"Mine wasn't sexual."
"Well, that's a relief. I think." Olivia laughed a little, trying to keep the conversation light. "A stalker, but not a pervert. Why do it, then?"
His face took on that no-big-deal look, a clear indication he didn't want to talk about it. Then he sighed, shook his head, and shrugged one shoulder as if he was giving in to some unheard argument and sat back on his heels.
"It wasn't about you, not at first. It was about Gilead, the pack. Everybody knew you were over here, but we didn't have anything to do with you. Boss made it clear. Gilead was off limits, but he'd never say why. Cho said you were just a pack of punk assed wolvers, but I wanted to see for myself. Why would Boss protect a bunch of punk-assed wolvers when he never protected anyone else?" He blinked as if the answer to his question had that moment become clear.
"So you spied on us," Livvy prompted. She sensed there was something important here.
"Yeah, only a few times until I was old enough to go over the moon and then I did it more often."
"Why? Was it fun watching a bunch of punk-assed wolvers?"
"Yes. No. Damn it, Liv, I'm trying to explain. Do you want to hear this or not?"
Keeping it light was now over. She placed her hand on his arm. "Yes, I want to hear it. All of it."
"Then let me tell it in my own way." She raised her hands to say she would back off, and Brad continued. "They weren't punk assed and it wasn't fun, more like interesting. Gilead was different. I was a baby when my parents went rogue. It's all I knew. I mean, I knew about packs and that they had an Alpha to lead them 'n all, but I didn't know what that meant. I guess I thought Boss was an Alpha." He huffed in frustration. "Look, I know the Mate thinks my father is okay, but he isn't what she thinks, or he wasn't. Boss Seaward owned the land and the camp. You saw it. You know how it was. What kind of leader lets his people live that way?"
Livvy had only been there once before, but in her mind, it hadn't changed all that much. While Gilead would never be mistaken for a modern subdivision, compared to the rogue camp across the road, it was paradise. The camp was a collection of neglected cabins, rusted out travel trailers, and abandoned vehicles. Sanitation, if you could call it that, came in the form of a filthy washhouse. The only decent place up there was the Seaward's mobile home, now a burned out hull. Some folks said it was an abandoned campground when Boss Seaward bought it.
"Maybe Jazz saw something in him that you couldn't see."
"I'm beginning to think so, too," he conceded with a sigh. "I wasn't ready to see it then, though. Back then I saw a leader who only had four rules; pay your rent plus ten percent of whatever he fenced and twenty percent if he planned out the job; don't bring the cops around for any reason; don't leave any bodies lying around where they could be found; and leave Gilead alone."
She didn't try to hide her surprise at rule number three, and one look at Brad's face told her it wasn't a sick joke. He nodded when he saw she understood. He didn't need to elaborate.
"Not counting my parents and Cho, I could probably count on one hand how many wolvers were there for my entire life. The rest came and went, or disappeared. The six who came with me to Gilead were all raised in packs they had to leave when their parents got kicked out. Their folks did the crime and they paid the price. None of them had been on the road for more than a year."
What price had Brad paid since he'd been rogue for most of his life? "Does the Alpha know this?"
"Some, I guess. He was over there a few times with the old Alpha, stitching up someone Boss thought was worth saving. He probably knows how we earned our money, some of it anyway. I don't know about the rest of it. He definitely knows about the ones who joined Gilead. I wouldn't have asked him to take them in without telling him what I knew."
Livvy was sure Brad hadn't told her everything, but it was enough. No wonder he spied on Gilead. They probably seemed like an alien planet. She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing and neither did he. They sat together in silence, staring at the fire. When it burned too low, Brad left his perch beside her to toss another log on it.
"I didn't know," she finally told him. "I mean I knew about Cho, but I thought the camp, your father, being rogue..." How could she explain?
Brad brushed the dirt from the log off his hands. "You thought we were John Travolta and Olivia What's-her-name."
"I was everything Terrence said I was; gullible, ingenuous, and naive." Her shoulders slumped. "Stupid."
