“FC?”
The sound of Lila’s voice causes me to whirl around.
“What are you doing out of bed?”
“I heard you were here.” She slowly shuffles over to us. “Does this mean we’re okay?” she asks as she stares at Sawyer. There’s no emotion on her face. None. She looks as impassive as ever. She doesn’t ask to touch him either.
“This means I wanted to see my son.” I turn away from her, angling so my back is toward her, but I keep my hand with Sawyer’s.
“We have a child together, FC,” she whines.
“Doesn’t mean I have to be with you,” I fire back. “You shouldn’t have come in here. There’s a restraining order and you should avoid me as much as possible.”
The fire in her eyes is there in a flash. Here’s the Lila I’ve become so close to. “What the fuck was that even about, FC? How could you do that to me?” Her voice rises enough that a nurse looks our way.
“Why don’t you return to your room? We’re not arguing in a room of babies, especially ours. If you continue to argue with me, it’ll just show me how much you don’t give a shit about him.”
The glare she gives could kill me. If we were at home, she’d hit me. Thankfully, a nurse comes over and convinces her she shouldn’t be out of bed yet and she really should go back to her room.
Every second I can, I spend with Sawyer. Every second I don’t have to spend with Lila, I don’t. She does allow me to name him still. By that time, my parents have arrived. Poor Sawyer has to have a feeding tube to help him eat, but we are able to hold him.
Everyone does.
Except Lila.
She has zero interest. Every time she denies an offer, I pointedly look over at her parents. As if to say, See? She doesn’t care about him. She’s too busy being pissed I’ve left her than to care about him.
Sawyer does have to stay in the hospital for a bit, but I stay at Lila’s apartment while she’s at her parents’. I get in touch with a lawyer to get the custody case started. Not once does Lila visit Sawyer in the hospital. How do I know? Because if I’m not there, my mom is and Lila never shows up. She breaks her no contact order multiple times, too.
She calls me, wanting to get back together.
She apologizes for what happened.
She promises nothing like that will ever happen again.
She never speaks of Sawyer.
When I mention him? She changes the subject or ignores what I said.
But it’s okay. I’m in love with my son. He’s growing and doing well as a premature baby. He’s keeping me busy, though, so it’s been two months since I’ve talked to Idaline. My son has done so much growing in that time, however. He’s spent all of that two months with me. Lila has only seen him when I take him over to Karen’s for visits, and that’s if she happens to be there to break the no contact order.
My mom has been with me almost the entire time. We’ve been in an apartment, with a month-to-month lease, just waiting until I can move to Raleigh. Sawyer could be in daycare, though I don’t like the idea of that, but there’s a waitlist at the majority of the daycares around here.
Today is a good day. I can feel it. On my lunch break, instead of calling my mom to check on Sawyer like I usually do, I call Idaline.
“It’s been two months, FC,” she snaps when she answers. I wince at the anger in her voice. It’s rare I hear that from Idaline.
“I’m sorry. There’s been a lot going on. Have you been doing well?” I ask. She’s quiet for so long that I worry she’s hung up on me. “Idaline?”
“You sound happy,” she says softly.
I laugh. “I am.” It’s been so good to be away from Lila as much as I can be. And having Sawyer around? Life is ten times better than it ever could be.
“You don’t know how good it is to hear your voice and it sound so happy again. I’m glad things are better, FC.”
“Me too. Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”
“I guess,” she sighs, making me laugh. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too. How’s your anxiety and everything?”
“I’ve been stable, but I have my days. Are you back in Raleigh?”
“Not yet. I’m working on moving back, though. Are you seeing anyone?” I can’t help but ask. I’m anxious to know, especially since every day I get closer to moving back to Raleigh, the closer I get to being with Idaline if she still wants me at that point.
“No.”
My smile can’t be helped. “After I move back to Raleigh, I think that’ll be it, Idaline. And I have a good feeling it’ll be soon.”
“Raleigh is farther away,” she says quietly. “Why don’t you move here?”
Sawyer and his sweet face pop into my mind. “I can’t.” I don’t want to move away from my family and their help.
“We’re going to be in the same position, FC.”
“You could always move here, Idaline,” I point out.
