by Jody Holford
She rubbed her hands together. “It’s pretty cold out here. Is everything okay?”
Elliot took her hands between his own gloved ones, and warmed them. “I hope so. I had this all planned out. I knew what I was going to say, but the minute I look at you, I forget everything except how much I want you.”
Her lips pursed. “That’s a good thing to say.”
“I don’t need any closure. Gina and I were over before we began. Without the girls, we never would have lasted. I tried because of them, but I’ve always known it wasn’t her. That hasn’t ever bothered me because I just want what’s best for the girls. But what scares me is figuring out that it’s you, knowing it’ll be you for the rest of my life whether you want me or not. I wondered why I couldn’t make it work with her—besides the obvious. I thought maybe I should try harder and expect less. But it wasn’t just her. I mean, I’ve dated other women since her.” He let go of her hands, took his gloves off, and passed them to her. She tugged them on, her mouth slightly open as she watched him carefully.
“It wasn’t right with any of them so I thought maybe I’m just not going to have that. Whatever that was. To be honest, I didn’t really know what it was before you. I’ve seen it. I see it in the way Alex looks at Lucy and Luke looks at Char. Hell, even the way your dad looks at your mom. I’d seen it, but I’d never felt it. And that was okay because I had the girls. I was happy. Content. But then you came back and we…I don’t even know. All the moments where I’d felt something for you in passing kind of magnified when I saw you get out of the cab. And then we kissed and I knew. I’m sure in a way I’ve never been sure about anything else in my life. You’re it for me. I love you, Kate. I know that asking you to be part of my life means asking you to be an insta-mom. I don’t know how you feel about that. It means date nights will probably be on the couch at home, unless your family wants to babysit. And it means Gina. For a good, long time.”
He ran out of words and cursed himself silently for not ending on a better note. Why hadn’t he ended with “I love you” rather than ending with what sounded like a life sentence.
The blue of her eyes sparkled in the bright, cool morning. They were like jewels, shimmering with unshed tears.
“Are you done?”
His heart tumbled, crashing into his stomach. He nodded. He shouldn’t have let her walk out last night. What the hell had he been thinking?
Kate walked over to the railing and leaned against it. Her puffy jacket rustled against the cold wood. Elliot stayed still, hoping that her words wouldn’t stab holes in his heart that would never close. He knew she needed a turn to talk but really, he just wanted to grab her and yank her close, kiss her until some of the pressure weighing on his chest eased up.
“I feel like I’ve been jumping around for a couple of years, bouncing from one thing to another and that’s not who I am. Lucy convinced me to follow my heart when I went to New York. So I did and it felt good. But not…right. So even though I was worried about disappointing her, I followed my heart again and came home. That felt even better because I’m back where I want to be and I’m going to be able to open my own place where I can sell my designs.”
“I’m really happy you get to do that here in Angel’s Lake. You belong here,” he said. He could be proud of her and happy for her, even if it meant having to see her every day but not getting to be with her.
“I think so too. When I came back, it felt…right. But not good. Do you know what I mean?”
The cold was beginning to numb his body parts. “Not really.”
She pushed off the railing and now she took his hands in hers, his gloves dwarfing her fingers.
“When you kissed me, it felt right and good and exactly like I’d always imagined it would.”
His heart twitched in his stomach, stirring with hope at her words. “Imagined what would?”
She smiled. “It. That. The feeling of being with someone and knowing they are exactly the right person for you. That they’re the reason nothing else fit. And how lucky am I that I not only get to have my dream of designing clothes, but I get to do that in the only place that’s ever been home, with a man that I admire and respect? And love.”
His heart danced its way back to his chest. “Love?”
Kate wound her hands around his waist, pulling them as close as they could be with two winter jackets between them. “Yes. I always thought I’d meet a man, fall in love, and have a family. I’ve always wanted that. I didn’t know I’d meet a man, become his friend, and fall in love with him and his ready-made family. But I did. I love you. I love Beth and Grace, and I want this. I don’t know how this works and I’m scared. More scared than I was heading off to a giant city all by myself at twenty-two. More scared than I was of coming home and disappointing my family. But it feels good and it feels right. So I’m sure too.”
