by Swann, Lara
“I’m sorry…no, it’s not going to work. I can’t do that.”
“What?”
She pushed at me, but she was completely ineffectual against my weight and size, and I couldn’t gather my wits enough to move.
“Bella?”
My mouth reached down to nuzzle at her, but she ducked her head and pushed at my shoulder again, until I finally got the message to shift off her. She didn’t meet my eyes as I lay next to her, body on fire, wondering what on earth had just happened. I reached out to her but paused as she moved back. Something within me ached to see it, and I found myself unable to push where I was clearly not wanted.
She took a deep breath, as if only just coming out of some confused daze, before finally meeting my eyes again. The sadness there made my heart clench.
“I’m sorry Seth…I can’t do that. I…it’s not that simple for me.”
I just looked at her.
Of course it isn’t…
She could sense my disbelieving outrage. The blood was pumping hard in my veins and it was all the self-control I had to lie here and look at her, not explode all over the room. Need and determination surged through me with something akin to adrenaline, and I needed to be up, active, using it. Not lying here listening to a ridiculous, rich girl talk herself out of the fiery passion that had felt impossible to stop.
Her features twisted at whatever she saw on my face, anger flaring for a moment behind the lost, sad look on her face.
“I mean - fucking to say goodbye? That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. Talk about opening a can of worms.”
As I looked at her, untold emotions coiling within me, I considered that maybe she had a point. Maybe. But only because she was an uptight ass who couldn’t just let loose and have fun. Had to write meaning into everything.
I felt myself closing off as I dragged my wild feelings back from a dangerous precipice.
“Fuck.”
“I’m your step-sister, Seth. What the hell were we thinking?!”
Now that she’d stepped past the raging lust, she seemed to be working her way up to what she no doubt thought was the right expression to have in this situation.
I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.
“Okay. Fucking bad idea. You’re not interested in screwing around. Got it.”
I pulled myself out of the bed, disappearing into the bathroom before she could say another word. Once there, my calm dissolved and I let my breath out slowly as my head tilted against the closed door.
Fuck. Shit. God-damn fucking shit.
My cock - idiot that it was - still held most of the blood reserved for my brain, and I found my hands clenching with the need to find something to rip and tear to pieces. Anything to get the hot desire out of my veins. Even the adrenaline highs had never been this bad - and at least I knew how to work those off. I idly wondered what Bella would say if I decided to go for a 10 mile run right about now…
But I’d promised not to leave her.
The infuriating, stuck-up girl who had wormed herself under my skin and got so damned stuck there I was still feeling the effects.
Well, fuck this plan to hell.
I ignored the conflicting mess of emotions and decided I was never going to work them out tonight. Instead, I took a few deep breaths and gave myself some weak attempt at relief, letting my internal compass flick between inordinate cursing and acceptance until I felt calm enough to emerge.
When I did, the light was off and I could see Bella’s outline under the covers to one side of the bed through the streetlight coming through the blinds. I paused for one moment, seriously considering taking the floor for the first time, but pushed the notion away. I wasn’t going to sacrifice myself for the girl who’d just exploded at me for trying to give her something she desperately wanted.
Taking the other side of the bed, I turned away from her and pillowed my head on an arm, unable to help noticing her warmth and the soft impression she left in the bed, only moments away from me. Every sense was still on fire, attuned to her in a way that kept my body coiled tight. I didn’t even have words for the unexpected desolation I felt like this, my back turned to her as we firmly ignored each other.
I thought back to the endless freezing cold nights of BUD/S, the tense, controlled terror of nights crawling through pitch-black tunnels on deployment. That had been worse than this. It had to be. But as my ears strained for the lightest sound of her light breathing, my body tensed in anticipation of her slightest movement, I couldn’t bring myself to believe it.
Eventually, her breathing evened out and it was just me staring into the clinical white light from behind the blinds.
With a deep sigh, I settled myself down for a long, sleepless night.
Chapter Ten
Bella
I let myself in with a barely contained sigh, the mid-morning sun glinting from the windows framing the front part of the house and making it look more friendly than it felt this morning. My cheek was throbbing and I had a headache from the night spent tossing and turning, as well as the early start.
And worst of all, I could still feel his hands on me…his mouth teasing me…the ferocious look in his eyes as he’d made me feel like the only person in the world. My body was practically quivering from the memory of it, betraying me again and again as I replayed his kiss, that deep penetration to my very core.
Every few minutes had me cursing myself for stopping him - but it had been the right thing. I couldn’t have continued. Couldn’t have let myself get sucked into that divine vortex where nothing else existed. I wouldn’t have come out again - maybe he could use a one night stand to bury the past, but for me, it had cracked open something I spent so long sealing shut. Something I was afraid had splintered just from his touch.
Fuck.
The drive back had been one of the more awkward experiences of my life - both of us sat silently, trying to pretend the music adequately filled the thick air. So much for this trip improving our relationship. If I never saw him again, it would probably be too soon. I wasn’t sure I even could, with the heat still burning between us—
“Annabelle!”
My father’s sharp voice had me pausing on the second step.
