by S. J. West
“And I can’t ask that of her,” Xiulan says. “It would haunt her forever. We’ll find another way.”
“Another way for what?” Leah asks, walking in, with Mason behind her, but only hearing her mother’s last words.
“To release your mother’s soul,” Lucifer says. “I have another way.”
If looks truly could kill a person, the one I give Lucifer would have completely obliterated him.
“How?” Leah asks him hesitantly.
“Lucifer…” I say, cautioning him to be careful with what he says next.
“I believe the combination of your fire with Jess’ can release the souls of the infected,” Lucifer says. “And Mason can tell you that what I’m saying is what I truly believe.”
We all look at Mason. Mason looks at me first and simply nods his head once, confirming Lucifer’s words.
I look back at Lucifer. “Can you release Xiulan’s soul with your power, yes or no?”
“No,” Lucifer answers plainly.
I look back at Mason.
“He’s telling the truth,” Mason tells me.
No one says anything. What else is there to say? We have a way to do what needs to be done, but the personal cost of doing it is too high. I can’t ask Leah to kill her own mother. She would have to live with that memory for the rest of her life.
“Is there any other way?” I ask Lucifer. “Yes or no?”
“No,” he answers.
I don’t need Mason to confirm that Lucifer is telling me the truth. I can hear it in his voice.
“This can’t be real,” Leah says, shaking her head, fresh tears in her eyes. “Our fire can’t be the only way.”
Xiulan places her hands on Leah’s shoulders. “I will never ask you to do that.”
Leah looks at her mother. “I know you won’t. You would rather suffer through your pain than make me endure living with the memory of killing you. But, which is worse for me: knowing I’m the key to ending your pain and not helping you, or using the gift I have to release you from your prison? I don’t think I can just stand by and watch you suffer like that, Mom. I’ve seen what the infected can become. Once they lose their minds, what’s to prevent them from losing their souls, too?”
“You could lock me up somewhere,” Xiulan suggests, desperate to find a way to save her daughter from any more heartache.
“I can’t be that selfish,” Leah says with a shake of her head. “I can’t doom you to live a life of pain. I love you too much to do that to you.”
“You wouldn’t be doing it to me,” Xiulan says. “I would willingly go somewhere so you never have to see me again after today.”
“I would always know you were in pain,” Leah cries.
“You would have to forget about me,” Xiulan says.
Leah shakes her head even more vigorously. “I can’t do that.”
Leah takes a step forward and embraces her mother.
“I have to do what’s right for you,” Leah says, resting her head on her mother’s shoulder. “I have to help you cross over and find peace.”
Xiulan doesn’t say anything. She just tightens her hold on her daughter.
“I love you,” Xiulan says.
“I love you, too, Mom.”
“Can I watch to see if it works?” Lucifer asks, giving voice to his own morbid sense of curiosity.
“No,” Mason and I say in unison.
“Fine,” Lucifer says, like a petulant child denied a bowl of ice cream.
“Let’s do it outside,” Xiulan tells Leah, pulling back and smoothing her daughter’s hair around her face. “I want to feel the warmth of the sun shining down on me when I leave this Earth.”
“We’ll meet you out by the powerhouse,” I tell Leah. “I’ll get your staff.”
“Thanks, Jess,” Leah says with a sad smile.
As I watch Leah and Xiulan walk out hand-in-hand, I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed Leah in some way. If I had stopped Baal from releasing the fourth seal, I could have prevented this from happening. I feel the weight of blame land squarely on my shoulders.
“You can’t fix everything,” I hear Lucifer say, as if he can hear my thoughts.
“I could have tried harder.”
“No, you couldn’t have,” Mason tells me. “We did the best we could, Jess. Xiulan’s death isn’t your fault.”
“Then why does it feel like it is?”
“Because you always let that conscience of yours control your feelings,” Lucifer says disappointedly.
“At least I can feel,” I tell him. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to find someone you care about more than you do yourself?”
