“No, no, no!” replied Penelope, a hairstylist who worked just down the street. “They weren’t right for each other and Jo knew it. Laurie was her friend, but she never loved him as more than that. And I think if he was honest with himself, he would have admitted that he didn’t love her either.”
“I agree,” piped up Ruby. “They were destined to be family, but not as husband and wife. Look at how perfectly it all worked out when Laurie married Jo’s sister Amy. It’s clearly how it was supposed to be.”
“I don’t know,” said Kate thoughtfully. “It always seemed like there was something special between Jo and Laurie. Sure, it worked out well in the end, but what if she would have said yes? Do you think she would have grown to love Laurie?”
Kate turned as she heard slow footsteps on the creaking wooden stairs. Everyone in the book club was present, so she couldn’t imagine who else would be in the store after closing time. She blinked with disbelief as she recognized the tall figure that was approaching.
“Hello, Kate,” said Ian.
~~~~~
Jacob headed around the side of the house to throw out some used plastic containers from the annuals he had just planted. As he approached the trash cans, he could hear a woman’s voice through an open window. Moving closer, he realized that it was Olivia, and she was praying. He knew he shouldn’t have listened in to this personal moment, but when he heard Kate’s name he felt as though his feet were planted firmly on the ground outside the window and he could not seem to turn and walk away.
“Lord, I’m here on my knees, every single day, praying for my sweet Kate. She’s been through so much, and I’m afraid that her heart is becoming hardened. When people keep disappointing her, I fear that she closes herself off even more to the possibility of ever sharing her life with someone. I know you made her with such an incredible capacity to love. Please don’t deny her of the one thing she wants most in the world. I know you have a plan for her, Lord, but I ask you – no, I beg you – bring the right man into her life. Bring someone who will love everything about her and will cherish her. Someone who will challenge her and help her to grow. Someone who will admit how much he needs her and can’t live without her. Please, Father.”
~~~~~
After hastily ending the book club meeting, Kate and Ian found themselves alone upstairs in the bookstore. Kate looked at her former friend, who looked worn and tired.
“What are you doing here, Ian?”
“I’m sorry for showing up like this unannounced. I know it’s been months, but…I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I have some things I need to say to you.”
Kate folded her arms and shifted her weight, unsure of whether or not she wanted to hear what Ian had to say.
“I realize that you have every reason to be upset with me. Please just hear me out.”
She could hear in his tone that he wasn’t planning on leaving until he said what he came to say. She took a seat on her favorite couch in The Book Nook and looked up at Ian with a blank expression, arms still folded protectively across her chest.
“The things you said to me that night really hurt. They have been echoing in my head ever since. At first I was upset that you would be willing to throw our friendship away for something that I thought you knew I didn’t want. I thought the friendship that we had was so perfect. I never said anything to you about wanting to be more than friends. But when you called me a coward…that haunted me, Kate. It’s been haunting me for months. I couldn’t understand why you would say that about me. Why you would think that about me, really. I thought I was being such a good friend to you.”
“This is what you wanted to say to me?” asked Kate harshly.
“Let me explain. I never told you this, but your mom said something to me the morning after Christmas. It was early in the morning before you had gotten out of bed. She told me that you are a treasure. She told me to treat you right. I couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole flight home. I think part of me knew you were starting to fall in love with me, but not until I heard your mother’s words did I realize how serious things were getting. So I tried. I tried to fall in love with you too. I mean, it would have been so easy. We’re so perfect for each other. But for reasons that I’ll never be able to explain because I don’t even understand them myself, it just didn’t work. I never saw you as more than a friend. A good friend. The best friend I’ve ever had, really. But still…just a friend.”
Ian sat down in a chair across from Kate. “The reason why I came here today was to tell you that you were right. I was a coward. I knew how you felt. I knew you weren’t getting what you wanted, even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself. But I was selfish. I wanted it to last for as long as it could without getting complicated, so I didn’t say anything. And you stuck in there until you couldn’t stand it anymore and did the brave thing and called me out on it. I wasn’t prepared for it, I didn’t handle it well, and it’s taken me months to get to the place where I can apologize.”
He stood up and sat gingerly on the couch next to her. “Look, the fact is that I miss you. I don’t know if you can be friends with me after the way I treated you, but I would love it if you could. I value the friendship we had, and I want it back. And this time I’ll treat you right.”
Kate’s mind was reeling. On the one hand, she was so happy to hear him say that he was wrong and apologize for the things that he had done. But how could he have let her walk out of his life completely? Why wasn’t he willing to fight for their friendship? She got up from the couch and backed away from him.
“No, Ian. Stop. It’s too late!” He got up and moved towards her, but she put her hands on her hips and took another step back. “No! Don’t touch me! I don’t believe a word you say! You’re just lonely and want me to come back and be your almost-girlfriend again. And I won’t do it! You know what’s going to happen. We’ll fall back into our old routine. I’ll spend every weekend at your place and we’ll become inseparable again. And then I’ll start to fall for you, and we’ll have the same fight. I’ll leave heartbroken, and you’ll wonder why I can’t just be your friend. I can’t do it again, Ian!”
