What the fuck? His hackles raised as he growled at the man with bright red hair. Yet another one trying to take Ashley from him. Did they think he’d hurt her? Didn’t they understand that she was the one person he’d never hurt?
The auburn-haired brother sent him a piercing look. “Look at her. You’re hurting her right now.”
Did—did he just read his mind? It seemed like it, but Vynn couldn’t think of that right now. He turned his gaze, landing on Ian, and he growled again, just barely resisting the urge to keep going after him.
And then he turned his gaze back to Ashley and saw what the mind reader meant. Her expression was strained, eyes still full of tears, hands held out toward him like she could physically stop him if he didn’t heed her pleading.
Fuck, he didn’t want to hurt her. Never.
Huffing a breath, he tucked his tiger back inside him, standing on two feet a moment later. The brother with bright red hair tried to get her to move back as Vynn took a step forward, but she shook her head, stopping him.
“Vynn… you can’t keep this up. You can’t go after people you think wronged you. I learned that lesson and now I think it’s time you do, as well.”
“He did wrong me. He shamed me. And then he’s standing there, talking about taking you away from me. Adding insult to injury. I can’t let that go.”
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, and his heart lurched in his chest as she wiped it away with trembling fingers. “You have to let it go. You’ll never be happy if you don’t. And neither will I.”
His eyes had been straying to Ian again, but they jerked back to her at her words. “What are you talking about, Ash?”
She blew out a breath, glancing at her brothers before looking back to him. “You’re right that I need to spend time with my brothers. Get to know them. Not for revenge, but because they’re family. And my emotions are so crazy, all over the place, and I can’t get them in order here. I need a place to do that, and if they’re willing to let me come home with them, then I want to. Alone.”
“We’re willing. I’m Sam, by the way,” the man with bright red hair said.
Vynn took a step forward, panic and his tiger shredding his chest in equal measure. “You can do all that here, Ashley. You can.”
She shook her head, eyes achingly sad, the green streaked with perfectly symmetrical gray stripes. “No, I can’t. You confuse everything too much. But, more than all that, you need to decide who you really are, Vynn. You’re either the amazing man who’s been so good to me, the man I’ve been falling in love with… or you’re the arrogant son of a bitch who thinks he’s better than everyone and has a heart full of hate and revenge. You can’t be both.
“Maybe that’s hypocritical. It wasn’t long ago that I was the same way. Full of hate and revenge, I mean. At least, I thought I was. But I was fooling myself about my motives this whole time, and I think you are, too. And you need to figure it out. Like the way I can’t sort my emotions out around you, I don’t think you can decide who you are around me. So yes, I have to leave.”
His heart felt like it was being ground to dust as he watched her brothers come to stand on either side of her, like they were guarding her. That should be his job, but he’d fucked everything up and lost his chance. Lost his mate.
It wasn’t long ago when he’d die before letting anyone, let alone the whole tribe, in on his personal life. But he didn’t even see them, too focused on his mate. “Ashley, please. Don’t do this.”
Her lower lip trembled as another tear slipped free, but she squared her shoulders. “I have to, Vynn. Figure out who you are. If this is who you truly are, and you don’t want to fix anything, that’s fine. But I want none of it. I can’t stay here and watch you self-destruct. I’m sorry.”
She turned then, walking away with her brothers on either side. Ian nodded to Kian, gave Vynn a probing look, and then turned and went with them. There that bastard was, back exposed and vulnerable to Vynn’s attack—but he couldn’t make himself move. His feet were rooted to the ground as he watched his mate walk out of his life. He was just surprised he was still standing under the weight of hurt, regret, and disbelief piling on top of him.
There was complete silence in the town square after they walked away. Enough that a pin could be heard dropping. He felt the weight of the whole village’s stares on his back. He was standing stark naked in the snow, having just killed a man, and then had his mate leave him, all in front of everyone in the entire village.
