by Swann, Lara
It made me feel a little guilty, knowing that the reason I’d been around had nothing to do with her, or with becoming a family. There was only one kind of way I wanted a family with Bella, and it fucking wasn’t as her brother.
Still, it was obvious how much she’d changed, and we hadn’t really talked about it…
“I’m sure it will be fine, Mom. Look, I know where we came from and how different all this is for you. I never said, but I’m glad you finally took that advice.”
The beaming smile she gave me had me shaking my head slightly, but she was already off at a mile a minute.
“You are? Ohh Seth, you don’t know how much that means to me! I wanted to. I wanted to make everything better for us. I’m just worried—maybe I’m not doing it right?”
There was nothing I could say to help with that, and I’d pretty much given all the reassurance I felt able to.
“Why don’t you talk to Terence about it, if you’re concerned?”
“Oh no, you know guys - they don’t like to talk about things like this.”
Well, I’m sure as hell not appreciating it…
But it was more than that - my mother had always liked drama. Attention. Excitement. Even if it was everything failing and falling to pieces, it seemed to make her happier than calm and stability. It was part of the reason it was so hard to get over what she’d done to my childhood.
She must have known that a businessman like Terence, with his rich lifestyle and calm, controlled manner wouldn’t be able to provide that. I’d thought for a while that maybe she’d been beyond it - she seemed beyond the booze and crazy highs, after all. But now I couldn’t help wondering.
And I couldn’t help thinking that maybe, if it didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
It was a pretty terrible thing to think, but my mother had had her shot at happiness. A good dozen or so times.
Surely someone who would actually take it seriously deserved that chance?
I shook my head. I wanted Bella. She wanted me. Whatever our parents did, we were going to make that work.
I extracted myself from any more of my mother’s concerns - I was pretty sure if I wanted to give her the time, she could continue for another hour or so - and picked out a random ‘masculine’ beige to replace the cream. That seemed to make her happy enough and I managed to leave without getting tangled up in anything else.
When I let myself up into Bella’s room, though, it was empty.
Instead of wandering around looking for her when she could well be out, my eyes lighted on the bookshelves and I figured I’d explore some of her interests a little more.
* * *
“What are you looking at?”
Bella had come in and shut the door as I was still glancing through one of the well-used paperbacks that had been shunted to a small corner of her bookshelf.
“A regency romance novel, from the looks of it.”
She shrieked immediately, grabbing it out of my hand as her face went a quite remarkable shade of red.
“Hey! You can’t just go looking through my stuff—”
I just laughed, grabbing her and bringing her into a slow kiss that stifled the objection. Her cheeks were still flaming when I let up.
“I’m not sure why you’re so embarrassed. There wasn’t even much sex in it - that I could see, anyway. Did I miss the good bits?”
She slapped her hand against my chest, then collapsed against me in what I thought was laughter.
“You’re terrible.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“It’s just…they’re silly things. Not like the other stuff I read. I don’t even read them much…”
I raised an eyebrow, looking at the dog-eared book and she flushed again.
“Okay, maybe every so often. I told you - I always liked those fanciful true love notions.”
I laughed and kissed her gently, one hand running down her back as the other brought her head back up.
“If they put you in a certain mood, I’m not going to object, baby-Bella.”
She looked at me suspiciously, as if not convinced I wasn’t going to mock her. Seeing that, I couldn’t entirely resist.
“Of course, it does explain a lot.”
“What?”
“Military guys…uniforms…”
I kissed her as I said it and she writhed against me, some combination of amusement, arousal and embarrassment that set my pulse racing. Then again, most of what she did had that effect on me.
“Maybe. You can’t tell anyone.”
“Secret’s safe with me, babe. Just so long as you’re not expecting some knight in shining armor. I don’t do that shit.”
She flushed again, but as we moved back towards the bed - our natural motion - she gave me a speculative look and halted the advance.
“I don’t know, Seth. You wouldn’t belong on a round table, but I reckon you’ve got your own code of honor. I’ve seen how hard you fight for those you care about…how protective you are. Maybe a special kind of knight. Mine.”
For some reason the words affected me more than I’d thought they would. To so many people, I’d only ever been a bad guy out looking for trouble - and hell, I’d enjoyed my share of that. But the idea that she saw me as something more…it made me feel unexpectedly warm, and I smiled back at her, laughing at the silliness of the notion.
“Sure thing, babe. Your badass Navy SEAL knight. If that’s what gets you going.”
And from the look in her eyes, it seemed to, as I pulled her back with me onto the bed and kissed her again.
“Missed you babe.”
“It’s been a day, idiot.”
“Are you trying to say you didn’t miss me?”
She laughed and pushed at me.
“Okay, okay, maybe I did.”
She started showing me just how much, but then I interrupted with the other thing I’d wanted to ask.
“What did Kaylee want, anyway?”
Her laughter died and I sat up with concerned as she looked at me. She bit her lip, then answered.