Lucifer shrugs. “Why would I want to put myself through that kind of torture?”
“Don’t waste your breath, Jess,” Mason tells me as he looks at Lucifer in disgust. “He’ll never change. He isn’t capable of loving anyone but himself.”
“And how could I not love myself? I am rather spectacular,” Lucifer says, as if agreeing with my husband’s summary of his character.
“Come on,” I say to Mason, not wanting to make Xiulan and Leah wait any longer than necessary. “Let’s get this over with.”
Mason and I walk out so he can phase us to retrieve Leah’s staff from her bedroom. We decide to walk instead of phase to the powerhouse, to give Leah and her mother a few more minutes together.
The powerhouse on the island looks like a miniature medieval castle. A bridge constructed of the same stone as the powerhouse connects it to the island. We find Leah and Xiulan standing beside one of the twenty-foot blue spruces flanking either side of the bridge. A gentle wind blows across the island, causing the water to lap rhythmically against the stones on the shoreline. Just as Xiulan wanted, the sun is shining as it rises over the horizon, surrounding us with its warmth. It’s the start of what should have been a perfect day.
“I know you will have to face many trials, not only here on this Earth, but during the rest of your life,” I hear Xiulan tell Leah. “Doing this for me shows me just how strong you truly are, and I have no doubt you will be able to conquer any adversity that you face during your life. Always remember how proud I am of you.”
Leah simply nods her head. I don’t think she trusts her voice not to break if she tries to speak.
Xiulan tenderly kisses Leah’s cheek. As I watch her let go of Leah’s hand, her pained expression tells me that she realizes all the little things she’ll never be able to share with her daughter. She’ll never get to see Leah graduate from college. She won’t be there to help her daughter pick out the perfect wedding dress, or watch her walk down the aisle to pledge her life to the man she loves. She won’t be given the opportunity to witness the beauty of her daughter holding her own child for the very first time. She’ll miss countless moments, big and small, that only a parent can truly cherish with her child. Xiulan’s life could have been filled with hundreds of memories, yet it was coming to an end with this final goodbye.
Leah turns, tears spilling down her face like a waterfall, and walks over to me, taking her staff.
“I think it would be easier if we ignite our flame first,” I explain to Xiulan. “Then you can walk into it when you’re ready. I don’t think you’ll feel any pain that way. Your death should be instantaneous.”
“All right,” Xiulan says, nodding her head in understanding.
I look over at Leah, and see that she’s still crying but trying to hold herself together. I lace my fingers with hers. She turns her head and looks at me through the veil of her tears.
“You’re not alone,” I tell her. “I will always be by your side, no matter what. You can do this. You have the strength to end her pain and let her go.”
Leah swallows hard and nods, squeezing my hand tightly, drawing strength from our friendship and love for one another.
With a trembling hand, Leah holds out her staff and ignites her fire. I draw my sword from its sheath on my back. Its orange flames blaze brightly as I join them
with Leah’s fire, igniting the white flame of our combined power.
Xiulan closes her eyes and raises her face, basking in the warmth of the sun one last time. With her last breath, she says, “I love you, Leah.”
Xiulan steps into our flame and disappears.
Leah instantly drops her staff and falls to the ground on her knees, covering her face with her hands as she cries like her world has just been shattered. I kneel down beside her and wrap my arms around her shaking body.
“Phase us to her room,” I tell Mason.
Mason takes my sword from me and grabs Leah’s staff before placing a hand on my shoulder. He phases Leah and me directly onto her bed. I take her in my arms and lay down with her. I know I don’t have the power to put Leah’s heart back together again. She’ll have to do that for herself. All I can do is hold her and bring her what comfort I can. Time is always the best healer. We never forget those we’ve loved and lost, but the passage of time gives our minds and hearts the opportunity to find peace with their absence.