“That’s true,” she admits. “You’d want me to?”
“Of course.” It sounds a bit crazy to talk about another relationship right now, but this is Idaline. I wouldn’t consider such a thing so soon with anyone but her. There’s an incoming call from my lawyer and my heart breaks a little. “Idaline, I’m sorry, but I have to go. We’ll talk soon, okay?”
“I’ll hold you to that. Bye, FC.”
“Bye.” I switch over to my lawyer. “Hey. How are you?”
“Forget pleasantries. FC, you won’t believe this.”
“What is it?” I don’t know whether to be concerned or excited for whatever he has to share.
“Lila is giving up her parental rights. Her mother came in with her this morning and had me do it. It’s all but done. You don’t even have to fight her for full custody. Sawyer’s yours.”
“You’re not kidding me, are you?” I ask. “Why would she do that?”
“I don’t know, but she did.”
While I feel a shit ton of relief, I’m skeptical. Lila has an ulterior motive. What that is, I don’t know yet. She wouldn’t give up her only link to me unless she has some other plan. I don’t think for one second she’s through with me. Lila didn’t get her way and she must be good and pissed about that. A bud of anxiety plants itself in the back of my mind because she’ll show up in my life at some point and it won’t be pretty.
But my lawyer wasn’t lying and I’m soon able to move to Raleigh. At first, I live with my parents until I can get my feet underneath me, finding a job and an apartment. Sawyer is six months old when I feel settled. I work. My family helps watch Sawyer while I work. And all my free time is spent with my son, watching him grow and learn.
I wake up on June first and my soul tells me it’s the day. A piece of paper and pen call to me. I write down my name, not FC, but what FC stands for. With a smile, I mail it to Idaline. I once told her this is how she’d know I was ready and it seems like exactly what I should do. Not to mention, it puts the ball in her court. I haven’t heard from her in about a month, so I’m not sure what’s going on with her, but I hope she’ll be happy to discover my name and that my life is finally in order.
I pick Sawyer up from his crib and rock him gently in my arms. “It’s you and me against the world, son. But maybe Idaline will be with us soon.”
I can only hope.
If you are in a domestic violence situation and would like to reach out for help,
consider family, friends, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
You can also call them at 1-800-799-7233.
Be sure to find out how FC and Idaline’s story ends in,
Light in the Dark.
Also coming soon is Collin Kessy’s book in the Carolina Rebels series.
Check Lindsay’s website and social media for updates!
First and foremost, I must thank my real-life inspiration for FC, who has so much strength and courage and has no idea I even wrote this book. Continue fighting and winning your battles! Yo
ur son so greatly appreciates it and loves you for it.
Thank you, Kristalyn Thornock. You’re my rock, girl!
Thank you, Angie Wells, for being a beta reader for me! You’re awesome!
Thank you, Shannon Page, for editing my work. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you there for those last-minute edits.
Thank you, Robin from Wicked by Design, for creating a cover I love and making this process so perfect.
Thank you, Julie from JT Formatting. I can’t imagine working with anyone else because you’re the best!
Thank you, reader, for taking the time to read this story. It means so much to me and I hope you fall in love with FC and Idaline as much as I did.
Lindsay Paige is the author of multiple Young Adult, New Adult, and Sports romances. She also enjoys writing books with characters who deal with anxiety and depression, issues which are close to her heart. Lindsay is a North Carolinian who loves watching hockey, sharing puns, having conversations with her miniature Schnauzer, re-watching episodes of M*A*S*H, and living her dream of writing books for a living.
If you would like to hear news before anyone else, interact with Lindsay, and have a place to discuss her books with fellow fans, join Lindsay’s League on Facebook.
Lindsay has written the following books/series:
Bending Under Pressure
Bold as Love series
Bracing for Love series
Carolina Rebels series
Don’t Panic
Hearts in Carolina series
Heaven and Hell Duet
Sanity series
Without a Doubt
You Before Me
She has cowritten the following series:
The Penalty Kill Trilogy
Oh Captain, My Captain series
The Ninth Inning series
Author Links:
Website
Facebook Page
Facebook Reader Group
Instagram
Hell and a Hard Place Page 16