Quit Bein' Ugly

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Quit Bein' Ugly Page 14

by Vale, Lani Lynn


  “Speaking of the gym…” Camryn trailed off when a loud thump had us both turning toward where Raleigh had gone.

  “What…”

  “I’m going to fucking kill you!” Raleigh screamed.

  We were both running, but I put my hand on Camryn’s chest when she would’ve gone outside.

  “No,” I said. “You can’t go out there. You’re like, super pregnant. Stay.”

  I didn’t bother to wait to make sure she stayed. I only ran.

  When I got outside, it was to find a man wrestling with Raleigh on the ground.

  I didn’t even think. I just reacted.

  One second I was on the threshold of my front door, and the next I was launching myself at the man that was hurting my friend.

  “Let her go, motherfucker!” I cried out.

  Then I hit him, my body slamming into his so hard that I knocked him away from Raleigh.

  One second, we were on the porch, and the next we hit the ground with Raleigh’s attacker on the bottom. He hit the ground with a resounding thud, and had the breath knocked out of him.

  And, since the gym had a couple of martial arts classes that I attended on a regular basis once a month, when the man did finally decide to move, I positioned myself with him in a classic headlock that I had learned. My thighs were thoroughly locked around his stupid face just like we had practiced.

  Then I squeezed for all I was worth.

  “Oh my God!” I heard someone say.

  It was a man. Not a woman.

  The cops that were in the car, maybe? I didn’t know.

  What I did know was that the man that I was now squeezing with my thighs was using his hands desperately trying to pry himself out of my thigh lock, but I wouldn’t let him.

  I squeezed him harder with my thighs, his head feeling like a squishy watermelon.

  “You can let him go,” an authoritative male voice said above me.

  I didn’t let go.

  He was twitching less now.

  “Ma’am,” I heard.

  “Oh, God,” I heard Raleigh’s voice say. “He’s turning purple. Pop him like a watermelon, Carmichael!”

  Okay, so there was this challenge one day where a lot of the CrossFit girls at the gym got those personal watermelons and tried to crack them open using their thighs. Thinking it would be hilarious, I did it, and now everyone teased me about it.

  Apparently, Raleigh was now getting in on the action.

  “Ma’am,” I heard said again.

  Peters, the policeman that had been stationed in the front of the house bellowed. “Is that… whoa. Go, girl. Squeeze his head like that watermelon you did last summer. Make sure that it doesn’t get all over you when it pops, though. That’d be gross.”

  “Dude, is that Alfie?” I heard Camryn say then. “What the hell was he doing attacking you?”

  That’s when I finally let go.

  But not because it was Alfie, because he’d finally stopped fighting me.

  He went limp, and I chose to decide that it was enough.

  I fell backward and did a shoulder roll to get me facing forward, then got to my feet and backed away a few feet.

  That was when I hit a solid wall of muscle.

  I looked up to find Croft standing behind me.

  CHAPTER 15

  I’m sorry, it’s just that I literally don’t give a fuck.

  -Croft’s secret thoughts

  CROFT

  “What are you doing here?” Flint asked as he walked into the class about halfway through.

  “I got bored, your sister was sleeping her ass off because she thought it would be a great idea to wake up at two and read until five this morning. So, I decided to come, but made sure to leave a police presence outside the house before I did. Did you look into that guy I told you to?” I asked, watching as one of the new gym members performed her first successful snatch.

  “Yes,” he said. “I was waiting to hear back. Should be any…” His phone rang, and he grinned. “Speaking of the devil. Talk to me.”

  I walked away from him for a few moments while he spoke, mostly because I saw a man performing a lift that would hurt him if he didn’t use the correct form. When I got back, it was to find Flint’s eyes narrowed. “I want him found and brought in. He broke into my sister’s house.”

  Just then he pulled his phone away from his face and stared at the screen. “I gotta call you back. Peters is calling me.”