“Well, she knew about you, of course - so she wanted all those fun details. But she also wanted me to tell my father about us. She was quite insistent about it, in fact. Seemed to think it would make a big difference whether we told them before the wedding…and time is running out for that.”
I stilled, thinking it through. That Kaylee had guessed at us was no surprise, and in truth her advice made sense - even if it might have been a little strong for Bella’s liking. I knew we had to tell them soon, I’d just wanted a little time to think about how to do it. We both had.
I nodded and took her hand again.
“She’s right, baby. We need to tell them soon - just…let’s take a day or so to get our thoughts together. Then we’ll let them know, and hope to hell everything doesn’t blow up.”
She smiled at the language, but the disturbed look in her eyes worried me, and I leaned in again to kiss her and make it better. It didn’t take too long before that started to develop into other things, before she pushed up again and cursed.
“Damn, I promised I’d meet Cora in a few minutes. She wants to go and visit the cake shop, check nothing has gone wrong. I only came up here to grab my bag - wasn’t expecting to find you sneaking around.”
I growled slightly at that.
“I wasn’t sneaking, and don’t tell me she’s dragging you into this as well? I swear the next week is going to be hell…”
Bella muttered something in agreement, but resisted my attempts to drag her back.
“Alright, alright. I’ll try again tomorrow then. I’m going to start thinking you’re getting bored of me.”
“All the time. Every moment. Definitely boredom on my mind.”
She blew a kiss, grabbed her bag and left without another word and I tried not to laugh.
It was hard to stay pissed off at my mother for getting in the way when I had such soft, sweetness to enjoy most of the time. I let mysel
f out of her room and headed back out to the truck, wondering whether there was anything useful I could be doing at base. At the least, I could see some people I guessed. Now that I wasn’t snarling at anyone and everyone, they were fairly willing to have me around.
I smiled as I twirled the keys around my fingers, feeling ridiculously happy.
My step had a lightness to it I wasn’t used to, and some stupid part of me felt like I was behaving like a silly teenager all over again. Or, since I’d never been one of those, perhaps for the first time.
Strange how some fiery eyed girl could do this to me, but for once in my life I wasn’t going to doubt and question. I was just going to take what was given to me and enjoy it.
My thoughts were cut off by the buzz of my phone and I flicked it up to see Dale on the ID. Frowning, I answered.
“What’s up, Chief?”
“It’s Ryan. He’s MIA.”
Chapter Twenty Two
Bella
I finally climbed to my feet after a lovely meal I’d eaten too much of, stretching and turning for the hall. My father and Cora were still seeing guests out, but I’d been excused from that duty and I felt more than ready for bed.
With the wedding less than a week away now, my father had wanted to have a small celebration with some of the neighbors first, which Cora had been very enthusiastic for. In truth, the evening had been pretty nice, but I couldn’t help the feeling of dread that was starting to come over me with every moment we moved closer to this wedding.
At least having Kaylee and her father here had made things easier for me - though the cheery man was looking a bit more hagged than usual, and didn’t quite have his usual humor.
I sighed.
Maybe it was just me. I probably wasn’t in the best of moods for socializing. I was feeling a half-panicked sense of urgency - that hadn’t been made any better by Kaylee’s meaningful glances all evening - and I wasn’t sure what to do. We needed to talk to my father, and soon.
But I hadn’t seen Seth for a couple of days now, after a terse message about an emergency back at base. It brought to life how these things would usually be - disappearances for months on end without explanations or end dates. But still - he wouldn’t have been deployed without letting me know, would he? The idea of him leaving for months now of all times had me jittery, but I couldn’t really believe it would be anything like that.
He loved me. He knew how important this was. He’d be back to tell my father with me soon.
“Annabelle.”
I looked up at my father’s voice, not having paid much attention as I’d moved towards the staircase. He nodded to one of the smaller drawing rooms and I followed him inside with a frown.
“Yes?”
He perched on the end of a desk in there and clasped his hands on the end of it as I stood by one of the warm leather couches.
“Kaylee mentioned I should ask you about Seth. What did you mean by that?”
Horror shot through me.
She didn’t!
She hadn’t!
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I leaned back myself now, perching on the arm of the sofa and closing my eyes, as my father’s expression sharpened.
“Annabelle?”
This was not how I wanted to do this. I wanted Seth here with me. I wanted to have an argument, a plan, a structure.
I sure as hell did not want to have this conversation now. Alone.
Some friend, bitch. How the fuck could you do this to me?!
The anger was only a momentary distraction as the dread that had been building at the thought of the wedding overcame me. I was silent for a long moment, wondering what the hell to do, and there was some stupid part of me that still wanted to deny it all - to say I didn’t have a clue what she meant, even if my expression had given me away. To run away and not have to face this.
But that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted Seth. And I was damn well going to have him.
Letting that thought, and the strength of my desire and love for him, sustain me, I straightened and looked my father in the eye. He was frowning now.