It was something that normally would have had him snarling and pissed off, frothing at the mouth to take out anyone who even looked at him funny. But he couldn’t bring himself to care that they’d seen everything, that they’d seen his whole life implode. All he felt was numb. Even his hurt was fading away, replaced with full body numbness.
Kian clapped his hands, demanding attention, but Vynn didn’t even look his way. Just kept staring at the spot where he’d last seen his mate.
“Okay, everyone. The show’s over. Go home.”
The crowd started murmuring as they began dispersing, some going slower than others, looking at him often, expecting him to be the Vynn they all knew him to be. But that man was numb as well, buried so deeply within him, he couldn’t find him at all.
Karis glanced at him before clearing his throat uncomfortably, looking away to the others. “Okay, so who’s Drako?”
Kian exhaled, shrugging. “Hell if I know. And hell if I know why he wants me and Jessica. This doesn’t sound like a threat against me as Alpha, though. So I think that means Zane and Kelly are safe.”
“I don’t like this shit,” Zane muttered. “Too many questions and no answers.”
Kian shook his head. “I don’t either. Maybe it’s time to call the Enforcers back in. Even if they can’t stay, they need to know. And maybe they’ve heard of this Drako person.”
Vynn looked around, coming out of his daze just enough to notice Jessica. She was standing with her head down, hands clenched together, looking as if she’d seen a ghost.
“Jessica?” he asked, surprised at how soft his voice came out.
Those left—the higher-ranking warriors—glanced at him with surprise before looking at Jessica. She glanced up, squeaking and taking a step back as she found all their eyes on her. Kian walked forward and touched a hand briefly to her shoulder.
“It’s okay. I’m sure seeing a man killed in front of you was hard, but you have nothing to be scared of. He’s gone, and wherever, whoever, the threat is coming from, we won’t let anything happen to you.”
Swallowing hard, she twisted her fingers together as she shook her head. “No, that’s not it. Well, it’s some of it. It’s just… I feel like I know that name. Drako. From my past, I think. I don’t know where though, or who it is. I’m sorry. I don’t remember much before I came here.”
Everyone exchanged glances, and Kian awkwardly patted her shoulder again. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. I hate to say this, but Karis, close the gates and order them guarded again. Until we know more, I want this village locked up like a fortress. It could be a while until we get answers, and I want every precaution taken until then. Jessica, again, you’re not to go anywhere alone, understand?”
And just like that, Vynn’s interest in everything going on was gone. His tiger was shredding his chest painfully, mourning his lost mate. And as protective as he felt of his village, he just didn’t give a damn right now.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, meant anything to him now that his mate was gone.
He turned, walking toward his house, the snow freezing his feet. Some of the numbness was receding, and he began feeling the cold, so he quickened his stride.
“Zane, wait. Let him go. He needs time to himself, I think,” he heard Kian say behind him.
Time to himself would be all he ever had. He had no interest in anything as long as his mate was gone.
Chapter Seventeen
“It’s been almost three weeks, Ashley. Are you sur
e you don’t want to go back and talk things through with him?”
Ashley looked over at Kelsey, her brother Garret’s mate, and forced a smile. “He hasn’t tried to call or visit. I think that means he’s made his choice.”
And she was fucking miserable, knowing his choice wasn’t her. Maybe she’d pushed too much, too far. But she was trying, as best she knew how, to force him to look inside himself and figure out what was true and what wasn’t.
Besides, she really had needed time away to sort her own emotions out. But it hadn’t taken her as long as she thought. A week, tops, after arriving in Eagle Creek. That first day, she’d been too shell-shocked, too surprised at her own actions in leaving, to talk to anyone. The next day, she felt a little steadier, and okay enough to talk. Her brothers told her what happened with her dad, but she didn’t really have a lot to work through there, emotion wise. She’d expected to feel shocked, or even validated, at least—because she’d suspected they had something to do with his disappearance all along, and she’d been right.
But Hank had deserved what he got for what he tried to pull when he came here. Actually, she thought he got off too easy. After the absolute hell he’d put everyone in his life through—Sam, Garret, her mom, her—he deserved worse than death.