Please not now.
I turned with an apologetic expression as he marched down the long hallway.
“Hey dad. I’m sorry about—”
“Where were you?!”
His voice came out clipped and angry, and I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves.
“Seth and I went on a road trip - we meant to be back—”
“Without telling anyone where you were going?”
“I left a note—”
“With no information.”
I couldn’t work out whether I felt annoyed or uneasy at his aggressive questioning. He didn’t usually get riled up like this. Then again, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done something to concern him.
“We got caught in traffic, dad, I’m sorry.”
“And didn’t think call to let us know? We were up all night wondering whether to call the police, but without knowing where you were, there was nothing we could say!”
Guilt stabbed through me as I suddenly realized I hadn’t even considered calling him. After the mugging, talking to my father had been the last thing I would’ve wanted to do, and then when we gave up for the night…well, then there were even more distractions. I think I vaguely recalled noticing my phone was out of battery and I didn’t have a charger with me, but that was as far as my thoughts had gone. Heat flushed my cheeks as I looked at the mixture of anger and concern on his face.
“I’m sorry, dad - really. I…didn’t think about that.”
“I’ve never known you to be so inconsiderate, Annabelle.”
The desolation I’d returned with deepened as shame hit me. I never disappointed my father, and I honestly couldn’t believe how absent minded I’d been yesterday. The whole thing was a disaster.
“I—”
“What happened to your cheek?”
His anger had started shifting towards concern, but there was an accusatory tone in his voice as he frowned and stepped forward to try and tilt my head into the light. I jerked back, cursing myself for not being able to cover it properly. I thought about lying about it - then the fact I was considering renewed my feeling of shame. I wasn’t one of those girls - I didn’t go out places and lie to my father about where I’d been or what I’d done. Instead, I bit my lip, and couldn’t quite meet his eye.
“It’s fine. We…I was mugged - but it’s fine. Nothing happened, Seth scared the guy off and got our stuff back.”
The memory of that made my body heat again - the intense emotions coupled with Seth’s arms around me, the fiercely controlled look in his eyes as he dealt with it with a competence that had shocked me, making me feel safe and protected in a way I’d never known.
I shook my head to get the images out of my mind as my father just stared at me. For once, he might have been speechless. For a moment.
“Just where were you, Annabelle?!”
My flush deepened and I found myself growing annoyed with the whole conversation - I really didn’t want to give my father a list of my mistakes. I wanted to find the safety of my room, collapse on my bed, and give up on the world. Why couldn’t he just let me do that?
“We went to San Francisco.”
I hated how small my voice sounded, but I honestly had nothing in me to justify the trip. His uncomfortable stare only intensified.
“What?! Why?”
I opened my mouth to reply, and then realized I had nothing I could say. I’d wanted to come back from this trip with a solid case for my plans and ideas - something to impress and convince him. Now…I had nothing. And the last thing I could do was admit any of that. Instead, I just shrugged, feeling defeated as my hopes came crashing down around me. He looked at me for a moment, as if expecting me to say more, before shaking his head with such a look of bitter disappointment my stomach sank down to my feet.
“I don’t understand you, Annabelle. I thought you were better than this complete irresponsibility - just the other day you were trying to claim you’re ready to stop studying. I think you need to spend some time considering your actions - and I don’t want you leaving again while you do so.”
The need to scream in frustration overtook me. For the first time in a long, long time I felt the urge to scream and swear at him. To storm off to my room and slam the door shut. To prove every doubt he ever had about me. My teeth were gritted hard and in horror I felt my eyes prickling with hot moisture. My hand clenched the banister tightly enough I wondered if my fingernails would gauge the fine dark wood.
Instead I took a deep breath, nodded and turned to the stairs, everything inside me quietly shattering. I thought he might stop me, add something else to wreck me completely, but he didn’t. I felt his hard eyes on me the length of the stairs, and I paused when I was finally out into the upper hallway, waiting for the relief to come. It didn’t.
I escaped into my room as I heard Cora’s inquiring voice below, the small part of me still feeling anything glad that she hadn’t been around for that altercation. I drew the curtains closed, shutting out the cheery morning sun, and tucked myself up under the covers. It was childish, but I didn’t care.
Not leaving sounded just fine by me. If I never left this room again it would be too soon.
I let the twisted, confused turmoil of it all take me and finally gave into the tears threatening my eyes. This time, there was no one to catch me as I fell.
Chapter Eleven
Bella
“Babe, seriously - time to stop moping.”
I glared across at Kaylee’s easy smile as she gave me a light thump on the shoulder, already regretting allowing myself to be dragged from the nice den of self-pity I’d built up. The sun seemed too bright, the day too cheerful for my mood. And Kaylee wasn’t helping.
“C’mon, rage, yell, curse, scream - we can do whatever you like. There’s not even anyone around to hear it. But for god’s sake, stop being so damned tedious.”
I felt like yelling at her, but I clamped down on it.
Why had I thought it would be good to invite her around?
