“So?” Nina said excitedly. “What’s this interesting side bet?”
“Winner keeps all the money in the pot and the other person is their maid for the next month.”
“What?” I made a face. “Maid?”
“Yes.” He grinned. “They have to do whatever the other person asks during the next month.”
“Ooh, that sounds interesting.” Nina grinned. “Do it, Sage, you can have a maid. We need a maid in our place.”
“I don’t know.” I frowned. I didn’t want to be Jacob’s maid and I sure didn’t want him to be mine. I didn’t want him in my life. I already wanted to go home and start crying. Being around Jacob had brought up emotions that I wanted to forget. I was feeling things I didn’t want to feel again. Like that happy warm feeling that being around him always brought out in me. It was the best part of having been with Jacob. He’d always made me feel comforted. Always made me feel like I belonged. He was someone that made me feel alive; in a way that I had never felt before. It was such a surreal feeling. One that I’d never felt with anyone else before in my life. And I didn’t like feeling it again. Before, it had made me feel like I was alive. Like I was a real human being, but now, now it made me feel like I was a fool. I didn’t want to feel alive around him. I didn’t want him to be the one that made me feel like I had something to live for. He’d broken my heart. He’d crushed me. I wanted to forget that he even existed. He was nothing to me. I didn’t want him in my life again.
“Go on, Sage,” Nina pleaded with me. “We need a maid.”
“We don’t need a maid.” I glared at her. “Our place isn’t even big enough for a maid.”
“He can do our dishes and laundry and stuff.”
“That’s inconvenient,” I said in haste. “That means we would have to leave our stuff waiting around dirty for whenever he would show up to clean them all.”
“I have a way to fix that problem if that is what you’re worried about,” Jacob said with a sly grin and my stomach dropped. I didn’t like the look on his face. This wasn’t going the way I had hoped or planned.
“There’s no way to fix the problem, sorry,” I said quickly. “So, it seems to me that we can’t go forward.”
“So then you agree that if I present a way to address that issue, you will go ahead with the bet.”
“Sure.” I shrugged. There was no way he could find an adequate way to fix the issue. What was he going to do? Come over at 2:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. every day to do our dishes? Yeah, right.
“You heard that everyone.” Jacob was grinning widely, and I couldn’t help but feel the urge to smile back at him. His happiness had always been infectious, but I resisted the urge to smile with him. There was nothing about Jacob that made me want to feel at one with him anymore. “We have a deal if my idea fixes the problem.”
“Yup.” Nina grinned. “We sure do.” I couldn’t believe she was being so obnoxious about this whole thing. Couldn’t she tell that I was completely uncomfortable in Jacob’s presence?
“So, what’s the deal then?” Nina continued. “What’s your solution to the problem?”
“The loser has to live with the winner for a month.” He grinned. “That way they will always be available when needed.”
“What?” I almost screamed. “No, no, that’s not a good solution. That’s not going to work.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I have classes I have to attend.” I made a face at him. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I can’t be with you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for a month, just so I can do your dishes.”
“What if I came up with a way to make it work so that the winner still gets the services needed when needed and still gets to go to class?”
“Well, of course, she’d do it then,” Nina spoke for me and while I was annoyed, I just shrugged. What did it matter? There was no way that he could come up with a viable solution. It just wasn’t possible.
“So that’s a yes?” Jacob pressed me for an answer.
“Sure, whatever. If you can think of a way.” I stared at him, not smiling. Why was he doing this? I wanted to shake him, but I couldn’t stop the part of me that just wanted to stare at his face and memorize every new crease in his skin. Not that he really had any. He still had the same baby face and big bright blue eyes that I remembered as a kid. Only he was more handsome and even more vibrant. And his hair was shorter and closer to his scalp on the sides. How was it possible that he could be so good-looking while being such an arrogant douchebag?
“Okay. So we’re going to be all in, then?” He looked at me for acknowledgment.
“That’s what we said.”
“So here’s my solution. Whoever loses . . .” He paused dramatically, and Nina clapped her hands excitedly.
“Continue please,” I said, and I reached up and played with my hair. The ends really looked like dry and I wondered again if I could get away with trimming it myself. “Whoever loses, what?”
“Whoever loses has to live with the other person for a month, but we’ll work around the schedule so that no classes are missed. I mean I thought I was clear before, but maybe you’re just scared you’ll lose.”
“What?” I swallowed hard. “That’s not possible. I mean, it’s just not a good idea.” I shook my head. “No way. That’s not a solution.”
“That’s a solution though.” He looked at me with a serious face. “Do you not agree with that?”
“It is a solution, but it’s not a good one.” I frowned, my heart beating. There was no way that I wanted to be around him for that amount of time. I still felt like I was in some sort of twilight zone being here with Jacob.
“Well, I think we agreed on a solution, we didn’t specify a good one,” he said smugly, and I just stared at him. He was totally enjoying this. “So we have a deal, right? Ready for the final hand?”
I stared at his face for a few seconds and then looked around the table. Everyone was staring at me with intense anticipation. I knew that everyone wanted to see this final hand. It was exciting. Well for them. For me, it was fear-inducing and sickening. I just wanted to run away.