“Kate,” he said desperately, “don’t do this. Don’t you hear what I’m saying to you? I want to be your friend. I want to do it right. I don’t want to end up in the same place where we were. Can’t we find a way to be friends again without all this drama?”
“It may be drama to you, but it’s my heart. I’ve been through more than enough. And my heart can’t take much more.” Kate held back the tears because she didn’t want him to see her cry. “Please leave. Now.”
“I’m not leaving. I need you back in my life. Please, Kate.”
“LEAVE!”
Ian stared at her, but saw from her stone-faced expression that she wasn’t going to change her mind. Defeated, he let out a pained sigh and walked down the stairs and out of the bookstore without a word.
Kate sank back onto the couch and put her head in her hands.
Knowing the store was empty, she sat as the shock wore off and began to weep. Loudly. Her chest heaved as she struggled to take in enough air to support the sobs that were shaking her body. “Why, Lord?” she cried between her sobs. “Why did he come back? I was just getting back on my feet! I’m trying to live my life and I don’t need this right now! I…I can’t. I just can’t. I’m not strong enough to let him back in my life. I’m not strong enough…” Kate curled up in a ball on the corner of the couch and continued to cry and pray, not knowing what else to do.
~~~~~
“Brooke, come outside and keep me company!”
“Just give me five minutes to get into my bikini. I just got home from work.”
True to her word, Brooke stepped out onto the patio of the beach house five minutes later in a purple and white striped bikini and settled into the lounge chair next to Kate. “How was the Trust Fund Brigade today?”
Brooke and Kate had both landed summer jobs at as servers at a local yacht
club. They enjoyed the good tips that they often made from the older crowd, but despised waiting on the spoiled younger generation.
“Oh, no majors issues today. They were high maintenance as always, but I’m getting used to it. I just keep remembering that it’s worth it to be able to live in this house for the summer.”
Although they went to different colleges and had only met a few weeks earlier when they had moved into the house, the two girls became fast friends and were enjoying having one last relaxing summer before they both graduated from college. Since they were living in the beach house rent-free, thanks to Rick’s generous parents, they were both able to work part-time and devote the rest of their time to important activities such as lounging, napping, reading for pleasure (a rare treat for college students), and working on their tans. Well, Kate either burned or stayed white, but she didn’t stop trying to break the cycle and find that warm summer glow she so desperately wanted.
“Where are Rick and Amy?” asked Brooke.
“Oh, I think they’re down the beach somewhere, taking a walk.”
“So they’re making out down by the pier again?”
“Yeah, most likely.” Kate let out a long sigh.
“What’s wrong?” asked Brooke.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. I totally admire Rick and Amy’s relationship. As much as we tease them and even though their newlywed love-fest can get to be a bit much at times, I just look to them as a wonderful example of a solid relationship. They just love each other and care for each other so much.”
“I know. It really is sweet. Even though it makes me want to throw up sometimes.”
“I can’t wait until I have that with someone.”
Brooke propped herself up on her elbow facing the chair where Kate lay. “Okay, tell me what you’re looking for in a guy.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Kate, shifting in her chair to look at Brooke.
“Come on! It’s just for fun. And sometimes it helps you figure out what you want when you talk through stuff like this.”
“Okay, fine,” said Kate. “Well, for starters, he’s got to be smart. I don’t think I could respect someone who wasn’t smart.”
“Okay…smart…check,” said Brooke. “Next?”
“And funny. He has got to be funny.”
“Okay, smart and funny. These are really unique qualities, Kate. Come on. What do you want?”
She thought for a moment, suddenly determined to come up with the perfect words to answer her friend’s question. “What do I want? Okay. I want loyalty, first and foremost. When I get married, I don’t want to have to worry for a single minute that my husband will ever leave me. I’m not naïve enough to think that we’ll never face struggles in our marriage, but I want to have complete faith that he is mine and I am his forever. I want someone who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with me. I think so many men try and put on such a tough front, but I want to be able to play an active support role, and I don’t think I can do that unless my husband is real with me. I want him to do all the small things that I love, like bringing home flowers or kissing me before he goes to work simply because he loves to make me happy. And I want someone who just cannot live without me. I want him to love me not because he feels obligated to, but because he literally could not imagine his life without me in it. That’s what I want in my heart of hearts.”
Brooke looked out at the ocean. “Yeah,” she said softly.
“Yeah,” said Kate with a sigh. The friends both watched the waves crash on the shore in silence, dreaming about the perfect man.
“Your heart of hearts, huh? Is that the scientific name?” asked Brooke, the mood suddenly lightening.
“Yes,” said Kate stubbornly. “It’s where all of your specialest wants are stored.”
“Of course it is. You’re a little bit ridiculous. You know that, right?”
“It’s part of my charm.” Kate got up from her lounge chair.
“You up for a swim?”
“Always.”
