by Jody Holford
His heart screeched to a halt. “Why?”
When her eyes went soft and her body shifted closer, his heart revved up once again. Their combined breaths seemed loud, almost echoing in his ears.
Kate took a deep breath and let it out. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel the heat between us. The attraction. How long do you think we can ignore that if I’m living in the same house?”
Shit. On one hand, it was good to know he hadn’t been seeing something that wasn’t there—his instincts were still highly intact. She wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. But they also had bigger goals, more important agendas that could suffer if she said no. She was looking at him now and in her eyes, he saw a reflection of what he felt. The depth of that feeling was a surprise, and damn humbling. But since the day he’d held his girls in his arms for the first time, he’d stopped putting himself first. Kate was on the verge of saying yes and he didn’t want anything to stand in the way. He needed her. They needed her. More than that, he wanted it to be her. Wanted her to be someone who touched his girls’ lives.
Looking Kate straight in the eyes, he did something he hated. He lied.
“Kate, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Shit. I feel like a jackass now,” he said. It physically hurt, like being struck with an open palm, to look at her while he said the words.
“What?” She stepped back.
“We’re friends, that’s all. I’m really, truly sorry if I’ve made you think otherwise. And of course I understand if you can’t do this because, well, because you feel…differently for me.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, his stomach turning in on itself.
Kate’s eyes widened and she gave a high-pitched, short laugh. “What? No. It’s not uncomfortable. Of course we’re friends. Wow. Don’t apologize,” she said, her words coming fast. “I don’t even know why I said that. I don’t…I don’t have feelings for you and of course, I didn’t think you had them for me. God. I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry. Well. At least my face is now the right shade to blend in with your Christmas decorations.”
Fuck. He hated himself. “I didn’t mean to make this awkward.”
She shook her head too fast. “No. You didn’t. This is…you know what? It’s an excellent idea. You’re absolutely right. We are friends. Nothing more. I adore your girls and I like you. As a friend. I need money, you need a nanny.”
“Kate.”
She shook her head again and when she spoke, her words were tight, like a noose wrapping around his heart.
“Elliot, I would love to work for you. I can’t promise a long-term commitment, but you’re right. For now, it is a perfect solution for both of us.”
They stared at each other, both digesting the words. Electric energy hummed between them, more powerful because he knew, as a man and a cop, that she was as full of it as he was. He stepped forward and held out his hand.
“You’re hired.”
Kate looked down at it then slid her palm against his. Fucking electric.
“Perfect. Absolutely perfect, boss.”
Chapter 8
Kate’s phone shook in her hand. Correction. It was her hand shaking. Because she was a complete idiot. Her breath refused to pull all the way into her lungs and the short, quick bursts of air were nearly as loud as her heartbeat. She typed out a text to her sisters.
Kate: I’ve solved one of life’s most pressing questions. You can both thank me now.
Char: Why men get to pee standing up?
Lucy: Is there really a G-spot?
She knew they’d make her laugh. They’d pull her out from the murky waters of humiliation and tell her she was overreacting.
Kate: You cannot, in fact, die of embarrassment. I tested that theory to the absolute limit and am sad to say that when you reach the threshold of shame, you do not go up in fire or sink into the depths of hell or fall lifeless to the floor.
Char: This ought to be good. Tell us more. Where are you, anyway?
Lucy: Wait, let me get my wine before you give us all the details.
Or maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe they’d just make her feel worse. But the embarrassment was still eating a hole in her stomach so she needed to share it.
Kate: You both suck.
Char: So? Tell us anyway.
Lucy: I’m back. Tell us. And yeah, where are you?
Kate stopped pacing the guest room Elliot had said would be hers and stared at her phone. What was wrong with them? Had no one heard her? More importantly, had no one listened?
Kate: I told you—all of you—I was going to Elliot’s to help with decorating the tree. Thanks for listening. I could be dead somewhere and you wouldn’t even know.
