Ryan smirked and finished the press conference.
"Leah."
I turned and found Sophie standing at my side.
"How did you get here?"
I jumped off the stool, wrapped my arms around Sophie’s torso, and hugged her tight. She squealed and hugged me back.
I looked over and saw Ryan exiting the stage. He was typing into his phone. My phone buzzed a second later.
Ryan: Tell Kori to take you to the player's entrance.
"Ryan wants us to meet him at the player's entrance."
Kori took Sophie's hand, and Sophie pulled me along by the waist. He walked fast with his head down. We had no option but to follow him.
The end of the hallway entered into a massive parking lot under the stadium. The spaces had several cars parked but with spaces between each. I spotted Ryan's SUV and spotted him coming out of another door. Watching him walk toward me, I got a good look at him in his own custom tailored light gray suit. The jacket lay smooth over his bulky frame and the slacks hung straight over his massive legs. He appeared smaller but no less intimidating.
My mouth went dry as he took long strides toward me. I didn't need to look for something solid to hold on to anymore. My something solid was standing in front of me, and I never felt more secure.
My something solid could hold me back.
The ibuprofen had kicked in, and the thrill of victory helped ease the pain, but once I saw Leah at the press conference, her grin beaming at me, all the pain went away. I was ready to confess my love for this woman in front of the entire world but figured that might be a little counterproductive. I mean like she said, she wasn't cured, but I was so proud to see her here and see her okay.
I pushed through the locker room to the player parking lot and found Leah standing at my SUV with Kori and Sophie.
I greeted Kori first.
"Now that was an NFL debut," Kori said as he hugged me and grinned. "Nice job, man."
"Thanks, man." I leaned over and hugged Sophie. "Hey, thanks for coming."
I didn't hear her response; I grabbed Leah's hand and held on tight. I needed to be with her, be near her, touch her, and hold on tight to make sure she didn't leave me, even though I was the one who walked out on her last time.
I wanted to find a quiet place with a locked door and tell her how much I loved her and needed her in my life and not let her out until she believed me.
"Your uncle and cousins said they would meet you at the house,” Kori said.
I groaned and turned to Leah. "Daniel and I were having everyone over to our place to celebrate."
She brought my hand to her lips and kissed it softly. "Let's go."
My eyes narrowed as she dropped my hand, opened the car door, and crawled in. Sophie and Kori climbed into the back. I watched her as I crossed the front of the car. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I slid into the driver’s seat. I turned the key in the ignition, backed out, put the car in gear, and grabbed her hand before driving, the whole time keeping one eye on her and one on the road.
She stared out the window. The radio barely audible, but she tapped out the beat of the song on my hand and bobbed her head slightly.
When we pulled into my apartment garage a few minutes later, we headed up to my apartment. I opened the door and let Kori and Sophie in. Leah followed them, but I pulled her back.
"You okay?"
She rolled her eyes and stared up. “Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Because..." I said with sarcasm. "I just want to know where you're at, anxiety level wise."
"What you mean like on a scale of one to ten, ten being catatonic with fear."
"Something like that."
"I am buzzing around a four."
"Ryan, the man." My uncle grabbed my shirt. He breathed beer breath in my face and pulled me in for a hug. "I am so proud of you, son."
"Hey, Ryan." My cousins came over to hug me and pull me in. Leah remained near the door but stepped inside. She had a hand on the wall, her eyes darting around the room, but not frantic, more taking it all in.
Daniel crossed over to her, and she leaned in as he kissed her on the cheek. They chatted while I greeted a few more of my family who had come to see me play.
"So that's your girl, huh?" my uncle asked.
"Yeah." I waved to her. "Leah."
She gave the wall another reassuring touch, pushed off, and took a direct path to me, her eyes only focusing on her destination. "Baby, this is my Uncle Derek. And these two are my cousins, Brady and AJ."
