by Sara Hubbard
The plane’s engines whirl and my hair blows about my face. I get some in my mouth and pick it out, then hold it back in one hand. It’s only a few minutes after they come to a stop that the engines die down the blades stop turning. The door opens and Ethan is right there, smiling. He jogs down the steps and runs for me. I walk toward him, my pace picking up until we meet and he crushes my body to his.
“Three years have nothing on what it felt like to be away from you the last two weeks.”
I chuckle, dipping my head to lean against his shoulder.
“I want to see you, babe. God, I missed your face.”
He softly takes my face in his hands and when I lift my head, he gives me the exact same look his brother gave me when I smacked him. Anger then pain. He narrows his blue eye and touches my cheek. Then he looks at his brother. “What the fuck? Did you do this?”
Then it hits me. My cheek, my eye...Manny’s cut nose and black eyes. It never occurred to me that Ethan might think we did this to each other.
“Oh, God! No! We didn’t do this to each other...”
Manny pipes up. “Well...that’s not exactly true.”
Ethan lets go of me and starts for his brother, but I take his hand and hold him back.
“I never touched her!” Manny says. “But she totally punched me in the nose.”
“I’m gone two weeks and you both look like you’ve been in another bar fight.”
“I’ll explain everything. I promise. Just...can we go home first?”
Reluctantly, he agrees, but his red-faced angry doesn’t leave him. I even try and calm him with a kiss, but he’s still steaming. We walk to the car hand in hand, Manny trailing behind us.
Ethan reaches over and digs in my jean pockets for my keys. I smirk at him as he says, “Sorry, babe. I don’t ride shotgun.”
I try to snatch them back, but he’s so much taller than me and when he holds them over his head, even jumping or standing on my tiptoes won’t cut it. I decide not to fight with him and give him a little punch in the stomach in protest. He doesn’t even flinch.
He rides with one hand on the wheel and the other firmly attached to mine. I feel content right now, not at all scarred by the night before. With Ethan, I am safe. I know that Charlie won’t dare come back—especially with Ethan around.
I’m a survivor. At least that’s what the counselor told me when I saw her for a while after moving in with Nan. She used to tell me that everything I’d experienced could only make me stronger. I’m not so sure. When Charlie held me down, I felt weak and powerless, just like I did as a kid. I tried to fight him off, but I couldn’t. All my strength just wasn’t enough.
But it wasn’t because I didn’t try to stop him.
Maybe I am stronger than I used to be. I would like to save myself for once instead of going numb and blocking out everything that hurts. But I don’t think I’ll need to defend myself anytime soon. Charlie will stay away. God, I hope he will. I can let what he did go...once. But if he keeps harassing me, I won’t be able to look the other way. Nor will I be able to keep Ethan in check.
I close my eyes and enjoy the quiet hum of the engine as we drive back to Rawdon. I can feel Ethan’s eyes on me from time to time, but he keeps quiet, waiting for us to get home so he can drill me for information.
“Great game last night,” Manny says.
“Wasn’t bad.”
“Bullshit.”
I open one eye to peek at Ethan, who’s trying to keep from smiling. As angry as he wants to be, he loves a compliment. Don’t we all?
“I caught some of it on the Internet this morning. You had a few assists, right?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. Two or three.”
I nudge him. “That’s awesome. I wish I’d caught it last night.” I wish I’d done anything other than what I did. And I had intended on watching some of his game last night until my plans got derailed.
“Coach has been throwing me in from time to time as left wing, just to see if I can make the cut.”
“He should know by now not to underestimate you,” Manny says.
“I don’t know. The other guys are good.”
“The other guys don’t go in an hour early to practice before practice,” I say.
“How do you know I still do that?” he says, winking at me.
“Just a guess.”
“Only way I’m going to get ahead in this business. Too much talent coming up.”
We get to the house over an hour later and Manny gets a call just before I open the door. He jogs up to his room, talking dirty to some girl. I just roll my eyes at him and when he’s in the spare room and we hear the door shut, Ethan has me in his arms, kissing my forehead, my eyelids, my cheeks, and my lips.
“Start talking.” We’re still embracing as we muddle our way to the front door, my hands around his neck and his firmly planted in the back pockets of my jeans.
“Ethan, there’s lots of time for that.” I lower my hands down the curve of his chest and tuck my fingers into the waistband of his jeans. He groans and takes my hands, holding them so I can’t dip them lower.
“I won’t let you distract me. I need to know what happened, Annie. If this is going to work, we need to be honest, to tell each other everything. There’s no holding back anymore, not about anything.”
I sigh and, with closed eyes, I nod my head. By the hand, I lead him upstairs and we lay on the bed, face to face, blocking out the rest of the world.
“I missed you,” I say, meaning much more than the two weeks.
He pecks me on the lips and touches my lips with his thumb. “Ditto, babe.”
“I need you to promise me something.”
“I already know what you’re going to ask, and the answer is I can’t promise anything until you tell me what I want to hear.”