  With that, he hung up with whoever it’d been and answered the second call. “Peters? Oh shit. Yeah, I’ll be there.”

  He looked at me, then turned to look at the gym and the class.

  “Schultz!” he called.

  Schultz stopped his lift mid-swing and looked at us.

  “Can you teach the rest of the class then lock up?” Flint asked.

  My heart started to pound.

  Because somehow, I knew that his sister and my woman were somehow to blame for this.

  “Yes,” Schultz answered. “Will do.”

  Together we walked out the door, and I walked to Flint’s cruiser instead of my truck.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “Apparently someone snuck around the back of Carmichael’s house and attacked Raleigh outside. Just as the officers outside were approaching, Carmichael came out of the door like a battering ram.”

  It took us all of a minute and a half to get back to the house.

  When we arrived, it was to find Carmichael on the ground with the man’s face locked between her thighs.

  “Ma’am!” I heard one of the officers call as we ran up.

  I didn’t feel the pain from my gunshot wound as I came to a sudden, abrupt halt.

  Because there, before our eyes, was Carmichael. And she was squeezing the absolute hell out of Alfie’s head with her thighs and punching him in the face to boot.

  I wondered if she even realized she was doing it.

  “…Alfie!” I heard Camryn say.

  That’s when the man stopped struggling.

  Finally, Carmichael let go.

  But not because there were now four cops, her brother, who was also a cop, and me surrounding her. Instead, it was because the man on the ground that’d attacked her friend was well and truly passed the hell out.

  She stood up and backed straight into me.

  “Ummm,” I heard someone say. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever seen. Did anyone happen to video that?”

  “I did!” I heard a voice say from the porch.

  I looked over to see Raleigh leaning through the railing that surrounded Carmichael’s porch. She had her phone out from between the railing slats, and she waved through another set. “Everyone say hi!”

  Carmichael covered her face with her hands and then went a step further by turning her face into my chest.

  “Raleigh!” I bellowed. “What the fuck happened to your nose? Are you okay?” I found myself asking.

  She stood up and gestured to her bleeding nose.

  “It’ll stop,” she assured me. “It’s always like this. You do remember that Ezra dropped a box of condoms on my face and got the same results. Seriously, it doesn’t take much.”

  It didn’t.

  Sadly, my sister was the most accident-prone person I’d ever met.

  She’d had multiple broken bones in her life. Stitches. Scrapes. Bruises. You name it, my sister had it.

  “You might want to change, then,” I suggested. “Carmichael probably has something you can change into. Ezra will likely hear about this and be right over.”

  Speaking of her husband, I heard an engine roar from a block away, and knew that was likely him.

  She hurried inside without a backward glance, leaving Camryn staring on from the porch, and the rest of us standing around the unconscious man.

  “What happened?” one of the latecomer cops asked.

  “This dumbass came up from beside the house, attacked her, and then they struggled. Carmichael came out of the house like sh
e was on speed and tackled him right over the porch railing. They hit with her on top, then they struggled. Eventually she won the struggle and got him into that headlock where she proceeded to squeeze the holy hell out of him,” another cop added in.

  “I remember her doing that to a watermelon last year. It was all over Facebook. He’s lucky that that didn’t happen,” someone else added.

  Ezra’s truck pulled up just as Alfie started to come to life on the ground.

  “His prints were confirmed,” Flint said as he walked over to a groaning Alfie and flipped him over onto his front. Seconds later he had him cuffed using one of the officer’s set of cuffs.

  “Sit up, motherfucker,” Flint ordered.

  Alfie did, swaying slightly.

  His eyes focused on the two of us, and he narrowed them dangerously.

  “You won’t get near them,” Flint promised. “The gig is up. Tell me what the fuck you’re doing here and why you’re shooting men in the street, and breaking into women’s houses.”

  Alfie’s lips tightened into a firm line, making it obvious that he wasn’t going to talk.