I suddenly feel a more urgent need to get my friends back home as quickly as possible, before something even worse happens to one of us.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Sorrow can remain in our hearts longer than happiness sometimes. The memory of lost loved ones can trap us in our own misery, until the day comes when we can finally think back on them without feeling a heart-rending grief. As I hold Leah in my arms, allowing her to cry out her pain and anguish over losing her mother, I feel a sense of guilt for bringing her to this alternate reality. I could tell myself that giving Leah these last few days with her mother is worth the heartache she is experiencing right now, but is it? Would Leah have been better off keeping her mother a memory?
After almost an hour of crying, Leah finally falls into a deep slumber. When I hear her steady breathing, I gently remove my arms from around her and stand from the bed. I cover her with a nearby blanket and leave the room. I’m not surprised when I walk out and find JoJo and Gabe, sitting on the floor of the hallway outside Leah’s room. Gabe stands and helps JoJo to her feet as I quietly close the door.
“How is she?” Gabe asks, his face drawn with immense concern.
“Hurting,” I tell them, fighting back my own tears over Leah’s anguish. “To be honest, I don’t know what else to do for her. She’s sleeping now, but, when she wakes up, she’ll just have to face everything all over again.”
“How can we help, mon cherie?” JoJo asks.
“Just be there for her,” I reply. “Let her know how much she’s loved. I think that’s all any of us can do now.”
“Why don’t you get some rest?” Gabe suggests. “It’s obvious this has been hard on you, too. JoJo and I can stay with Leah until she wakes up.”
I nod my head. “Good. She shouldn’t wake up to an empty room. I don’t ever want her to think that she’s alone.”
“We will always be there for her,” JoJo promises me, not only talking about her and Gabe, but the rest of us as well. We were all connected to each other, not only through our Archangels, but also through our love for one another.
“Do you know where Mason is?” I ask them.
“We saw him a little while ago in the living room, talking with Jered and Tristan,” Gabe tells me.
“Thanks. Let me know when she wakes up,” I request.
“I’ll come get you myself,” Gabe reassures me.
I watch JoJo and Gabe quietly enter Leah’s room. I don’t know how long their vigil will be, but I do know I can count on them to remain with her until she awakens.
I make my way downstairs, and find Mason still speaking with Tristan and Jered. The last time I saw Tristan, he was speaking with Logan, Sophia’s daughter, at Dillon’s birthday celebration.
Mason stands in front of them as the other two men sit on one of the sofas in the room. I notice a group of children sitting on the floor on the opposite side of the room, watching a cartoon on the holographic TV and laughing. The sound of their happiness is sweet to my ears, but it also acts as a reminder of how much I miss Max and Brynlee.
“How is Leah?” Jered asks me as he and Tristan stand from their seats when I enter the room.
Mason turns around to face me as I walk to stand by his side.
“Sleeping now,” I tell them. “Gabe and JoJo are going to stay with her until she wakes up.”
“Is there anything we can do for her?” Tristan asks. “I can’t imagine having to do what she did. I’m not even sure I would have had the strength to do it.”
“I think you would have,” I tell him. “Sometimes we don’t know how strong we are until we have to face decisions like that. Leah knew her mother was suffering, and that it would just get worse with time. We did the only thing we could for her. Leah understands that.”
“Intellectually, she might know it,” Jered agrees, “but the damage to her heart will take a long time to heal.”
“Yes,” I say, “it will.”
We fall silent for a moment. Mason takes my hand to lend me some of his strength.
“How did last night go for you?” I ask Tristan, deciding to change the subject. “Did you have any luck convincing Sophia’s daughter that she should change sides in this war?”
Tristan shakes his head. “I don’t think so. She seems to think her mother is the one who is on the wrong side of this fight. But after I told her who I was, she didn’t raise an alarm and sell me out. I don’t think she’s a bad person, just someone in a bad situation who has been brainwashed by ruthless people.”
“It doesn’t sound like she’s interested in leaving her father.”
“Not yet. I hope I gave her something to think about last night, though.”
“And what was that?”
