Anxious Love (Love Sick #1)

by Sydney Aaliyah Michelle

  "Did you just kiss me?" he asked in a whispered tone.

  "If you have to ask, then apparently, I didn't do it right," I answered as he teased me.

  "No, you did it right. I've been kind of alternating between reality and fantasy, and I wanted to make sure the kiss was, in fact, real. It felt too good."

  "I know what you mean." I tilted my head to take him in. "If you still unsure, we can do it again."

  He grinned and nodded eagerly. I laughed as my fist grabbed his shirt and I pulled him close. When his lips touched mine, my body and mind registered two contrasting sensations.

  While my mind quieted from the usual distressing chatter that made me relish my solitude, my body raged with sensations. His clean smell mixed with the smell of the fresh-cut grass we sat on. The slick little sounds our lips made as they slid over each other spurred me on to vocalize my excitement at what he was doing to me. My moans as his tongue drove into me elicited a more masculine moan from him that was now my new favorite sound.

  My hands relaxed and ran further down his chest and stopped at the top of his abs. His abs tensed, and I continued to explore. He pulled away and looked down when my hands stopped above the spot where his arousal was obvious. He sighed and blushed the cutest shade of red in his ears. I reached up. They were warm to the touch.

  Our kiss was powerful, substantial, life-altering, and oh, so real.

  It did feel good.

  My hand pressed against his chest. Would it give me the same sense of stability I craved when the world moved too fast around me? I had to find out.

  "Can I try something?"

  His eyes were glazed over. Trapped in a state of trying to contain his lust, he nodded. "Anything."

  I laughed, which defused the sexual tension.

  "Lean back on your hands."

  He did as instructed with a gleam of curiosity in his eye. I had been sitting to the right of his outstretched legs. As I moved, the world entered my senses. I closed my eyes and opened them as I shifted between his legs, falling back to sit on the ground with his chest to my back. He tensed but relaxed as I leaned my head back on his chest. I took in a deep breath and let it out.

  When I reached back and felt the solid form on the back of my hand, the world slowed back down. When he shifted and placed his hands on my hips, the world fell away, and I turned my head as he leaned down and captured my lips between his. I ran my hand up his chest and to his neck. His neck muscles were solid. I wrapped my hand around them and pulled him to me; he gave me that now familiar grunt of lust. His kiss stole my breath and gave it back to me. His hardness pressed into my back, and I pushed back, proud I had elicited a reaction from him. It made me feel strong and powerful.

  And when I squeezed the muscles on his neck and pulled way, I felt in control and amazing.

  I looked up into his dark eyes.

  "Where are you now?" I asked.

  He leaned over and laid a peck on my cheek. "You know, I really don't care."

  We stayed like that for a while. We talked and watched the people walk by. For the first time in a long time, the world seemed to move at a normal speed around me, and I contributed it to my newfound anxiety coping mechanism, Ryan Ware.

  The alarm on my phone beeped at four thirty, and I frowned.

  We both look down at my phone.

  "You have someplace to be."

  "I had a really nice time, but I do need to get back to work."

  He instinctively wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. It was a protective gesture, but also a sign of wanting to keep me here. My mind flipped. I pushed back and scrambled to get away from him.

  He held his hands up in surrender.

  "Okay, I guess I can't hold you here against your will." He laughed, but it was not out of amusement. It was to cover his confusion at my sudden change.

  I forced a smile, but my insides flipped. I picked up my phone. I had pushed myself enough today; I ordered a car to get me home.

  Ryan's face turned into a frown, and I tried to relax, but stuff was moving too fast. I had another pill in my pocket. I felt the weight of it, but I didn't want to take it in front of him. I wasn't ready to answer those questions. I looked up into his face and realized he was ready to ask them anyway.

  Instead, I leaned in and kissed him. The shock wore off as he snaked his hand around my neck and kept my lips firmly planted on his. We both needed the distraction.

  When I heard the beep of a car horn, I pulled away with a groan.

  "I'm sorry. I have to go."