“Seth and I. We wanted to tell you earlier, but…well, I guess we didn’t—”
“Tell me what earlier?”
I cleared my throat. Stupid nerves.
“Seth and I are seeing each other. We were in school and we are—”
“What?!”
His face was complete shock, and I braced myself for the lecture, for his disappointment, dismay, all of it.
“I’m sorry, dad. I honestly…wouldn’t have chosen this. But, we love—”
“Oh no! Don’t you dare!”
His voice was hard and clipped, one hand held up to stop me as he tried to gather whatever thoughts were circling in his mind. I waited, let him find whatever he was looking for. It would do no good to rush it all out, even though my heart was beating with an anxiety I don’t think I’d ever felt.
“You can’t be serious, Bella. Is this some sort of elaborate prank? Because, I tell you, it’s not funny—”
“No, I’m serious dad. Seth and I are together. We love each other. And I really hope it doesn’t cause too much diffi—”
“Difficulty?!”
His voice was a roar now, and I stood stunned. I’d rarely heard him raise his voice - and never like this.
“Cora and I are getting married. Next week! Are you seriously telling me you want to have a relationship with your stepbrother? What kind of twisted…”
I winced at the words, at the complete disgust in his expression, but I’d expected it.
“It’s not like that. We were together in school too, and then when we saw each other again—”
“You knew we were engaged!”
“Yes, we did. But…we couldn’t…”
It felt stupid now. We couldn’t help ourselves? We couldn’t resist?
Two idiotic children with no self-control.
But it wasn’t like that.
It wasn’t!
I wished Seth were here. He could explain it much better than me.
“Well you will now. It’s less than a week until my wedding and if you have any respect for me at all, you’ll end these idiotic notions now.”
Fuck.
But that was enough to have determination shooting through me again. Who cares how this started - I wasn’t going to end it. Whatever my father thought.
“I can’t, dad - I love him. You mean the world to me, but this started before Cora and you and we’re not going to end it just because you’re getting married. We’re in love.”
He finally let me get a sentence out, but it was only because he was sitting there with blank disbelief on his face. I hated what I saw there but I met his eyes and faced it. It sucked - so much - and I didn’t want to make things difficult for his wedding. But this was my life.
Maybe Kaylee was a bitch, but she was right about that. It was my life to live - even if that meant disappointing my father with my choices.
I was expecting an outburst of some sort, but of course he didn’t do that. He was still as he looked back at me, pure incomprehension in his expression.
“I don’t understand what’s happened, Annabelle - you used to be so sensible.”
The same thing I’d feared for so long - proving to him that all those little signs that I was irrational, emotional, were true.
It suddenly seemed laughable. He could think me completely ridiculous all he liked. I was happy this way.
It hurt to lose his good opinion, but I’d been trying for so long…and I’d never really felt like I had it. Surprisingly, that made things easier.
“No, father, I used to be repressed and unhappy. The things I feel with Seth are amazing, good things - and damn it, I deserve them. He makes me feel like I can do anything in the world - and he supports the things I want to do. If I want to study forensics, I can; if I want to—”
“You’re telling me all this is because I thought throwing your life int
o a limited career path was a bad idea?!”
His incredulity increased, and I ground my teeth at the way he completely missed the point.
“Of course it isn’t damn well about that! But I’m tired of living up to expectations I can never meet. With Seth, I can just be happy.”
“And what are you going to do when he dies overseas, on some crazy mission that goes wrong?”
He snapped out at me, and I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest from the strength of my feelings and the tension between us.
“What?!”
“How can you be so stupid, Annabelle? Even forgetting the shame and scandal you’re bringing upon Cora and I, since you evidently don’t care what I think - how could you go and choose a Navy guy?”
His voice was rising and to my shock, the anger and disbelief radiated off him, his fists clenching as he glared at me.
“I thought you respected the—”
“I do. For their sacrifice - not as a damned partner for my daughter. I lost everything when your mother died - everything. I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone. Instead, you’ve chosen someone who takes pride in inviting it day in and day out?! Why would you do that to yourself? You don’t have a clue what you’re doing, girl.”
I stared at him. I’d never seen him like this, and the force of his words suddenly hit home. The scandal, the outrage, I could deal with that.
But my mother? The pain and grief that were suddenly overwhelming? I didn’t have anything to say.
In truth, his fears were reflected in my heart, but I’d decided it didn’t matter - I wasn’t going to lose Seth to fear of something that might never happen.
I was already in too deep to let go, and even if I’d had the choice all over again, I don’t think I would have changed it. I’m not sure I could have. I’d been irresistibly pulled to him.
I loved him.
With every breath and beat of my heart.
“Dad, I—”
“Forget it. You clearly don’t have the ability to think this through.”
His bitter words cut me, but the injured stance as he walked away hurt more.
The last thing I’d wanted to do was remind him of that.