And her brothers were amazing, as were their mates, Kendall and Kelsey. She wished she’d known them sooner, but she couldn’t blame them for their absence in her life anymore. Not when they hadn’t known their mom was dead, not when they hadn’t truly known about Ashley.
All it had taken was a long afternoon and night of talking with her brothers to come to terms with everything.
And then she’d set herself to making strides toward unjumbling all her other emotions. It hadn’t taken nearly as long as she thought. Everything was clear without Vynn around to muddle her thoughts, and what was clearest of all was how much she wanted him. How much she needed him.
But she’d blown that by trying to force him into something he wasn’t ready for.
Just like he tried to do when he called Sam, her fox pointed out.
Ashley exhaled. I know. I did the same thing to him that I got so upset about him doing to me.
If you know, then why are you holding onto your anger?
She frowned, cocking her head. Was she? Digging deep inside her emotions, as she’d become so good at doing, she found it, surprised to learn she was. She still had some hurt and anger for him calling Sam, and wasn’t she just a hypocritical jackass?
Lord, it was a wonder he’d ever wanted her at all. She’d shown up, crazy as hell, living in the woods, full of anger, and hurt—though she would have died before admitting it—carrying more baggage than a hundred people combined.
She’d been touchy about almost all subjects, refused to see the truth even when it was right in front of her face. She’d been fifty shades of fucked up, and all he’d done, the whole time, was help her. Teaching her about her shifter heritage, getting her to work with and trust her fox, trying to help her see that her quest for revenge against her brothers was misguided.
And she repaid that by leaving him.
It didn’t matter that she was trying to help him. There were probably other, better, ways of going about it. But when she’d seen him start to attack Ian, she’d done the only thing she could think to do. The only thing she knew would get him to stop.
Fuck.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Kelsey asked, drawing her back to the present.
“Sure.”
Kelsey nibbled on her bottom lip before taking a deep breath. “I’m pregnant. And I’m terrified.”
She looked over at her brother’s mate, feeling her eyes widen. “First, congratulations. Second, why? You and Garret will make amazing parents.”
Kelsey looked off toward the farm, Red Moon, that was visible just beyond the trees of her and Garret’s cabin. “You’re meeting me at a time in my life when I’m better than I’ve ever been. But for a long time, I was messed up. Completely. My life growing up was pretty bad. All kinds of different foster homes, each one worse than the last. I ran away and then lived as my wolf for years. When I came here to Red Moon to find my brothers, I was half feral.
“I got better eventually. But I was weird for the longest time. I didn’t know how to interact with anyone. If we’d met back then, you’d understand. I never wanted to have kids, because even though I slowly got better, I still didn’t think being a mom was anything I was ever cut out for. I felt guilty for denying Garret the chance, but he was okay with it. Whatever makes me happy, that’s what he wants. I didn’t plan this baby, but the moment I found out, I loved it more than anything, besides Garret. But I still don’t think I’m cut out to be a parent. How do I guide a child when I’m as messed up as I still am?”
Ashley’s heart clenched at Kelsey’s story. “I understand that. I’ve never wanted to be a parent, either. I wanted to go through life alone. Does Garret know?”
“No, I haven’t told him yet.”
“How does that work? How can you hide stuff from him, when he can read minds?”
Kelsey half smiled. “I can guard my thoughts. He only hears what I let him hear.”
Nodding, she set her rocking chair in motion. Garret’s gift was one that had blown her mind at first. Shifter gifts were really something.
“Garret loves you, Kelsey. And he’ll love that baby. You have to know he’ll never let anything happen to either one of you. You have someone who’ll be beside you every step of the way. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
Kelsey smiled as she looked down, putting a hand over her stomach. “You’re right, of course. He’ll never let me mess a kid up.” She paused, looking over at Ashley with a serious expression. “That’s the thing about mates. They always want whatever makes us happy. They’d do anything for us, except let us do it without them, or just let us walk away. Because they know we’re bound to be miserable without our mate. They won’t let that happen, because they need for us to be happy. Maybe it would be different if the mate was a human who didn’t feel the mating bond as intensely as a shifter. But for mates who are both shifters… they know what being without their mate feels like.”