"No, not stupid," he said fiercely, as if the term offended him. He reached down and lifted her to her feet. He wasn't smiling, but his eyes had turned soft. "You were so open, free, innocent, I guess. That's how I noticed you. You smiled at everyone and everyone smiled back. You were always kissing and hugging people," he said as if it was an accusation. "It was weird. I never saw that before."
"Oh, come on." That couldn't be true. She didn't bother to hide her doubt. "You never saw anyone kiss or hug?"
"Sure I did. About five minutes before they fucked," he said and immediately looked ashamed when she winced. "Sorry."
"Don't be," she told him. "Don't ever be sorry for telling me the truth."
"I grew up rogue, babe. What few pups I knew didn't laugh much unless they were doing something mean and that usually got a laugh from the adults, too. I was the same way."
"Oh, Brad, you were never cruel."
"Wasn't I? You don't know, Livvy. You only saw the side of me I let you see. I wasn't as mean as Cho, but I tried. I tried," he said miserably. "There was a time I envied him, wanted to be just like him."
"But you weren't like him," she concluded.
"Yeah, I was. The only reason I didn't turn out like him was because of watching Gilead... and you." Brad's eyes got that faraway look in them again. "And because Boss kept me from beating another wolver to death."
When she asked him what happened to precipitate such a fight, his answer shocked her.
"You."
Chapter 29
Brad walked away, over to the wall to look out over the pond. The night had darkened under the clouds and it had begun to snow. "Careful as I tried to be, Bails had seen me watching you and he started in on me about tasting the 'fresh meat' from across the road."
Bails. Another shock and a connection from the past to the recent horror.
"I told him to shut up," Brad went on, "but he saw how it got under my skin and he just kept talking shit about what I should do to you, about what it would be like, about what you would look like and feel like, and every bit of it was perverted, degrading, and disgusting. Then some of the others started in on it, too."
He turned back to Livvy and his eyes were shining with angry tears. "Bails took the only pure, clean thing I ever had and covered it in his filth. He said if I wasn't man enough to fuck you, he'd do it himself and make me watch. And I knew he wasn't talking shit anymore. It was a threat, a dare. It was his way of saying I wasn't strong enough to stop him. And then said he'd fuck you like the little Gilead dog you were." Brad closed his eyes, jaws clenched at the memory. "My wolf had been screaming and clawing at me from the beginning. It wasn't the full moon. I couldn't shift, but I sure as hell could let it out. Bails was almost dead when my father pulled me off. I always wondered why Boss didn't let me finish it, but now I think he did it to save me. He didn't want a murder on my conscience."
"How old were you, Brad?" she asked quietly. Bails had to be ten years older. He would have been in his prime and matched against a wolver many would consider a cub.
"Eighteen." A year before they officially met. "In the end, I killed him anyway."
"But it wasn't murder," she said matter-of-factly. She began unrolling the sleeping bags and zipping them together to form one. "It was in defense of pack, of me. So tell me, after we met, was what Bails said why it took you so long to make a move?"
He looked at her strangely, as if that wasn't the question he expected. It was the look she hoped for. She'd drawn him away from the anger and shame.
/> "Partly," he reluctantly admitted, "but that wasn't all of it. I never wanted you to think you were like those other girls, Liv. You were more than that to me. You were a gift."
"A gift," she whispered, tasting the term on her tongue and liking it. "You were my gift, too." She stood and faced him. "I should have hung on to it."
"I should have fought for you."
"You did, Brad. Twice. Something no wolver has ever done for me, or will ever have to do again." She placed her hands on his chest. "And I never said thank you." She stood on her toes and kissed him.
"What if it does happen again, Liv? What if my past comes back?"
"Let it. If it does, I'll know I have the finest, bravest, not to mention best looking wolver beside me to face it, and we'll have Gilead at our backs. We can't live our lives based on the past or the what-ifs of the future. We're done with that. Whatever comes, good or bad, we'll deal with it." She laughed. "Maybe talk it out. You know, do something different for a change. In the meantime..."
