by Jacob Clark
So he did. He tried it. And it turned out we both liked it.
I always enjoyed, as we made love, when he increased his speed. It was very passionate for both of us. It always told me he was getting close, and was my cue to verbally encourage him. And, as he entered his first throes of orgasm, to hold him close to me. To pull him as far inside of me as I could.
It’s always been that way.
So this whole ‘holding back’ thing… it was something new that both of us had to learn.
Now, we both enjoy it better. “It” being intercourse, of course.
I suspect that at least part of it is just because it’s a new experience for us. It’s brought something new into our sex life that had gotten a bit humdrum over the years.
Don’t tell Jacob I said that.
Oh, we’re still having intercourse the same way. Still using our same favorite positions.
But we’re doing it at a slower pace than before. Making it easier for him to throw that baseball through that car window.
And I’m not leaving it up to him. I’m in it with him. It’s that whole “teamwork” thing. We saw his ED as a battle we both needed to fight together. We’ve been standing side by side throughout this fight, and this was just another fight we needed to face… together.
The articles we read said the only time he could experience his orgasm, yet still be able to hold back most of his cum, was at what they called “first flush.”
Not flush as in a reddened face. But rather the first flush of pleasure he felt when his orgasm began.
I said, “I can help you with that.”
He asked, “How? You can’t feel it.”
I told him I didn’t have to feel it. I could see it. For years I could always tell when his orgasm was starting. For at the exact moment he feels that “first flush” his face starts to contort. For lack of a better description, he winces at that point.
Again, we were in it together.
We resolved to work on two things once we delved into this.
The first was to regulate his pace. To make sure he doesn’t speed up when he feels he’s getting close.
I have to admit, this part was a little bit hard for me, too. I’d always enjoyed the way he “rode me hard,” as he put it, while he was having his orgasm. There was a wild abandonment in the way he did it, an unbridled passion.
But going slower from start to finish was nice in its own way.
The second thing we’ve worked on is my coming to a dead stop as soon as his face begins to wince.
This was a bit hard for me as well. I used to love to “call him home,” so to speak. Before, when I sensed he was starting his orgasm, I was very vocal in my encouragement.
“Come on, baby, let me have it. I want every drop.” Or, even more graphically, “Fuck me hard, baby. Don’t stop.”
To be honest, I missed that a little. So did he.
But we both agree it’s worth the change for a couple of reasons.
First of all, he’s not always successful in saving some of his load, but when he is, we know we’ll be rewarded.
Rewarded by his having a much easier time getting hard the next time we make love a day or two or three later. For even after his orgasm, his testicles are still half full.
Secondly, by not emptying his balls completely, he doesn’t get as sensitive as he does when he drains them dry. He also doesn’t go flaccid as quickly.
And that’s nice in its own way. Because after we stop and let his orgasm run its course, he can begin stroking again, and we can continue intercourse (albeit at a slower place) for several more minutes.
And that’s really really cool.
From Jacob:
The technique is simple, really.
Michelle watches my face and feels my body’s movement while we have intercourse. When she feels me speeding up, as I have a bad habit of doing when I’m nearing the end, she’ll squeeze my hips with her hands and remind me not to.
She’s not demanding about it.
She merely reminds me, “a little slower, baby,” or “not so fast, baby.”
The other thing she does is come to a dead stop as soon as she sees me make that face that tells her I’m getting ready to ejaculate.
She calls it my “o-face.” The o stands for orgasm. I think she got that from a movie.
Anyway, once we get me hard using whichever tool or tools happens to be working on that particular night, we make love just as we always did, albeit it at a slower and more consistent pace.
When I feel the “first flush” of my orgasm, I stop and wait for it to pass. At the same time she stops moving, to lessen the friction between her vagina and my penis.
Also at the same time, I try very hard to stop ejaculating.
At first, I’ll admit, stopping my ejaculation was darn near impossible. I suspect you’ll feel the same way.
But if you stick with it, you’ll get better with practice.
When we started this process Michelle said we needed a baseline. A goal to shoot for.
She asked me to masturbate in front of her. She counted the number of times I squirted (rather crude, but probably the term we’re all most familiar with).
Anyway, I squirted seven times.
Our goal was to cut that in half, which (in our best estimate) would leave maybe a third of my semen in my testicles for use at another time.
After six months, I’m now able to stop most times after the second squirt, although it does tend to dribble a little.
This is provided I don’t miss the window. If I go one or two strokes past the window, it’s too late. I’ve lost control and ejaculate everything.
So even after you master this technique, it’s still a constant battle.
From Michelle:
The results of this technique is its own reward. Once your men are able to control their ejaculations, they can leave some behind and make it easier to get an erection the next time.
