by Amy Sparling
I swallow, taking a deep breath to calm my frantic heart. “Are you sure?” I say, not taking my eyes off Bennet.
“Trust me,” Toby says. “I can see Bennet’s feelings for you from space.”
“Okay,” I say, feeling my cheeks flush. “I’ll go say hi.”
My knees feel weak as I walk across the room. My subconscious knows it before I admit it to myself. I’m not just going to say hello to Bennet.
I’m going to ask him to dance.
Chapter 27
Everything kind of slows down as I walk toward him. The music is loud and the bass thumps, propelling dancers to shake and move around, each one lost in their own little world. I walk slowly, each step across the carpet careful and deliberate. I can’t screw this up, not after all of these years.
I don’t know where Ashlyn went. I think I see her maroon dress swishing as she walks off to talk to someone, but I can’t take my eyes off Bennet. His tuxedo is old, borrowed from his late grandfather. It’s a little too big on him, but I know it makes his grandmother happy to see him wearing it. He has a blue pocket square. I know it’s stupid to think like this, but it matches my dress. Perfectly.
I don’t stop until the tips of my shoes are inches from his. “Hey.”
It’s a lame introduction. A simple three lettered word to start off the talk I want to have with this guy I’ve known forever. But I never claimed to be elegant. I am awkward and lame and I’m not up to date on what people think is cool. But Bennet’s lips quirk into a grin. He doesn’t care about any of that. He gets me. He always has.
“Hey,” he says, his smile widening. “You look really beautiful.”
“So do you.” My breath gets caught up in my throat but I play it off like I’m not freaking out.
Bennet lifts an eyebrow. “Well that’s disappointing, because I was going for handsome.”
I shake my head. “You failed. You’re very pretty tonight. Downright adorable.”
I can’t hold back my grin and he rolls his eyes. “Oh well,” he says, sliding his hands down the lapels of his jacket. “I guess I did the best I can.”
I know if I don’t just say it, the words will lodge in my throat and they’ll never come out. I’ll freeze up and move on and this moment will be ruined.
So although my knees are weak and my heart is pounding, I make myself say it.
“You want to dance?”
Bennet stiffens, his gaze drifting toward the dance floor. “I don’t really know how…” he says, his features twisting with insecurity. Bennet was raised by the Single Ladies, just like me. Learning to dance was never on the itinerary when your only guardian spends all their time working hard to get the bills paid.
“I’m not good at it, either,” I say. I reach for his hand, and for a horrible second, I fear he won’t take it. But then he reaches up and his fingers wrap around mine, solid and warm and strong.
“Let’s go,” he says, grinning at me in a way I’ve never seen before. It sends a shiver straight down to my toes. “If I’m going to make a fool out of myself, I should do it with you.”
I feel floaty as I walk behind Bennet while he leads us to the dance floor. I’m practically skipping, no longer afraid of tripping over my own feet. We step up onto the edge of the wooden floor and Bennet turns around to face me.
His brows pull together like he’s concentrating and he quickly glances out at the crowd. “So basically we hold onto each other and sway,” he says with a wink. “It can’t possibly be that hard.”
My hands are shaky as I reach up and lock them onto his shoulders. I feel the warmth of Bennet’s hands on my sides. I’ve touched him a million times in my life. Shoved him over on the couch, used his lap as a pillow while watching movies late at night. I’ve worn his clothes and I even cut his hair once in seventh grade.
I know this boy as much as I know myself.
So why does touching his shoulders now send a zap of excitement through my heart?
The music shifts into a slow song, and Bennet’s feet shuffle alongside mine. There are so many couples on the floor now, there’s not much room to move around, even if you did know how to dance.
“I don’t think anyone can tell we don’t know what we’re doing,” I say while we shuffle along next to other couples.
Bennet nods. “We blend in with everyone else. This isn’t too bad.”
I roll my eyes. “Dancing with me shouldn’t be bad, you dork.”
