But then she remembered that the moments like these were the ones that Sawyer would lose. He wouldn’t have them to carry him through. They would disappear, one by one, like dandelion seeds scattered on the wind.
She suddenly tightened her grip on his hand so hard that he glanced in her direction with a concerned frown. But she didn’t want to steal the moment from him, this time when he could be at ease with his friends. So she smiled, making every effort to imbue her face with warmth. He smiled back, even offered a wink, and her heart fluttered as he turned his attention back to Gavin.
She watched him for what must have been two whole minutes before she looked away and caught Erin staring at her. She tried smiling, and Erin offered one in return, though it didn’t quite meet her eyes.
Rory had the feeling that Erin knew exactly what she was thinking.
If Sawyer had Alzheimer’s, then how many more moments like these did he have left?
* * *
SAWYER HADN’T KNOWN how to react when his mom came to the garage to tell him Connor was here to see him. The last thing he’d expected that morning was for Connor Callahan to knock on the door. Sawyer had experienced a moment’s uneasiness as he put down the paint roller and wiped his hands on a rag. Had Connor come to tell him he didn’t want him near his sister anymore, given the media attention of his family’s situation?
If he had, Sawyer wasn’t going to argue with him. He had a right to protect his sister, and allowing her to continue in a relationship with a potentially dying man wasn’t exactly a brotherly move.
Sawyer finished cleaning his hands on the rag and tossed it onto the workbench before heading through the garage door that led into the main house. He found Connor in the kitchen, discussing the merits of Wüsthof knives with his mom.
They both looked up as Sawyer entered the room.
“Hey,” Connor greeted him.
Sawyer gave a brief nod in greeting.
“It’s a lovely day outside,” his mom said. “Why don’t the two of you go out on the porch?”
Bless his mom for trying to give them some privacy. He gestured toward the back door, and Connor preceded him. Neither one spoke until they were outside. Connor took a seat in one of the lawn chairs, but Sawyer was too restless and chose to stand.
“I wonder how the girls are getting on,” Connor began.
This innocent remark only threw Sawyer more. Harper and her bridesmaids were away for the day in Annapolis for Harper’s bridal shower. He’d made plans to see Rory the following afternoon, after they returned to town.
“I’m sure they’re enjoying themselves,” Sawyer offered, feeling awkward. What was Connor doing here? If he’d come to tell Sawyer to back off, he just wished he’d speak up and get it over with. No need for small talk. He’d rather hear it straight out.
“Did Rory tell you they’re taking Harper to some sort of mystery dinner theater? Apparently it’s been on her bucket list for years.”
“Hmm.” It was the most Sawyer could muster by way of reply. Rory had told him about the outing, but he hadn’t asked many questions. He’d been too deep in the mire of his own thoughts, as he recalled.
Connor seemed to finally sense his uneasiness. He leaned back in his chair and tapped his fingers on the armrest.
“Hard to believe I’m getting married in a couple of days.”
Sawyer perked up at this. “You’re not nervous, are you?”
Connor shook his head. “Not a bit. I can’t wait to make Harper my wife. With the restaurant’s success, we’ve had to postpone our wedding plans too often. I am nothing but ready to marry her.”
“She’s a good woman.”
Connor agreed. “That she is. Keeps me on my toes.” He grinned. “Plus, Molly adores her.”
Sawyer didn’t know what else to say. It was obvious Connor was head over heels in love with his bride. Like so many things these days, seeing his friends’ happiness only served to punctuate his own unhappiness. How had his life unraveled so quickly? He’d had a plan. Come back to town, win Rory’s heart and get back to Nashville with the promise of her joining him at some point...as his wife. Now, he could barely sort out what to do when he returned...and his heart was twisted with indecision on whether he should be subjecting Rory to his problems. He suddenly couldn’t stand it anymore. If Connor had come here to tell him to break things off with Rory, then so be it.
“You can just say it, you know.”
The other man looked surprised. “Say what?”
Sawyer sighed. “I won’t hold it against you if you’ve come to tell me to leave Rory alone.”
Connor straightened, his expression startled. “What?”
Sawyer hesitated. “That’s not why you’re here?”
Connor looked appalled. “Not at all. Why would you think that?”
Sawyer ran a hand through his hair and took the seat next to Connor’s. “But don’t you know? About the Alzheimer’s?”
Connor’s expression softened. “Aye. I know.”
“Then... I assumed you came to tell me to cut Rory loose, to let her live a life without a man who’s a burden to her.”
Connor looked out over the backyard. “She chose you, Sawyer. Who am I to get in the way of that?”
Sawyer was both touched and grieved by the statement. Yes, she had chosen him. But she had made that choice before she knew what she might be in for.
“I just thought, after the way I left her before, that you’d see this as another black mark.”
Connor’s gaze was pitying. “You didn’t bring this on yourself, Sawyer. This isn’t your doing. And besides, from what I understand, you don’t even know if this is something you’ll be facing in the future.”
“No,” Sawyer said, “but the odds aren’t exactly in my favor.”
