When we got back to Dad’s house, I had to put a smile on my face and be the strong wife and mother it seemed everyone expected me to be. I had to believe my life was wonderful because I had this strong and supportive husband who just didn’t know when I simply needed a hug. I got out of the car, and before helping the girls with their things, I stood on the uneven driveway, closed my eyes, inhaled, and felt butterflies in my stomach as I remembered Chris pulling me close to his body earlier. Immediately I felt guilt. He was such a wonderful man. He had shown me how much he did in fact love me when we were alone, and he could focus his attention on me. I just needed to figure out how to get him to dish out those hugs when I needed them. One more quick breath, a small glance at our beautiful daughters, and another small memory entered my mind.
***
Chris and I left the shower after steaming up the small bathroom in the cottage. I had a towel around me and dripped water on the cold tile floor. Chris stepped out of the shower after me and walked up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. He started to kiss the back of my neck, licking up the water standing on my shoulders. I could feel his body against my lower back. I pressed my backside against him, and he moaned in my ear. Chris was so seldom ready for round two, but the shower episode wasn’t exactly completed for either of us. As he continued to press his body against mine and kiss my neck and shoulders, he reached around and pulled at the towel I had tucked in between my breasts. As the towel dropped, I turned around, placed my hands against his face, and accepted his lips against mine. Our mouths opened, and we both moaned as we stumbled onto the bed. Chris leaned his body against mine again, and we fell together onto the unmade bed. Chris placed his hands down on the bed near my sides, lifted his body up and kissed my breasts. Within a moment, he had his hands on my thighs, pulling my body closer to his own. I arched my back and my neck as he kissed my body, his hands moving to cup my bottom, breaking the tension our bodies had created and causing us both to shudder.
***
As I stood in my father’s driveway thinking of those moments, I felt myself grow excited, with a warm and pleasing sensation approaching my lower body. I stretched up into the air, inhaled again, and grabbed Bella as she started to jump out of the rental minivan. Again, I was reminded how much I needed to figure out what was important; a hug and some nice words, or a great sex life every few months. Then I wondered why I couldn’t have both. At the same time, I realized Chris didn’t communicate at all during sex these days, and communication was just one more thing I needed from him. Goodness, I thought it might be a good thing to keep inside. It’s almost depressing. Focusing back on my family and getting everyone out of the car, I addressed all the issues at hand, the important issues.
“Bella, where is your soft blankie?” I asked. Emily immediately jumped up and told me she had Goon Goon safe and sound. “Great job, Emily. I’m so glad we didn’t accidently leave her at Aunt Natalie’s house.” I took notice the word Aunt came out as ant instead of with the letter u pronounced like all the people in the area said. Another reminder I didn’t belong there. I had to get back to real life in Colorado.
“Poppy!” My girls yelled for my dad at the same time. “Can we watch Cinderelly on your big TV, Poppy?” Emily was eager for some down time. She wouldn’t admit it, but an afternoon movie really meant naptime for both girls. They cuddled in blankets, ate a small snack, and fell asleep before the cat and mouse chase began in the movie.
***
A few hours later Dad, disappeared and returned with steamed shrimp, french fries, two house salads, and a big greasy paper bag filled with hush puppies from Molly’s. I only ate about four shrimp but lots of hush puppies and a salad. It felt like we’d eaten nothing but seafood the entire trip, but I knew it wasn’t true, since I’d just had steaks with Chris at the cottage. I felt so detached from our time together. My mind had been reeling with thoughts, questions, negativity, and heartache. I knew I was feeling some of Natalie’s sorrow, some of my own insecurities, and something or another from watching Will commit his life to a woman I didn’t know. Or rather, a woman who wasn’t me.
The girls fell asleep on the living room floor cuddled together with their lovies. Chris and I moved them into the room they shared and settled on the couch to watch a movie with Dad after Natalie had taken her kids back home. We talked about our plans for the remaining days in Virginia, and I quickly fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t even make it past the first twenty minutes into the movie.
***
The next two days were a whirlwind of temper tantrums, tourist traps, and Chris and I talking around my family like we were one strong married couple. It all left me wondering if there was ever any substance to any of those conversations. I noticed he never once touched me, hugged me, or kissed me any of those days. For Chris, his moments of showing me love and affection went away once we checked out of the Bed and Breakfast. For me, it felt like his obligation to me, his wife, had ended. I started to lose the positive feeling I had gained after our evening together at the cottage, but I kept reeling myself back and telling myself I was seeing or worrying about something that just wasn’t there. Our marriage was strong, and people could see it. Even if Chris’ hands weren’t all over me every second of the day. That would be too awkward around my family anyway.
