Lois always felt this had something to do with some AA members fearing they would be “exposed” or talked about in Al-Anon and Alateen meetings. They didn’t understand that Al-Anon and Alateen members talk about themselves, their own problems, and their own concerns and are always advised to say little or nothing about the alcoholics in their families.11 In many families where there is the problem of alcoholism, children lose their respect for both parents—one for drinking and the other for enabling. Through the practice of the Alateen principles, she would explain, young members acquire a better understanding of the disease and its effects on them and their parents, which often leads to a rekindling of parental respect and a growing respect for themselves.
Recognizing that some children of alcoholics rebel against authority, get caught up in drugs and alcohol themselves, and can sometimes fall into criminal activities, Lois devoted much of her time and energy to helping them. She loved all children but especially those whose parents were trying to put the programs of AA and Al-Anon into their lives. And though many of the youngsters often felt lost and insecure, she believed that all could recover and find a good life. That’s why she was hell bent on making Alateen a strong and successful program.12
Ruth L. said it was about ten months after the world tour when Lois started to feel run down. So she went for a physical examination. Tests uncovered a small lump in her breast. The doctor said it was cancerous and that her breast had to be removed. “It didn’t seem to faze her at all,” Ruth remembered. “And it was amazing how she went through that operation so calmly and with such a positive attitude. You could tell she really had the Twelve Steps in her life. Maybe that’s why she recovered so well.”13
Four months later, Lois was making her excursions again to the Al-Anon office at least twice a week and was back on the phone trying to drum up Alateen sponsors. She soon had a full calendar, attending local Al-Anon meetings, speaking at conventions, lunching with friends, and entertaining visitors to Stepping Stones. Newly elected delegates from all over the country came and spent the day at Stepping Stones, as did the crowds of foreign visitors attending AA’s International Conventions. Lois permitted “anonymous” interviews with newspapers and magazines, but never television interviews or photography. She took great care to abide by Al-Anon’s principle of anonymity. It was always “Lois W.” at the level of press, radio, and television.
The sprightly senior citizen continued to travel widely. One of her favorite trips was to Palms Springs, California, in 1983, where she was invited to address the Chapter Five AA Group, which was made up of recovered motorcyclists, including many former Hell’s Angels members. One huge, grinning biker gave Lois his Chapter Five jacket and patch along with a note that read, “Since I gave you my patch, you are ‘my old lady.’” Lois was ninety-two at the time and proudly displayed the jacket, patch, letter, and a photo of the gathering in the upstairs room at Stepping Stones. They are still there.
Shortly after her return, Lois developed ileitis and colitis, an inflammation of the lower intestines and colon, which can be painful and debilitating. As a result, she was going to meetings less frequently and canceling luncheons with Ruth, Henrietta Sutphin, her dear friend who was then the executive director of Al-Anon World Services, and also Margaret D., editor of Al-Anon’s The Forum, now a magazine.
“She would have these terribly painful attacks,” Ruth recalled, “and just wasn’t up to going out as much. So I began to visit her more frequently at Stepping Stones, as did Henrietta and Margaret and many of her other friends like Bernadette B. and Penny B.”14 Lois never feared growing old, only incapacitated. In fact, she used to tell everyone how much she looked forward to her hundredth birthday. But as she began to suffer the usual ailments of aging on top of her cancer and colitis, she became more and more concerned about the future of Stepping Stones after she died: the house, the property, and the priceless historical memorabilia related to the Fellowships. She had expected her husband to resolve the matter.
But when Bill had finally recognized the seriousness of his own illness and began preparing his last will and testament, he wanted to leave Stepping Stones and most of his income to Alcoholics Anonymous once Lois had also passed away. He had hoped that members could visit and gather there as they always had during his lifetime and continue to enjoy the beautiful house and grounds that God in His generosity had given him and his wife. And he expected that most of his royalties, after he left a few gifts for others, would be enough to maintain the estate. Lois was in complete agreement with his wishes, adding only that some of their funds go to Al-Anon.
Ironically, however, AA had to remind its cofounder that he and Dr. Bob had written a Tradition years before that precluded the Fellowship from owning property or accepting gifts of more than three hundred dollars from any single contributor. And the Wilson estate was now valued at more than half a million dollars, not including the continuing stream of royalty income from Bill’s writings. The Seventh Tradition covering the matter read, “Every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.”15 Perhaps Bill thought AA World Services would make an exception in his case. After all, he and Dr. Bob had created, nurtured, guided, and built AA into a worldwide organization. But they had also written and adopted the Twelve Traditions in order to protect the future of their creation. Thus, in its collective wisdom, AA decided it could not make an exception—and didn’t. So, as one AA old-timer put it, Bill did “exactly what any alcoholic would do. He left the problem for his wife to figure out.”16
By now the old country house in Bedford Hills was practically a museum. In the large upstairs library room, for example, Lois had framed and hung pictures of Dr. Bob, Annie Smith, Ebby Thacher, Dr. William Silkworth, Dr. Leonard Strong, Dr. Sam Shoemaker, Anne Bingham, the early Al-Anon “pioneers,” and many, many others who were instrumental in helping to start and foster the growth of the Fellowships.
