by Jacob Clark
But I had to strip naked and lay back and close my eyes.
I was a bit apprehensive when he went into the hallway and brought a large cooler into the room, but I played his silly game.
Not knowing quite what to expect, I was a bit surprised to feel something very cold plop down between my breasts (which in those days were rather perky and still stood up when I was lying down).
The cold plop was followed by a series of other sensations. Finally he told me to open my eyes, and I laughed when I saw he’d built a banana split on my tits.
He only brought one spoon and we shared the banana split, with him spoon feeding me. Between bites be ran the back of the cold spoon around and around on my nipples, and I was quite turned on by the time we finished and he licked the remaining ice cream off of me.
The point I was trying to make to him was that the things we sometimes do in the name of sex is sometimes silly.
But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun, or worth the silliness.
Then I offered to take over the pump for him.
I’ve always been one to experiment, and have showed Jacob many pleasurable things over the years (like using one of my vibrators on his dick head to make him cum). So I was just chomping at the bits to use the pump on him.
As he said, we had mixed results. Sometimes it worked better than others. Use it not as a stand-alone cure-all, but rather use it at the same time you’re doing other things.
From Jacob:
From the beginning of this project, one of the things we’ve tried not to do is to endorse any one product. Nor to advocate against something.
We figured we’re not doing this on behalf of any particular company or industry. We’re doing this for you, our readers, so that you can benefit from our experience.
In line with that thinking, we’re not going to identify the specific penis pump we bought, nor the name of its manufacturer.
From what we saw, they all work pretty much the same way. If you choose to add one of these to your toolbox, we suggest you pick out one you like. Make sure you’re comfortable with it, and that it’ll accommodate your penis size.
From Michelle:
As I said, this is something I enjoy doing to him immensely. No, I don’t know why. I suppose it’s for the same reason I love to play with his dick. Because it gives him pleasure and at the same time helps with the ED thing.
In our house, I am the designated “Queen of the penis pump.” I crowned myself. He is no longer allowed to use it on himself. That’s my job. He says he much prefers when I do it and it’s a bigger turn-on than when he applies it himself.
And, as we all well know, the bigger the turn-on the more (and bigger) the erections.
My suggestion, ladies, is that you all take control of the penis pump for the very same reason.
IN CONCLUSION…
There are several very important things we want to leave you with.
1) What works for one man might not work for another. Remember our snowflake analogy. No two men are alike. That’s why it’s imperative you don’t just try one thing and then give up when it doesn’t work. You must try many things until you find out which ones work for you.
2) What works for you tonight might not necessarily work for you next week or next month. If one of your tried and true methods suddenly stops working for you, don’t freak out or give up. Simply try other methods in your toolbox until you find something else that is working with you.
3) Using just one method usually isn’t successful. Use a variety of things, in conjunction with one another, to achieve your best erection. Because you never know which one may or may not be working on a particular night. You wouldn’t eat just one M&M and expect to be satisfied. So why would you settle for just one ED tool?
4) Wives, talk to your friends. Tell them in confidence that your husband is having problems getting hard. You will be truly amazed at how many of their husbands are having difficulties as well. Then, once you’ve established that common ground, share ideas. Tell them what works for you, and ask them what worked for them. Your husbands will not do this. You must, therefore, do it yourself. Husbands are all big and bad when it comes to talking sports. But when it comes to discussing their ED problems with their male friends, they’re sissies. This is one of your BEST sources to get additional tools for your toolbox. Don’t pass it up.
Along those lines, we’re going to give you one last copy of our completed toolbox. The back of it will be blank, so you can tear it out of the book.
We’d like for you to tear it out and place it in your bedroom where it’ll be handy.
After awhile, you’ll find which tools work for you, or which ones you prefer using. Until you get to that point, though, you might need an occasional memory jogger. Every single item we list in our toolbox worked for us. Some to a great degree and some to lesser degrees. But every one of them worked, and we firmly believe they’ll work for you too.
Granted, there is some stigma attached to some of them.
But consider this: Stigma is your second worst enemy, after the ED itself.
If you let stigma prevent you from trying something you’re a bit shy or squeamish about, you might miss out on the very thing that works best for you.
In other words, kick stigma to the curb. Go into this adventure with a completely open mind. Try anything and everything at least once. If you determine it didn’t work, or just wasn’t a good fit for you, then discard it and try something else. But everything you flat refuse to try might be a missed opportunity.
Or a missed solution.
Sharing of ideas is the main way we will help solve the ED problem for millions of couples. Medication is a wonderful thing. But it isn’t the magical solution. Many people cannot take ED medication for a variety of health or other reasons. Or because they just don’t work for them.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is that there are a lot of other things that can work.
