*****
Opening
The Tannoy announces "Will passenger MacDonald for Amsterdam please report to gate number 24 immediately, as the flight is now closing." Anne and Barbara enter, Anne smartly dressed as for a business meeting and carrying a briefcase, Barbara casual but with a laptop computer. They choose seats, then Anne stands briefly to peer at the departures screen on the "fourth wall."
ANNE Thirty minutes' delay. Could be worse.
BARBARA At least it's a relief to get rid of the luggage.
ANNE Why on earth do you bring so much? It's only a three-day meeting.
BARBARA Yes, but you never know what sort of occasions will arise.
ANNE Somehow I don't foresee much in the way of glamorous evening entertainment.
BARBARA I don't want to miss out if there is any going. And in any case I don't want to turn up in a suit that looks as though I've been sleeping in it.
ANNE Choose the right suit, and it won't - even if you have.
BARBARA Well, I'm not the one who always nods off after lunch.
ANNE Always? Come off it. Once or twice, perhaps - after a heavy night.
BARBARA I don't think you realise how often it is.
ANNE Then for goodness' sake give me a prod any time you see me napping. It could be seriously embarrassing.
BARBARA (teasing) I shall, don't worry.
ANNE Anyway, to get back to the point, I don't like to be parted from anything I'll need at the meeting - I'd stick to hand baggage alone if it were possible. Remember that time in Vienna when the man from Brazil apologised for turning up looking like a lumberjack because his luggage had gone on a world tour and never caught up with him.
BARBARA That was exceptional. I've never had anything go astray.
ANNE Talk about tempting Providence! Remember the story Bill told us on Wednesday.
BARBARA I missed that. What was it?
ANNE Well, he was behind a particularly cantankerous customer at the check-in, giving the clerk hell. When his turn came he asked the girl where this character was going. "Trinidad - but his luggage is going to Tokyo."
BARBARA I wouldn't say I was particularly cantankerous.
ANNE Far from it. But accidents do happen. I've been lucky - the only time my luggage was missing it had been put on the next flight to the same destination. You can't count on that.
The Tannoy again announces, more emphatically, "Will passenger MacDonald for Amsterdam please report to gate number 24 immediately, as the flight is now closing."
ANNE Why is it always passengers for Amsterdam who seem to go missing?
BARBARA I did hear of one for Brussels once.
ANNE There must be something about the Low Countries.
BARBARA (almost giggling) I get a picture of a very staid New York couple, descended from the original Dutch settlers, heading back to some dreary ancestral town, and the husband deciding at the last minute that he'd rather kick up his heels in Paris instead.
ANNE "MacDonald" doesn't sound particularly Dutch.
BARBARA Perhaps it's his wife who's the old colonial.
ANNE That's possible. And maybe the husband's preoccupied with the whisky in the Duty Free.
BARBARA That sounds a lot more likely. Oh, will you keep an eye on my things for a while? Shan't be long.
ANNE Topping up your own supplies?
BARBARA No, just a precaution.
ANNE Only teasing. Go ahead. I've a couple of calls to make.
Exit Barbara. Anne checks her diary, then takes out a mobile phone and dials.
ANNE Sid? … It's Anne. Sorry to bother you, but in the rush to prepare for this trip I forgot that Bob was away when it was arranged, and didn't think to mention it yesterday. There's a section meeting tomorrow; would you give my apologies? … Thanks. You're a brick … Oh yes? The chance would be fine thing! Cheers. (She dials again.) Hello, Mum. … Yes, no problem. Traffic was pretty bad, but we'd left plenty of time. We're in the departure lounge now … A half-hour delay so far - could be worse. How are things with you? … But you need to get out more. Don't turn down an opportunity just because - … Oh yes, he said that was a possibility. Now look, you're not to worry … Yes, of course, but they wouldn't be sending him if they thought there was any real danger. I'm sure he'll be all right … Yes, I know the situation's different now, but it hasn't hotted up yet, and by all accounts it'll be months before it could - plenty of time to get him out in case of trouble … Yes, I will. 'Bye. (Barbara returns.) That was quick.
BARBARA No queue. Oh, and I think I've solved the MacDonald mystery.
ANNE What?
BARBARA The missing passenger. A rather elderly woman dashed out just as I got there and dropped her bag on the way. I picked it up for her - that was the name on the label. (Examining a finger) Damn! I've broken a nail. And my file was confiscated at the security check.
ANNE I did warn you. (Fishing in her handbag) Here, I've an emery board.