There were also, of course, photographs of Bill in his army uniform, Lois and Bill and family members at Emerald Lake, their exciting motorcycle trip, gatherings of friends at Stepping Stones, and their travels together around the world. Lois had spent many months carefully writing descriptive captions for them. On tables around the room were albums filled with cards and letters from AA and Al-Anon groups worldwide, and even more photos of her and Bill’s visits with their fellow members across America and around the globe. All of this was on display not simply for Lois’s enjoyment, but to show visitors how it all began, who was responsible, and the breathtaking power of it all as it grew.
It was the summer of 1979, and the value of Lois’s estate had grown considerably since her husband’s death. She was now eighty-seven, and her thoughts were frequently concentrated on trying to find some way of leaving everything to Al-Anon. But, like Bill, she faced the same roadblock. She had written the very same Tradition for the family groups that prevented her own beloved Fellowship from accepting the estate. While disappointed at first, she soon came to realize that some of her other goals in the field of alcoholism might contradict other Traditions as well.
For example, Lois used some of her own income at times to finance new approaches to alcoholism research and various educational programs related to the disease. Al-Anon could not support such ongoing activities since the Traditions precluded it from being involved in “outside issues” that might possibly draw it into “public controversy.” And Lois’s desire to foster and finance even more educational and promotional projects aimed at reducing the stigma of alcoholism and raising public awareness of its effects on the family and society—this certainly contradicted the Tradition that states Al-Anon is a program “of attraction, not promotion.”
So she began discussing her dilemma with some very close friends whose opinions she valued, such as Brinkley Smithers; Marty Mann; her accountant, Owen Flanagan; her younger brother, Dr. Lyman Burnham; Henrietta Sutphin; and her attorney, Bernard Smith, who
was also the lawyer for Alcoholics Anonymous and had crafted her husband’s will. They all concluded that, in order to achieve her desired goals, a nonprofit foundation should be created through which Lois could carry on her work now and long after she went to her final reward. And they suggested such a foundation could be charged with employing her funds to maintain the house and grounds in perpetuity, as she and Bill wished, so that it would always be there and open to every member of AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen. Lois agreed with the recommendation. In fact, she was very excited about the idea that she and Bill would continue to inform the world about the disease and its consequences “forever and forever and forever.”17
On December 24, 1979, the Stepping Stones Foundation was born and certified as a nonprofit corporation by the state of New York. Lois obviously chose to name the Foundation after her home so that it would always reflect the work she, Bill, and others had carried on there. The Foundation’s first meeting was held on December 27 to officially elect its officers and board of trustees. Lois was named president; Lyman, vice president; Henrietta, treasurer; and Nell Wing, secretary.
As Lois had directed, the purpose of the Stepping Stones Foundation is to share the story of hope for recovery from alcoholism in the individual and the family that is embodied in the lives and home of Lois and Bill Wilson.18 Lois had arranged that it be funded by the major portion of the royalties she inherited from Bill for a period of ten years following her death. She wanted to give it enough time to become well established so that it could eventually support itself, should there not be enough income to underwrite her desired goals. In truth, while the stream of royalty income for the Foundation ended in 1998, the interest income generated from Lois’s estate is ample to maintain the house and grounds for some years to come, although additional funds need to be generated today to achieve the broader purposes of the Foundation.
While Lois was eager to have the entire world understand more about the terrible disease that had afflicted her husband and millions of others, she was also pleased that the Foundation would assure that their home and gardens would always be there for members of the Fellowships. She knew that Stepping Stones would continue to be of historical importance. In fact, it is not an exaggeration to say that almost everyone in AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen can trace their sponsorship to the two people who lived in that cozy brown-shingled country house. Coming to Stepping Stones for many is just like coming home.
Stepping Stones today is a historic museum of sorts, which makes available a secure and accessible display of the Foundation’s physical assets. It is also a center at which those for whom the Foundation was established may enjoy social and educational experiences. These include showings of a film biography of Bill and Lois and other films on the problems of alcoholism for the individual and the family, a lecture series and seminars offered in collaboration with nearby colleges, and, of course, Lois’s annual Al-Anon Family Picnic, which the Foundation continues to host.
Other special programs, with media involvement, are available for researchers and opinion leaders seeking access to the archives or wishing to promote public policy for increased understanding of the treatment for alcoholism.
From its earliest beginnings, Lois and her Foundation trustees began undertaking important projects related to alcoholism, often in partnership with prominent organizations in the field. The Foundation sought to discover the best ways to stir public interest in a problem that continues to invade every aspect of society. On October 18, 1984, Lois convened a large group of leading professionals in the field at Stepping Stones to help her pinpoint those publics most in need of understanding more about the disease and the most effective ways of reaching them.