And… at least in our case, our lovemaking is slower and (I think) more sensuous than before. And those few short minutes he can still make love to me after he cums (which he couldn’t do before) make this worth the effort.
Remember… not all men are able to master this technique. But for those of you who can, it’s worth the time and trouble you go through to get there.
Chapter 12: Experiment with different sexual positions.
Get away from the vanilla of the missionary style and to something more suitable for your needs
We researched this topic extensively because, well, we’re always looking for new ways to spice up our sex lives.
We’ve always done that, even before the ED monster reared its very ugly head.
And that includes experimenting with different sex positions.
We read a study that said most married couples have only two or three sexual positions on their bedtime menu.
We only have two or three favorites, but we have many more that we’ve tried and enjoyed, and which we may pull out of our bag and try on any given night.
Since we declared war on ED, though, we’ve been using certain positions more and more.
Basically (but not exclusively) those positions which facilitate access to Jacob’s penis and testicles.
Consider it logically, and it makes a lot of sense.
One of the key tools you use to make your man hard is physical stimulation. Massaging his penis and testicles.
So why stop, just because he’s hard and you’re making love?
Good question. Thanks for asking.
Many men don’t have so much a problem getting hard as staying that way. And it stands to reason that stimulation during intercourse might be able to help.
After all, if it was your wife playing with your penis and testicles which made you hard to begin with, wouldn’t it make sense that if she continued to do so you’ll stay that way?
At least it sounds good in theory.
The trouble is, as those of us who suffer from ED know all too
well, not all theories pan out.
And, frustrating as it is, some work one day but not the next.
Still, this is a method of kicking the ED monster’s butt that seems to help us. Our thinking is that it can help some of you too, if you’re willing to apply it.
From Michelle:
One of the things Jacob and I decided to do when we started this project was to talk to as many of our friends as possible.
We did so openly and without pretense. We were up front with our friends, and told them about our project. We told them that anything they told us might wind up in the book, but that we would tell them ahead of time if we were using their words and experiences. We also assured them we would use pseudonyms if they wanted us to, or only their real first names if that was their preference.
We found out early on that men for the most part do not want to discuss their ED problems with their friends.
We’re not sure why, exactly. We think it’s a pride thing. And that maybe they’re embarrassed. But a man who’s perfectly willing and ready to tell his male friends he’s having prostate problems and has to get up to pee four times a night, or to tell of his heart problems or his diabetes or his bad knees, won’t utter a word about his ED. Not even if sharing ideas with his friends might help him.
It boggles the mind.
I got many times the information Jacob got by talking to the wives and girlfriends.
The other thing I learned during the process was that ED doesn’t just happen to older people.
We have good friends I’ll call Sally and Jim. They’re in their thirties.
And they too suffer with occasional bouts of ED. I asked Sally how often.
She said three or four times a month.
I said to count her lucky stars. That we have to deal with it all the time.
She countered by saying her mother in law confided to her that’s the way Jim’s father started out. And then, in his early forties, he went limp and stayed that way.
Jim’s parents did what generations of people suffering from ED have always done. They just learned to live without sex.
But Sally and Jim don’t want to live without sex. They’re very interested in this project and have already adapted some of the techniques which are helping us.
One of the things I’ve queried all my friends about is the sexual positions they use.
A surprising number never deviate from the traditional man-on-top, face to face, so called “missionary” position.
And normally there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s tried and true, and has worked to produce many an orgasm for both parties involved, probably since the beginning of mankind.
Not to mention a lot of babies.
The problem is two-fold, at least from the standpoint of couples suffering from ED.
First of all, it’s boring. Especially if you do it every single time you make love.
And second, it doesn’t allow the wife the freedom to massage her lover’s balls, or his cock, during sex. Not at all. Sure, you wouldn’t think he’d need the added encouragement once he’s penetrated you.
But sadly, that’s not necessarily the case. For some men, penetration isn’t enough. As good as it feels for him inside of you, sometimes he needs more.
Alas, that’s why getting hard is only half the battle. Staying hard is the other half.
Okay, let’s tackle these in order.
We’ll go with my contention that the missionary position is boring. You may or may not agree, but I’ll explain my logic, and we’ll deal with that first.
Do you like Coca Cola?
I do. I like it a lot. It’s my soft drink of choice. And other than the two cups of coffee I drink first thing in the morning to bring me out of my zombie state, it’s probably my favorite thing to drink each day.
But I don’t drink Coca Cola exclusively.
I don’t drink it first thing in the morning, and then again all day long every single time I’m thirsty.
Wanna know why?
Because as good as it is, and as much as I like it, I’d get sick of it if that was all I drank.