  I stood up and turned to walk away. Ryan scrambled to his feet and reached out to grab my hand. He pulled the blanket up with him as he leaned over me, tilted my chin up, and landed a hard, desperate kiss on my lips.

  The feel of this kiss was entirely different. He had all the power and all the control, and the kiss didn't end until he was done with me. I sighed into his mouth, turned on and surprised at how much I didn't mind his possessiveness.

  He ended the kiss but held me in place.

  "I got this for you." He drew the blanket up and placed it in my hands. Laid another soft kiss on my cheek as he pushed me away.

  I walked backward, cradling the blanket in my arms. "Thank you for the picnic and for everything else."

  He grinned and watched me as I walked away from him. A slight sting of pain was evident in his expression, but he let me go.

  I did feel like Cinderella running away from my prince. Shame I didn't have a glass slipper to leave behind.

  Perhaps the way my lips felt against his made as much of a lasting impression on him as his did on me. I could only hope it would torment him enough until he had to find me.

  When I was safely in the car, I slipped the pillbox out of my pocket, but my phone beeped.

  Ryan: Tomorrow. 21st Amendment at 3:00 pm?

  I grinned and slipped the pillbox back in my pocket.

  Leah: Ok :-)

  I hugged the blanket, inhaled his lingering scent, and enjoyed the ride home knowing my abrupt exit only made him want me more.

  I let out a primal scream as I flipped the tire for the twentieth time.

  "Jesus, Ry, take it easy. We got a lot of work to do in the next few days," Kori, my trainer, said. He was in town for the next four days working with me to prepare for OTAs. The first of three off-season training sessions were coming up next week. It would be the first time I would be working out with the entire team.

  I couldn't wait.

  I seriously needed to hit something. Not that I didn't enjoy this newfound sensitive side Leah brought out in me, but damn if I needed to watch what I did and said around her; I needed an outlet.

  I grunted and flipped the tire. It landed with a hard thud.

  "If you're not going to listen to me, then why the fuck am I here." Kori jumped inside the tire. The man moved quickly for his solid six-foot-two, two-hundred-pound frame. He worked with several defensive guys in the NFL, but since he's from Notre Dame, we had worked together for the last four years.

  "I'm listening." I bent down and lifted the tire, figuring he would get out of the way so I didn't decapitate him with it.

  "Then put the fucking tire down." The concern in his face hit me, and I dropped the tire.

  "Sit." He handed me a water bottle.

  I squirted the flavored liquid in my mouth and had to hold it in my mouth until my lungs stopped burning so I could swallow. I stepped inside the tire and sat on the opposite edge.

  "See, you're pushing too hard. What's going on?"

  "It's nothing. I just need to push it."

  "There's pushing it and then there's pushing past it. I read the emails you sent me with your training schedule, and you're doing too much. You're not getting stronger, and you're not getting quicker. You're going to burn yourself out." He shook his head. "You already made it. You're good now, so what is going on with you?"

  "That's bullshit. I haven't made it. I haven't played a down in the NFL."

  "You
're a first-round draft pick. It's not like you have to worry about making the team."

  "No, but I need to make it to the season, and I won't if I don't work hard." I stood back up. "You've seen me like this. It's no different. I'll calm down once I get to OTAs."

  "Yes, I have seen you like this before. And, if I remember correctly, the last time I saw you like this, after our first session, you pushed so hard you broke a rib."

  I cringed remembering the pain as I took a hammer and smashed it down on a tire much like the one in front of me. The pop hurt like a motherfucker, and it delayed my workout for weeks.

  I sat back down and took another sip of the electrolyte concoction. It went down easier.

  "Come on. You're in New Orleans. You having any fun?"

  I grinned before I could stop myself.

  "Okay, okay. So who is she?"

  I set the bottle down and pulled the towel off Kori's shoulder to wipe my face. "Her name is Leah, and man, she fucking beautiful."

  "All right. So I get to meet her while I'm here?"

  I shook my head. "It's not serious. We're just hanging out, but she's cool."