“Thank, God. I’m so sorry I let you leave last night. I should have begged you to stay. Don’t leave again. I don’t want to spend another night away from you.”
Kate went up on her tiptoes, touching her nose to his. “That’s handy because I really don’t want to spend another night away from you knowing Gina’s with you instead.”
“She’s not you. No one could ever be you,” he said.
Unable to wait any longer, he kissed her and kept kissing her until he forgot how damn cold it was, forgot that he had to get to work, forgot they were standing on her sister’s porch next door to her parents’ house. Forgot everything but Kate.
Until the door flew open again and Alex charged through. “Elliot. There’s been an accident. Gina and the girls. They’re on route to the hospital.”
Chapter 15
In his life, Elliot had never known fear that settled so deep into his skin, into his bloodstream, and consumed him to the point of pain. Alex drove with the sirens on. Kate sat in the back of Alex’s cruiser as they whipped toward the hospital. No one spoke and the silence was deafening. He couldn’t breathe.
Kate’s hand came to rest on his shoulder. She squeezed and he covered her fingers with his. She was still wearing his gloves. In seconds, his life had gone from absolute happiness to extreme terror.
“Almost there,” Alex said, his voice strong and solid like the foundation of the earth.
They’re okay. They’re okay. They’re going to be okay.
The snow-slicked roads didn’t help and more than once, he felt Kate’s fingers clench on his shoulder. But she didn’t say a word.
When the car pulled up to the emergency entrance, Elliot shot out of the car and flew through the automatic doors before Alex had shifted into park.
Cam, one of the other deputies, was talking with a nurse. He saw Elliot and came to him, his face a mask of calm, making Elliot fear the worst.
“They’re okay. They’re all okay,” Cam said.
Alex and Kate must have been directly behind him because he heard Alex speak at the same time he felt Kate’s arms come around him from the side.
“What happened?” Alex asked.
“I need to see them. Now,” Elliot said.
He pulled away from Kate, but she gripped his hand as Cam spoke.
“She crashed into a telephone pole. The roads are slick; she was going too fast,” Cam said.
The deputy was looking at Alex but Elliot heard something in his tone that made anger douse his fear.
“What else?” Elliot demanded. Kate squeezed harder.
Cam looked at Alex, then back at Elliot, and cleared his throat. “She had bags packed for Beth and Gracie. I think she was headed out of town.”
Like the terror had, anger cloaked him, covering him like another layer of skin. “That fucking bitch. She’ll never see them again. I’ll make sure—”
Kate stood in front of him, grabbed his face between her hands, and stopped his words. Tears trailed over her cheeks. He could barely see them or her through the haze. He felt like he was outside of himself.
“They’re okay. That’s all that matte
rs,” she said.
She wrapped her arms around him and even though he had fifty pounds on her at least, she clutched so hard he lost his breath. When it whooshed out, so did some of the haze. He held on, scared to let go. Scared for the next part.
“I need to see the girls,” Elliot said into her hair, his voice cracking.
“I’ll get the doc,” Cam said.
Alex put a hand on Elliot’s back while Kate kept her body glued to his.
“Just focus on the girls. We’ll deal with the rest later,” Alex said.
A white-haired doctor came up to where they stood huddled in the entry of the waiting room. Kate stepped back but kept hold of his hand.
“Mr. Peters?”
Elliot reached out a hand. “Officer Peters. Angel’s Lake Police Department. I need to see my daughters, Beth and Grace Peters.”
He needed all the leverage he could get. If being a cop got him in one second sooner, he’d take it.
“Both of your daughters are fine. They were wearing their seatbelts, unlike the driver,” the doctor said. He looked down at the chart in his hand. “Beth fractured her left forearm. We’ve put a cast on it. Grace has minor contusions on her face from broken glass. She needed four stitches on one arm but is otherwise fine.”