Char: But you already said you didn’t die of embarrassment even though you wanted to. So since you didn’t, tell us what happened?
Lucy: Did you see Elliot shirtless and drool all over yourself?
Kate: Do you want to know or not?
Char: Lucy, knock it off or she won’t tell us.
Lucy: Bossy.
Char: Brat.
Kate: GUYS!
Kate sank into the softness of the double bed as a knock came. She jumped back up, tucked her phone in her pocket, and opened the door. Elliot stood in the threshold.
“Hey.” He rolled in her suitcase, which, ever the gentleman, he’d grabbed for her from the back of her mom’s car. He ran a hand through his dark hair. “You need anything? I just tucked in the girls. I work at six tomorrow.”
Kate shook her head. “Nope. I’m good. Great. Really tired though.” She faked a yawn and Elliot raised one eyebrow in response.
“Okay. You sure you’re okay?”
Smiling so wide her cheeks hurt, Kate nodded. Damnit, stop nodding like a bobble head doll. “I’m good. Really. It’s okay if I take the girls out tomorrow? I’ll need to grab some of my stuff from my parents’ and then I promised them I’d take them shopping.”
Elliot shoved both of his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Kate kept her eyes up, though they really wanted to travel down the length of him.
“It’s fine. You really don’t have to do that though. The shopping. We can all go when I get home tomorrow. After dinner.”
“Nope. This is a girls-only trip.”
“Okay.”
She stepped back from the door and he started to turn away. When he turned back, Kate’s breath caught in her throat. Painfully.
“Kate?”
“Mmm?”
“I’m glad you’re here.”
She could only nod. Shutting the door, she leaned her forehead against it for a moment, then pulled out her phone again.
Several texts popped up from her sisters.
Lucy: Sorry.
Char: Sorry, honey. Go ahead.
Lucy: Where are you? We said sorry! Come back.
Char: Come on. Don’t be like that…come back.
Lucy: Kate Marie Aarons!
Kate: Stop it! I was talking to Elliot for a minute. He offered me a perfect solution to my no-job, no-place-to-live issue.
Char: Oh, Kate, I feel terrible. Honestly, we can get the kids to bunk with us in Lucy’s old room, you take yours.
Lucy: Let her finish.
Kate: It’s okay. I now have both a job and a place to live. I’m going to be a live-in nanny for Beth and Grace.
Lucy: Okay….
Char: You’re going to be a babysitter?
Lucy: Char. Bitchy.
Kate had said the same. She had a degree in social work and had just finished an internship at a top New York fashion house. She’d even won the coveted best intern award six months ago. And now, she was lying back on a paisley print duvet in the house of a man she more than lusted after, waiting for the shame to fade far enough into the back of her mind that she could just find the whole thing funny.
Char: Lucy, practical. She wants to open a dress shop and eat. Babysitting is not exactly a stepping stone for that.
Kate: Why did I text you
guys?
Lucy: Sorry.
Char: Sorry.
Kate: It is a good stepping stone. I don’t pay for rent, he’ll take care of food, and he’s actually offered me really decent money. I adore the girls and I can get things settled and started around his shift work. It’s…kind of ideal.
Lucy: What’s the problem then?
Char: It sounds good.
Kate took a deep breath, glanced at the door of the bedroom she’d be using as her own, then looked back at her phone.
Kate: Before I realized what a great solution it was, I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea because obviously there is a significant amount of heat between us and living under the same roof would only lead to trouble.
Char: The yummiest kind of trouble.
Lucy: He’s a bit old for you. And has two kids. Not exactly a fling.
Char: Now who’s bitchy?
Lucy: I’m just saying. She has a lot going on. Starting up her own business isn’t exactly easy, and Elliot’s got baggage in the shape of Gina.
Char: True.
Kate: Are you done?
Char: Sorry.
Lucy: Sorry.
Kate: He informed me that he wasn’t sure if he gave me mixed signals but he thought of me as no more than a friend, and whatever heat I was referring to was clearly only on my part.