We want to hear your own stories. We want to hear what worked for you, and what didn’t. As you talk to your friends and share ideas, you’ll find your own tools to put in your toolbox that perhaps we haven’t tried yet.
We want you to share those with us too.
Most of you are on Facebook now. Please send us a friend request and tell us how you’re coming. Our Facebook page is JacobandMichelle Clark. If you’re not on Facebook, that’s okay. You can just email us at [email protected]
Also, we’d like to do a sequel to this book, so we can get even more ideas out there fo r the millions of couples who need help.
Those of you who want to share your stories can be included in the book. We’ll use first names only, and can even use pseudonyms if you prefer. If you find something which works for you that we didn’t cover, help us get the word out. Everybody likes a good success story, and sharing them is especially rewarding when you know you’re helping others.
The sequel will be called Erectile Dysfunction: What Worked For Our Friends. We’re looking forward to writing it.
Jacob and Michelle’s
Erectile Dysfunction Tool Box:
21 Items
1. Frequent penis stimulation
2. Pin stimulation to penis head
3. Eat well. Diet is everything
4. Enlist your doctor’s help
5. A good selection of written erotica
6. Play. Experiment. Find new things to love
7. Water is our friend. Drink lots of it.
8. Limit caffeine
9. Ice can be nice
10. Try warming oils as a stimulant
11. Porn as a visual mood setter
12. ED Medications as a backup, not as a go-to
13. Learn to save some for a rainy day
14. Change the mechanics of how you make love
15. Whack your wiener for her. She’ll enjoy it
and it’ll help with the ED
16. Lose those extra pounds. It’ll help too
17. If you smoke, stop no matter how hard it is
18. Check your prostate
19. Look hard at the foods you’re eating
20. Stress and guilt are bad, bad, bad. Just don’t do it
21. Try a penis pump
Use the back of this page to write down your own tools. Remember, not every method will work every time. So try several of them each time. Good luck!
From Michelle:
Almost forgot: I never told you guys what I do for a living. I have two degrees from Baylor University. One is in print media. The other is in marketing.
I retired from the newspaper business several years ago and now make a living writing books under the pen name Charlie Bennett.
The marketing side of me would be remiss if I didn’t gift you with a free sample of my work.
Hey, it’s what marketers do.
Please enjoy this absolutely free sample of my book “1001 Little Known Things About Well-Known People.”
If you like the free sample and want to read more, the book is available on Amazon.com.
If you’re not interested in buying the book, enjoy the free sample anyway.
0001.
You all remember singer and actress Whitney Houston. Her powerful voice sent chills up one’s spine, and she was as beautiful as she was talented. You know her work, including the movie The Bodyguard and the song I Will Always Love You. But did you know she was the most awarded female act of all time? It’s true. You can look it up in the 2009 Guinness Book of World Records.
0002.
Jerry Mathers played Beaver Cleaver on Leave it to Beaver for a very short time, yet it’s still shown somewhere in the world every minute of every day in syndication. You’d think Mr. Mathers must be a rich man from all the residual money he’s raking in. But you’d be wrong. Back then they didn’t give actors residuals. He doesn’t make a penny from them.
0003.
Actor George Reeves played the first Superman, in the black and white TV series of the same name in the 1950s. Did you know he committed suicide?
0004.
Actor John Ritter, most famous for his role as Jack Tripper in the ABC sitcom Three’s Company, was zany, mischievous, and had a great sense of humor. He would likely have had a very long line of choice acting gigs had he not died tragically in 2003. Here’s something you didn’t know about him: His father was country music legend Tex Ritter.
0005.
Even kids born in the twenty-first century know who John Wayne was. Most well known for his calm speaking voice, tough persona and his rugged portrayal of an American cowboy, he was so much more. He once played football for the University of Southern California and had aspirations of playing professional ball. He injured himself in a bodysurfing accident though, and lost his scholarship. And the rest, as they say, is history.
0006.
Those of you who are fans of 1950s-era Rock ‘n’ Roll have listened to Buddy Holly’s soulful rendition It Doesn’t Matter Anymore. But we’ll bet you didn’t know it was written by Paul Anka, who was a friend of Holly’s.
0007.
Think you knew all there was to know about former U.S. President Gerald Ford? We’ll bet you didn’t know he was once the mystery guest on the TV show What’s My Line?
0008.
Rosanna Arquette (Desperately Seeking Susan, Pulp Fiction) is an accomplished American actress and producer. She’s also a very distant relative of legendary explorer Meriweather Lewis (of Lewis and Clark fame)
0009.
You’d have to travel the earth and speak to a lot of people to find one who didn’t know one of the most famous aliens of all time: Mr. Spock from the Star Trek series of television shows and feature films. Leonard Nimoy, of course, played the role. But it wasn’t the first time he played an alien. Ask those same people about his previous out-of-this-world role and very few can identify it. In 1952 he portrayed a Martian named Narab in a movie serial called Zombies of the Stratosphere.