His tongue flicks across his bottom lip and I see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “I didn’t mean that. I like dancing with you…it’s being in front of people that’s weird.”
“I don’t care about any of them,” I say.
He grins, his head tilted down so there’s only a few inches of space between us. “I don’t either.”
“I’m actually pretending that none of these people are here,” I say, and I realize that it’s true even though I’d said it in a joking way.
“Why’s that?”
I shrug and stare at the blue satin square in his pocket. “All these people are better than we are, Bennet. They have expensive dresses and they know how to dance. I’ve never really fit in with the people at our school.”
“I get where you’re coming from, but we fit in right now.” He glances around and then looks back at me. “We’re both dressed up, and we’re both teenagers. We fit in.”
I laugh. “You just can’t see it. I’m wearing a free dress that’s like fifteen years old.”
I frown and point to the top of my dress where the ripped out stitches still show a little bit. “I had to cut off the sleeves myself. All these other people went to the mall and spent hundreds on their stupid dresses.”
“Lana, you’re still better than these people. Me, you and Ashlyn, we’re the greatest people on this damn planet.” He grins, his green eyes looking romantic in the glow of the room. “So forget about everyone else and just have fun. This is prom night, remember?” He rolls his eyes. “It’s our stupid rite of passage that you and Ashlyn have forced upon me.”
“Oh hush,” I say, poking him in the chest. “You’re having fun.” When I go to put my hand back on his shoulder, I’m not nervous about it anymore. The movement seems natural, like I do it all the time.
We’ve shifted around on the dance floor a little, and when I gaze out near the drink table, I see Toby. He’s standing with one of his friends, a massive football player who looks like he’s about to burst out of his tuxedo. Toby holds a drink and laughs at something the guy says. Then he glances over and he sees me.
He winks and gives me a thumbs up, which makes me smile like an idiot. I can’t even help it—I am full blown smiling with all my teeth showing and it’s so embarrassing.
Bennet notices, and he glances over his shoulder, seeing Toby. His shoulders stiffen under my fingers. “Do you need to get back?”
“Huh?” I snap out of my grinning phase and look up at him. “You don’t want to dance anymore?”
But I still had so many things to say!
“Your date is over there,” he says, and I can tell he’s trying not to add something insulting at the end of that sentence. “You should probably get back to him.”
“He’s not my date,” I say, and then I stop and shake my head. “Well, he kind of is, but it’s fine. He wants us to dance.”
“Wow,” he says. “That’s weird, but whatever.”
I want to tell him that Toby and I aren’t dating and that this whole night is just a sham to appease his dad. But there’s time for that later. I need to know if there’s any truth to what Toby thinks is going on with Bennet and me.
“Hey,” I say as my brain tries to work out exactly how I should ask what I want to ask. “So you know how we’re pretending no one else is here?”
“Yes, I’m still doing that, by the way.”
I bite the inside of my lip. Beside me, a girl tries to do this twirl move with her date but he screws it up and she almost goes flying to the floor. Luck
ily, someone else catches her. I look back at Bennet.
“If we were alone right now, and it was just me and you here… what would you say to me?”
He seems to consider the question. “Well, we could talk about anything. Just like when we normally hang out.”
This isn’t going the way I want it to go. I can’t just come out and ask him if he likes me in a like-like way, now can I? But I need to find out if what Toby says is true. If you truly can see that Bennet likes me from space.
“I’m being serious,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Like…between me and you…is there anything you’d say?”
Something that looks a lot like pain flashes behind his eyes. “I don’t know what you mean, Lana. You’re my best friend. I tell you everything.”
“But…” I sigh while we continue to sway along the dancefloor. “I guess I’m thinking about something a little more…private…”
“Like how jealous I am of Toby?”
I look up so quickly I almost break my neck. “You’re jealous of Toby? Why, because he’s popular and rich?”
Bennet snorts out a laugh. “Definitely not. Rich people have terrible lives underneath all the money.”