BARBARA Thanks. (She attends to the damage and returns the board.) But what use would a three-inch nail file be to any terrorist?
ANNE Hmm. You might be surprised.
She moves behind Barbara and presses a metal-bodied pen to the back of her neck.
ANNE (speaking in an unnaturally deep voice) Can you tell what it is that I've got here?
BARBARA Don't! It gives me the creeps. What is that?
ANNE (reverting to a normal voice) Just a pen - which may not be mightier than the sword, but in this case as effective as a gun so long as you think that it is one.
BARBARA And so long as you don't need to fire it.
ANNE Of course.
BARBARA Better not tell the security people.
ANNE No, I should hate to lose this. It's rather special.
BARBARA I'm surprised you risk it, then.
ANNE A mistake. I forgot it was in this bag. And to be honest I never thought of pretending it was anything else until now.
BARBARA May I see?
ANNE Certainly. (She passes it over.)
BARBARA What an odd shape.
ANNE Apparently it represents a Japanese nuclear fuel element - in miniature, naturally, though the button at the top is supposed to be the same size as one of the actual pellets. It was given to Dad when he retired. I kept it after …
She breaks off in a sudden and uncharacteristic moment of emotion.
BARBARA (after a moment of anxiety while Anne recovers) Yes, I can see why it's precious.
ANNE Sorry about that. It doesn't usually take me so hard.
BARBARA Nothing to be sorry for. It's perfectly natural. I'd be more worried if it didn't hurt. You were pretty close to him, weren't you?
ANNE Yes. Best pals, and all that. I still think occasionally, "I must tell Dad about that - he'd love it" - but I can't.
BARBARA Perhaps you should save it up for when you meet again.
ANNE Do you believe we do?
BARBARA Plenty of people I respect think so.
ANNE Not quite the same thing. To me, it somehow seems too much like wishful thinking.
BARBARA Yes, but wanting something to be true doesn't necessarily make it false.
ANNE I suppose not. Oh, this won't do at all. I'm getting thoroughly maudlin. (A moment's pause) Barbara -
BARBARA What?
ANNE You had some connection who was involved with UN weapon inspection, didn't you?
BARBARA Yes, an umpteenth cousin so many times removed - I never could work out the exact relationship.
ANNE How did you meet, then?
BARBARA We just happened to be fairly close neighbours, and his son dated me occasionally in a rather platonic way. Nice lad; I did wonder sometimes … But he went off to a job half way across the country, and met someone else. What of it?
ANNE Did he ever say anything about how dangerous the job was?
BARBARA Why on earth do you ask?
ANNE I just phon
ed Mum. She's worried because Uncle Jim is being sent to Iraq in the new round of inspections.
BARBARA O lucky Jim. I can't say I particularly envy him. But I think you could safely tell your mother not to worry.
ANNE I did, but I doubt if it helped. She's no fool, and after all, what do I know about it?
BARBARA Well, Jack said he got on fine with the people he actually dealt with. The ordinary folk there are just as decent and reasonable as anywhere else - more so than in some places he's been, a lot nearer home. His contacts apparently regarded the job as one where they were all more or less colleagues together.
ANNE I don't think that's quite what Mum's worried about. The high-ups aren't likely to take the same view. What happens if the military decide to use the inspectors as hostages?
BARBARA These days, that could happen to anyone, anywhere.
ANNE In our present circumstances, that isn't very reassuring. I don't think Mum would altogether appreciate it.
BARBARA Probably not. (After short pause.) Eureka!
ANNE What is it?
BARBARA I've just thought of how to finish that third presentation I was worried about.
ANNE Then get it down before you forget.
BARBARA Yes, I'd better.
She opens and starts her computer, waits for the opening sequence to finish, then selects her program and starts to type.
ANNE Fancy a coffee?
BARBARA That'd be nice - thanks.
Exit Anne. Barbara continues to type, with occasional pauses for thought, amendments to work already done, etc. Anne returns with two cups of coffee, handing one to Barbara. Suddenly she sneezes, and slops her own drink, splashing her suit. She fumbles in her bag for a tissue to mop up the mess.
ANNE Damn!
BARBARA Will it stain?
ANNE I'm not sure. I'd better see if I can clean it up. What a pest!
BARBARA Well, I hate to say it, but now you see why I don't wear a business suit for travelling.
CURTAIN
**********
Return to Contents
CRASH
Characters
Julie Late teens, emotionally volatile, rather naïve.
Karen About the same age but calmer and more mature.
Set:
An ordinary kitchen with a table and two chairs.
Time
The present.
Stage 12 Page 4