  "She's cool? You like her, she likes you, so what’s the problem?"

  "I don't know. She's not shy but reserved." The word didn't sound right, but I couldn't think of another way to describe her. I couldn't get the kiss we shared in the park off my mind. It was so hot, and being with her, just holding her in my arms, I knew she felt what I felt, but then she left so abruptly like she needed to get away from me.

  "Reserved, huh?"

  "Yeah, like, I think my world is going to scare her away. She lives a pretty regimented life."

  "What does she do?"

  "She's a writer. I read one of her books. She's really good."

  I had finished the book I was reading last time I saw her. I was right; the nice guy got the girl. I read a few pages of the second book. I hesitated because I didn't want to see how the good guy won.

  Not until I figured out how to be the good guy.

  Maybe I needed another person's opinion.

  "I'm meeting her this afternoon at her friend’s bar. Why don't you come?"

  "Yeah, sure. She got any cute friends."

  I thought of Sophie, and a chill hit me.

  "She does, but I wouldn't wish her on my worst enemy." I slapped him on the back as I headed over to the next exercise. "Have at her."

  I called Leah as I headed back to my place to clean up. I wanted to make sure it was okay to bring a friend. Her concern about crowds made me cautious to pop in with a crew in tow unannounced.

  "Hi, Ryan."

  God, the sound of her voice.

  "Hey, beautiful. What ya doing?"

  "Getting ready to jump in the shower."

  "Oh, yeah? Me too. Want to shower together."

  "I don't think my phone is waterproof."

  "Damn. I could come over and join you."

  "Aren't you feisty today." She giggled. "How was your workout?"

  "It was good. Part workout, part therapy session." I wasn't sure why I told her except I liked to share things with her. "He thinks I'm working too hard. I need to relax more. Have more fun."

  "My parents tell me the same thing."

  "I guess we'll just have to help each other."

  "I like that idea." I heard the water turn on through the phone. "And since I sent my manuscript off to my agent about an hour ago, I can concentrate on you for a while."

  "I'm concentrating on picturing you getting into that shower."

  "You want another pic?"

  "Please."

  My phone beeped, and I put her on speaker and checked out the photo. It was all flesh, but way to close to discern what body part. "Is that a nipple?"

  "Ryan Ware, I most certainly would not send you a photo of my nipple."

  "Well, with limited information, I tend to make up the rest on my own. It's what I see."

  "You are so strange, but enjoy your fantasy."

  "I will." I chuckled, and my phone beeped. This time is she’d sent a photo of her flipping me the finger. I liked this girl.

  "I need to go get ready. I'll see you in an hour,” she said.

  "Hey, Leah?"

  "Yeah."

  "My trainer, Kori. He just got in town. You mind if comes and hangs out with us?"

  She didn’t speak, and I wasn't sure if she heard me. I opened my mouth to ask, but then she spoke up.

  "Just him?"

  "Yeah."

  "Yeah, that's fine."

  "He'll be on his best behavior."

  "No, it’s not that. I, uh, what's he going to think when I steal you away to make out in the back?"

  I didn't quite believe her reasoning for not wanting Kori around, but I didn't call her on it. I was looking forward to seeing her. "Good thing about Kori is that he is more than capable of entertaining himself. I'll see you soon."

  Kori and I turned the corner and my eyes and ears honed in on Leah in her seat at the end of the bar. She was facing the outside, waiting for me. Her head thrown back in a full laugh.

  "Ry, man, check out that chick over there. Women in New Orleans are hot." He sang the last word in a high voice.

  We crossed the street. Leah stepped out when she saw us approach. Kori hit me on the shoulder, but I ignored him. I walked up to Leah, leaned down, and pulled her to me as my lips landed on hers. I was all caveman with this girl, but I couldn't stop picturing her naked from the shower and her promise of more make-out sessions in our future.

  Kori confirming what I knew, that she was the hottest chic I had been around in a long time, made me want to grunt and gloat.

