by Miasha
“It’s all right,” I said.
“Damn, that’s fucked up. Curt. Damn, wait ’til I tell my motha. My motha loved her some Curt. I had y’ all all the time. Y’ all was like my kids, especially Curtis. He used to play with my nephew,” she reflected.
“Three wings,” the Asian woman spoke through the thick glass, interrupting Nina.
“Well, it was good seeing you. Angel, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry about ya brotha, too. But listen, take down my numba,” she said. “Can I see that pen?” she asked the Asian woman.
She scribbled her phone number on a piece of the brown bag her food was in and gave it to me. Then she stuck the loose cigarette she bought behind her ear.
“Tell ya mom to call me. I’m back up here for a while. And take care of yaself, all right?”
“Yeah,” I said, watching the lady leave.
She had to bring up my brother, didn’t she. I was not in the mood for memories. That made me want to cry all over again. Just as I looked back out the window, I saw a car driving slowly down the block. It didn’t look like Butter’s car, though. But I went outside to check. She could have sent one of the girls to get me, and I was not tryin’ to miss my ride.
Beep! Beep! The car horn sounded. I walked slowly toward the car, and the window rolled down. A guy was driving.
“You Angel?”
I nodded my head.
“Butter sent me to pick you up,” he said.
I hesitated.
“I’m supposed to be taking you to her house,” he elaborated.
I didn’t know who he was, but Butter sent him, so I got in his car.
“I’m Bruce,” he introduced himself. “What you doin’ walkin’ the streets in this cold weather?”
I ignored him. I wasn’t interested in having a conversation with him. I just wanted to get to Butter’ s.
“You not talkin’ to me?” he asked.
“I’m just tired,” I responded, trying to give him a hint.
“Is that right?” he asked, pulling the car into a parking space a couple blocks from where he picked me up. “Well, we can make this quick, then.”
I looked at him, confused. “What are you talkin’ about?”
He started unbuckling his belt.
“Hold on. What are you doin’?”
He returned a confused expression to me and said, “You do work for Butter, don’t you?”
I didn’t answer that question.
He proceeded, “She told me I was picking up a date. I didn’t come all the way on this end for nothin’.”
“I thought you was coming to take me to her house,” I told him.
“Yeah, after you, you know,” he said vaguely.
I frowned my face up. “Are you serious?”
“Look, Butter and me been knowing each other for a long time. I send her plenty business. And she look out for me in return. Now, ya ride home is all I have to pay for a nice time. So, what’s it goin’ be? You wanna ride or not?”
I let what he said sink in, and in the process I remembered hearing Butter say she had something for my ass when we hung up the phone. I put two and two together and that was what she was talking about. She had some shit with her, I thought. But it was what it was. I sucked up what was left of my pride and dignity and gave the man what he was looking for.
Back at Butter’s house, Mary was cooking something that smelled good. I didn’t know that a skinny woman like her knew what cooking was. I sat down in the kitchen and laid my head down on the table. Mary carried on as if I never walked in.
In no time Butter appeared at the doorway. “So, you wandered off and realized you ain’t have nowhere to go? Well, I hope you learned a lesson. You could have made a hundred dollars off that blow job, but what you get? A ride. All you gotta do is stay in your place and play your position. Grow up, little girl! And grow up fast!”
I sat at the kitchen table and thought to myself, One of these days Butter is goin’ to make me hurt her. The only reason why I hadn’t checked Butter up to that point was because I knew I needed her. But as soon as I found my way out of that position, she had better believe we was goin’ brawl.
“Mary, what you smoke?” I asked, trying to take my mind off the bullshit I had went through that day.
Mary didn’t answer my question. She just looked at me with that same warning expression on her face. But who was she to judge? It was clear she was no saint. I knew she smoked something, so I didn’t know why she gave me that look like I asked her something foreign.
“What, you deaf?” I asked her with an attitude. I was mad and she was the only person I could get away with taking my anger out on. “I asked you what you smoke?”
