shere chick, right?”

  “We need more people.”

  “Yeah, I know we do.”

  “So you’ll go with me?” Annie asked hopefully, she made no effort to hide her emotions which was one of the reasons Juanita liked the tall blonde so much. Annie might lie, but her face never did, if you knew how to read it.

  “I’m getting geared up, aren’t I?” muttered Nita.

  Annie bent down and quickly squeezed her friend. “Thank you, Nita.”

  “Yeah, yeah… go get your gear gathered up.”

  “I already did.”

  “I hope he’s worth the risk,” said the Latina.

  “They both are. Shere is one of the toughest and sweetest people I’ve ever met.”

  “That’s good, maybe she can take up your slack,” Juanita said strapping on her side arm, a 380 auto, on her hip.

  Annie didn’t take offense, she was used to her friend’s remarks and she knew that ‘Nita didn’t really mean them. It was all part of her defense mechanism.

  “Lets’ go then,” Juanita said grabbing her Mini-14 that stood in the corner.

  Chapter 53 - Reunions Are Bittersweet

  Dixton, Ohio

  The sewers had been mainly uninhabited. There had been only one dead man trapped in its dark confines, unable to use the ladder to escape and Shere had easily dispatched of it. The two made their way into the caged in garden center of the do-it-yourself store and entered the large building without drawing attention to them. They had commandeered a small scissor-lift and skulked silently across the metal roof. From their new position they could make out the forms of the Riley, or as Hito called him ‘Bandana’ and his remaining cohort. Hito and Shere bedded down for the night and quietly watched the stars, lying side by side. Since the power grid had gone down the stars appeared bright and countless even in town. Shere curled up at Hito’s side trying to settle into sleep by listening to the steady beating of his heart.

  “Anxious to get him aren’t you?” he whispered. She nodded against his chest. Hito didn’t press her. He knew she had her reasons and that was enough for him, besides, she would tell him when and if she felt like it. He had his own secrets and knew that they were safest if you didn’t acknowledge that they were a secret.

  From below the dead serenaded them with a choral dirge.

  “Sleep if you can. We’ll get him tomorrow.”

  Shere’s mind took a long time to wind down. There were too many memories, too many ghosts in the graveyard of her past, but eventually sleep claimed her and her dreams claimed the man in the bandana.

  She woke with a disturbing premonition, startling Hito awake.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked alarmed. He wiped the sleep grit from his eyes and glanced around him.

  “I don’t know…something,” she said urgently

  “It’s quiet.”

  “Too quiet,” she agreed.

  The dead were silent. The dead were never silent, except for the ones that had no throats. She peered around the air conditioning unit and didn’t see anyone on the other roof. She crawled to the edge and looked down. The dead were gone, but so were the living that she so much wanted to reintroduce herself to. She caught movement from the corner of her eye and grabbed the binoculars. She thumbed the adjustment and focused in on the tree line. She could just see Dwight Riley, alone and making a limping escape into the woods. What had happened to the other survivor was of no concern to the Marine. Behind Riley were maybe a hundred of the dead. “Dammit!” she cried in frustration

  “What is it, Shere?”

  “It’s him. He’s getting away. We have to get to him before the dead do!”

  Hito jumped to his feet and grabbed their packs and rifles. They ran across the roof to the lift.

  Hito saw blood on the trampled blades of grass and drops of it swirling in puddles of murky brown water, but he didn’t need to track him by blood. The pack of dead had left a wide, worn path through the muddy field.

  “We can’t go through them to get to him. We’ll have to flank him,” Shere said.

  “It might be best to split up. I’ll take left you take right?”

  She nodded. She knew that tactic of divide and conquer was in favor of the indivisible force. She knew it wasn’t the wisest choice and neither of them wanted to do it, but their odds of cutting off whatever path he’d taken was doubled by doing so. She exhaled and then looked at Hito with tears brimming in her eyes; by force of will alone they did not fall.

  “I love you, Hito,” she said, then immediately took off running to the right and angling away from the beaten down trail. Hito began to run to the left. He mentally kicked himself for not returning the words and he swore to himself that he would make up for it when their paths again converged.

  The woods cast long shadows like the arms of secret regret clawing at them as they navigated the dense woods. Here and there rays of light shone through the canopy of firs, oaks and walnuts illuminating, darkening, illuminating and darkening, creating a strobe effect that their eyes could barely adjust to.

  Hito came to a barb wire fence and easily vaulted over it. Good, he thought even though the dead are ungodly strong they aren’t very agile. Even the easiest of obstacles for the living posed a serious challenge for the dead. For some reason the fence reminded him of that movie of the same name. She had looked amazing in it, but because of reasons too many to calculate, it had been one turd of a movie. When he remembered the actress he instantly thought of Annie. He liked her, maybe even loved her, however he was never in love with her and he knew that he should never have had sex with her. From the start it had been Shere that he had wanted for his own. Annie had pressed him though, and she had known that his flesh would be weak. He didn’t believe that there had been any malicious intent in her actions, no ulterior motives, but he still regretted it. He knew that Annie had mistaken the sex they had shared as love. He also knew that he was to blame for Annie leaving, and he couldn’t find it in his heart to blame her any longer. He hoped that life had found her well.

  He snapped himself from his reverie and refocu
sed his attention on the task at hand. About a hundred feet past the fence he could hear the dead screeching to his right and he hurried onward for another hundred feet. When the dead herded together in packs, for some reason, it reminded him of seeing the Fat Albert Gang running in their cartoon and even though the reality of it wasn’t funny, still a boyish grin crossed his lips.

  He decided that he was now clear of the pack by about a hundred yards and knew that it would take them quite a bit of time to cover that same distance so he veered right to intercept Bandana.

  He could still hear the dead but he hoped that most of them were still entangled in the barbed wire fence. How long it would hold them before they simply powered through it was anyone’s guess, but he knew it wouldn’t be long.

  Soon he found the blood trail, but there was still no sign of Shere. He couldn’t let the man get away or she would never forgive him; that much he knew, so he continued on without her. When he caught him he would restrain the man until she arrived, then Shere could do whatever struck her fancy.

  He tracked the blood to the far end of a clearing in the woods where it abruptly stopped. A frown creased his brown; the footprints and trampled underbrush had also ended.

  As he turned to reexamine the trail behind him, Hito was blindsided and he heard a gunshot at the same moment. The shot had not been Shere’s M4; he had heard that often enough to rule it out.

  Then it struck him. Shere’s camouflaged nemesis had doubled back on his trail and had lured him into an ambush.

  He hit the wet ground of the forest floor with a body straddling his. He pushed the form from off of him and the body fell heavily onto the wet earth. He scrambled to his knees, reaching for one of his 9mms. His eyes widened.

  “Annie?”

  She looked up at him smiling weakly with blood pouring from a hole in her neck. “Hito…”