  "Hey." I set her down and smiled, as she was a little unsteady on her feet. I stepped behind her, and she ran her hand up my torso like she did in the park. I loved that move. "Leah, this is Kori."

  "Hi, Leah. I heard a lot about you." Kori reached his hand out. Leah looked at it and then leaned back into me. I ran my hand down her left side, and she reached out and shook Kori's hand with her left.

  "I heard Ryan was giving you a hard time this morning."

  "Yeah, I had to put him in his place, but I'm used to it."

  "Oh, great. You can give me some tips."

  "Buy me a drink and I tell you anything you need to know." Kori winked and followed Leah into the bar.

  The bar had a few people on the other end and a group in the back. Mark, Allie, and another guy I had not met before worked behind the bar.

  "Hey, Ryan," Mark yelled. I leaned over the bar and shook his hand. Allie came from behind the bar, and I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

  "Hey, Ryan." Allie blushed from the kiss.

  "Hey, Allie, this is Kori."

  "Nice to meet you, Kori."

  "Hey, Allie," a guy from the back of the bar yelled, and Allie rolled her eyes and spun on her heels to take care of the rowdy group of guys.

  I turned around, and Leah had retreated to her seat near the door.

  She and Mark were huddled together talking. Leah nodded, and he reached out, squeezed her hand, and went back to tending the bar. I walked over to her and sat in what had become my typical seat. Kori pulled up the barstool next to me.

  "What are you drinking?" She handed it to me, and I took a sip. "Club soda. I thought we were celebrating."

  "What are we celebrating?" Kori asked.

  "Leah finished her manuscript."

  "Congrats," Kori said.

  Mark made his way back over to us.

  "What can I get you?" Mark asked Kori.

  "I'll take a Dewar's on ice."

  "NOLA IPA," I said.

  "Lee, you good?" Mark asked.

  She nodded. He winked, and she smiled.

  By the time Mark brought our drinks, Kori had the attention of a cute little blonde with a heavy Southern accent who swore he was a football player or something. I scooted closer to Leah.

  "You okay?"

  "Yeah," she answered, her unfocused gaze settled
on me. She blinked and her expression relaxed. "Your friend's nice."

  "Yeah, he's a good guy."

  She laced her hand in mine and smiled up at me, but it wasn't the typical smile that reached her eyes.

  "Where's Sophie?" I asked. Her smile turned into a frown, and she dropped my hand. She was acting weird.

  "She's singing tonight," Leah answered and took a sip of her club soda. Her shoulders slumped, and she blew out a breath and looked around the bar as if she would rather be someplace else.

  I leaned over to Kori.

  "Dude, I'll be right back?"

  He nodded.

  I stood up, grabbed Leah’s hand, and stepped outside. She had no choice but to follow me.

  I took a few steps away from the bar and stopped. When I turned, Leah fell back into the wall. I reached out to steady her. She flinched, but then reached for me.

  "What's going on?"

  She looked up. Tears formed in her eyes. She blinked them away and looked down the street.

  "I know I talk about the crowd thing like it's a joke, but it's not really. I am just not comfortable in a crowd and around people I don't know. It drains me, and I took something --"

  "What did you take?" My tone accusatory.

  She shook her head.

  "No, it's not like that, I'm on anti-anxiety medication. I took a stronger pill before meeting you because I wanted to see you tonight, but it does this to me. It makes my head all foggy, and I can't concentrate."

  "Why didn't you just tell me?" I stepped to her, and she tensed. I stepped back. Seeing everything she told me all over her.

  "It's not something I can talk about easily. It makes me sound weak and helpless, and I don't want you to see me like that."

  I dropped her hand and ran my hands over my face. When I looked back at her, she had wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged herself. She looked up and down the street.

  I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me. Something was going on with her. Something I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I mean we were only hanging out, right.

  I stared down at her and my chest tightened.

  Who the fuck am I kidding?

  I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

  I leaned over and laid a quick kiss on her lips. I pulled back, but she leaned into me and kissed me back.