“Okay, but let’s try to cartwheel all the way down to the water. Ready, set, GO!” The women didn’t care how crazy they must have looked to all the tourists as they flipped and turned down to the shore all the way into the ocean. “I won!” cried Kate, pushing her drenched hair out of her eyes. “Now you have to buy me ice cream later.”
~~~~~
Kate woke up the next morning, still distressed from Ian’s visit. She had called both Amy and Brooke immediately and told them what had happened, and they agreed that she had done the right thing. And even though Kate was proud of herself for standing up to Ian, she was shaken by the emotional exchange.
She started to get ready for the day, feeling as though she was moving in slow motion. She stared at a bowl of oatmeal (with raisins and walnuts, her favorite) before realizing she had no appetite and threw it away, untouched. Kate decided to open the front door to take a peek at the weather before picking out an outfit for the day. There was something on her doorstep that hadn’t been there the night before. She bent down, and couldn’t help but laugh when she recognized a familiar frog lounging on her stoop. “Hello, Bernard. Long time, no see.” She picked up an envelope that was tucked into his thick bristles labeled with her name. Pulling out a note, Kate sat down on her front stoop in her robe and stocking feet and began to read.
Kate,
I want you to know that I heard everything you said today at the bookstore. I planned on going home after I left and not bothering you again, but as soon as I opened the door to my apartment, I was completely overwhelmed with how much I miss you. You’re everywhere in my apartment, Kate. Every piece of furniture, every painted wall, every piece of artwork – yes, even this ridiculous frog. Even though we haven’t spoken in months, and it seems like you don’t ever want to talk to me again, you are still a part of my life, and I don’t want to go another day without doing all that I can to win my friend back. I turned around and got right back in my car to drive here and leave you this note. We’ve known each other too long to allow this friendship to slip away. Let’s do this right. Let’s be honest with each other and learn how to be friends again.
Ian
Kate threw her hands up in the air. “Men!” In less than a year’s time she had fallen for her best friend, been rejected by him, fell in love with someone new, had her heart broken by that someone, and now her best friend wanted to be friends again?!
There are times in a woman’s life when she needs her best friend. Her best girl friend, that is. Meredith would dispense wonderful wisdom; her mother would listen empathetically; Rick and Amy would shake their heads at how hard it is to be a single adult, which neither of them ever had to experience; Darren would be a good friend, but wouldn’t really be able to give constructive comments in response to random outbursts of “I hate men!” and “What is their problem?”
Kate grabbed her purse, jumped in her car (robe and all), and drove to see her friend Brooke. She walked up to the front door of Brooke’s small house (getting her socks extremely dirty along the way) and knocked on the door. It opened within seconds, and Brooke took one look at her friend and said, “Come on in.”
After the coffee was brewed and the friends were settled into the living room wrapped in matching plaid chenille throws, Kate held up the note. “What is this?”
Brooke took the note and read it carefully. Kate saw her eyebrows raise several times.
“I hate men! What is their problem?”
“I have no idea, friend. Why did it take Ian so long to figure out that he was wrong? Why didn’t he miss you sooner?”
Kate sighed dramatically. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I mean, if we become friends again, how do I know that we won’t find ourselves in the same place again? Why would this time be any different? It happened in college, it happened last year, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep it from happening again.”
“I hear you. I would be saying the same thing. But you have to remember th
at there is one important difference this time.”
“What? What could possibly be different?”
“Truth,” said Brooke. “The truth is out on the table. And now you don’t have to be afraid about being honest with him. I mean, the worst has already happened. You lost him. And now that he’s back, he can be back on your terms. With your boundaries.”
Kate thought about her friend’s astute observation. “I never thought about it that way.”
“Think about it, Kate. You have the upper hand now. Take this chance to turn this into a solid, healthy friendship. It sounds like he’s willing to work for it.”
“I do miss him. I miss him a lot, if I’m being honest with myself. We’ve never gone this long without talking before. I really think we were meant to be friends with each other, you know? We’re so much alike in so many ways. I mean, remember how we first met?”
“I think I remember. You joined the marching band your freshman year of college because for some reason you thought that would be cool, right? To this day, I still don’t understand why.” Kate hit Brooke in the face with a throw pillow. “Oh come on. Marching band?”
“Okay, I know! But I liked it in high school, and besides, I got a scholarship!”
“You’re still a dork. Remind me how it happened, exactly?”
“It was the first week of rehearsal, and we were learning our halftime show. Ian was in the saxophone section, and he was standing right behind me on the 40 yard line in this particular part of the song. The director yelled out ‘Bells to the box!’, which means that everyone is supposed to point the bells of their instrument to the top of the stands.”
“Oh that’s right!” said Brooke, giggling. “And since you play French horn, your bell points to the back instead of in front of you like all the other instruments.”
“Yes, so I thought I’d take things literally! I turned around, bent over, and pointed my bell to the box! Ian told me years later that as soon as he saw me do that, he thought ‘Now that girl has a sense of humor. I’ve got to get to know her.’”
More Page 18