Livvy slid her hands down to his waist and then up again, this time beneath his shirt. His broad and muscled chest was warm beneath her fingers. She wanted more contact, more of the warmth she felt rising in him and in her own eager body. Impatiently, she tugged at the heavy cotton cloth that kept her from it.
Brad stilled her hand with his. "Most of the pack is out there running. You don't know who'll be passing by."
"No one will be passing by." She used her free hand to continue on with her mission to relieve him of his jacket and shirt.
"You can't be sure of that."
"Of course I can. This is Gilead, and Matthew has a big mouth. The Alpha will hear that we're up here and spread the word to give us privacy. They'll have plenty to say tomorrow, but no one will bother us tonight. They want this as much as we do, Brad."
"And what about you, babe?" he asked, his voice suddenly gentle and concerned. "After what happened to you, what if it's too soon... I don't want you doing this for me. I'm happy just having you back in my arms."
"It isn't only for you, Brad, it's for me, too. You're not the only one who lost something pure and clean. I need you to wash away the filth so I can find it again. I need you, Brad, to remind me of what it's supposed to be, and what it's like to feel safe."
His hand rested on the top of her head, as if absolving her of her fears and then slid behind to angle it into position. He bent his head and kissed her, lovingly and gently, and then pulled back to toss his jacket to the side and strip his shirt over his head.
Livvy turned to extinguish the lantern. When she turned back, her bare chested wolver stood framed in the opening above the wall of the shelterhouse. The flickering firelight illuminated the curves and contours of his sculpted chest and arms. Brad looked at her with the same lust in his hooded eyes that she remembered and the same sultry smile that sent a heat filled tremor through her body. Some things were different between them, but some things, happily, remained the same.
"Like what you see?" he teased, just as he would have in the old days.
"Always and forever," she replied just as she did when she was a girl. Only now, she understood how shallow her words were back then. She'd expected only roses and ran with the first sting of thorns. Her immaturity had almost lost her everything. It wouldn't happen again.
Brad held out his hand for her to join him as he moved to their bed in front of the fire. It wasn't pretty. The sleeping bags were mismatched and patched, and the blankets were those her mother deemed too worn to be used on their everyday beds.
A short time ago, she would have acted more like a sheep than a wolf, and blindly followed the opinion of people she thought mattered. She would have wrinkled her nose at the ragged bed. She wouldn't have thought of the camping trips filled with fun and family that had worn them out.
The shelterhouse, with the fire warming only the few feet in front of its flames, was nothing to look at compared to the fine hotels and apartments she'd seen, yet those places weren't half so warm with the love imbedded in every stone and board.
They knelt before the fire, facing each other, and Livvy's heart swelled with what she saw in Brad's face. She closed her eyes, but only because she feared he'd misinterpret her tears. She felt his hands at her waist and lifted her hands above her head as he removed her sweater.
Head thrown back and lips curled upward in pleasure, she savored the feel of his calloused fingertips as they traced her bra's arched lines over the swell of her breasts. Her nipples puckered in anticipation and tightened further when fumbling slightly, he released the front clasp, and the bra fell open.
For a moment, there was no sound or movement, and then Brad sighed. "I'll never get tired of the sight of you, the beauty of it, the wonder of it."
Livvy opened her eyes and smiled lazily. "I'll remind you of that when I'm old and saggy."
She ran her fingers through the dark hair that would someday turn to grey. His fine, firm ass would soften and disappear, and his magnificent chest would probably disappear along with it. Not that it would matter. Every time he kissed her, she'd be right back here in the arms of the only wolver she could ever truly love.
"It doesn't matter what other people see. This is what I'll always see." Brad slid the straps from her arms.
Using his index fingers, he traced beneath her eyes to the outward curve of her cheeks. The fingers came together at the point of her chin, followed the line of her neck, and stopped at dip between her breasts.
"Hmm," she murmured. "I was just thinking the same about you."
She leaned into him and started to explore the ropes of strength in his forearms, the bunched biceps, and the rolling slope of the muscles in his shoulders. When she reached the solid squares of his pecs, she ran her tongue up the enticing flesh. The muscle jumped, and so did she.