She rolled her eyes at me.
“Bitch! I ain’t goin’ ask you again!” I said, standing up. I wanted to walk over to that stove and dump Mary’s pale bony face in the pot of boiling water.
Mary rolled her eyes at me again and still did not answer me. That was it. Somebody was going to get their ass kicked, and Mary was in the wrong place at the wrong time so it was bound to be her. I walked over to Mary and stood right in her face. She was a few inches taller than me, so it was like I was talking to her neck.
“Did you hear what the fuck I said? What the fuck do you smoke?!” I didn’t even wait for an answer that time. I was so frustrated I grabbed Mary’s long neck with both of my hands and squeezed as hard as I could. She grabbed my arms and tried to take them off her. I didn’t budge. I just squeezed tighter. Her white face turned red and veins popped out of her head. Still I squeezed. Her grip on my arms loosened and her eyes were opening and closing.
“ANGEL!” Butter’s voice rang out.
I suddenly released my hold on Mary and she dropped to the kitchen floor. I turned to look at Butter, and she was fuming. She ran up on me and gripped me by my hair. She threw me up against the wall and started choking me.
“NOW, HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!” she shouted.
If I would have been able to talk I would have told her not to stop. I was losing my breath, but I didn’t care. I wanted Butter to choke me to death. That would have made my day.
“If I ever catch you doin’ dome shit like that in my house again I’m goin’ beat ya ass and then let every bitch in here beat ya ass. you hear me?” she shouted as she took her hands from around my neck.
I used the wall to hold myself up as I gasped for air. I wanted to punch Butter in the face, but I maintained my self-control. And I didn’t think it was because I needed Butter either, because after she choked me I could have cared less about that. I was scared of Butter. Since the day I met her I was intimidated by her. But that night in her kitchen, it was no longer intimidation but fear. The look in her eyes when she had her hands around my neck was enough to make me pass out, let alone my loss of oxygen.
“Go upstairs and wash ya face and ya pussy. You wanna act a fool in my house, it’s time you pay some bills around this mothafucka!” Butter said to me with a disgusted look on her face.
It was a little after eleven when Butter drove me to a dark block under a bridge in uptown Manhattan. There were all these girls out there, at least a dozen, half naked, hoppin’ in and out of cars. My nerves were shot and I was sure Butter could tell, because she turned to me and gave me some E-pills.
“Here, take these.”
I was so happy to see them little blue pills. I popped them in my mouth like they were candy.
“I’m goin’ let you out here. Stand on that corner or that corner,” she instructed, pointing to the two corners she restricted me to. “When a car roll up, you go up to the passenger window and ask the driver how can you help him. Just like you work at McDonald’s or some shit. Just say How can I help you? But say it in a sexy way. Make it sound sweet. If he ask about prices tell ‘im they the best he goin’ get and ask ‘im if he ever dealt with Butter. If he say yeah, he’ll already know the cost and tell you to get in. If he say no, tell ‘im he don’t know wh
at he missin’ and walk away from his car. Don’t get in a car if the trick say he don’t know Butter. Not on ya first night, anyway. I’m goin’ be parked right here the whole time. If you need me, don’t call me or yell. Just walk ya ass over here or flag me down,” Butter ran things down to me.
I listened, but I didn’t really hear her. I was purposely ignoring her. I was starting to feel the effects of the Ecstasy for one, and for two, I hated Butter’s guts at that point. I wasn’t tryin’ to hear shit she had to say. She leaned over me and opened my door. I got out and walked about a half block down the street to one of the corners Butter told me to stand on. My knees were shaking so bad I barely made it down there. I noticed all eyes were on me and that made me even more nervous. No sooner than I got on the corner did a chick approach me.
“You got a light?” the short, thick, light-skinned woman asked me, sounding like Rosie Perez.
Before I could say no she looked me in my eyes and said, “You high as giraffe pussy, baby girl. You shouldn’t be out here like that. A trick’ll take more than you tryna give if he see you on like that,” she explained.