That’s why.
So why are we talking about Coca Cola in a book about ED?
Because we can get tired of anything, no matter how much we love it, if that’s all we have.
Jacob tells me there’s no better feeling in the world than when he first slides his penis into my eagerly waiting vagina. He says the first few thrusts always make him feel as though he’s died and gone to heaven.
I can definitely relate, for I feel the same way.
He asked me when the ED monster first strolled into our bedroom and roared at us how I’d feel I we had to give up intercourse completely. I told him my feelings for him wouldn’t change in the slightest. I’d still love him as much as I ever did. But that I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t miss it. Intercourse is the single most intimate way a couple can bond. Everything else is nice. But intercourse is the gravy on the potatoes. The cherry on the banana split. The one thing a couple can share that no one else can share in.
I didn’t want to give it up. Neither did he. That’s why he played the role of my hero once again. He reached up and punched that ED monster and said it wasn’t going to win.
That we were going to find a way to defeat it.
Actually we found lots of ways, each which worked for us in varying degrees. That’s where our concept of building a “toolbox” came from.
One of the biggest tools in our toolbox was changing the way we made love.
We still do the missionary position sometimes. We both still like it because we can hold each other and kiss while we’re making love.
But missionary is no longer our go-to position. It may be one of three or four positions we try on any given night.
We bought one of those hokey books on sexual positions on the internet, with the intention of trying every single one of them.
That quickly went out the window when we discovered most of them couldn’t be done unless you’re both rail thin and in your early twenties, and have the flexibility of a professional gymnast.
We were none of the above.
So we discarded most of the positions in the book and looked for a few which fit our particular needs.
Our needs, as we saw them, were positions which allowed me to reach his dick and balls with either my hands or my mouth.
In that manner, whatever else we happened to be doing at the time I could continue to stimulate him.
Jacob loves giving me oral sex. He says that it’s his second favorite part of our lovemaking sessions, just behind penetration.
And I have to admit, I like it too. A lot. A WHOLE LOT.
The problem was it was hard to incorporate it into our lovemaking session. If we started out with him going down on me, he always went soft while he was doing it. Then, when I was hot and bothered and begging him to put himself into me, we had to stop and make him hard again first.
Our solution was to switch to what we all know as the “sixty nine” position, or to the “modified sixty nine position.”
I think most of you know which ones I’m talking about, but will explain briefly for those who don’t.
In the traditional sixty nine position, one of you lies on his or her back and the other lies on top, facing in the opposite direction. Doing so gives one’s face access to the other’s genitals and allows the couple to perform oral sex at the same time.
The modified sixty nine calls for the couple to lie next to each other, both on their right side and facing each other. Same effect, but with this one it’s a bit harder to reach the genitals.
A couple of very important things to note: This isn’t for everyone. Most of us have gained a few extra pounds as we’ve aged, and extra pounds can make this one more difficult.
I’m not heavy, but I’m soft. Jacob is considerably lighter. So he always takes the top position.
At the same time, though, he doesn’t want to bear down on me and make m
e uncomfortable.
He avoids this by getting on his tiptoes, as though he were doing a push-up. And by resting on his elbows, atop a pillow he places on either side of me. I can still feel his weight, but it’s not uncomfortable for me.
In this position, he can perform oral on me at the same time I’m performing oral on him.
The beauty of this position is that I always achieve at least one orgasm. Sometimes two or three, if I’m not too sensitive after the first one.
That’s important (and not just because it feels good).
It’s important because there are nights when we can’t get him hard no matter what we try. And on those nights Jacob can go to sleep knowing he gave me pleasure. I’ve told him a zillion times there’s no need to feel guilty about the whole ED thing. That it’s not his fault. But he’s confessed to me that despite my words he’ll always feel pangs of guilt when he can’t (as he puts it), “perform.”
In this position he’s able to perform, meaning he gives me great pleasure, in another way.
Our preferred outcome of this position, of course, is to use it as a prelude to intercourse.
Even after all these years, I still find it incredibly sexy to have him towering over me, his cock hanging down and eagerly waiting for me to take it into my mouth. I still love sucking on him almost as much as he does.
From Jacob:
Another position we’ve had great success with is the modified doggy position.
We’ve tried the doggy position, which calls for both of us to stand on the bedroom floor, and for Michelle to bend forward and place her hands on her knees. I then hold her by the hips and enter her vagina from behind.
We didn’t like that position because putting her head down for several minutes made Michelle light-headed.
The modified doggy position, however, worked much better for us.
With this position Michelle still has her feet on the floor, but the top half of her body lies across the bed.
The only bad thing about this position is that I no longer have the option of cupping or fondling her breasts while we make love.