The Best-Kept Secret

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “Let me see,” she said when she arrived in front of her stepdaughter.

  “What do you think?” Alicia twirled around.

  “I like it,” Matthew said, smiling. “It looks real good on you, Alicia.”

  “Matthew is right. It does. It really does become you.”

  “I like it, too,” she said.

  “What about the other things you tried on, did they fit?”

  “Yes. I can pretty much fit anything if it’s a size five.”

  “Okay, well, why don’t you get dressed and we’ll go pay for everything.”

  “All of it?” Alicia asked.

  “Yes, if you want it.”

  “I do.”

  “Then there’s nothing else to discuss.”

  Alicia smiled and walked away, and Charlotte could tell how happy she was. She could tell that Alicia wasn’t used to being able to shop for so many items at one time. But before the day was over, Charlotte was planning to spend a whole lot more on all three of them. She loved having this kind of freedom. The kind that came from forging Curtis’s name on a joint, preapproved Visa application. It had come in the mail just over a month ago, and she had quickly filled out the necessary information. Shortly after, she’d called the issuing bank to ask what credit limit they were authorizing and to ask when they would be sending the card. They’d given her an estimated time frame, and she’d stopped at home during her lunch break for four consecutive days until it had finally arrived last Thursday. She’d been worried to death that Curtis would end up getting the mail before she could, but it had all worked out in her favor. She’d been glad of the fact that they always received their mail around the same time every day, no later than twelve thirty.

  But she had to admit, until two days ago when she’d purchased those earrings for Alicia, she’d been afraid to use the credit card because she didn’t want Curtis yelling and screaming about it. He’d do so because of the way she’d maxed out two of his other major credit cards, the ones he’d added her name to right after they were married. Not long after, he’d closed both accounts and told her that her excessive spending had to stop. But what he didn’t know was that she now had an account with every department store that would give her one. She also had her own Visa, MasterCard, and American Express cards, although each of those were nearing their limits, too, and the reason she was having her statements mailed to Anise’s house. It was also the reason she never had the amount of cash Curtis thought she should have, since she was using a great deal of her earnings to pay the minimum payment requirements. She’d tried to live within her means, but it made her so unhappy. It made her do things she shouldn’t have been doing. It made her sleep with Aaron.

  But today she felt like a woman sitting in high places. Like she had control over her destiny and could buy anything she wanted. Right at this very moment, she didn’t need Aaron in the least. Not when she was about to charge another seven hundred fifty dollars on Alicia. Not when the limit on this particular card was ten thousand dollars. But this was always her MO. If she spent a lot of money, she didn’t need Aaron. If she slept with Aaron, she didn’t need to spend a lot of money. She transferred one obsession for another when it was convenient. But this morning when she’d gotten up, she’d decided that spending money was a lot safer than having an affair. It was a lot easier to lie about money than it was about another man.

  Charlotte paid for Alicia’s new outfits and continued on her shopping spree for the next three hours. One hundred fifty on Game Boy cartridges. Three hundred on summer clothing for Matthew. One hundred thirty on two pairs of shoes for him. Five hundred on clothing for herself, and five hundred on two designer purses. One for her and one for Alicia. Then, just before leaving the mall, she’d purchased an eight hundred dollar suit for Curtis as a peace offering.

  She couldn’t wait for him to see it.

  “Woman, have you lost your natural mind?” Curtis said.

  “No, Curtis, I haven’t. I wanted to take the kids shopping and that’s what I did.”

  “Please. What you did was blow a lot of unnecessary money.”

  Charlotte couldn’t understand why he was so upset. It wasn’t like she’d spent any of his money. Not technically.

  “I bought things that we needed and maybe a few things we wanted, but it’s not like I killed anybody.”

  “You just don’t get it, do you?”

  “What?”

  “That you can’t go around spending money like some mad woman whenever you feel like it.”

  “But that’s just it. I haven’t spent any major money for months now, and I’m tired of living like we’re in poverty.”

  “This is ridiculous,” Curtis said, shaking his head at her. The man was fuming. But so was she.

  “No, what’s ridiculous is you thinking you don’t have to do anything to better our living standard.”

  “How many times do we have to argue about this?”

  “We’ll be arguing about this until you figure out a way to make more money. The kind you used to make at your other churches.”

  “You’ve got issues, Charlotte. You know that? And I’m talkin’ some real serious ones.”

  “Are you saying I’m crazy?”

  “I don’t know what to call it, but I do know that you’ve got some emotional problems. You’re never satisfied with anything. And lately you haven’t even been satisfied with me. I see this kind of behavior all the time when I counsel men in recovery. It doesn’t matter what they’re addicted to—drugs, alcohol, or whatever—they all have the same emotional behavior that you’re exhibiting.”

  “Oh, so now you think you can talk to me like some mental patient?”

  “Charlotte, don’t exaggerate. Because it’s not going to work. Whenever I call you on anything you’re doing, you always try to turn it on me instead. No matter what you do, you never take responsibility for it. You always try to get away with everything.”

  “You’re not my daddy, Curtis, you’re my husband.”