I looked at her and smiled.
“And you a baby, too?” she went on. “Dat ain’t right. Butter don’t got no shame, do she? Got little kids out here. This ain’t no place for no kids and she know that shit, too.”
“You know Butter?” I asked her, still smiling.
She shook her head and glanced up the street at Butter’s car. “Yeah, and just so you know, she don’t play by the rules. You better watch ya back,” the woman said before she walked over to another girl and got a light from her.
Cars continued to ride by. Some stopped and picked up a girl and others just drove on by. The corners were getting emptier as time went on. Girls were jumpin’ in those cars. I knew Butter was watching me, and it was probably only a matter of time before she was going to drive down the street and tell me I better be just like them bitches and jump my ass in one of those cars. I could see her saying it just like that, too. I smiled at the thought of Butter’s spiteful ass. Then a car pulled up right on me.
“You smilin’ at me, sexy?” the old man asked.
He looked like he was somebody’s great-grandfather. He was toothless and all.
“What it take to get you home with me?” he asked.
I glanced up the street at Butter’s car and could imagine her telling me, Get ya ass in that car.
“It take a whole lot of Butter,” I said, trying to remember the script Butter told me.
“Oh, is that right? You one of Butter’s girls? Well, I got what you need. Get in.”
I opened the passenger door and sat on the torn leather seats. The inside of the car smelled like cigars. There was some slow music playing that I didn’t recognize. The old man was humming to the beat in between talking to me.
“You a fresh face. I love me a fresh face,” he said. “You look kind of young. You suck dick?”
I looked at the man and wanted to throw up. He looked old enough to be my mom’s dad and was asking me if I sucked dick.
“You don’t talk much, huh? Well, that’s fine with me. Save ya mouth for what I’m payin’ you for. I been waitin’ all week for this. And I done hit the jackpot and got me a baby. I think the youngest I had was like twenty-two. What, you like eighteen?”
I was high, but I wasn’t crazy and it was no way I was sucking that old man’s dick. I figured if I told him how old I was he would be like Oh no, you too young, and drop me off.
“Fifteen,” I responded.
His eyes lit up. A smile appeared on his face.
“Fifteen? Oh, I really hit the jackpot! A old man like me havin’ a little pretty thing like you suckin’ my dick. I’m about to pull over right now. Forget goin’ to the motel,” he said.
That wasn’t the response I was looking for, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Old nasty-ass men like him liked young girls. He reminded me of an older version of Marvin, and I couldn’t take it no more. As soon as he pulled over to the curb, I opened the door and got out.
“Yo! What you doin?” he yelled out the car window.
I ignored him and walked up the three to four blocks back to the corner he picked me up from. I knew Butter was going to have something to say, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t sucking that man’s dick.
Just as I predicted, Butter’s car came driving down to the corner. She barely put it in park before she jumped out. She held her hand out as if she wanted me to put something in it. “Where my money?”
“I didn’t do anything with him,” I told her nonchalantly. I was trying to keep from making a scene.
“Why not?” Butter asked, agitated.
I wanted to tell Butter to pipe down before she had a heart attack, but that would have added fuel to her fire. “He was givin’ me the runaround, so I told him to let me out,” I lied.
Pop! Butter smacked the shit out of me. Between the cold air and the stinging sensation from the smack, it felt like my face was broken. I couldn’t even cry, she hit me so hard. I was stunned.
“Listen, to me! You are pushin’ so many limits! If you weren’t Antione’s peoples I would’ve fed you to the wolves. But keep playin’ games wit me, and Antione or no Antione I’ ma show you a side of me you goin’ wish you never had to see. Now, the next car that come through here you better hop ya ass in and do whatever he tell you to do. I wouldn’t care if he asked to ass fuck you in the middle of Times Square. You got that? Now, play with me if you want!” Butter told me. She got in her car and drove around the block.