After having met Toby’s parents, I can’t say I argue with that. “So what do you mean?”
His eyes shift around us and then look back at me. “Are we pretending no one else is here?”
“Yes.”
“And you won’t tell your boyfriend?”
“Toby is not my boyfriend,” I say, groaning. “I swear to you. He doesn’t even like me, like not at all. We’re friends.”
Bennet seems like he might not believe that statement, but then he sighs “Fuck it,” he says under his breath. “If I could tell you one thing, it’d be that I wish I would have asked you out before Toby did.”
All of the air whooshes out of my lungs. There it is. Toby was right. My hands shake as they hold onto Bennet’s shoulders, no doubt covering the fabric of his late grandfather’s suit with sweat.
“You mean…you would have asked me to prom?”
He shakes his head slowly. “I guess I’ve always taken you for granted. You were always there, and I was always secretly in love with you—” He sighs, pressing his lips together. Then he slowly brings his gaze up to mine. “Then Toby got to you first and I realized I missed out. I screwed up.”
“Bennet…” I stop, and take a deep breath. There’s really only one thing left to say now. Bennet has always liked me, and I never even realized it. He’s always been there, supportive and caring. He knows me better than anyone, and he listens. He listens to everything I say. Bennet is in love with me.
And I’m in love with him.
“So…” I say, feeling so nervous I might pass out. “Should we start dating?”
“No,” he says quickly, his hands gripping my sides. “No, no, no.”
Chapter 28
Tears spring to my eyes. Everything was going so well and then he just told me no. I’m such an idiot. Bile rises in my throat. I step backward, breaking our dance, and then I meander around the dancing happy couples and step off the wooden floor. Everything is a blur and I can’t concentrate. I just know I’ve now been more humiliated than ever.
This is worse than when I kissed Toby. It’s the worst rejection I could have ever had. Bennet is the guy I can trust, and he’s turned me down.
I swallow and tears spill over my eyelashes, no doubt ruining the makeup my mom spent so long fixing for me. I reach a wall, and look around. The bathrooms are all the way on the other side of the room, so I stay close to the wall and make my way toward them, stepping around couples making out in shadowy areas. Screw everyone who is happy tonight.
And screw me too, because apparently I don’t deserve to be happy.
I’m almost at the bathrooms when I notice Ashlyn’s maroon dress. She’s leaning against the wall, her phone in her hand and her face glowing from the screen. She’s grinning bashfully, which is a stark difference from her normal demeanor. She seems so very happy and I know I should turn around so she doesn’t see me. At least one of us is having a good time. I shouldn’t ruin it.
I stop quickly, hoping to turn and bolt, but she looks up at exactly the wrong moment. The smile slips off her face. “Lana?”
I blink and more tears fall and I wipe them off with my hand. “I’m fine,” I say, attempting to walk past her. “Just have to pee.”
She puts a hand on my arm to stop me. “Lana babe, peeing doesn’t make you cry.”
I notice Ashlyn’s done her makeup more than usual. She has a smoky eye and little rhinestone hairpins in her short black hair. “You look very pretty,” I say, swallowing back the urge to cry even more. “I’m sorry I didn’t get dressed with you. I shouldn’t have gone with Toby.”
“What happened?” she asks, her head tilting. “You and Toby are friends now, right? I thought you would have a good time.”
I shake my head and wipe off my tears carefully with my fingertips. “It’s not Toby. Well—maybe it is. He gave me this idea and that idea kind of ruined things.”
Ashlyn puts a hand on her sparkly hip. “I don’t understand. I talked to Toby a few minutes ago, and he said you and Bennet were dancing. He seemed fine. What did he tell you?”
I take a deep breath. This isn’t the kind of thing I can keep from Ashlyn. She’s not only my best friend, but she’s a part of this, too. If Bennet no longer wants to talk to me after tonight, it’ll affect her. She’ll be forced to split her time between him and me. It’s like a screwed up divorce of friends and the custody battle will be over Ashlyn.