The group, including physicians, psychologists, educators, and social workers representing many important organizations, probed into why, after all that had been written about alcoholism over the years, there was still so much ignorance and misunderstanding about the disease in schools, medical institutions, the business world, military services, and religious organizations of every denomination. After welcoming everyone on behalf of the Foundation, Lois commented:
“Since my husband was the cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous, the subject of alcoholism has been very close to our hearts. And we’ve been a little tied down in one respect because AA and Al-Anon are very restrictive about their outside interests and, in fact, they have no connection with anything else that has an interest in alcoholism.
“So, this is really quite something for me to be into and I’m sure it’s something that Bill would be very much interested in because we’re now able to do things that AA cannot do—to find some way to help the public understand alcoholism better than it does. So we’re ready today to see how we as a Foundation can help the most with the dire and serious problems that still face us.”19
As a result of this seminar, the National Council on Alcoholism joined with Stepping Stones to produce two important public service announcements: one focusing on fetal alcohol syndrome, titled “What You Drink, Your Baby Drinks,” and another on the number one drug problem among youth—alcohol—titled “Alcohol Is a Dangerous Drug.” Lois was particularly interested in this second project because of her dedication to helping the children of alcoholics through Alateen.
The Stepping Stones Foundation and the National Council attracted a number of leading stars from the world of movies, television, and music to volunteer their time and tape thirty- and sixty-second radio and TV spots. They included Elliott Gould, Robert Urich, Ali MacGraw, Brooke Shields, Margot Kidder, Stacy Keach, David Hasselhoff, Reggie Jackson, Melissa Manchester, Reba McEntire, Loretta Swit, Brenda Vaccaro, Meredith Baxter-Birney, Susan Sullivan, Tyne Daly, Judy Collins, Michelle Lee, Rita Moreno, and Casey Kasem. Both campaigns were very successful, reaching millions.
As Lois had hoped, the Foundation continued its effective work after her passing to create greater awareness of alcohol addiction. In October of 1993, for example, with some new trustees elected to the board, Stepping Stones sponsored a major three-day seminar at the Edith Macy Conference Center in Briarcliff Manor, New York. The goal was to bring together leaders in treatment, government policy, medicine, research, and education in order to create a coalition with a stronger voice in the field of alcoholism to inform and better educate the public on the perils of this disease and provide more resources for recovery.
The group wrote the following accords:
To fight for a comprehensive range of quality treatment services for alcoholism and related addictions as primary diseases in the nation’s health-care system.
To acknowledge that family members have a right to specific and appropriate care whether or not the addicted person is in treatment.
To develop immediately plans that bring the weight of our organizations to bear in the ongoing health-care debate.
To submit a list of resources and special skills that our organizations will commit to these accords.
To acknowledge that the research technology is now available to find the precise causes of addiction and the capability to develop more effective approaches to treatments, prevention and public policy.
To update our message to the public so we state pride in our accomplishments, acknowledge our limitations, and offer hope for medical answers to addictive diseases in the future.20
The seminar led to the formation of the National Leadership Forum, a coalition of more than fifty private organizations and government agencies that today continues to focus on advocacy, education, research, and policy.
As the computer generation exploded on the scene, the Stepping Stones Foundation continued to keep pace after Lois’s passing by creating its own Web site, www.steppingstones.org. Visitors to the site can take a virtual tour of the house and grounds, read biographies of Lois and Bill, learn about the Foundation and its mission, view some of the treasures in its archives, subscribe to the Foundation’s newsletter, and exchan
ge e-mail.
With her Foundation now in place and her final affairs now in order, Lois found herself much more at ease despite her ailments and physical discomforts. She managed to attend various AA and Al-Anon functions, never missing two in particular: Akron’s Founders Day celebration, still held each June to honor Bill and Dr. Bob and the start of AA, and the AA Intergroup Dinner at New York’s Hilton Hotel, which was established to mark her husband’s birthday every year. It remains a major annual fund-raising event to support the city’s Intergroup activities—receiving phone calls from active alcoholics, assigning members to make Twelfth Step calls, publishing meetings lists, and so on.
Lois also never missed one of AA’s International Conventions. As she once said, “We get something at these huge, unique gatherings that cannot be gained in any other way. The combined emotional impact of so many people behaving and striving for the same ideals is felt by everyone and brings a rich kind of joy.”21 In fact, the last major gatherings Lois attended were AA’s International Convention and Al-Anon’s first International Convention, both held in Montreal in 1985. She was ninety-four at the time, and despite her frailties, she spoke to a standing ovation at an Al-Anon breakfast and was the featured speaker at AA’s closing ceremonies.
“She made such a wonderful talk,” recalled Ruth L., who was at her side over those four days. “There must have been at least forty thousand people there and you could hear a pin drop as she spoke. They hung on her every word.”
Ruth remembered her dear friend’s closing remarks: “People keep asking me,” Lois said, “how you get the spiritual part of the program. I keep telling them, there is no spiritual part. The whole program is spiritual because what we have is basically a spiritual illness and the Twelve Steps contain the medicine we take to recover.”22
The Lois Wilson Story Page 40