“I told her that many of the Watcher children on our Earth don’t have to go through the change anymore. When she asked me why I still did, I told her that I simply hadn’t asked God for his forgiveness yet. I could tell by the look on her face that she hadn’t even considered the possibility of God forgiving her for the things she’s done for her father. She may not change her ways for her mother, but she might be willing to for God’s forgiveness.”
“Have you told Sophia this?” I ask.
Tristan nods. “Yes. I told her as soon as I got back. I think she was hoping Logan would decide to return with us, but I told her that was an unrealistic expectation. Maybe, after a few days, I can find a way to reach out to Logan again and see if what I said had any effect on her.” Tristan shrugs. “You never know. Miracles have been known to happen.”
“If anyone knows that’s true,” I say, “I guess it’s us.”
“Awww!” I hear many of the children gathered around the holographic television moan in disappointment.
“She always ruins everything!” One little boy of about six complains when Ravan appears, instantly grabbing the attention of the adults in the room.
As we all turn to watch Ravan, we see her sitting behind the president’s desk in the Oval Office, preparing to address the nation. She’s wearing a red lace sheath dress with a scalloped neckline. It seems like every time I see Ravan, she’s wearing red for some odd reason. Hanging from the flag poles directly behind her are the American flag and Ravan’s black and red dragon symbol.
Ravan wears a grim look on her face as she opens her ruby-red lips to speak.
“I come to you today as the harbinger of unhappy tidings, my fellow Americans. Before the media has a chance to sensationalize the events of today, I want to reassure you all that I am perfectly safe, and, as you can see, I’m here in the White House, looking out for our country’s best interest.”
“What is she talking about?” I ask those around me. “Did I miss something?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” Jered tells me, turning his attention back to Ravan’s broadcast.
“We mourn the loss of those who chose to take their own lives today,” Ravan continues. “Why so many of the world’s leaders decided to depart this wo
rld when we are trying to put the pieces back together, is unknown at this time. Was it some sort of preplanned suicide pact? I can’t say for sure. I can only hope that they have all found peace in death. I suggest we all pray for the souls of our fallen brothers and sisters. As always, I will be here for all of my fellow citizens, and those of you in other countries who need to lean on my strength during this time of crisis. I will never forsake your trust and faith in my ability to lead you out of the dark times we find ourselves living in. You can count on me to always put your needs above my own and remain as steadfast as a mountain. God bless you all.”
The same female CNN newscaster I saw broadcasting the change in the birds appears on the screen.
“As President Draeke has just said, we’ve just been notified of the deaths of at least thirteen of the world’s leaders and hundreds of other prominent figures today. While reports are still coming in, we can tell you that the Prime Minister of Great Britain hung himself in his office at 10 Downing Street. The President of France was found drowned in her bathtub just minutes ago. The President of Russia jumped out of a window of the Kremlin…”
“Why is this happening?” I ask, hoping Mason or Jered have an answer.
“It has to be the fifth seal,” Mason says, looking worried. “Right?” he asks Jered for confirmation.
“It’s the only logical explanation for global mass suicide,” Jered replies, agreeing with Mason’s assumption. “I suppose their deaths could be considered those of martyrs, especially if they were people who publically denounced Ravan’s control over the world. The opening of the seal could have amplified their guilt for allowing her more control over them than she has a right to, but I’m just guessing.”
As the newscaster continues to rattle off the names of the dead leaders of the world, the face of one leader in particular flashes through my mind.
“Where is Jai Lin?” I ask Mason.
“She should be at the monastery at this time of day,” Mason says, grabbing my hand. “Jered, make sure Brand and Malcolm know what’s going on. Jess and I will be at the Laojun Temple.”
Without wasting any more time, Mason phases us to the courtyard of the Taoist temple in China. While Leah and I were traveling around the globe and destroying as many of the flocks as we could, I remember Mason mentioning that Jai Lin had returned to Beijing, but still visited the monks regularly to help care for their needs during the evening. With the time difference, it has to be close to 8pm in China.