Uncle Derek reached out a tentative hand to Leah, and she took it and pulled him in for a hug instead. He hugged her back with a huge grin on his face.
"It so great meeting you. Ryan talks about you all the time," she said.
"It's nice to meet you, too. We missed you at the game?" Brady said, leaning into Leah for his hug. AJ followed.
"I know. I was working on some things, but I won't miss another one."
They all smiled down at her as she looked up.
"Seriously, why are all the Ware men like handsome giants? My neck is going to ache after being around this family."
They all laughed, and I grinned. Who knew my girl was so charming.
You did, you idiot. Why do you think you fell for her in the first place?
I reached down and palmed the small of her back, my fingers sliding over the top of her ass. My cock reminded me why I fell for her.
"Food's ready on the patio, everyone," Daniel said from the door, and everyone moved in that direction.
We had a chef come in and prepare a traditional Creole dinner for us. He set out a long table on the patio and had the food in big bowls placed down the center. My entire family including Daniel, his parents, girlfriend, and sister surrounded the table. The food looked and smelled amazing.
I sat on one end of the long rectangle table and pulled Leah close to my side as we all dug in. The chef had prepared a traditional crawfish boil. He boiled crawfish, shrimp, corn, and potatoes and poured them all out onto the table covered in mugs of melted butter.
Sophie sat on Leah's left. We formed a protective barrier around her for the whole night. I wasn't sure she needed it, but she accepted it. I think it made us feel better. We all sat at the table and ate, drank, and laughed. It was perfect. Exactly how I pictured it.
The ghost of people who couldn't be here didn't take up any space. They were put to rest in my mind after the events of last week.
I looked over at Leah and smiled at her. I needed to pay a lot more attention to the people in my life and worry less about the people no longer with me.
As the chef and wait staff cleaned up, we all moved inside. Uncle Derek wanted to watch them talk about me on the evening news.
Leah walked in, but I stopped her. I pulled her to my side. The heat of her body made me groan. I missed touching her. I wasn't sure if my own issues of being with her would rear their ugly head, but at the moment, I wanted her so bad. I didn't care. "You know, if we snuck off, I don't think they would care."
"This party is for you."
"I know, but I really need to be alone with you."
"Really?"
I leaned over, captured her lip between my teeth, and sucked on it. "Really."
I grabbed her hand and slid out the back door that led straight into the hallway from the patio.
"Shit." I stopped, pawing my pockets. "I left my keys in the house."
"Let's order a car."
"We going to your place?"
"I know someplace closer."
I narrowed my eyes but smiled and followed her down the elevator.
We jumped in a car and pulled up in front of the hotel five minutes later. We didn't speak on the car ride over. Ryan held my hand tight against his chest. The heat from his body excited me, but I was nervous and so was he.
The last time we were together, he had pushed me away. It stung thinking about it. I needed to be with him, but I wasn't sure how I would handle it if he pushed
me away, again.
We entered the room.
Ryan headed for the window and looked down at the Superdome.
"This was where you watched the game." He tapped on the glass.
"Yeah. It was cool, really. I could feel the excitement even this high up."
"Why?" He asked still staring down out the window.
"Why what?" I bit my lip. The temperature in the room seemed to drop a few degrees.
"Why did you check in to the hotel?"
"I don't know." I hugged myself. "I guess I just wanted to be a part of your big day in some small way."
Ryan turned; the look on his face warmed me back up.
"I thought about you all day," Ryan said with the sweetest smile on his face.
"No, you didn't."
"I did. I woke up thinking about you. I always wake up thinking about you." He sat on the bed, and I sat next to him. He took my hand and held it. "I go to sleep thinking about you, too." He kissed my hand and turned his body to face me. "And if I'm lucky, I dream about you."