Elliot’s eyes burned. His babies, hurt. Okay, but definitely hurt. Because he’d done what anyone should be able to do: he’d left them with their mother.
“What about Gina, the driver?” Kate asked.
Elliot looked down at her, amazed that she had the compassion to ask. He was so goddamn mad he wondered if he’d ever feel compassion again.
The doctor looked at the chart again, flipped a page. “As I said, she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, but she’s lucky she wasn’t hurt worse. She has three broken ribs, a broken collarbone, and a concussion. We’ll need her to stay tonight at least.”
“You can keep her as long as you want. I want to see my daughters. Now.”
The doctor nodded and Elliot immediately followed when he started walking toward the swinging doors. “That’s fine. I’ll sign their discharge papers. You can go back with the deputy. He’s already been to see them.”
Kate stood still and Elliot stopped. “Come. Please.”
She came to his side immediately and walked through the swinging doors with him. The girls were in a bed together, sitting up and holding hands. Grace started to cry the second she saw him. He and Kate both rushed forward and Elliot carefully wrapped his arms around them.
“You’re okay. You guys are going to be okay. I love you both so much,” Elliot said.
Tears stung, and he couldn’t stop them any more than he could stop his heart from vibrating in his chest. He wanted to pull them inside of his body and promise them they’d never be hurt again. That he’d do a better job protecting them.
“Daddy, I got a cast,” Beth said.
Her eyes showed she’d been crying, but she wasn’t now. Grace hiccupped and Kate grabbed some Kleenex.
“I got stitches,” Grace said, hiccupping again.
“You two are so brave,” Kate said, dabbing at Grace’s tears.
“Mommy said we had to go somewhere else. She wouldn’t say where. We told her we couldn’t because it was Christmas and we didn’t want to, but she said it was just for a little while. Is Mommy okay?” Beth said.
Kate ran a hand down Beth’s hair, kissed her cheek. “Your mom is going to be fine, sweetie.”
Elliot unclenched his jaw, grateful that Kate still had the composure to say the right words. They weren’t the ones that popped into his head. Alex walked into the small curtained area. Cam must have gone back out to the waiting room, but Elliot hadn’t seen him go.
“There’s my favorite twins,” Alex said. He handed them each a stuffed bear, one with a purple shirt and one with a green shirt.
“Hi, Officer Whitman. We got to drive in an ambulance,” Beth said.
“What do you say Beth?” Elliot asked.
“Thank you,” Beth said, squeezing the bear.
“Thank you,” Grace said. She sniffed again and curled into Elliot. He boosted her up into his arms.
“You’re welcome. You girls okay?” Alex asked.
“We’re okay,” Beth said.
“I’m hungry,” Grace replied.
Alex laughed. “I bet your dad and Kate will take you out for breakfast. You can probably milk this pretty good. Get out of chores, get some extra treats.”
Elliot chuckled and the rock in his chest dislodged. He could breathe again. They were okay.
“Thanks,” Elliot said, managing a grin at Alex.
“Can we get a puppy?” Beth asked.
Kate laughed, lifting Beth down from the bed gently. “Good try, cutie.”
“Uh, I’m supposed to be at work,” Elliot said, just realizing it.
Alex’s eyes narrowed and his lips tilted down. “And I expect you to be there right now? Jesus, Peters. I told you I don’t want to have to kick your…” he started then looked at the girls, “butt.”
Both girls giggled.
Alex shook his head and kissed Kate’s cheek. “I’ll see you guys on Christmas Eve, okay? Lucy thought it would be a good idea to host dinner at our house.” He looked at Elliot again and pointed at him. “You have some vacation time stored up. I don’t want to see you until the first of the year.”
Firming his lips to fight back emotions he didn’t want to express, Elliot nodded. “Thanks.”
Alex clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll take care of Gina’s paperwork. Get your girls settled. All of them.”