  “You know,” Ezra said as he walked up. “If I didn’t know better, I would think that you have a death wish.” Alfie’s face blanched. “I told you when you ran into my wife at the cafeteria and then harangued her about Carmichael’s dating status. I told you to leave her the fuck alone. I also told you that you wouldn’t like it if I had to tell you a second time.”

  “Ummm,” Raleigh said as she came out onto the porch in a white t-shirt that looked to be mine. “I might add that he didn’t actually leave me alone then either. He’s been really annoying lately about me setting him up on a date with Carmichael.”

  “We’re together,” Carmichael said as she pointed at me. “You knew that.”

  “Actually,” Camryn added her two cents from the porch. “Nobody’s really seen you since all of it happened. The only people that know that you’re seeing him are us. You’ve been out since then.”

  Carmichael scrunched up her nose. “You’re right.”

  “Doesn’t mean that it gives him permission to harass ladies. Break into houses. Oh, and shoot people,” Flint barked. “Alfie, you have the right to remain silent…”

  • • •

  Flint walked in the door two hours later to cold pizza and a sleeping wife.

  She was laid out on the couch next to Carmichael. I, on the other hand, was laid out on the loveseat with my feet hanging over the edge.

  Upon seeing him, I slowly sat up, giving him a place to land.

  He sat down carefully, grabbing a piece of pizza—meat lover’s which happened to be the only kind that was left—and shoved his face full of food.

  It was only after he polished off his third piece that he said, “We got fuckin’ nothin. The good thing is, he isn’t going anywhere thanks to the prints. We got him for attempted murder, breaking and entering, robbery, and assault. Bitch is screwed. Just wish we had the motive.”

  “You should pressure that boy that tried to steal her computer,” Camryn said with a yawn. “Didn’t he say that he was put up to it by someone? He could confirm whether that was Alfie or not, right?”

  “Right,” Flint said. “And we did. Pulled the boy in, got the agreement that it was indeed him, but that’s it. We can’t move past this point until more information arises.”

  “What about your cases that you’re working, Croft?” Raleigh asked. “Anything there that we could go on?”

  “I’ve actually been thinking about that,” I admitted. “The only one that would’ve caused a red flag to go up was closed a few weeks ago. The guy plea bargained out. Case over.”

  “Hmm.” Camryn sat up and reached for yet another piece of pizza. “This is a conundrum.”

  “Where are you putting that?” Carmichael asked. “You’ve literally eaten seven pieces now, and I swear to God, you’re going to pop here in a second.”

  “One day, when you’re finally pregnant with Croft’s love child, you’ll understand,” Raleigh teased. “I’d just like to point out, though, that Croft is against girls. He thinks that they’re a waste of space.”

  I turned to look at my sister. “I said that you were a waste of space. I would never say that about my own kid.” I paused, turning my gaze to Carmichael. “And I definitely see the good in having Carmichael around. Camryn’s not too bad, either, now that she’s hooked up with Flint.”

  “I’m not a waste of space!” Raleigh leaned forward and poked me. Right in the bad shoulder.

  I hadn’t been expecting it, so I hadn’t thought to brace myself.

  So my eyes watered when she did it.

  “Hey!” Carmichael threw her empty bottle at Raleigh’s head.

  And Raleigh, being Raleigh, didn’t catch it. It slipped through her hands and knocked her right in the nose. The same nose that’d been hurt earlier when Alfie the dick tried to do whatever it was he was trying to do.

  “Owwww!” she cried. “Owwww!”

  Carmichael leaned back into my body and said, “Sorry. I really honestly thought you would catch it.”

  Raleigh gave her the middle finger.

  “I just hope you know, I bled all over your keyboard earlier, and now I’m going to bleed all over your couch.” Raleigh groaned nasally.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked as I picked up a stray pepperoni out of the pizza box and put it into my mouth.

  “I was using the computer that you gave Carmichael. Luckily, I was able to hack into it based on all of your old passwords. I had to submit a giveaway to win a four-day cruise around Alaska.” She paused. “I bled all over the keys. Completely forgot about it until now.”