“I’m ready,” I said, my voice calm, not giving away the bubbling anxiety that lay at the surface of my thoughts. It almost didn’t matter if I lost or won. Just taking on the bet made me a loser. The result either way meant that I had to be with Jacob for long periods at a time and that was the last thing that I wanted. There was no way I was walking out of here a happy person. Well, there was one way. If I woke up and realized that this had all been a dream. That would leave me feeling happy; ecstatic even. There was only one way for this to go. I didn’t want to risk having Jacob in my personal space for a month. I didn’t want him to taint it. I didn’t want to go to my kitchen or bathroom and always imagine him being there. I had to lose, no matter what cards I had. I’d rather be his maid and in his space, than to have him in mine. That way, at the end of the month I could walk away and try and forget he had ever existed.
Chapter Eight
Sage
“Sage, what are you doing right now?” Nina’s voice almost screamed through my bedroom door. I tried not to groan out loud and just kept quiet. It was too early in the morning for her to be awake, especially after how much she’d had to drink the night before.
“Sage, are you awake?” Nina shouted again, and I sighed loudly.
“Nope.” I grunted.
“Good,” she said and pushed the door open and entered the room. “I’m glad you’re awake.”
“I’m not awake. Go away.” I frowned at her and she grinned as she sat down on my bed, her expression eager and excited.
“Hey, hey, hey. Looks like you’re awake to me.” She smiled at me and I closed my eyes. I felt her fingers under my arms trying to tickle me and I wiggled in the bed, trying not to laugh.
“What do you want, Nina?” I sat up and gave her my meanest face.
“I want all the deets on your history with
that hottie from last night.”
“What hottie?” I stared at her blankly, pretending that I didn’t know what she was talking about.
“Um, Jacob. The hot guy you lost the bet to.” She grinned. “Now don’t play coy. I want to know everything.”
“There is nothing to know.” I shrugged.
“Sage.” Her voice became high and she gave me one of her, don’t you dare lie to me faces.
“Nina.” I widened my eyes at her. I wanted to tell her that she was making me uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her that she should read my cues that I obviously didn’t want to talk about him. But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to upset her. She was my first real friend and I was loathed to say or do anything that might make her not want to continue putting up with me. I mean, that was the same reason I’d allowed her to drag me to the party and look how that had turned out.
“How do you know him?” she continued, almost whining. “Is he your ex?”
“I knew him when I was younger, back in the old days,” I said, trying to let her know by my tone that that was all I was going to say about Jacob.
“The days you don’t like to talk about, huh?” She paused and just looked at me for a moment. Nina didn’t know much about my background. She didn’t know that I had never had any parents. I hadn’t wanted her sympathy. I’d just wanted to make a new friend; a real friend and have it be based one hundred percent on how much they liked me for me and not because I had a sad background. I hadn’t lied to her. I had told her that my childhood hadn’t been a happy one and I didn’t like to talk about it and she had respected my wishes. I sure hoped she would continue to.
“Correct.” I nodded, and her face saddened. It made me feel bad that she was affected by my not wanting to tell her about my past, but there was nothing good to be had by having a conversation about it.
“So, were you surprised to see him?”
“That’s an understatement,” I said, with a bitter laugh. I hadn’t slept well at all. All my thoughts had been on Jacob and what he was doing here and how long he’d been on campus and if he had ever thought about me.
“Are you happy you’re going to be spending the next month at his apartment?” she asked curiously. “Would you hook up with him?” Her voice turned salacious.
“No way.”
“I would totally hook up with him. He’s so hot.” She had a dreamy smile on her face and I could feel a stirring of jealousy in me. Why was I getting jealous? I was so annoyed at myself.
“Have at him, if you want him.” The words sputtered out of my mouth and I regretted them as soon as I said them.
“He’s not interested in me. He only had eyes for you last night.” She giggled, and my stomach churned.
“He was most probably just shocked to see me,” I said, and I could feel a wave of sadness crossing over me. Why, oh why, had he come back into my life? I didn’t need this stress or niggling worry to start consuming my every thought once again.
“Yeah maybe.” She stared at me and I could see her brain whirling as she thought. “It was more than just shock, though.” She looked at me for a few seconds, her eyes searching mine. “He wants something from you.”
“He’s not getting anything from me,” I snapped.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice soft as she looked at me in concern. “I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“I’m fine, thanks,” I said, trying to put on my best face. I didn’t want to tell her how unfine I was. I didn’t want her to know just how devastated I was. I didn’t even want to think about it. Thinking about it made it real. I wasn’t ready to admit it was real. I had such conflicted emotions about having him back in my life.
“Sage, you know you can tell me anything.” Nina made a face and sighed. “I know, sometimes, I seem like, well, you know . . .” Her voice trailed off. “I have a hard time discussing deep stuff.” She looked down. “But it’s not because I don’t care or want to know. I’m here for you, Sage.”