0010.
Eliza Dushku (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Tru Calling, True Lies, Bring It On, Wrong Turn) is a classic beauty and an actress who grew up, literally, on the silver screen. She not only had starring roles in two successful series, but also several box office blockbusters as well. She has an Albanian eagle tattooed on the back of her neck. It’s a tribute to her Albanian heritage (on her father’s side). She’s a citizen of Albania too, by the way.
0011.
American actor Tim Robbins (Shawshank Redemption, Mystic River, Bull Durham, Dead Man Walking) is one of film audience’s most loved players. He’s another kind of player as well. He’s a big ice hockey fan and plays in one of New York City’s recreational leagues every chance he gets.
0012.
Rock ‘n’ Roll singer Richie Valens died at the tender age of 17. There isn’t a lot of video available of him because he simply didn’t live long enough to make a lot of movies or television appearances. He did appear in one movie, though. It was called Go, Johnny, Go. He sang his hit La Bamba.
0013.
John Travolta is known for the many roles he played in a variety of genre, from Welcome Back Kotter to Saturday Night Fever to Pulp Fiction. We think he did quite well for a high school drop-out.
0014.
Ralph Waite was an accomplished actor, best known for his role as John Walton Sr., the kind father in The Waltons family, as well as a role in Cool Hand Luke. As a boy during World War II he wanted very much to help in the war effort. But he was just too young. He had to wait until 1946 to become a United States Marine.
0015.
Chevy Chase was known for his dry wit and pratfalls, and to this day remains an icon in American culture. You’ve seen some of his movies. Everybody has. Our personal favorite is Fletch. Did you know he once wrote for Mad Magazine?
0016.
Actress Lauren Graham is best known for her seven year stint as Lorelei on The Gilmore Girls. But there is so much more to know about her. For example, did you know she was born in Hawaii and lived for several years in Japan?
0017.
Actor Ben Affleck’s natural good looks and boyish charm easily make him a fan favorite on the silver screen. But there’s much more to the Good Will Hunting and Pearl Harbor actor than just a pretty face. When he was a teenager he learned to speak Spanish and filmed a children’s television show in Mexico.
0018.
British actress Kate Beckinsale (born Kathrin Romary Beckinsale in 1973) has a long and impressive list of film credits. They include Brokedown Palace, Pearl
Harbor, Serendipity, The Aviator and Click. But her screen debut occurred much earlier. She first appeared on television at age four, on an episode of This is Your Life.
0019.
Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has won more medals than any other athlete in any Olympic games. Going into the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio, he had an astonishing 23 Olympic medals. Not bad for a guy who has AD/HD.
0020.
Sylvester Stallone (Rocky, The Expendables, Rambo) has always played a tough guy on the silver screen. So you’d be forgiven if you thought he was long on muscle, short on brains. Not true at all. Sly was a graduate from the University of Miami and wrote or co-wrote many of his films.
0021.
For millennials, former President Dwight D. Eisenhower is just a name in a history book. All his accomplishments have been largely forgotten. But here’s a little tidbit which might make him a bit more relatable: He was the very first president to appear on national television.
0022.
Love him or hate him, Texas Senator Ted Cruz is a powerful force in American politics. He wasn’t born Ted, or even Theodore. He was born Rafael Edward Cruz. Where in heck did “Ted” come from?
0023.
Lauren Cohan is arguably the prettiest zombie killer we know. She made her bones (get it?) on the AMC series The Walking Dead, and frequently guest stars on the hit Supernatural as well. Did you know that in real life she speaks with a heavy British
accent? That’s because although she was born in New Jersey, she moved to England when she was a year old.
0024.
Johnny Cash and his music have made a resurgence of late, and the late country singer is almost as well known today as he was in his heyday. We’ve all heard his song A Boy Named Sue. But I’ll bet you didn’t know the song was written by a cartoonist. Specifically, the legendary cartoonist for Playboy magazine Shel Silverstein.
0025.
Big Bang Theory has become one of the best loved sitcoms in history, thanks in no small part to Jim Parsons, who plays Sheldon Cooper on the show. Jim is an ancestor of the famous French architect Louis-Francois Trouard.
0026.
O’Shea Jackson Sr., known professionally as Ice Cube, is many things. An accomplished actor, a talented hip hop singer, a record producer, songwriter and producer. He’s obviously pretty darned smart, which is why it only took him one year to obtain his degree from the Phoenix Institute of Technology. In architecture, of all things.
0027.
Astronaut Buzz Aldrin wasn’t just known for his walk upon the lunar surface. He was known among his peers for his sense of humor, his love for playing pranks, and his ability to turn a phrase. He used to brag that he was the “first man to piss his pants on the moon.”