Our final day we actually spent a few hours with Will and Rebecca. They had decided not to have a honeymoon away, but instead spend some time at Will’s Deltaville home, his grandfather’s old house in Stingray Bay Hills. Will called my dad’s house looking for me and sounded frantic when I got on the phone.
“Nikki Jay! I’m so happy I caught you.”
“Hey, Will! How’s married life?” My heart sank a bit as I asked the question. “Shouldn’t you and your bride be off on some exotic beach somewhere soaking up the sun and getting drunk?” I asked to lighten my mood a bit. I didn’t want Will to hear my nervousness over the phone.
“Nah, babe, we decided to stay here in Deltaville, at the Bay house and celebrate the quiet life. You know the quiet life. Don’t you? Or do you not have a quiet life in busy Colorado?”
“I live in a fairly small town, Will, and it’s transient enough to feel quiet at times. What’s up? Are you okay?” Again, my nerves were starting to show. What a stupid question it was. Of course, he was okay. He had just married a beautiful woman, and they’d locked themselves in a beach house to make love twenty hours a day until real life called.
“Yea, Nikki, I’m okay. Becca’s okay. Hey, we’d like to see you and Chris and maybe the girls before you leave if you have time to fit us in. Can you fit us in, Nik? Can I see you again before you head back to big, bad, beautiful Colorado?” His tone seemed to change with his last question. He almost seemed too eager, desperate even.
“We leave tomorrow, Will. I guess maybe we can do something tonight if you’d like.” I looked at Chris, almost apologetically. Chris nodded his head, started to roll his eyes, but opted for placing his hands on my shoulders and standing behind me in a manly protective way. “How about if Chris and I come over to your place tonight after we get the girls to bed? I’m sure you’d love to see my beautiful babies. But really, they are tired, and an evening with Pop-Pop would be better for them than rushing them around anymore.”
“Okay, Nikki Jay, we’ll see you tonight. I can’t wait to see you again. Buh-bye.” And Will hung up the phone.
That evening, or afternoon rather because Nana always serves dinner at 4:00pm, my dad, Chris, the girls, and I ate dinner at Nana’s house. It was probably the best evening we’d had since arriving in Virginia. Nana served a spread fit for a king and large enough for a king’s court. She had her famous southern fried chicken, hamburger steaks, macaroni and cheese, three different vegetables, causing Emily to ask what okra was and then give her famous “ewww gross” look, dinner rolls and loaf bread with butter and jelly on the side, just the way my grandfather had always expected it, and ice cream with handmade whipped cream. Nana spent most o
f the dinner addressing us all by the wrong names and telling us what’s going on with everyone in church. None of us knew anyone she spoke of, but it didn’t stop her from trying to jog our memories with their parents’ names or siblings’ names or who they had married or where they had lived years ago. We still didn’t know who she was talking about, and we were never sure she had the names right anyway, but she sure acted like she was telling of her adventures with the queen, and that’s what made it so much fun. Even Chris laughed and didn’t once correct her when she called him Dan. When I wasn’t laughing and feeling connected and relaxed with my family, I wasted my mind on thoughts of Will.
Nana had always called Will by his name. I was always surprised she never even tried to turn him into a William since he was just Will. Always looking for signs of The Fates working for or against me, I took it as a good sign Nana seemed to know and remember Will’s name every time she spoke to him or about him. I thought she might have been about the only one in my family who actually liked him and approved of us being together. I also thought she was certain I had done something horribly wrong to lose him.
After a fun dinner, clean up filled with laughter, and lots of questions from Emily, our little girls were so sleepy they could barely keep their eyes open, but it was only 6 o’clock. Early dinners make for early sleepers. Dad told us to go on over and meet up with Will and Rebecca while he read books to the girls and got them off to bed. With a long travel day in the morning, we weren’t worried about keeping them awake.
***
Chris insisted on putting his hands up in the air with every speed bump. “Wheee,” he said and then laughed when I mentioned that the girls did that on bumps or hills on the road. Before we were half way down the road and halfway over all the speed bumps in the road, Chris was thinking of ways to avoid them, like driving in circular driveways to avoid one bump, or taking out mail boxes and riding in yards to avoid them. “That yard animal wouldn’t give the fight these fucking bumps do!” I laughed the whole way down there and then became quiet as we came up to the pool near Will’s house.
Rebecca was standing in the front yard watering some potted flowers when we arrived. She put down her old fashioned metal watering can, and walked over to us. She grabbed my hands in a very loving way and said in a Southern accent, “Nikki! And this here must be Chris. I think I may have said hello the other day, but you looked real busy with those beautiful girls of yours. Come on in, will ya? Will is waiting in the sunroom.”