“They weren’t in your favor for becoming some big music star, and yet you’ve managed that, haven’t you?”
A corner of Sawyer’s lips twitched. “I suppose that’s true.”
The two men were silent for a moment.
“Listen, I’ll be straight with you. Am I concerned about my sister? All the time. But she’s a smart woman, and I trust that she knows enough about herself and what she wants to decide who she loves. And she loves you. For better or for worse.”
Connor’s use of marriage vows startled him. Better or worse. Sickness and health.
“I do love her, Connor. I promise you that.”
“I know. I mean, I was pretty well certain until yesterday, when I saw you with her at the Moontide, and then I knew for sure.”
Sawyer was surprised that Connor had been watching them. He hadn’t noticed. He wondered exactly what Rory’s brother had seen to make him so certain Sawyer loved his sister. They hadn’t wandered very far from each other’s sides during the party. And he’d held onto her hand for much of the time. It was as if she was his anchor, holding him level, while the future was a clawing monster threatening to drag him under.
“So, if you didn’t come here to tell me to back off,” Sawyer said, “do you mind my asking what you’re doing here?”
Connor blew out a breath. “Can’t two mates just get together for some bonding time now and again?”
Sawyer arched an eyebrow, and Connor laughed.
“Okay, so I do have another reason for coming.” He breathed in a deep breath. “I wanted to ask if you’d stand up with me, at my wedding, along with Gavin, Weston and Rafael.”
Sawyer’s jaw dropped. Of all the things he thought Connor might say, this was at the very bottom of the list.
“You want me to be one of your groomsmen?”
“Yeah. I do. I had an old friend lined up, a mate from my culinary school days. But he backed out. Can’t get away from his restaurant. Harper and I were going to just double up the bride
smaids—place Rory and Erin with Gavin, but then I realized...you should be up there with us.”
Sawyer was touched, though not entirely understanding. “I’m honored, Connor. Seriously, I am. But...why?”
“Because you’re family,” Connor responded. “You were family before, and I figure that you and Rory will be making it official at some point. You’ll be my brother, even more so than you’ve been in the past. And I want you standing there with us when Harper and I take our vows.”
Sawyer was overwhelmed by Connor’s generosity in asking him to be part of his wedding. Even more than that, by entrusting him with Rory.
“So what do you say?” Connor prompted. “Will you stand up with me?”
“I’d be honored,” Sawyer responded. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”
Connor gave a short nod. “Then since you’re officially a part of the wedding party, I hope that means you’ll come out with us for my stag night tonight. I’m not sure what all the lads have planned, but Gavin’s in charge so it should be a good time.”
“I wouldn’t miss it. Thanks.”
Connor stood. “Well, now that’s sorted, I’d better be getting back to the restaurant. I’ve got a lot to do before Harper and I head off on our honeymoon.”
“Of course. I imagine you’re pretty busy.” He rose to walk Connor out.
“Yeah, but the way the restaurant’s been the last couple of years, that’s always the case.”
Connor waved to Sawyer’s mom as they headed back through the house and to the front door. When they reached it, Sawyer paused.
“Connor, I just have to say...thanks.”
“Nothing to thank me for. You make Rory happy. Other than the last two years, you always have. I know you always will.” Connor reached for the door handle. “See you at the stag party tonight. I’ll have Gavin text the details.”
“See you then.”
* * *
“YOU HAVE GOT to be kidding me.”
It didn’t matter what Harper said, the expression on her face told Rory everything she needed to know. Harper was thrilled with her bachelorette party.
“Seriously? We’re seriously doing this?”
“You said it’s something you always wanted to try,” Tessa reminded her.
Harper squealed with delight and extended her arms to try and encompass all of her bridesmaids into a group hug.
“Best bachelorette party ever!” she declared.
Rory laughed and snuck a glance at Paige’s face. Though the mystery dinner theater hadn’t been Paige’s idea, the three of them had finally managed to bring her around.
“We decided that with your restaurant background, you might enjoy this particular scenario,” Paige added, speaking as if she’d been on board since the beginning.
“I love it,” Harper enthused. “I love it!”
Erin had been the one to find the program after Tessa had brought up Harper’s longtime wish to attend a mystery dinner theater. Paige had taken care of securing a reservation at the Cena Mortem Theater in Annapolis, though they’d kept Harper in the dark as to their destination until they arrived. Now, seeing her reaction, Rory would say they’d chosen well.
The dinner theater storyline included a food theme, which they’d all agreed was something Harper would enjoy. The mystery’s plot concerned an up-and-coming television chef who was performing the first taping for his new cooking show. But when the chef is poisoned during a taste testing, it’s up to the audience to determine who killed him.
Harper really got into the story. She, along with several other audience members, asked pertinent questions, took notes and composed theories on who the murderer could be. Rory had to admit, the entire thing was great fun. Not only was it entertaining, but the food was also excellent.
