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Martha Medeiros
Austin Macauley Publishers
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About the Author
About the Book
Dedication
Copyright Information
Acknowledgements
In an Embrace
The Film Club
Standing Kiss
We Think We Know
When Prejudice Masquerades God’s Purpose
Caught on Camera
The Elegance of the Intellect
Love Works in Mysterious Ways
Behind the Counter
Happy for No Reason
The Compact Era
Internet Trolls
When the Real Fun Begins
The Independent Woman
Is Your Home Happy?
It Will Come to Nothing
What Are You Thinking?
The God of Small Things
Inside the Airport
Women Under Pressure
Life Without Stabilisers
Snow of Polystyrene
Education for Divorce
Too Kind
Be There!
Taking the Wrong Turn
Chronic Dissatisfaction
The School of Life
When God Appears
What If…?
Getting Past the Greetings
Everybody?
The Best Thing That Never Happened
Me
With or Without You
The Right to Disappear
Grow Up and Have Fun
Aristocats
How Well it Turned Out for Us…
If Only
The Extraordinary Women of Our Lives
When We Truly Die
The Scheme of Life and Love
Your Highness, The Child
Are You Annoying?
Trust in God, But Lock Your Car
The New Minority
Cigarettes After Sex
The Media Don’t Act Alone
What Women Want
Surprise!
No Time Like the Present
Women in Black
It Takes One
Locked Out
Die Slowly
About the Author
Martha Medeiros (b.1961) has 26 novels to her name with more than 1,000,000 copies sold. She has a huge readership and is widely respected as novelist, poet and columnist throughout Brazil.
Martha’s genius resides in her ability to speak to readers individually, regardless of age, in language which is fresh and immediate, but also timeless and enduring. She has been considered among the hundred most influential people in Brazil according to Época Magazine and has won awards in both literature and journalism.
Martha lives in Porto Alegre, Brazil, with her two daughters.
About the Book
Martha Medeiros is one of the most influential and admired writers in Brazil. Her genius resides in her ability to speak to readers individually, regardless of age, in language which is fresh and immediate, but also timeless and enduring. Her readership is in the millions throughout the country. Her articles address love, life and art in a simple yet insightful way. She is among the top one hundred most influential people in Brazil.
Martha is the author of one of the most circulated texts on the internet around the world, Die Slowly, published here officially for the first time.
Dies slowly those who do not travel, who do not read, who do not listen to music and those who do not laugh at themselves. […]
We live with the inevitability of death, so let’s try and avoid death in small doses, always remembering that being alive requires a much greater effort than the act of breathing.
From the article Die Slowly.
Dedication
To Nicole, the young girl behind the scenes.
Copyright Information
Copyright © Martha Medeiros (2018)
The right of Martha Medeiros to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781788489058 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781788489065 (Hardback)
ISBN 9781788489072 (E-Book)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published (2018)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd™
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LQ
Acknowledgements
It was 3rd December 2016 when I came upon a new message in my inbox. It was signed by someone I didn’t know, a Brazilian woman who lived in England, her name was Shayla Bittencourt. She was asking for my address so that she could send me a book. I sent her my address – I’d never refuse a book – and didn’t think about it anymore. On 26th December, the bell rang and on the other side of the door, a beautiful package was delivered to me. As soon as I saw that it was from England, her email came to my mind: It must be the book! Is it modern literature or a classic? I wonder who the author is. Never had I thought it was me. Shayla had translated my articles. And what a translation!
That’s what I love about life – you never know what’s around the corner. Some years ago, my family and I had decided not to exchange presents at Christmas. We already had all we needed and we just wanted to enjoy each other’s company. Yet, there was always someone who would break the rules, but not in 2016. That was the first year that I didn’t get a Christmas present, not a single one. So on that Boxing Day, when I answered the door, I realised: Santa exists!
That’s how Shayla found her way into my living room – not through the chimney, but through my heart. My books had already been translated in to French, Italian and Spanish, but not English, the universal language.
I now have the opportunity to reach a much wider audience, but better than this, I have a new friend. With talent and generosity beyond measure, Shayla has become a huge part of my world. Such is life, with wonders at every turn – keep your eyes peeled.
Martha Medeiros
In an Embrace
Where would you like to be right now?
I keep thinking about the wonderful places I’ve been and which I’d like to return to: a restaurant on a Greek island, several beaches in Brazil and around the world, a good friend’s house, a small village somewhere in Europe, a beautiful country road, a fantastic concert, in a cinema watching the premiere of a long-awaited film, and especially in my bed which no five star hotel can match – you cannot replicate that homely feeling.
