Her voice was soft, but it was laced with a palpable sadness that gripped his heart. She was right in her conclusion, but hearing her profess her love for him was almost enough to make him forget everything he’d sworn not to do. “Jenny, this isn’t easy for me, but Aubrey is the only family I have left, and I promised I would take care of her.”
She stood and went to the window, and even though he wanted to follow her, he somehow managed to hold his ground. She put her hands inside the shirt pockets of her scrubs, and when she spoke, her voice cracked with emotion. “You can be there for Aubrey and have a life too, Clay. That’s what Aubrey wants, and I know it might not seem like it, but it is possible.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. He’d gone over the pros and cons a million times, but the only feasible option was to take care of Aubrey himself. At least that way, he’d know it was done right. “Jenny, this is my little sister we’re talking about and not some random stranger. I don’t expect you to understand because you don’t—”
She whirled around to face him, and Clay bit his tongue to keep from saying something he’d regret. Emotions were high, and he knew he needed to bring it down a notch.
“Why did you stop? You were going to say I wouldn’t understand because my family is thousands of miles away… right? I know you and Aubrey are close, and I get that, but don’t patronize me by thinking I don’t know what it’s like to look after someone I love.”
Heat prickled the back of his neck, and there was no mistaking the resentment in her eyes. He wished he could pry his foot from his mouth and start over because the uncomfortable silence that followed seemed to last an eternity. She looked out the window again, and Clay held his head in his hands and tried to think of something else to say that wouldn’t make him sound like a complete ass. “I’m sorry, Jenny.”
He heard her footsteps, and when she sat beside him, he felt the knot in his stomach twist even tighter, so tight that he could hardly breathe. On one hand he wanted to look at her, but on the other hand, he knew it might be his undoing.
“Do you love me, Clay? If you do, I want to hear you say it.”
She placed a hand on his thigh, and the heat from her touch radiated through the fabric of his jeans and sent a shiver up his spine. Only two days had passed, but it seemed like longer when he last held her in his arms and kissed her lips. For some reason, it felt like a simpler time then, but perhaps that was because Aubrey was doing better and hadn’t suffered any serious setbacks. Now that he grasped just how severe her condition was, it was like his whole world had changed, and he couldn’t see beyond that anymore.
Jenny was sitting so close, he could feel the warmth of her breath on his neck, and the urge to kiss her was overwhelming. “I love you.”
His reply made her smile, but it also made her tear up again. “I love you too. I know you have so much going on right now with Aubrey, but I’m worried that you’ll be so consumed with caring for her that you forget to take care of yourself.”
Clay sighed. “I’ll be fine.”
Jenny used her free hand to curl her fingers in his hair, catching him off guard and making his heart race out of control. She leaned over and rested her head against his, and when she whispered in his ear, he felt himself slipping. “I feel like you’re pushing me away,” she murmured. “Please don’t do that to us.”
He looked at her—the last thing he should’ve done—and before he could stop it from happening, he was pulling her close and claiming her mouth with his own. He couldn’t help it. She knew just what to say to make him putty in her hands, whether she realized it or not, and his levelheadedness was no match for the desire that flowed through his veins. All she had to do was look at him a certain way or whisper his name and all common sense flew out the window.
“Jenny.”
Her scent, the warmth of her body, the softness of her lips. It was too much. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her again and again until they were both left gasping for air, but he still wanted and needed so much more.
The sound of his cell phone ringing forced his head out of the clouds, and he released Jenny and quickly moved away from her before the rest of his resolve crumbled. She made it too easy to want to give in, and he couldn’t do that. He had someone else to consider in his decision-making, and he wouldn’t let her down again. Clay stood and walked to the kitchen, where his cell phone lay on top of the counter. He saw Aubrey’s number on the caller ID, and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to regain his composure before answering. “Hey, sis.”
He was tempted to look at Jenny, but he didn’t want to be distracted again, so he kept his focus on a bird nesting in the oak tree outside the window above the kitchen sink.
“Hey! Is Jenny there?”
He furrowed a brow. “How-how did you know that?”
She made a sound that resembled a snort or a smirk. “I’ve been trying to call her, and it goes straight to voice mail, so I kind of guessed she was there with you because she told me she planned to stop by there after work. How are things going? Good, I hope.”
This time, he did look at Jenny, and he frowned when he saw her sitting on the edge of the loveseat, cradling her head in her hands while staring at the floor. Her shoulders were slumped, and she was unusually still and quiet. “It’s fine. Are you okay? Is something wrong?”
She laughed. “No, nothing’s wrong. I was just being nosy, but I’ll let you go so you can get back to what you were doing. I’ll see you first thing tomorrow morning!”
She sounded so cheerful and hopeful, and he hated to disappoint her. He could picture her sitting on her hospital bed, smiling like a Cheshire cat and more than likely thinking he and Jenny were working things out. He hung up the phone, and from the corner of his eye, he caught her moving away from the loveseat. She tucked some stray, curly blond tendrils behind her ears, and when he rejoined her in the den, she stuffed her hands inside her shirt pockets and avoided his gaze.