Except I hadn’t exactly invited her round. She’d called and announced it was time to get me out of my funk. I’d only been in it for a couple of days, but that was too long for her lively schedule. Apparently she wanted to do things this summer. Not that I could do anything right now anyway - I was confined to the house. Or rather, it’s extensive property. But still, at twenty-one, that smarted.
“You’re meant to be my friend, Kay.”
I grumbled at her ineffectually.
“This is being your friend.”
I flopped back on the grass and closed my eyes - our usual haunt next to the pool forsaken as apparently staring blindly into endless sparkling waters wasn’t good for me at the moment.
“I’ve been mugged before, you know.”
She continued in her easy, chattering tone, the topic waking the emotions that had gone to ground within me, even as her singsong voice made me feel like sleeping under the warm sun. I’d done a lot of sleeping the last couple of days.
“And I didn’t have a hot Navy SEAL to save me either - had to do it the hard way, dragging my ass to a police station, filing reports, claims…ugh, the tedium might have been worse than the attack, actually. Think the guy was on something too, didn’t really have a clue what he was doing…was lucky he wasn’t interested in more, come to think of it.”
I could hardly believe she was talking about something like that so casually, but my mouth quirked anyway as I thought about how that situation had probably gone down. One eye opened to take in her profile.
“And then I bet your father bought you replacements for anything you lost, right?”
She grinned lazily at me.
“Yeah - took me out for ice cream, too.”
The image of Seth and I battling over ice cream flickered across my mind, and I almost groaned.
Why the hell couldn’t he leave me alone?!
Mentally, that was. Physically, I hadn’t seen him since that night. He hadn’t come to dinner, and I’d hated him all the more for getting that option. Or taking it, anyway. Our parents had murmured disapprovingly, but he wasn’t the kind of guy to care.
“So, you know, it happens. And yeah it takes some time to get over, but you do that by ignoring the fear. Otherwise they’ve won.”
It was a bundle of mixed metaphors, and Kaylee was really missing the point. It wasn’t the mugging that had upset me. Of course, I hadn’t said a word about that awkward night, so it wasn’t very fair to blame her for getting it wrong. But I wasn’t in the mood to be fair, either.
“I’m not scared, Kay. I’m…”
I had no clue what I was. Nothing good. I was lost. Confused, with no idea where to go from here. But, interestingly, her immediate assumption was afraid. I guessed maybe that was common after a mugging, but Seth had so thoroughly overwhelmed any of those feelings that I couldn’t even imagine it. I supposed I should be grateful for that, but I was done feeling what I was supposed to.
“Still smarting over the whole thing with your father?”
Kaylee’s guess was still off, but closer. I groaned, not wanting to bring up that picture again.
“Fuck, Kay. Do we have to do this?! You honestly think going through all the reasons I feel crappy is going to help?”
Her glance turned amused and I shook my head. This wasn’t what I needed, even if there was something comforting in her familiar attitude.
“You’re right, babe, sorry. Next idea - time to break open the pool bar!”
I looked at her dubiously as she jumped up, shading my eyes with my hand as I tried to gauge the time. It couldn’t be more than mid-afternoon.
“At this time?!”
“C’mon, Bella. Getting flat out drunk will do wonders for your perspective, I pr
omise.”
“And the crushing hangover the next day?”
“That also does wonders for perspective. Nothing looks quite so important when you’re off your face - or quite so bad when compared to the day after.”
Her enthusiastic voice spoke of great experience with this. That really shouldn’t be a convincing argument, but for once completely losing my senses seemed like a good idea.
I needed something to get the taste of Seth’s heady male scent off my lips, to get the feel of his arms around me off my back, and to forget about him entirely. If I had to forget about the world to do it, so be it. I was done being miserable. Damn her for being right.
“Alright. I’m in.”
I forced myself up, and for the first time in two days, gave a small smile. What was it about Kaylee that always did this to me?
She didn’t give me a chance to change my mind, catching my hand and dragging me back to the pool area.
After stocking up on more than I thought we could possibly consume in a week, let alone an afternoon, she tugged me in the other direction again.
“Let’s head down to the beach - it’s a perfect day to lie by the sea and bum around.”
Chapter Twelve
Seth
When I finally slowed, my breath was coming sharp and fast, blood pounding hard through my body. I reveled in the hard beat of it, the way it almost drowned out other thoughts and feelings. The night air was cooler than it had been the last few days, coming off the sea with a tang of salt, but it didn’t provide much relief from the intense 10 mile run.
Which in turn, wasn’t providing much relief from the unshakable aching need still feeling ready to explode within me. I paused where the road disappeared into private beaches, before cursing and walking on anyway, swinging my overly energetic limbs as I started cooling down. This was Terence’s land - least he could do was give me a chance to pause and watch the stormy waters.
My stomach still coiled at the thought of being back here - and of who would be oh-so-close. I’d stayed far enough away since dropping Bella back, and I had no intention to change that - I’d just wanted to run along the coast in a nicer place for once. I’d abandoned dinner and ignored the few messages my mother had left for me - right now, I wasn’t sure I could even face the wedding, let alone making nice with a ‘family’ I had no desire to be part of.