In the meantime, the couple other girls out there were staring at me whispering among themselves. I was standing frozen on the corner, scared to death. A car rode up, and I don’t know how, but I managed to walk over to the passenger side.
“Can I help you?” I asked, sticking to Butter’s script.
The well-groomed man looked at me with sorrow and told me to get in.
“What you want? A blow job? You wanna fuck me?” I asked, wanting to get the whole thing done and over with. My heart was racing and my head was spinning. I wished I had blacked out or at least had some weed. I was so paranoid I forgot to ask him if he knew Butter.
“I wanna talk,” the guy said as he pulled off from the corner.
“We can do whatever you want. Long as you pay me. Long as I put some money in that bitch hand,” I poured.
I couldn’t help myself any longer. My leg started to shake. I was hurt. My spirits were broken. I was losing myself.
“Listen, I’m an outreach counselor,” the guy began. “I help girls like yourself get off the streets.”
I cut him off, “All that’s fine. But to be honest, I don’t have time to talk right now unless you’ re going to pay me.”
“I’m not here for sex, though.”
“Okay! Well, let me out! I am wastin’ my time with you, and if I go back there with no money she goin’ kick my ass!”
“I want to help you,” the guy said. “Take my card. Give me a call. You don’t have to do this.”
Tears poured down my face. The man didn’t have a clue what was going to happen if I walked back to that corner with no money in my hand.
“You wanna help me? Then give me some money. Anything! Just so I can pay her. Please. I will do whatever you want me to.”
The guy pulled into a parking space and took a business card from his glove compartment. He handed it to me, and I put it in my back pocket.
“I can’t give you any money. That’s against policy. But, I can help you. Call me…”
I got out of his car and slammed his door. “jackass!” I screamed at him. I couldn’t believe my luck. The time I was going to do something, the nigga wasn’t a trick. Butter was going to whip my ass. I knew she wouldn’t be tryna to hear that he was some fuckin’ outreach counselor. She was goin’ be like Bullshit, you just didn’t want to do shit with him, or she was goin’ ask me did he say he knew her. Either way she was goin’ to be pissed off ’cause I fuc
ked up.
I walked up the street. But that time I didn’t reach the corner. Butter sped up on me about a block before. Her brakes screeched, drawing attention to her. I saw a few people looking in our direction, including the Rosie Perez—sounding woman.
Butter jumped out the car and grabbed me by my shirt. “Why do you want me to hurt you?” she asked.
“Butter, I swear to God on my brother that the guy wasn’t a trick. I told him I would do whatever…”
Butter cut me off, “He wasn’t a trick? I been workin’ these corners for three years and every mothafucka that come through here and pick a bitch up is a trick! Now, you goin’ bullshit me? The first time it’s shame on you. But the second time it’s shame on me. And I ain’t about to let no ho shame me!” Butter hauled off and smacked me again. That time my nose bled. I was scared for my life. From the corner of my eye I could see people approaching us.
One was the man who got me in trouble in the first place.
“Yo! Yo! Yo!” he shouted out to Butter. “Leave her alone! I’m calling the cops,” he said, jogging toward us with his cell phone in his hand.
Butter let me go and started to walk back to her car.
“you lucky this clown is callin’ the law! But you gotta come home! And if you do, you better not be empty-handed. I’ll cut ya fuckin’ throat!”
Butter got in her car and sped off. I stood there shaking frantically. I didn’t even know how I was still standing because I couldn’t feel my legs.
“You want me to take you to the police station,” the guy asked, dialing numbers in his phone.
I shook my head no. They would have locked me up or put me in some group home somewhere.
“What about the hospital?”
“No! Got damn it!” I snapped. “I told you how you could’ve helped me and you didn’t so get the fuck out of my face!”
“I got her,” Rosie Perez sound-alike said.
The woman wrapped her arm around my shivering body. Her touch made me jump. I had never been so scared in my life. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. The few people that were out were gathered around looking at me like I was a nut case. The woman started walking me back up to the corner.