  “And you think I don’t know that?”

  “Yes, because sometimes I think you forget. Maybe it’s because you’re fifteen years older than me. I don’t know.”

  Curtis laughed right in her face, never taking his eyes off of her. She hated when he did this.

  “I can’t believe you’re still trying to use psychology on me. Me, who has used every form of psychology and trick in the book when it comes to getting out of messes.”

  “Whatever, Curtis. I keep forgetting that you’re the expert on everything.”

  “No, being an expert has nothing to do with it. This is about you being reckless.”

  “According to you, Curtis, everyone is. I mean, just thirty minutes ago, you wouldn’t even let Alicia drive Matthew to the movies because you said sixteen-year-olds can be reckless when they first learn how to drive.”

  “I said it because it’s true. You don’t just go turning loose a brand-new car to a teenager when they haven’t even been driving six months. Tanya was just telling me last week that Alicia still makes a lot of mistakes in traffic. She has her license, but she’s definitely not ready to drive by herself.”

  “Well, my parents got me a car three days after I passed the test.”

  “And how many accidents did you have in the first year?”

  “That’s beside the point.”

  “No, tell me. How many?”

  “It’s not important.”

  “Yeah. I bet it’s not.”

  “Why do we have to do this? I went shopping, and yes, maybe I spent more money than usual, but it’s not worth arguing over.”

  “How did you pay for all of it?”

  “My last couple of paychecks, and then I used my Nordstrom and Marshall Field’s charge cards for the rest.”

  “Marshall Field’s? I knew you had a card from Nordstrom, but when did you get one from Field’s?”

  She wanted to retract her statement, but it was too late.

  “It just came the o
ther day. I was in the store about a month ago, and they gave me fifteen percent off this suit I bought for opening up an account.”

  “What else haven’t you told me?”

  “Nothing.”

  “First, it was the thing on your leg and now this. And don’t get me started on our sex life. It’s practically nonexistent.”

  “I know, but that’s all going to change. I know I’ve said it before, but I mean it this time. And that’s part of the reason I bought you the suit. I wanted you to know how sorry I am.”

  Curtis sighed but didn’t say anything.

  “Let’s not do this anymore, okay?” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Let’s just love each other the way we used to.”

  “You know we have to pick up Alicia and Matthew.”

  “Not for another two hours.”

  Charlotte kissed him, and although he resisted at first, he relinquished in a matter of seconds. They kissed with great intensity, and Charlotte wanted him inside her. She wanted him to take her without even removing their clothing. It would take too much time if they did. She wanted him to make love to her as roughly as possible. She needed him to excite her. She needed him to keep her mind completely occupied, so she wouldn’t have to spend thousands of dollars just to be happy. She needed him to fill the void that she felt almost daily. If he could do that, and she prayed he could, they wouldn’t have any more problems. Well, maybe some, the kind that all married couples experience, but they wouldn’t have any major troubles. They could raise their son in the joyous way they’d planned and ultimately grow old together.

  Charlotte wanted things to turn out perfectly. Or almost.

  Chapter 12

  CURTIS WALKED OUT TO HIS SECRETARY’S DESK, DISCUSSED A FEW items that he needed her to handle, and then walked back into his office and closed the door behind him. He’d been trying to concentrate on the writing of his column and the writing of his next sermon, but his mind kept wandering elsewhere. He’d been thinking about Charlotte and the problems they’d been having. When he wasn’t thinking about that, he thought about the woman he’d seen during the church service. The one he was obviously attracted to and who couldn’t seem to keep her eyes away from him either. He’d had to pray about the lustful thoughts he’d been having ever since that day. At one point, he’d even told himself that he had to have this woman and would. But he’d prayed about that, too, asking God to remove his sinful yearning. Sometimes, though, that yearning was strong and overbearing. It was almost uncontrollable. He knew Satan was on him like never before.

  After relaxing and meditating for just over twenty minutes, Curtis picked up the phone and dialed Aaron’s work number.

  “Aaron Malone,” he answered.

  “Hey, man, how’s it going?”

  “I’m good, man, just trying to finish up this monthly report.”

  “I hear ya. I’m trying to get some work finished myself, so I can get out of here and go spend some time with Alicia.”

  “Now, how long did she say she was here for?”

  “Just this week, and now it’s already Wednesday and she’ll be leaving on Sunday.”

  “Time flies.”

  “That it does. And hey, one of the reasons I’m calling is to see if you can teach Bible study for me tonight. This is my week to do it, but I’d really like to do something with Alicia and Matthew. Charlotte took them shopping yesterday, but I’d like to do something with them this evening. Maybe take them to that new arcade and then out for pizza. I tried calling each of the associate ministers, but all four of them have other commitments.”

  “No problem. I’ll be glad to.”

  “I really appreciate it.”

  “So, how are things with you and Charlotte?”

  “Better. Although we did have words last night because of all the money she spent shopping. But as they say, ‘I’m not mad at her’ because she definitely made up for it. She did some things to me that I won’t even repeat to you,” Curtis said, reminiscing.

  “Really? Well, that’s good to hear, man.”