“Toby made me think that Bennet might like me.”
Ashlyn’s eyes widen. “I know, right?” I say with a sarcastic snort. “I’m so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Lana babe.” Ashlyn pulls me back while a group of girls walk toward the bathroom. We tuck against the wall and Ashlyn fixes a serious look on me. “Bennet totally likes you. I’ve pretty much always suspected it.”
I shake my head. “I thought maybe he did, too, so I talked to him about it.” Tears well up in my eyes. “It was while we were dancing,” I say, my voice getting choked up.
Ashlyn pets my arm in this comforting way. Knowing her, she’s probably dying for details this instant, but she’s being a good friend and not rushing me. I take a few deep breaths.
“I asked him if we could try out dating and he told me no.”
She balks. “He said no?”
“He said no, no, no, to be precise.”
Ashlyn’s expression is blank. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
I shrug and toss my hands in the air. “Apparently, no one wants me, not even my own best friend.”
Ashlyn’s phone lights up and she turns it over in her hand without checking the message. “You should get that,” I say.
She shakes her head. “You’re more important.”
“But it’s Bethany, right? You should talk to her. Don’t put off your happiness because of me.”
“She’ll understand,” Ashlyn says. For being so short, she seems so confident in everything. It makes my chest hurt with how much I care about her. I truly am glad that she’s found someone special.
“You’re a good best friend,” I say, wiping off more tears from my cheek.
Her lips turn upwards into a sad smile. “I just don’t understand why Bennet would do that. I’ve always thought he liked you.” She looks off in the distance as she talks. “And when Toby came in the picture, it really pissed him off so it was obvious, you know?”
I shrug. Someone calls my name and I freeze. It’s Bennet’s voice. And then the smell of his cologne appears and he’s standing right here between us. “There you are.”
“Go away,” I say, turning to look at the wall.
“I’m not leaving, Lana.” Bennet touches my arm but I shrug him off. “We need to talk.”
“I’ll say,” Ashlyn says. “What’s going on?”
“Thi
s is kind of…private?” Bennet says, making it sound like a question. “I mean, I love you Ash, but Lana and I need to talk.”
“Anything you say to her, you can say to me,” she says, folding her arms across her chest. “She told me what happened, and I want an explanation. I thought you were in love with Lana.
Pain rises up my throat. I’m about to be rejected again.
“I am,” Bennet says. “I am in love with her.”
I must have heard that wrong. I look over at him, at his pleading eyes that are locked on mine. “I am, Lana.”
My jaw tightens. I don’t want to be humiliated right now. “But you said no, no, no.”
His lips quirk up in a grin and I want to punch him right in that cute face of his. “You left too soon.” He swallows and then looks at Ashlyn and back at me. “I was trying to be cute I guess, but it backfired.”
“Explain,” Ashlyn says.
Bennet takes my hand in his and brings it up to his chest, squeezing his other hand around my fingers. “You asked if we should date, and I said no, but it was because I wanted to say that you can’t ask me out. I wanted to ask you out.”
He pauses and presses his lips together. “You know… like the gentleman type thing to do. That’s all.”
Tears spring to my eyes, but this time they’re out of happiness and hope. “Are you serious?”
He nods and squeezes my hand. “I just wanted to be the one to ask. But you ran away before I could explain myself.”
“Well then,” Ashlyn says. I jump, because after getting lost in Bennet’s eyes just now, I forgot she was still here. She puts a hand on my shoulder and the other one on Bennet’s. “I think my job here is done. You two have fun.”
She gives me this evil grin and then slips away, probably to tell Bethany everything that just happened. “I’m sorry I ran off,” I say, my voice so low I can barely hear it over the beating of my heart.
“I’m just glad I found you before it was too late.” Bennet lowers my hand and then takes both of them in his own. There’s a heat between us that I’ve never felt, not with any guy in my past. The energy between us, it feels real, alive.