“Total honesty, total trust...this has to go both ways. Trust me when I say I can deal with what happened and leave it at that. You know how I feel about violence. I can’t have you running off and doing something that might get you hurt or thrown in jail.”
“Now I’m starting to get angry. What happened, Annie? ’Cause I’m starting to think the worst. Charlie did this? He put his hands on you?”
“He’s taking our breakup worse than I thought he would. He can’t seem to accept that we’re done. He came here last night. Tried to get me to talk with him and I asked him to leave.”
Ethan’s jaw flexes and I see rage in his eyes. I stroke his shoulder and move in closer, knowing that being close to him always used to calm him. I hope it still does. He blows out a breath through pursed lips and I feel he might be counting to ten in his mind as he closes his eyes and takes a moment.
“He couldn’t accept that I wanted him to leave. And he pushed. I felt threatened and tried to call the police and he threw me down on the floor.”
Ethan tenses, but he’s still here and I’m hopeful he’ll stay that way, so I continue. Leaving out details that don’t need to be repeated.
“We struggled.”
“And he hit you?”
I bite my lip, and nod.
“Mother fucker. I will kill him. I swear to fuck...”
Ethan moves to sit up and I try to pull him down, but he pulls away and starts pacing. “Annie, you can’t ask me to let this go. It’s not possible. The next time I see his face I won’t be able to rein it in. I will lunge for the asshole.”
“I still have another week left of work, Ethan. You can’t do that.”
“Like hell you’re going back there now. Is he out on bail?”
Oh, holy hell. This is about to get worse. “I never called the cops.”
Ethan laughs without humor and it makes me shiver. It’s like he’s lost his mind and he’s about to do something he can’t take back.
“He attacked you, Annie. He doesn’t get to go on with his life like nothing happened.”
“I hurt him, Ethan. I don’t think he’ll do it again.”
“Oh you’re right a
bout that. It won’t happen again.”
Ethan storms over to the bedroom door and I hop off the bed to chase after him. “Ethan! No! Please, you do this and you’ll ruin everything.”
“Annie, leaving this guy alone is not me. I love you. I do. But I am who I am and I protect what’s mine. He’s dead. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
He walks out the front door, slamming it behind him and all I can think is if he goes through with this...if he hurts Charlie...or does the unthinkable and kills him...there’s no going back. I won’t be able to forgive him. And it wouldn’t matter. He’d spend the rest of his life behind bars.
“Ethan!” I open the door and scream at my car as it backs down the driveway. “Ethan!”
27
ETHAN
He put his hands on her! He fucking hit her! I can imagine how it happened and it fills me so completely with hate that I can’t think about anything else but wrapping my hands around his neck.
I don’t care about the consequences. I don’t care if Annie will hate me. This fucker will be gone and he’ll never hurt her again. I have no idea what she’s shared with him, about her time with her mother or her time in foster care...but if he knew her at all he would have realized how precious she is and how much she’s already been through in her life.
Did she wrap her arms around her little body? Did she rock back and forth and shut down like she used to in high school? Was Manny there? Did he comfort her?
Fuck! All these thoughts are driving me crazy. I remember very clearly now what it felt like that first day after she left me. She’s a part of me, like an arm or a leg. When I’m not with her I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t catch my breath. But this...this feels worse. Because I wasn’t here for her again. I wasn’t here when her Nan died, I couldn’t protect her from the assholes that hurt her growing up, and now I failed her again. If only I’d stayed or made her come with me like I’d planned earlier, this wouldn’t have happened.
I reach for my phone and press it to my ear after dialing Richard’s number. It’s after one in Philly and he doesn’t sound too impressed when he picks up the phone.
“Do you know what time it is?”
“I need an address,” I say. “Charlie Davidson.”
“Who’s that?”
“Doesn’t fucking matter. Can you get it?”
“Give me a second. You’re so demanding sometimes. I was in bed. Actually have a girl in there too. I was rolling on a condom the very second the phone rang...”
“Spare me the raunchy details.”
He sighs and I hear clicking on the other end as he searches the Internet for me. “You sound angry...so I’m hesitating to give you what I got. Did he make a mistake with your brother’s surgery or something?”
“He hit Annie.”
“Um...”
“The address?”
“Um...”
“Richard?”
“Listen, Ethan...I don’t know what you’re planning, but let me be the first to tell you it’s a horrible idea.”
“You’re not the first and I don’t give a fuck.”
The phone goes silent and just when I’m about to ask if he’s still there, he says, “This will be the first time in my career I’m going to say this, but...no. Sorry, buddy. I actually give a shit about you. You call me tomorrow and if you still want it then, I’ll give it to you, but now...not when you’re this angry.”
I’m taken aback. He said no to me. For the first time ever. I hang up the phone and drive toward the hospital, the only place I’m sure to find Davidson—sooner or later.