“It’s getting late, and I should go,” she said.
She made a move for the front door, but Clay was able to grab her arm and stop her before she got too far. “Jenny, please don’t be angry with me. I do love you, but I just think it would be best for us to remain friends. It wouldn’t be fair for you to sit on the sidelines while I take care of Aubrey, and it wouldn’t be fair to her if I don’t give her my full attention and do the best I can to help her.”
A tear escaped and rolled down Jenny’s cheek, but she hastily wiped it away. “And what do you want, Clay?”
He frowned and shrugged. “I don’t think that matters anymore.”
She shook her head, and without another word, she walked out the front door and left him standing there, feeling worse than ever… and completely alone.
Chapter 22
Jenny
The drive home was a blur.
Jenny couldn’t remember getting from Clay’s house to her driveway, but now here she was, listening to the thunder and watching the raindrops slide down her windshield while trying to make sense of what just happened. How did they go from saying “I love you” to parting as friends? How could he kiss her so passionately one minute and the next tell her they weren’t meant to be together?
She wasn’t trying to steal him away from Aubrey—or anyone. She did understand what he meant by his sister being his responsibility, but she didn’t understand why he couldn’t have a life outside of that at the same time. It was as if he was blinded to everything else or perhaps he felt so guilty over what happened to Aubrey that he thought he didn’t deserve to be happy. She honestly didn’t know.
The only thing she knew for certain was that her heart hurt more in that moment than any other time in her life, including when her parents had moved away. Sure, she’d dated other men before Clay had come along, but what she had with him was so different than anything she’d experienced before. And now it was gone.
A loud clap of thunder shook the car, startling her, and Jenny debated whet
her to try and make a run for the front door or stay in the car until the rain stopped. It was peaceful sitting there, listening to the tapping on the roof, and the vehicle wasn’t as big and lonely as her house. She’d gotten used to the loneliness permeating every room when her parents left, but over time, it got better, and when Clay came along, it was like the curtains and windows were opened for the first time and the rooms were filled with sunlight.
A tear slid down her cheek, and it was useless to try and hold them back forever, so she finally let go and allowed herself to cry. Once the dam was broken, she cried and cried until she was left physically weakened, but it was a good, cleansing cry she desperately needed. She had no idea how much time passed between the first tear and the last, but the rain was gone when she dried her eyes and the moon was shining brightly.
Jenny reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She dialed Kelly’s number, hoping she hadn’t already turned in for the night, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her best friend’s familiar voice. “Hello?”
Jenny had cried so hard, she hiccupped when she tried to talk. “Hey, Kel. Did I wake you up?”
She heard the television playing in the background, but then there was silence like she’d turned it off or went to another room.
“No, I’ve been waiting for you to call and let me know how it went with Clay. I’m guessing by the sound of your voice that it didn’t go well.”
Jenny nibbled on her bottom lip to keep from crying again. “It definitely could’ve gone much better.”
There was a slight pause before Kelly replied. “I’m coming over there.”
Jenny shook her head. “You don’t have to do that. I’m fine, Kel. Really.”
Another pause. “Well, first of all, I don’t believe you. Secondly, I want more ice cream, and you sound like you could use some too, so I’m bringing some Rocky Road with me. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Jenny smiled. If nothing else, she could always depend on Kelly to be there when she needed her most. They said their goodbyes, and Jenny gathered her things to go inside the house. The moon dipped behind the clouds, shrouding her in darkness, but she was able to reach the front porch using the glow from her next-door neighbor’s yard light. When she unlocked the door and stepped inside, she flipped on the front porch light for Kelly and tossed her purse on the table in the foyer. The mirror above it wasn’t kind at all, and she cringed when she saw the reflection of her tear-stained face and the dark circles under her eyes.
Jenny kicked off her sneakers and trudged to the den where she plopped on the sofa and kicked her feet up on the coffee table in front of it. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and she wished she had time to take a long, hot shower before Kelly arrived. She leaned back against the cushions and closed her eyes, and it wasn’t long before she heard the crunch of tires against the gravel in her driveway. Seconds later, Kelly burst through the front door, carrying a grocery bag and wearing the most hideous green jogging suit she’d ever seen.
“What in the world?” she asked, trying not to laugh.
Kelly bypassed her and went straight to the adjoining kitchen. “I was in a hurry, and I grabbed the first thing I could find in my closet.” She set the bag on the counter and rummaged through an overhead cabinet for a couple of bowls. “It’s also laundry day, and this was the only clean outfit I could find.” She grabbed an ice cream scooper and two metal spoons from one of the drawers and divided the Rocky Road ice cream between the two bowls.
“You kind of remind me of my grandmother.” Jenny smirked. “If you were three inches shorter and had a gap between your top two front teeth, you’d look just like her.”
Kelly stuck out her tongue as she carried the bowls to the living room and handed one to Jenny before sitting on the sofa beside her. “I should’ve worn my fanny pack too. You would’ve loved that.”
Jenny laughed, knowing without a doubt that Kelly didn’t own a fanny pack because she wouldn’t be caught dead with one. She picked up her spoon and dipped into the ice cream, enjoying the gooey chocolaty goodness that felt like a giant hug to her wounded soul.