She led us into the house. We walked through the foyer where Will’s grandfather had displayed his great boat catches over the years, through the living room with a painted white brick fire place and two white couches I couldn’t bear to look at, and into the sunroom built onto the back of the house. Will was standing at a bamboo Tiki bar I had never seen before. But everything else looked about the same in the sunroom too. I felt flushed suddenly. Will walked out from behind the bar with two bottles of beer in his hands. He handed one to Chris and offered his hand for Chris to shake. “Chris, it’s so nice to finally meet you. Thank you so much for coming to our wedding. And for allowing my little Princess, well I guess she’s your Princess now, here to come see me off to the other side of life.” He put his arm around me as he called me a Princess. He didn’t even skip a beat before pulling me into a warm whole body hug. “Nikki, I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you are here, that you were at beach to see me wed my new bride,” he moved over to Rebecca and put his hand on her shoulder. He’d put his whole arm around me but only placed a hand on his wife’s shoulder, and it didn’t go unnoticed to me. I paused a moment and wondered why I had even noticed such a thing. He’d be making love to her later, so I was sure she wasn’t bothered because she just got a hand gesture while I got a hug and an arm wrapped around me. I looked at Rebecca and saw her looking up at Will with a concerned look upon her face. Maybe she did notice the little details I noticed.
Chris broke the icy moment with, “Will, it was a beautiful wedding. Emily and Bella just loved the beach, and I’m honored you would have us, all of us. Thank you.”
“Yeah, man, that beach is one of my most favorite places on Earth. This house is probably a close second.” Will looked at me and winked. Most of our memories together were in those two places, that particular beach, as well as many other beaches, and this house. I hadn’t been in this house for so many years. I looked around and noticed the one thing I had wanted to see: little to no change. The Tiki bar was new, but everything else still looked the way it had so many years ago when Will’s grandfather lived in this house. There were no cobwebs, no dust even, nothing looked old, worn or broken. Time had seemingly stopped in this house. A sense of peace came over me. I sat on a flower covered wicker couch. After all the years, I’d almost expected the wicker to fall apart under my weight, but it looked the same as it did so long ago, and was just as strong. In that area, humidity and salty air were brutal, rusting metals and breaking down fabrics in no time. I wasn’t sure how this place had survived so many years, but Will had done a fantastic job caring for the house and for his grandfather’s belongings.
Will took his bride’s hand and sat on a bar stool. Chris joined me on the wicker sofa. None of us appeared very comfortable, but Will broke the ice.
“So, Chris, has Nikki Jay shown you all the fun things to do in this town over the years?” He looked as if he were stifling a giggle.
“I guess some of the fun. I’ve seen all the beaches, we’ve ridden around town, and I’ve eaten at Molly’s. She is the reason I’ve eaten a…what’s it called, hon, the little fried balls of dough?” He looked at me for support and to answer to the same question he asked each time we visited.
“Hush Puppies. They are called Hush Puppies. Or little fried balls of dough works too.” I laughed. I hated taking punches at my own husband, but it was not only a funny story, but also a great ice breaker to get our awkward conversation going. “The first time I brought him out here to meet the family, we went to Molly’s, you know to show him the finer side of life.” Will and Rebecca laughed. “Dad ordered hush puppies for an appetizer and of course, you know, they come with every meal anyway. About half way through the appetizers, Chris looked up at us and said, ‘What are those little fried balls of dough? They are like magic! I’ve never had anything so tasty!’ My dad and I laughed at him. He really had never had hush puppies before.”
Everyone laughed, and the air in the room lifted as if any tension we’d been carrying was sent off with the breeze.
Even Chris was good with laughter at his expense. He chuckled and said, “Hush puppies. Yes. Little fried balls of dough. I’m good with either, though I guess balls of fried dough sounds too much like donut holes, which I’m also good with.” He took a sip from his beer bottle, nodded to a guitar in the corner of the room and asked Will, “You still playing?” Chris knew Will played guitar. He knew we’d written songs together, and I’d learned to play because of Will.
Will got up and grabbed the old, but familiar, guitar. He winked at me as he wiped it down and ran the tips of his fingers along the bronze strings. I knew that guitar, but if he wasn’t going to point it out, I wasn’t going to either. I smiled at the beautiful red surface, the white ivory pegs and was about to look at Will when he started singing.
Do you think of me in the morning?
In the morning, think of me.
And do you think of me when you’re sleeping?
When you’re sleeping, dream of me.
And do you wonder
How I’m doing?
How are you
Just how are you?
And you’ll tell me
That you’ll call me
But my phone,
It doesn’t ring
Now if I told you that I want you
You would run away from here
But if you told me that you want me
I’d be here to let you in
And if I told you that I love you
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