Silence. Sitting alone in the quiet of the sparsely decorated spare room, Kate’s cheeks heated again. She could hear Elliot puttering around down the hall and another wave of regret shook her shoulders. He was supposed to be going to bed. Do not think about him and bed.
Kate: HELLO?
Lucy: Sorry. I just died of embarrassment for you.
Char: And instead of fleeing the country so you never had to see him again, you chose to move in?
Kate growled at her phone. She tossed it beside her and then got up, stripped down to her tank top and underwear, and crawled between the coolness of the covers. When she realized she’d forgotten the light, she got up, switched it off, groped her way back to the bed, and picked up her phone, the glow lighting the dark.
Lucy: DUDE. Be nice.
Char: 12-year-old boys say dude. Grow up.
Lucy: My brain is too sleepy to think of a good comeback. When I finally do, I’m just going to randomly insert it.
Char: That’s what he said.
Despite the irritation and unrest making a home inside of her, Kate snickered.
Kate: You two are idiots and terrible sisters.
Char: But we love you.
Lucy: Usually.
Kate: I’m such a loser.
One tear leaked onto the pillow.
Lucy: NO. You are not. You are an amazing designer, a beautiful woman, and Elliot is a blind, drunken idiot.
Kate: He was sober.
Lucy: So all of the other stuff then.
Char: She’s right. You’re the full package. I’m sorry you’re embarrassed and probably nursing hurt feelings but…it’s probably for the best. Lucy is right, he does have a lot of baggage, and if you want this to work out, you do not need to be doing your boss. When it ends, it would be messy on so many different levels. So this is better.
More tears threatened, and she bit her lip to hold them off.
Lucy: I think I just died again when Char said I was right. Honey, I’m sorry. He’s one guy. You’ve got lots going on. And you don’t need to be lusting after him while you’re working for him. Focus on your shop. We’re going to do everything we can to help. Actually, speaking of that…remember the small coffee shop that Joy Hillier tried to start a few years back?
Char: Before she took over a foster care center in another town?
Kate: I forgot about that. What about it?
Lucy: Alex says it’s available for lease. It’s a good location—right on the outskirts of town.
Kate: Cool. I’ll see if I can go take a look. I should go to bed. Elliot has to work tomorrow so it’s officially my first day.
Lucy: Okay…you know who IS cute and available?
Kate: Don’t.
Char: Who?
Kate: Stop it.
Lucy: Cam. I could set it up. Or nag Alex to help me set it up. He’s so sweet!
Kate: Goodnight.
Lucy: Come on!
Char: He is really cute. Good job. No kids. No crazy ex.
All true. But Cam didn’t make her stomach trip over itself like a klutzy teenager who hadn’t grown into their full height yet. He didn’t make Kate’s heart speed up or make her want to hold her breath just so she could listen to his breathing.
Kate: I hope you both got me something insanely overpriced for Christmas. If not, there are still a few shopping days left.
Lucy: We could invite him for Christmas brunch.
Kate: I’ll tell Alex you’re trying to make him play matchmaker.
Lucy: You’re mean.
Char: Get some sleep. Lucy, leave her alone.
Lucy: Bossy.
Kate: Jesus. Goodnight.
Lucy: Love you.
Char: Love you.
Kate: Yeah. Love you both too. Most of the time.
A shard of light filtered through the gap in the curtains. Kate closed her eyes but the memory of Elliot’s pained expression as he explained her misinterpretation kept rushing through her mind. She’d been so restless, so ready to come home, so certain everything untethered in her chest and stomach would settle down in familiar surroundings. Instead, she only felt more unconnected. More alone.
“Better alone in a place you know than one you don’t,” she whispered into the dark. But she wasn’t sure she believed herself.
Chapter 9
Elliot was an idiot. He’d reminded himself of that several times over the past few of mornings. The first time Kate stumbled out of his guest room, looking like a sexy, sleepy siren, Elliot had lost the power of coherent thought. Her hair was mussed and her blue eyes were a little darker in the morning, a little unfocused. She wore a tank top and a pair of yoga pants that hugged her sweet curves, and Elliot had nearly spilled his coffee when she’d tumbled into the kitchen.