  “Where is it?” I asked curiously.

  I hadn’t seen the computer anywhere.

  She pursed her lips and got up, walking out onto the front porch.

  “Well…” She hesitated. “Maybe one of y’all picked it up? It was on the porch. I hate to admit this, but I dropped it. It probably doesn’t work anymore.”

  All of us got up to look for it except Camryn, who was complaining about how full she was.

  “I don’t see it,” I finally said. “Let me search for it using the app I have with work.”

  I pulled out the app and searched for the computer.

  Honestly, I was surprised that I still had it, seeing as I didn’t use the computer anymore. All the information on it, other than a few personal items, had been wiped.

  “That doesn’t look like it’s here.”

  I looked at the blinking dot on my app.

  “Nope, it sure doesn’t.”

  CHAPTER 16

  You’re my favorite thing to do.

  -Coffee Cup

  CROFT

  “The address is listed as a rental property. Owners are in Hawaii for the month.” Flint paused. “They said that they rented it out to a young woman that’s a lawyer.”

  Carmichael started to laugh.

  “It’s fuckin’ Karen, isn’t it?” she chortled. “Oh, God. That would make this just perfect. You’ve been working with her for freakin’ months now. And she stole your computer. How did she even get here to do that? Nobody saw her.”

  We all looked at her.

  “How do you know it’s Karen?” I asked curiously.

  “Who else could it be?” Carmichael asked.

  She did have a point.

  “Well, let’s go,” I said to Flint.

  Flint gestured to the door. “Let’s go.”

  Carmichael stood, too, and I shook my head. “No.”

  “Why not?” she asked. “I won’t get out!”

  “Because you’re not trained for this?” I suggested.

  “Trained for what? Dealing with hos?” she countered. “Let me point out here that you’re shot. You can’t even run right now.”

  “I could if my life depended on it,” I hedged.

  It would hurt, but I’d do it.

  “Maybe you should stay here, too,”
Flint suggested.

  I sighed. “I’ll stay. But you’ll take backup?”

  “Call your cop buddies,” Carmichael suggested. “Someone that can protect your ugly mug.”

  Flint rolled his eyes and left, leaving us all to sit there and wait for news on who it actually was that had stolen the computer.

  And why.

  Because that was what I was more interested in.

  Even if someone did have the computer, it would take a lot for them to get into it.

  I had a feeling that was why Alfie had been there—or attacked, so to speak. He’d seen Raleigh with the computer and had wanted it. He’d fought for it, thinking my sister would be easy pickings. Only, Raleigh had grown up with Gavin and I beating on her for fun.

  Then, later, when Gavin wasn’t there, we’d taken our frustration out on each other. Not always in the form of fists, but sometimes it was. Not that I’d ever hurt her or anything, but I definitely didn’t allow her to be a little bitch.

  “Now that the loser is gone,” Carmichael stood up and walked to the kitchen, coming back with individual pints of Blue Bell ice cream. “Let’s have dessert.”

  Camryn started to snicker. “He loves Blue Bell.”

  “I know,” she said. “I just don’t like it when he loves my Blue Bell. He’s a Blue Bell hog. And I’ll share one with each of you, but no more than that.”

  She handed me a pint of vanilla ice cream, and even though I shouldn’t, I did anyway.

  It was the best thing I’d had all day.

  Until later that night, that was.

  CHAPTER 17

  Every time you yawn, a ghost puts his dick in your mouth.

  -Text from Carmichael to Flint

  CARMICHAEL

  “What did he say?” Raleigh asked as they were walking out the door later that evening.

  “He said that they picked the computer up, but Karen was nowhere to be seen. Even though it was, indeed, her residence. They have an APB out for her arrest, and the order to bring her in if she’s found. Until then, they’re working on what they can,” Croft answered as he walked slowly to the door.

 

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