I could also list the places I’d rather not be: in a hospital bed, in a queue at the bank, stuck in a lift, stuck in traffic, at the dentist.
So, adding up the pros and cons, the good and the bad, where, after all is said and done, is the best place in the world?
My guess: in an embrace.
Is there a better place for a child, an old person, a woman in love, a disturbed teenager, a patient, or the lonely? In an embrace, it’s always warm and safe. In an embrace, we don’t hear the clock. Time stops, there’s no beginning, there’s no end. It’s where your thoughts and pains melt away.
Is there a better place for a newborn, for a visitor, for someone who’s been fired or hired? In an embrace all is clear, the future safe – we settle comfortably in paradise.
Your face against their chest, hearts beating as one, there’s nothing to ask or be thankful for. In an embrace, no words are necessary – all has already been said.
Where is the best place in the world? In front of a roaring fire reading a good book, among the crowd watching your team score, having a family lunch where everyone is having fun, lying in a field looking at the sky, in bed with the person you love the most?
It will be hard to beat that last one. But where does love begin if not in the first embrace? Some find it suffocating and want to disengage as quickly as possible. Sometimes we need to be out of reach, beyond arm’s length. This wish to retreat is fair, but today allow me to pass it by. As Valentine’s Day approaches, I suggest you book a spot in a warm place, in the embrace you long for.
The Film Club
Until recently, the only David Gilmour I’d heard of was the singer and guitarist from Pink Floyd. That was until another David Gilmour, a Canadian writer, came along with his book The Film Club, where he recounts a true story which happened in his own home.
David has a son called Jesse who, at the age of sixteen, didn’t care about his studies. He was clever but completely unmotivated. Do you know a teenager like that? I thought so. But I doubt that either you or I would have had the courage to do what Jesse’s father did. Realizing that the boy didn’t have the slightest prospect of finishing school without a constant tally of failed exams, David made a proposal: “If you want to quit school, do it. But in exchange, you will have to watch three films of my choice a week with me. Take it or leave it.” He accepted the deal without a second thought.
After that his father spent a few sleepless nights wondering about what he had done. Was this a big mistake? Could he be ruining his son’s future? By now it was too late to go back on his word. From this point on, you’re drawn in and you can’t put the book down.
For an avid movie watcher this book is a tease. Virtually all the films we’ve ever watched, as well as those we’ve missed, are quoted in the text. The story highlights something we already know, but don’t always put into practice: it’s the time we spend with our children which helps them grow, and Gilmour uses this time to his advantage. As Marlon Brando, Clint Eastwood, Sharon Stone, John Travolta and James Dean enter the living room, the discussions about girlfriends, drugs, music, broken hearts, fears and virility begin.
The book is far from moralist or instructive – it’s just a story about a father who was at his wits’ end because he couldn’t get through to his son so he takes an unconventional approach to get closer to him, and help him mature – it’s loving, honest and funny.
Schools didn’t go out of business in any of the countries where the book was published, so teachers can stop holding their breath. But unsurprisingly, it confirms that literature and cinema – and music of the likes played by the other David Gilmour who had nothing to do with this story – aren’t there just to entertain us in our free time, but also to prepare us for life.
Standing Kiss
Once I had lunch with two friends; both had been married for a long time, past their silver wedding anniversary, and still happy with their husbands. We spoke about the highs and lows of long term relationships. As the conversation progressed, one of them made a curious observation. She had no reasons to complain, however, she really missed standing kisses.
What do you mean, standing kisses?
After living together for some time, couples don’t have passionate kisses in the kitchen, or in the hall, or at a party. It’s just a peck when you get home or when you say goodbye. A proper kiss, “that kind of kiss”, only happens when you’re laying together, when foreplay begins. That odd kiss, a kiss without warning, without the promise of sex afterwards, that is, a good lingering kiss, forget it!
We had a good laugh, of course.
It’s been a while since that lunch, but up until today when I see a couple kissing at a concert, or at the airport, or at the beach, I remember my friend’s theory and think: there it is, that remarkable standing kiss – they’re probably not married, or else they’re just back from their honeymoon.
There are people who think that a kiss – not a peck, a kiss! – is too intimate or inappropriate in a public place. It depends; let’s not rush to any conclusions. The rules on this subject are not so strict after all. Let’s see: you leave the restaurant holding hands, walk down the road towards the car, and when you open the door for your wife (yes, your wife of twenty years) you snatch a kiss before she gets in. Why not?