He’d mumbled unintelligibly about getting to work and left without his travel mug, which meant that by the time he rolled into work, he was still mildly turned on and greatly in need of caffeine.
This morning was no different. He came face to face with Alex before he could reach the coffee pot.
“Morning. You getting any sleep?” Alex said.
Elliot met Alex’s gaze, telling himself there was no way his boss could know the thoughts that had crowded his mind for the whole drive.
“Morning.”
Alex arched an eyebrow. The phone rang and Dolores, their front desk receptionist answered in a sing-song voice that was both two high and too loud.
Elliot continued to hold Alex’s gaze as the Chief of Angel’s Lake Police sipped his cup of coffee. Was he salivating? The staring contest seemed necessary. If Elliot broke away first, it would confirm he’d thought of tumbling his new nanny into bed.
“You okay, Peters?” Alex asked.
“Yup. Thanks again for the extra days. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. You get everything sorted with Gina?”
Elliot grimaced. He couldn’t handle talk of his ex without more caffeine. “For now. Enough.”
“Heard you have a sexy new nanny,” Alex said, lowering his mug to the counter he was leaning on.
“No! I mean, yes. I have a nanny. Kate. Kate’s my nanny,” Elliot said, choking on his own words. “Not my nanny. She’s watching the girls. There’s nothing sexy about it.”
Alex looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. Elliot nearly growled and decided that things would only get worse if he didn’t do something about the coffee situation. He turned, poured himself a cup and took a huge gulp. He refilled the cup and walked back over to Alex. Dolores smiled and waved at him. Off the phone now, she was singing along with a pop radio station that made Elliot want to stab his ears.
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br /> “So, just to make sure I’m hearing you right, you do not find Kate sexy?”
Elliot choked on his coffee. It took him a minute to regain his breath. All the while, Alex watched with far too much amusement.
Finally, he spoke around his raw throat. “Kate and I are friends. Nothing more.”
“Hmm.” Alex nodded his head once, picked up his coffee cup, and filled it. When he turned back, he clapped Elliot on the shoulder. “Just keep in mind you hurt her, I can’t fire you, but I can make you wish I would.”
Elliot stared at his coffee. “Noted.”
And once again, he called himself an idiot.
Angel’s Lake wasn’t exactly a hub of crime, but it kept the six deputies and their chief busy enough. By the time Elliot pulled into his driveway at nearly seven, he was drained. He’d dealt with shoplifting kids—always a problem at Christmas—two accidents, traffic duty when the lights coming into town stopped working, and a domestic dispute.
He wanted a hot shower, a cold beer, and some cuddles from his girls. He’d forgotten to talk to Kate about meals so he hoped she’d fed them.
When he came in, the house was way too quiet. The table was clear but the kitchen smelled like garlic and other spices, and his stomach rumbled noisily. He set his keys, wallet, and cell phone on the counter as Kate came tiptoeing into the kitchen.
She startled when she saw him then put a finger to her lips. He watched her, amused, as she came closer.
“I’m hunting elves. If I find them before the timer rings, they have to take a bath with no fussing,” she whispered.
She smelled like flowers. He didn’t know the names of most flowers, but whatever one was making Kate smell like spring was his new favorite. He clenched his fingers so he wouldn’t reach out and touch her.
“What happens if the timer goes and you don’t find them? Do they just have to be smelly elves?”
She winked at him and it was like sending a shock straight to his gut. She pointed to the table, and though he hadn’t noticed earlier, he saw the tip of a foot underneath a pushed-in chair.
“I’ll find them,” she whispered.
Elliot watched, fascinated, as she tiptoed past the table one way then the other. He heard the giggle, so he knew Kate did too, but still she paced. Then she sighed loud enough that he would have heard her in another room.