“Okay, tell me what happened,” Kelly said.
Jenny took a couple of bites before trusting her mouth to form words without making her cry. She didn’t feel like rehashing it all over again, but she knew Kelly wouldn’t relent until she did. “I went to Clay’s house right after my shift ended, and I could tell when he opened the front door that he didn’t want me there. His eyes used to light up when he saw me, but not this time. He seemed more annoyed than anything.”
Kelly ate her ice cream and listened without interrupting, and Jenny got it all out as fast as possible so they could, hopefully, talk about something else. “I told him what happened to Aubrey wasn’t his fault or mine, but it was like he had blinders on, and he didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. He went on and on about how it was his responsibility to take care of her, and he wouldn’t listen to me when I told him he could do that and have a life too.”
She sighed as the memories flowed through her mind. She’d met a lot of stubborn men in her lifetime, but Clay was by far the worst one. “He told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him too. Then we kissed, and it was the most passionate, most incredible kiss we’ve ever shared.”
She heard the clang of metal as Kelly dropped her spoon inside her bowl and stared at her with a wide-eyed expression. “Don’t get too excited because he followed that by saying he wanted us to be friends and nothing more.”
Kelly gave her a quizzical look. “Wait. What?”
Jenny nodded. “I know! That’s exactly what I thought. It doesn’t make any sense to me. If he truly loved me, wouldn’t he try harder to work this out so we could be together? It’s like he believes he doesn’t deserve to be happy after what happened to Aubrey.”
She jabbed her spoon in her ice cream, growing more and more aggravated the more she thought about it. Perhaps holding on to her anger would help her get through the heartache. If nothing else, it kept the tears at bay.
“I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that most men are dumb when it comes to this kind of stuff,” Kelly said.
Her comment brought a much-needed smile to Jenny’s face, and they got a good laugh out of it before Kelly’s expression turned serious. “I’m sorry he’s acting this way, Jenny, and I wish I had some answers for you, but I don’t. I still think you two are supposed to be together, though. I can’t explain it, but I feel it in my bones. I’m sure the incident with Aubrey is fresh on his mind, and maybe he needs more time to process it. A little space might help him realize how much he needs you in his life.”
Jenny put her bowl on the coffee table, unable to take another bite. “Maybe so. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. That’s the hardest part. I miss him when we’re not together.”
Kelly reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t you have some vacation time saved up? You could always get the heck out of Dodge and put some distance between you to clear your mind. Who knows? It might help you feel better to get away for a little while.”
The idea intrigued Jenny and gave her hope. A vacation was just what she needed, and she had a week’s worth of vacation days to take before the end of the year, so it was a perfect time to do it. “You’re right. I’ll talk to Roger about it as soon as I get to work tomorrow.”
She doubted their boss would have a problem with it—at least, she hoped not.
“I would beg you to take me with you, but I’ve used all of my vacation days,” Kelly lamented. “Send me pictures so I can live vicariously through you.”
Jenny smiled and gave her a hug. “You are just the best friend ever. Have I said that recently?”
Kelly laughed. “Yeah, but I love hearing you brag on me, so feel free to do it as much as you like.”
Jenny picked up her bowl and carried it to the kitchen. “Oh, and just so you know, I’m not giving up on you and Tommy Young, no matter what ha
ppens between me and Clay. I still think you two would be perfect together.”
Kelly moaned loudly before following Jenny to the kitchen, where they washed their bowls and utensils in the sink. “I was hoping you’d forget about that.”
Jenny winked at her. “I don’t forget anything. I’m like an elephant.”
Kelly put the ice cream in the freezer “in case of an emergency,” and they went back to the den. “Isn’t there some type of girl code that forbids fraternizing with the best friend of a man who broke her best friend’s heart?” she asked.
They sat on the sofa and Jenny grinned as she picked up the television remote control and switched on the TV. “I’ll make an exception this time.”
Kelly rolled her eyes. “Of course, you will.”
She lay her head on Kelly’s shoulder as the weight of the day’s events played over in her mind like a broken record. She was so thankful she had someone like Kelly to lean on during difficult times, and she really was determined to get her on a date with Tommy. Just because her heart was shattered into a million pieces didn’t mean the world stopped turning, and if anyone deserved to find true love, it was Kelly.
Jenny sighed. Perhaps someday she’d be fortunate enough to find—and hold onto—that kind of happiness.
Chapter 23
Clay
Clay couldn’t remember the last time Aubrey jabbered so much. He arrived at the hospital Monday morning to pick her up, and after just thirty minutes, he’d learned the names of every nurse on the third floor, and he’d also heard, in vivid detail, about the “gorgeous intern” named Michael with the southern drawl and “dreamy blue eyes.” Clay groaned. He could’ve gone all day without hearing about someone flirting with her.
While they waited in her room for the nurse to bring the discharge papers to sign, Clay gazed out the window, hoping he might catch a glimpse of Jenny. He could count on one hand the number of hours he’d slept since her visit, and even though he knew he’d done the right thing, that didn’t make it hurt less.
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