  “Yeah, it is. Things aren’t all the way back to normal but definitely better.”

  “I told you everything would work out.”

  “That you did. But these problems between Charlotte and me have really tested my faith.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “But the thing that has kept me in control is the fact that I love her. Regardless of what I say, what I think, or what I do, I really do love Charlotte and there’s no way I can deny that.”

  “I hear you.”

  Curtis wondered why Aaron sounded sort of distant, but maybe he was concentrating on the report he said he was working on.

  “Well, man, I guess I’d better let you go,” Curtis said. “And thanks again for taking my spot at Bible study.”

  “Hey, that’s what I’m here for. To support you in any way I can.”

  “You’re a good friend, Aaron. You accepted me for who I was as soon as we moved here, and I have definitely come to depend on our friendship. It’s not every day that a man can find a friend he can trust his life with.”

  “I feel the same way about you. You’re a good man, Curtis, and a great pastor.”

  “Okay, now, I think we should end this before we both start crying like little babies,” Curtis said, and they both laughed.

  “I’ll give you a ring tomorrow,” Aaron said.

  “Take care.”

  Curtis didn’t have any other real friends he could think of. He’d bonded with a few ministers while in Chicago, but they were never the kind of friends he could trust the way he trusted Aaron. Once upon a time, he’d thought that Tyler, Cletus, and Malcolm were the closest friends he’d ever have, but now he looked at them a lot differently. Curtis had turned his life around, but the three of them were still running their massive churches in a corrupt way, and Curtis didn’t have much to do with them. Occasionally, they spoke by phone, but for the most part, his connection with them was limited.

  Then there was the estranged relationship he had with his family. He hadn’t spoken to his mother or sister in over twenty-two years. He loved both of them, but the summer before he’d entered Morehouse, he’d stopped communicating with them completely. He’d explained to his mother that there were too many unpleasant memories regarding his childhood and that the only way he could be happy was to distance himself from anything or anyone who reminded him of it. His mother had begged and pleaded with him not to do it, but he’d purposely ignored her wishes. He’d even ignored the weekly letters she’d sent to him at school, by asking the postal service to return them. Then, during his sophomore year, his sister had called, saying that she wanted him to attend her high school graduation, but he’d told her in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t make it. She’d promised him that she would never forgive him for as long as she lived.

  Curtis wasn’t proud of the way he’d turned his back on his family, but he hadn’t seen any other way to block out his younger years. His father, his father’s women, the way his father had mistreated Curtis, the way his father had allowed them to live—the way he had spent his money on his women. It had been a horrific time in Curtis’s life, and he’d told himself that if he ever got a chance to leave home, he would never look back. He would pretend as though that period in his life never happened. He would work hard at building a life for himself, the kind every human being deserved.

  But at least his mother had deposited every single check he’d mailed to her for Mother’s Day for the last ten years. When he and Tanya had moved back to Chicago, Curtis had hired a private investigator to find out where she lived and had begun mailing her an annual check of a thousand dollars. He’d even had the PI locate his sister, who was married and had two beautiful children. But he still hadn’t found the nerve to contact either of them. He thought about it from time to time but always settled on leaving well enough alone. Somehow, he truly believed it was better this way. And maybe his mother’s feelings w
ere mutual, because she’d never tried to contact him either, even though he always made sure to include his return address, just in case she wanted to.

  Curtis finished the last paragraph of his column and leaned back in his chair. He sat there for a few minutes debating whether he should e-mail it to his editor now or read through it a couple of more times this evening. He glanced at his watch just as his phone rang.

  “Pastor?” Lana said.

  “Yes?”

  “Your editor is on the line.”

  “Thanks. Put him through.”

  “Richard. How are you?”

  “I’m wonderful, Curtis. And you’ll feel even better than me once I tell you the news.”

  “Which is?”

  “Your column is going into syndication. TBC News Service just made an offer for a frequency of three times per week.”

  “Richard, man, this is great news. When did you hear?”

  “Just got off the phone with them about ten minutes ago. They wanted me to present the offer to you and then call them back with you on the line.

  “Is it a good one?”

  “A very good one.”

  “Which is?”

  “They’re starting you out in fifty cities and only with the top newspapers. They haven’t discussed dollars and cents, but TBC is the best-known syndicate, so I’m sure the money will be what we want it to be.”

  “I’ve been waiting for this to happen, but now that it has, it seems unreal.”

  “Well, believe me when I say that this is only the beginning, because the subject of your book came up, too.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. I told TBC that you were finished with it and how once it’s published, you’ll be able to cross-promote. The book will turn readers on to the column, and the column will do the same for the book.”

  “And?”

  “They agreed wholeheartedly, and Maxwell, the vice president, gave me the name of a top agent there in New York. He’s going to call and make the introduction for you this afternoon and wants you to FedEx a copy of the manuscript to her for tomorrow morning’s delivery. And Curtis, it sounds like this woman has connections with every major house there is. She used to run one of them herself before becoming an agent, so she definitely knows how to make things happen. As a matter of fact, Maxwell couldn’t go on enough about how respected she is in the publishing community.”