He placed his hand on my shoulder, leaned over, and kissed me. It was a soft, tentative kiss but filled with emotion and questions. I parted my lips, but he pulled back and stared into my eyes. The light behind him shaded his face, but the power of his gaze washed over me. I scooted closer, and he leaned down and kissed me, stronger and firmer. He pushed me back on the bed as his tongue swept over my lips, causing them to part. His tongue darted in and out as his hands roamed over my body, over my clothes. His touch was tentative, too.
His uneasiness dulled every action; it was too gentle, too timid. Not like my Ryan. I pushed him off and sat up.
He flopped on his back, placed his hands behind his head, and exhaled.
"Ryan. What's going on? Talk to me, please."
"What do you mean?"
"What happened to the guy who laid me out on the kitchen table and had me for dessert? Where is the man who grabbed me and told me how he wanted to take me? I miss him."
He sighed, stood up, and paced over to the window. "I don't know if I can be that guy with you."
The anguish in his face washed over me, and I fought to hold in my emotions. He needed to feel comfortable talking to me about his feelings without worrying about me falling apart.
"Why?"
He turned toward me and slumped to the floor, his back against the floor-to-ceiling windows.
"Ryan. Talk to me, please. You can tell me anything. Tell me how you feel."
"Since you told me about what happened to you and your roommate, I have nightmares about it. About the way he touched you. The things he said to you. I see you being bent over that ch-chair."
I kneeled in front of him and grabbed his forearm, but he pulled away.
I watched a plane as it made its way across the sky. I avoided looking him in his eyes as my own emotions threaten to choke me.
"I can't get that image out of my head."
"Hey, baby, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm okay. It's normal for your brain to play it out in order for you to make sense of it."
"Am I supposed to get turned on by it?"
I sat back on my heels and stared at him. "What do you mean?"
"I dream about you getting assaulted and wake up with a raging hard-on, and I hate myself for it." He slammed the floor, and I sat down and crossed my legs in front of him. I placed my chin in my hands all in an attempt to process without freaking out. "You know I would never—"
"Oh, of course, I know." I reached out my open hand, and he took it. "Ryan, listen to me."
He nodded.
"I can testify to the fact that our brains, our subconscious can do some pretty fucked-up things. Make us believe some pretty fucked-up stuff. You can't help what you dream or how your body responds."
"I should be disgusted by what they did to you. I certainly shouldn't be pushing you to do the stuff we've done."
I bit my lip and blinked back tears as I shook my head. "Don't say that."
"It's true. I would never have. After what you've been through."
"So you think because of what happened to me and what happened to Dana, which had nothing to do with sex, means I can't be a freak with the man I love."
"You love me?" he asked with a smirk.
I blinked and stared at the ground. I didn't mean to say that, and after everything, that was what he latched on to? "I—You can't decide what is and isn't an appropriate response to my anxiety. I love having sex with you the way we have it. We are so good together. It's not wrong."
I sounded like an obstinate child.
"You didn't answer my question."
I shook my head and leaned my head to the side. I peeked at his face and looked away. I peeked again and caught the grin before he pushed off the floor, tackled me, and landed on top of me.
I grunted from the impact but had no time to process it before his lips landed on mine. His elbows rested near my ears, his hands in my hair, moving my head at the angle he wanted to kiss my mouth. He pushed his tongue into my open mouth and massaged my tongue; the power of his kiss made me groan. My brain became foggy, and I couldn't breathe, but my entire body was tingling as he gave me no choice but to withstand him, his power over me.
My back arched, and my hands ran down his side and around his back in an attempt to pull him close. He pushed my hands away and sat up. I opened my eyes ready to protest or convince him to continue, but I didn't need to. He sat back on his heels, rubbing himself through his pants and looking down at me. "Take your clothes off. I want to watch you."
I pulled my shirt over my head and arched my back off the floor to unhook my bra. He captured my breast in his free hand and kneaded it, pinching my nipple between his fingers. I moaned and unbuttoned my pants. I pushed them down, and he helped pull them off, taking my panties with them.
He stopped to look down at me and admire my body. His gaze stroked all my spots.