At the beginning of a romance, a kiss, at any time of the day or night, manifests the desire one feels for the other; it’s an unexpected statement of love. Yet, as time goes by, the couple falls into a routine and that old habit of indulging in a kiss anywhere becomes weird. Just imagine, to kiss for no reason in broad daylight! Worse still, on a Monday, with so much laundry to do! Grow up.
Maybe. But who thought it untimely when the goalkeeper Casillas stopped his girlfriend’s interview to snatch a kiss from her out of nowhere? A loving kiss, a kiss for all to see, a standing kiss. At that moment all young girls on the planet, and the not so young as well, let out a sigh, and the men felt proud of his virility. So why not do the same to us at home? Please don’t tell us we’re no Sara Carbonero, that’s no excuse.
We Think We Know
I had never heard of a film called Married Life (2007), perhaps because it never made it to the cinemas. The plot is only ninety minutes, and feels like a classic. I liked it. A man married for many years falls in love with a beautiful girl but doesn’t know how to end his marriage without humiliating his beloved wife. So he decides that it’s best to kill her. Isn’t that the perfect solution? If I were to summarise the film in one line, I’d say: “You never know what’s going through the mind of the person sleeping next to you.”
Do we really know what’s going on around us? We think we do.
We think we know what our children’s plans and ambitions are, forgetting that human complexity is also a trait in those born from us. No matter how close we feel to them, we will never grasp the full breadth of their secret desires.
We think we know what our partners feel for us, based on affectionate words, the loving look in their eyes, their kindness and their company, but does that say everything? We don’t always understand the needs of the person we love – not because they’re hiding their feelings, but because often they don’t understand them themselves.
We think we know what’s best for us. We trust our instincts, but we can never be certain. We think we know how we will confront the reality of our final years, losing our physical strength and good health. We think we know how we are going to deal with this, but how surprised we are when the time comes!
We think we know the thoughts of those who confide in us. We take in every word and feel honoured by their trust. What we fail to consider is that perhaps they don’t mean what they say – it’s just an act to conceal that which survives only within the depths of each of us: the truth.
We think we know how to decode signs, how to perceive moods. We make guesses. Sometimes we get it right, but at other times we don’t have the faintest idea of how people really feel. We think we know what other people think of us. We think we know how to love and live together, we think we know who we really are, until we are caught out by our own actions.
Believing that we know is the furthest we can go in this personal landscape of secrets, whispers, traumas, longings and turmoil. These are feelings we can neither touch nor understand – but we find solace in the belief that we do.
When Prejudice Masquerades God’s Purpose
I support those who publicly stand up against violence, against high taxes that don’t help fund social care, against corruption, against injustice, against global warming; in essence, anything that hinders social development and individual well-being. However, I find it hard to comprehend the outcry, oftentimes furious, against people’s personal choices that don’t affect anyone apart from t
hose concerned, which is the case in same-sex marriage.
How is my life or yours going to be affected if two men or women wish to have the same legal rights offered to heterosexual couples? Are they criminals? In the event that they are able to adopt a child, would it be better for the child to be raised in an orphanage instead of a loving home? Or could it be that this opposition to gay marriage arises from the fear that it will tip the balance for the bi-curious? Now, homosexuality is part of human nature, not a hobby or a trend. Here’s a fact: some people feel attracted to, and fall in love with, the same sex. It has happened since the beginning of time. And if one of our children or grandchildren has that disposition, it will be better for them to live in a society free of such stigma.
Nevertheless, what looks like common sense to me seems to be rocket science to a big part of society, especially to the more religious. I understand the discomfort they feel with the situation, which goes against God’s commandments, but in my humble opinion, I still believe that religion should generate love and freedom. Where’s the comfort promised by religion if it’s used to disseminate guilt and dictate that whoever is different should burn in hell? If the cost of eternal life is to repress those who have done me no harm, I can make do without it. A peaceful life without the hereafter suits me just fine.
I know it’s a bit awkward when I touch upon an issue that puts people on edge. Before long, my mail box will be flooding with reprimands. But allow me the right to some idealism: there’s nothing anyone can do to make homosexuality disappear, it’s inherent to many human beings, and one day it will be accepted without so much dispute. Over your dead body? It will be over all our dead bodies, no doubt. Of course no one needs to applaud what they find shocking, but it’s better to put our energy into fighting against things that can actually harm us than feel threatened by sheer prejudice, which is so conceptual.
It may sound funny, but I think I’m more true to God than many believers.
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