28
ANNIE
I don’t have a choice. Or, I should say, Ethan didn’t give me one. I pace the room, chewing at my nails while I find the courage to do what I need to do. Sometimes when you love someone you can’t always do what they want you to do, you need to do what they need you to do. And right now, I need to be strong and do something that might push Ethan away again. He might never forgive me for this, but I might save his life. He’s already been charged for assault and paid for his crime. If he unleashes on Charlie now, he won’t get off on probation. They’ll put him in jail for real.
I can’t let that happen. Not because of me.
I pick up the phone and punch in some numbers. I get a receptionist first and she puts me on hold for almost five minutes before I finally get someone.
“Sgt. Baird.”
I consider hanging up. I can’t take this back. Once it’s done, it’s done.
“I’d like to report a crime.”
29
ETHAN
I pull over on the side of the road and search for the good doctor. When I find his name, I only get his office address, which is the same as the hospital. I try Canada 411, but he’s unlisted. Of course, he is. Lucky fucker.
It’s late and it’s unlikely he’s at the hospital, but what if he is? I can’t wait another minute to face him. I put the car back in drive and pick up speed, racing down the winding road toward the hospital. I park on the road and head inside. The doors are still open, but the people at reception are already gone. Probably a good thing.
I glance around and spy the cameras, but I don’t care. My rage is burning bright and I can’t see past it. I imagine all the things I’d like to do to Charlie: wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze the life from his body, pummel him over and over with my fists, toss him off the hospital roof... The possibilities are endless. Then when it’s over, I imagine Annie staring at me like she doesn’t recognize me. Can’t be helped. Guys like this only escalate their behavior. I’d bet money that he’s done it before and I won’t let that happen to her or anyone else. Whether she hates me for it or not.
But her eyes...her big brown eyes...the disappointment. It cripples me as I search the walls for the office numbers corresponding to the doctors in house. I made a promise to her a long time ago...a promise I can’t keep. It’s just not who I am. For the most part, I can be tame and tamper down my most primal emotions...the ones I get from my dad. But not when it comes to the people I love and there are only two of them in my life: Emmanuel and Annie. I would do anything to protect them, even if that means risking my life and my freedom.
Dr. Charlie Davidson, MD 2rd Floor, Room 228
Richard thinks I should wait to calm down. I scoff at that. I won’t ever be calm until I put this fucker in a coma. Holding her down...hitting her...making her struggle... No, I won’t ever be calm until I do what I need to do.
I jog up the stairs, passing a few nurses who chat and laugh as they pass by me on their way down. I push through the door to the second floor and look at the numbers to the left of the doors, turning left and stalking down the corridor. There are people around, but not that many. A few people in lab coats who ignore me, a nurse or two and a cleaner who mops the floor as he listens to whatever music is playing in his earbuds.
30
ETHAN
I snarl at the number on his cracked-open door. I don’t bother knocking, because it’s not as if I will go away if he fails to say, ‘come in.’ He doesn’t get a choice about whether or not he faces me anymore.
I push through the door and he glances up from over his computer monitor, a gleam in his eye though his lips are set in a hard line. “Back so soon,” he says, tipping back in his chair.
His face is bruised and I wish to God it had been me to put those marks there. “Nice face. It’s about to get a lot worse.”
He laughs out loud. “I still don’t get what it is she sees in you.”
“Stand the fuck up,” I say, curling my fists.
“No, I’m good. Why don’t you have a seat?”
“Get up, motherfucker! You think you can put your hands on Annie? Spread lies about me? I’ll give you something to talk about.”
Sirens whirl outside, but I ignore them.
“I got an interesting call a few minutes ago. Annie called the cops, concerned for my safety. That was very kind of her, don’t you think?”<
br />
“Get up!”
“She called the cops on you...to protect me. Now I think you’re going to go to jail for a very long time. Because you can’t come here, to a hospital of all places, and attack a well respected doctor.”
“Respected doctor? You’re fucking crazy and I’ll make sure they know about it.”
Without warning, he screams, “Stop! Don’t hurt me!”
I frown at him, confused, as he slams his head down on his desk. I take a step back and he stands and runs toward the wall, smashing his head so thoroughly it leaves an indent. Then he stumbles and falls to the ground, blood running from his forehead. I knew the guy had a screw loose, but this...he is a fucking nut job to the nth degree.
I hear the pounding of feet in the hallway and men screaming at me to get down, to put my hands on my head. I’m so stunned I don’t act right away, I just stare at the man on the floor moaning and holding his head. The only thing that comes to mind is: I’m fucked. And this asshole is going to walk.
31
ANNIE
“How the fuck could you do that?” Manny screams at me.
“I know, I know. I had to do something. You know how Ethan gets when he’s angry, and he stormed out of here. I couldn’t let him do something he’d regret.”
Manny darts for the coat closet by the door and pulls out his jacket. He tosses me mine and I catch it as it collides with my face. I never cry, but I feel like it now.
“He’s never going to forgive me.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Manny, don’t say that.”
“I’m not going to lie to you.”
I snatch my car keys and we run out to the car. Five minutes ago, Manny got a call from Richard, who got a call from Ethan. He’s in jail for assault, and Richard has asked Manny to bail him out. He’s also on his way.