I reached up and unbuttoned his shirt. I pushed it off his shoulders and ran my hand over his bare skin. His body remained flawless like I remembered except for a dark spot on his left side under his pectoral muscles. I ran my fingertips over it, and he winced.
"What happened?"
"Part of the game."
"Maybe we should postpone this until tomorrow when you're not all beat up."
"It's going to be worse tomorrow. I want you now."
The pleading in his voice turned me on and set my body on fire. He sat up on his knees and removed his pants. His cock sprang out as he removed his boxer briefs. I gasped at the sight of it. It made me feel all lusty and sexy, watching the way I affected him. I wanted him in every possible way. He leaned back over me.
I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him back. "Can I ask you to do something?"
His sexy smile crept on his lips, and I shivered. "Name it."
"Can you fuck me from behind?"
He narrowed his head and cocked it to the side. "Why are you asking?"
"It's this thing I have about having someone behind me. Why I always sit with my back to the wall or stand against solid surfaces. It's a weird request, I know. I mean after everything we've done together, it should be no big deal, right?"
I sounded crazy, even to my own head.
"I..." Ryan ran his hand through his hair. "The night after practice. That's why you stopped? Because I was behind you, right?"
I bit my lip and blinked back tears. I watched him contemplate the request in light of the new information he discovered. He was such a smart man. I didn't think I could out-intellectualize him either.
Ryan stood up and reached out his hand. I took it, and he pulled me up. He leaned over and swiped his lips over mine, placed his hands on my hips and turned me around. He walked me toward the bed, bent over to grab a condom out of his wallet, and with a hand on my left thigh, he guided me to the bed, as he kneeled behind me.
I leaned down on my hands and braced myself, my mind racing waiting for me to feel the anxiety.
"Leah," Rya
n said in an amused tone.
I turned and looked at him over my shoulder.
"I'm not going to just stick it in and take you like a dog."
I giggled.
"Come here." His soothing voice coaxed me into responding.
I sat up and leaned my back against him. I ran my hand up his chest and back down.
"You know the first time you pulled that move on me was at the park. I thought it was the fucking sexiest thing. Like you were confirming to the world I was yours."
"You are mine. You're my rock." I took Ryan's hand and kissed it before I placed it between my legs.
He cupped my pussy, and his fingers explored my core. I tensed. "Hey, relax. It's just me."
I moaned and relaxed, my muscle going to jelly under his touch. His tongue teased the spot behind my ear, and I reached back and held onto his muscular thighs anchored on either side of me, pulled me into his sanctuary.
"Your body is so responsive to me. Thank you," he whispered in my ear. I turned my head back, and he leaned over and kissed me deep as his fingers plunged into me farther. His cock twitched against my back, and I reached behind and stroked it. He groaned in my mouth as he adjusted himself so his cock was between my legs. He rubbed it in my folds and coated it with my juices. "You want me to fuck you like this?"
I nodded my head, unable to verbalize with all the new sensations of pleasure and anxiety mixed in a weird heady cocktail, but unlike a drink, it wasn't dulling any of my senses. I felt Ryan in me, around me, everywhere, and I wanted more.
"I can't hear you, little one," he sang.
I reached out, grabbed the condom, and handed it to him. "Yes, please."
"So polite." He kissed my nose. "I'm going to fuck you so hard, but first—"
I gasped at his tone as he suited up, gripped my hips, and pushed the tip of his cock into my entrance. I moaned and leaned forward a bit to brace myself.
"You want more?"
"Yes," I said, breathy.
"Then fuck me, Leah."
I cried out and pushed myself back onto his cock. Each inch burned a little as I got used to his size all over again. I pulled back and tried taking him deeper and deeper all the while trying to remind myself to breathe. I didn't have any time for my anxiety to take over or to worry about a flashback. I had one goal; to fuck Ryan as good as I knew he was going to fuck me.
Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) Page 20