Brad laughed. "Some things haven't changed."
Her laughing attack sent them sprawling in a tangle of limbs. He let her win and fell to his back with her pinning him in surrender. She kissed his brow, his eyes, his cheeks, his lips. She nibbled along his jaw, enjoying the two day stubble against her lips. From there, to his groans of pleasure, she worked her way south.
Unbuttoned and unzipped, she tugged the uncooperative jeans over Brad's hips. He laughed when she swore, and then laughed again when she found he still wore his boots, laced and tied.
"Thank you," he said when she cast the second one to the side. "I was wondering how I was going to get those off."
In answer, she tossed his socks at his head. And missed.
"You'll pay for that. I have brothers, you know," she said. She tried to sound imperious, but her laughter ruined the effect. She ran her hand delicately up his calf and just when he began to relax, pinched a hair between her thumb and forefinger, and pulled.
Brad's yelp was replaced by a groaning growl when she began to lap at his thighs, tiny little tongue touches that made the thick muscles quiver. As she neared his jutting erection, she was suddenly tossed, turned, and stripped. Her boots, neither laced nor tied, went flying with her jeans. She was left with a pair of lacey pink panties, and Brad bending over her, holding her hands above her head and straddling her thighs.
"I was hoping for polka dots," he said, though the hunger in his look said he wasn't too disappointed.
"Last I saw, they were lying on the ground by the flagpole," she said with a pout that he deserved. Having those panties waved like a flag was not her finest hour. "Heaven only knows where they are now."
"Heaven and me. They're in the front left pocket of my jeans. And don't look at me like that. I don't normally carry them in my pocket." Brad leaned in and kissed her nose. "My plan was to leave Gilead. I only took what was important."
All humor gone, her lover lowered his mouth to her breasts where he worshipped one and then the other. There was a quiet passion to his suckling kisses, almost a reverence, and a feeling he was exploring her body for the very first time. He settled his hips between her thighs, riding his ere
ction against her, but making no effort to bypass the thin strip of silk that separated them.
The friction was exquisite torture, and by the time he slid the panties off, she was thrusting her hips upward in search of release. She found it in his hand. Fingers driving in and out, thumb dancing over and around her rigid and excited clit, he brought her to the peak.
"Tell me that you're mine, Liv. Please tell me that you're mine." There was the sound of quiet desperation in Brad's soft plea.
"Always and forever," she panted and kept repeating it until she could no longer speak and her body shuddered with the force of her orgasm. She laid her head back on the sleeping bag, eyes closed, and regaining her senses.
Brad loomed over her. She felt his warm breath against her lips. "You can let go of my hair now, Liv."
She'd been totally unaware of her grip. Suddenly self-conscious, she untangled her fingers from his hair. "Sorry."
"Don't be," he chuckled." You're beautiful when you lose it like that."
She ran her fingers through the hair she'd just released. "Then why don't you join me and we can be beautiful together."
His chuckle became a laugh. "Greedy for more?"
"Greedy for you." She pulled him down for another kiss.
"I love you, Olivia Dawson."
"I know, pretty amazing, isn't it? I love you, too."
"Yeah, pretty amazing."
Livvy wrapped her legs around him and thrust her hips upward. Brad rolled with her and when he was on his back, lifted her, and settled her body on his pulsing erection. She rode him, stirring her own body's response by altering her position. Normally, she enjoyed being on top mostly because the physically dominant wolver beneath her found it difficult to give up control over anything. To her, it was proof that he loved her, especially when he once confessed that he'd never had sex that way with anyone but her.
Tonight, however, she felt Brad was being careful with her. She'd felt it earlier when he held her hands above her head and suddenly released them like he was afraid he'd hurt her, as if he ever had. His concern was touching, but it wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to be as he always had been, dominant, moderately demanding, and thoroughly arousing. In short, she wanted Brad.
Shifter's Magic (The Wolvers Book 8) Page 29