“Thanks.” I reached out and grabbed her hand and squeezed it. I didn’t even know what part of me made me do that as it wasn’t really something I ever really did. “Thank you, Nina,” I whispered, and she looked at me with a small smile. I felt like I saw Nina for the first time then. She looked innocent, and small and sad. A part of me almost broke inside realizing that I wasn’t the only one hiding something here. Nina might seem cool and calm on the outside, but there was something on the inside that was haunting her. I could tell. I wanted to tell her that she could open up to me as well. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t mind if she was broken. That I would always be her friend. But I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know how to express myself. I didn’t know how to let her know.
“I’m going to go and shower.” She jumped off of the bed and giggled. “And I guess you should start getting your stuff ready.”
“Yeah.” I nodded and smiled back at her, the brief touching moment gone. Neither one of us knew how to let the other in all the way. “I guess I should.” I made a face and watched as she left the room. I made sure she was gone before falling back into the pillows and taking a deep breath. Unfortunately, the deep breath couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Gut wrenching, heartbreaking, tears that I hadn’t cried in a long time. Tears that reminded me of Jacob and the moment I realized that he was gone from my life forever. I didn’t want to go back to those days or those feelings. I couldn’t emotionally handle it. I wished I could just close my eyes, and everything would be okay. I wished that I’d never met him. I wished so many things. But I knew that it didn’t matter. My wishes had never come true before and I was sure they weren’t about to come true now.
Chapter Nine
Sage
I stood in Jacob’s living room, not saying a word. The day was finally here. The day where I had to move in with him. My stomach was churning, and I didn’t know where to look. I didn’t want to look at him. Looking at him made me forget how much I hated him.
“Cat got it?” The smooth drawl in his tone was unmistakable, his sexy tones making my stomach curl and twirl, even though I didn’t want to be affected by him.
“Sorry, what?” I looked up into his blue eyes and tried not to smile. I didn’t want to smile, but there was just something about him that always made me forget I was angry at him. There was something about the way his blue eyes crinkled that made me just want to drown in him.
“Cat got it?” he asked again.
“Got what?” I blinked at him, my face as serious as possible.
“Your tongue.” He smiled at me as he took a step closer to me. I resisted the urge to take a step away from him. He was not going to make me react.
“I don’t have a cat.” I smiled at him cutely and watched his face as he burst into laughter.
“Would you like a cat?”
“No.” I shook my head and tried not to smile back at him. I’d missed our witty banter. Almost as much as I’d missed him.
“Do you not like cats anymore?” His eyes searched mine and I turned away from him.
“Nope,” I muttered, trying not to remember the days and nights we’d spent talking about the virtues of having a cat versus a dog.
“I love pussies,” he said in such a wicked tone that I couldn’t stop myself from gasping and staring back up at him. His lips were in a wide grin and he winked at me as his eyes caught mine.
“You’re disgusting,” I spat out at him, while my mind wandered along a dangerous path. How many women had he been with? A stab of pain hit me then and jealousy flowed through my body as I thought about him sleeping with different women. I bit down on my lower lip and tried to avoid the thoughts in my mind. What did I care if he had slept with a billion women? He was nothing to me anymore. He could sleep with the entire continent of Africa for all I cared. Africa, Asia, Europe, all of them. I didn’t care. Not even a little bit.
“You’ll sleep in that room by the bathroom.” He pointed toward a door across the corridor and I avoi
ded his gaze.
“And where will you be sleeping?” I mumbled to the floor, but my eyes flew up as I heard his deep laugh. My stomach still had nerves in it and I didn’t want to mention the fact that I didn’t see another door in the apartment. It sure didn’t look like he had two separate bedrooms to me.
He began laughing.
“What’s so funny?” I glared at him as I gazed into his deep blue eyes. Eyes that were as familiar as my own. Eyes that reminded me of the endless ocean. I wanted to look away then as he smiled at me warmly, but I couldn’t.
“Where do you think I’ll be sleeping?” he said, his lips twisted in a half-smile.
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.” I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. I wasn’t a child anymore and I didn’t want to give him the excuse to treat me like one.
“In that room.” He pointed toward the same door that he’d pointed at earlier. My heart jumped when I realized what that meant. I couldn’t stop the immediate shot of excitement that coursed through me at the thought of what his indicating finger meant.
“The same room?” I swallowed hard, even though it wasn’t really a surprise to me. I’d known from the moment that I’d entered the apartment that everything was going to wind up being even more intense than I’d originally imagined.
“Yes, Sage, the same room. In the same bed even.” He winked at me and I couldn’t stop myself from blushing. Even after all this time, he had this way of affecting me to my very core.
“I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “I’m not sleeping in the same bed as you. No way, Jose. You couldn’t pay me to share a bed with you again. Not even a million dollars.”
“Not your choice.” He shrugged. “You lost the bet. You have to do it. Don’t you want to cuddle with me anymore?”
“It was a stupid bet. I’m not cuddling you. Ever again.” My voice was high. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that party. Why had I gone to that party? I was going to kill Nina for dragging me along with her. Though, she couldn’t have known that the night would end up like this.
Carry My Heart Page 5