Alex walked to the nurse’s station and Elliot looked down and saw Kate’s hand grasping Beth’s. Grace’s arms squeezed his neck.
“Let’s go. We’ll get something to eat,” Elliot said.
Kate hesitated. “Grace, can you walk, honey?”
Grace lifted her head from Elliot’s shoulder and murmured, “Yes.”
Kate rubbed a hand over her back and locked eyes on Elliot. “I’ll get them in the car. Alex sent Cam for mine. He’ll catch a ride back to the station with Alex. Go make sure Gina’s okay.”
“Kate.”
“Elliot.”
He didn’t want to. He was afraid he’d say something he couldn’t take back. But Kate was looking at him, believing he could go to the woman who’d put him through hell like it was a playground he enjoyed, put her own needs before that of their girls, and still be the bigger person. He wanted to be the man Kate saw. He nodded and set Grace on the floor.
When they walked back through the swinging doors, he turned to ask the nurses where Gina was and saw Alex watching him. He pointed to a curtain in the other corner of the large room.
Elliot opened the curtain, certain his fury would come back like an avalanche. Monitors beeped quietly. Gina’s face was bruised. Part of her scalp was shaved where they’d put the stitches. Her eyes, dark and swelling, fluttered open, filling with tears.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Her voice cracked, mirroring the ache in his heart.
Elliot went to her side and without even thinking about it, took her hand.
She sniffed then winced. “I don’t want to be this person. I’m so sorry,” Gina said, tears pouring down her face.
Elliot grabbed a tissue and much like Kate had for Grace, dabbed at Gina’s cheeks.
“You need help. I don’t know what you need or how to help you myself, but something has to change,” he said.
She nodded as she took the Kleenex from him and wiped at her eyes. Tears kept coming, and the pain in Elliot’s chest receded, just enough to keep his voice gentle.
“You’re better than this, Gina. Maybe you should speak to a counsellor or the doctor. I don’t know, but you can’t keep going with this self-destructive behavior. You need to build a life. One that includes our girls and keeping them safe.”
Gina pulled her lip between her teeth and stared at the tissue in her hand. “I know. You’ve never given up on me.”
>
Elliot’s stomach cramped. He felt like he had. “You’re their mom. They need their mom.”
Her eyes met his and more tears flowed. Elliot didn’t know what to do with them; he’d never seen her cry. Gently, he leaned his hip on the bed and passed her the tissue.
Gina’s voice was small. “They’ll have Kate.”
Fighting his own emotions and the lump that reappeared in his throat, he nodded. “Yeah. They will. I love her, Gina. I want to be with her, so they’ll have her and she’ll be good to them. She’ll love them. But they still need their mom.”
Gina nodded as she took the tissue from Elliot’s hand. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.
Elliot leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Get better. Get settled. Cal’s always looking for waitresses at the diner. It’s a start. I’ll help you, but you have to work for it. It’s not going to be easy.”
Gina winced, and Elliot stood straight. “I know. I’m scared. But the thought of them being hurt, more than I’ve already hurt them, terrifies me.”
Finally, something was getting through to her. “Talk to Cal. I’ll give him a call.” Elliot said. He could do that for her. She’d given him the girls.
He started to go before Gina said his name.
All of the tears were gone. “Why would you help me after everything I’ve done?”
He thought for a minute and then decided to give her the truth. “I’d do anything for them. I’m hoping this gives them their mom back.”
She nodded, and Elliot left. He took a few deep breaths before he walked out of the hospital and pulled himself together. Or, together enough to get through breakfast. There was nothing he wanted more than to be home with all of his girls.
Chapter 16
The panic of the last few days had faded, but Kate still felt wound up. Worry hovered inside her as she and Elliot pampered the girls and then maximized their alone time when both of them fell asleep. But even when he’d made love to her the last two nights, insisting she stay beside him, telling her how far he’d fallen, the nerves wouldn’t settle. She had to keep reminding herself and reminding him that everything was okay.