She swallowed hard before voicing her deepest fear. “But what if he thinks I’d be happier without him? I told him I couldn’t be with him if he couldn’t decide who he was. What if he truly can’t decide, so he lets me go forever, thinking I’ll be happier because it’s what I want?”
“Or what if he’s working on himself like you asked, and it’s just taking him longer than it took you? Or what if he’s waiting to hear from you? Don’t count him out just yet, Ash. Now, I’m gonna shut up and go start dinner.”
Ashley nodded, her thoughts swirling like a tornado as she watched Kelsey go back inside, staring at the door after she was alone. Maybe Kelsey was right. Maybe three weeks didn’t mean it was definitely over.
“I agree with my mate. It doesn’t have to mean that.”
Ashley jumped, slapping a hand over her racing heart as she turned toward Garret’s voice, watching as he walked up to the porch.
“You scared the shit out of me. How long were you there?” she asked suspiciously.
His lips quirked and his eyes warmed as he looked at the door to the cabin. “Long enough to hear things my mate wasn’t ready to tell me yet.” He looked back at her, his eyes intent. “I was reading his thoughts in Durga, Ash. That man loves you, but he’s fucked up in the head. More so than you realized. It’s gonna take him some time to work through everything, to figure his shit out. But he will, because he loves you. Don’t give up on him yet.”
She looked at him in surprise. “I thought you didn’t like him.”
He ran his hand through his auburn hair, exhaling as he shrugged. “I don’t. He messed with shifters I’m close to. He was the villain in a lot of stories I heard. And just by being your mate, that means he’s going to take you away from me and Sam when we just got you, long before we’re rea
dy. But, like I said, I was in his head. He loves you, and he’d never do anything to hurt you. He’s your mate, and he only wants your happiness. That makes him okay in my book. Besides, he was different than I imagined him to be. He was already changing, just in his time with you. Give him a chance to work on the big shit before you decide he doesn’t want you anymore.”
“You’re pretty wise. You’re going to make an amazing dad. Kelsey really has nothing to worry about, not with you at her side.”
“Thanks,” he replied, looking at the door again, his expression still showing his shock. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be a dad.”
She grinned. “Believe it. Go in and talk to your mate. Reassure her. I’ll make myself scarce.”
He grinned back, reaching out to ruffle her hair as he walked to the door. “Thanks again. You know, you’re not half bad, kid.”
She huffed a laugh as he disappeared inside. Pushing to her feet, she left the porch and headed toward the path in the woods. Maybe Garret was right. Maybe all Vynn needed was a little more time.
She’d give him a bit more time to come to her, and then if he still hadn’t, she was going after him.
Her fox yipped inside her and Ashley smiled. She’d never been one to give up on something that was important to her, and she sure as shit wasn’t going to start now. Not when the stakes were higher than they’d ever been. She’d go to him and then she was staying put. No more running off, thinking it would help him work through his own shit. She’d stick around and help him, like he helped her.
One week. He had one week, and then she was going after him.
Vynn cursed, doubling over in pain as his tiger shredded his chest. Fuck, that time it hurt like hell. It’d been like this since Ashley left. He fought his tiger for control every minute of the day. At first, his cat tried to reason with him, and when that didn’t work, he set about making Vynn’s life hell.
Like it wasn’t already that way with Ashley gone.
He wanted her back with every fiber of his being, he really did. He just thought she would be better off without him. He hadn’t even attempted to work through his shit. He knew he should, but what was the point? Whether he did or not, it wouldn’t make him good for her. He wouldn’t suddenly turn into this amazing man, the kind of man she deserved.
Vynn (War Cats Book 4) Page 17