It was so much fun that she couldn’t help wishing Sawyer was there to experience it with her. She thought that maybe this would be a fun date for them sometime, an opportunity for him to indulge in a fantasy world and forget the grief that weighed on him in real life. Her introspection must have been evident because Erin leaned over and whispered in her ear, “It’s okay to let yourself enjoy this. You don’t have to feel guilty. Sawyer would want you to have a nice time.”
And that was it, she realized. She felt guilty. She didn’t feel she had a right to a moment’s reprieve when Sawyer was struggling. She knew that wasn’t logical, but she couldn’t help it. More than anything, she wanted Sawyer to be all right. She wanted to find some way to ease his worry. But there was nothing she could do. She wondered if he’d changed his mind on having the DNA test done. They hadn’t discussed it. In fact, they’d avoided all references to Alzheimer’s in their recent conversations.
“She’s been stabbed!”
Rory nibbled on her thumbnail as she turned her attention back to the theater. The actors performing the scene were gathered around the “dead” body of the producer, adding another murder to the plot.
Suddenly she ached to see Sawyer. She needed him to know how much she loved him, that she would stand by him no matter what.
It was then that she realized she’d made her decision a long time ago. No matter what happened, she wanted to be a part of Sawyer’s life, and him of hers. Whether he had Alzheimer’s or not, she wanted them to face the future together.
She suddenly couldn’t wait. She had to tell him how she felt. Perhaps he’d begun to doubt her, to doubt himself. Maybe his recent turning into himself was to protect her, as well as him. In any case, it didn’t matter.
This was her strength, she suddenly realized. Even if Sawyer had once given up on them, she had still loved him. Though she’d tried to hate him and made every effort to harden her heart, she had loved him through it all. When he’d come back, at first she thought she had to protect herself, to erect a wall that he could not climb. And then, just when he’d found his way through to her heart once more, he’d learned about his dad’s diagnosis and his possible future as an Alzheimer’s victim.
Once she stripped away her doubts, she could see the truth for what it was. She loved him. She always had, and she always would. She had conquered her heartache and was stronger because of it. Maybe Sawyer didn’t recognize the strength she possessed, but she did.
Alzheimer’s or not, she was with him. If that wasn’t what he wanted, so be it. But as long as he needed her, loved her, she’d be there for him.
The revelation came so forcefully that she rose to her feet. Fortunately, almost everyone was absorbed in the show and didn’t notice. Erin, however, shot a glance in her direction, her expression questioning.
She leaned down. “I’m fine. I just have to make a phone call.”
Her friend’s brow furrowed, but she didn’t ask for details. She merely nodded and gave a little shooing motion with her hand. Rory didn’t need to be told again. She slipped from the room just as they were starting to name the possible suspects.
* * *
SAWYER HAD TO ADMIT, he was having a great time. Gavin’s idea of a paintball-war bachelor party was great. It was the most fun he’d had in ages. He and Gavin were already several points ahead of the other guys, but no one was worried about keeping score. They were way too focused on seeing how many times they could pop each other with the paint pellets to keep a close tally.
Connor, as the groom, had become their main target. He wore multiple splatters on his vest, but no one was cutting him from the game.
Sawyer was taking a momentary breather, hunkered down behind a shelter of stacked steel barrels, when his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and checked the caller ID, a smile playing around his lips as Rory’s face appeared on the screen.
“Hey,” he answered. “Shouldn’t you be in the thick of murder plots right now?”
Her reply stunned him.
“I lo
ve you.”
“What?”
“I love you,” she repeated, her accent slightly pronounced, probably due to the rise in emotion in her voice. “I can’t remember if I’ve said it since you came back. I was afraid to, at first. It felt like it would give you too much power over me, but I realized I don’t want to hold it back anymore. So I had to tell you right away. I love you.”
The words were an arrow, directed straight at his heart. “I love you, too,” he declared. “I never stopped.”
“Neither did I. I just...buried it, for a while.”
They were silent for a few seconds. Sawyer could hear the other guys laughing and hollering some distance away. He ignored them.
“I know you’re scared.”
Her words were so soft that he pressed the phone closer to his ear.
“I’m not scared,” he argued, but he knew it was a lie.
“Yes, you are. You’re afraid that your life is over. But Sawyer, you don’t know how much time you have left. None of us knows that. How is this any different?”
He felt a touch of irritation at her question. “Because I know how things will play out if this happens.”
“You don’t.”
“I do. What happens if I start to forget things? What do I do if I can’t remember who you are anymore?”
There was a pause on the other end. That short gap confirmed Sawyer’s fears. He wanted Rory to be able to tell him he was being ridiculous, but he knew he wasn’t.
“Sawyer, you’re borrowing trouble. We don’t know you’re going to get Alzheimer’s.”
“We don’t know that I won’t. Is that really what you want? To watch me forget you, forget me, forget all the things that make life worth living?”
“I love you,” she stubbornly declared. “No one said we get everything we want when we choose to love someone.”
“But if you have that choice, Rory, are you sure you want it to be me?”
“Maybe I don’t have a choice. Maybe I can’t help loving you. Maybe I never could.”
A Song for Rory Page 17