“What do you mean?” Vernon asked, looking at her directly.
“I used to like my tea white, with no sugar, but now I can only have it black with two spoons of sugar. And I can’t tolerate the thought of butter, cheese, or milk, when I’m usually very fond of them.”
“I see,” Vernon said. He looked in her mouth and felt the glands in her throat. They were normal. “Please lie on the examination bed so that I may feel your abdomen, Miss Scottsdale,” he said.
Abbey did as he requested, and he pressed on the lower portion of her abdomen, asking if she was experiencing any pain, which she was not.
“Have you missed your monthly menstruation, Miss Scottsdale?” Vernon asked. His tone was professional, but Abbey felt humiliated by the question.
“I think so,” she said softly, doing a mental calculation for the hundredth time. She still couldn’t look into the doctor’s eyes for fear she’d see condemnation.
“How late are you?”
“About a week.”
That in and of itself wasn’t anything conclusive. “I’m sorry, but I must ask: Have you had intimate relations with a man in the last month?” Vernon asked directly.
Abbey covered her face with her hands and began to sob.
The doctor felt awkward, but he took her response as an affirmative answer, and he prayed that Ebenezer Mason hadn’t taken advantage of her.
After a few moments, Abbey dabbed her tears with Clementine’s handkerchief and sat up. “The problem is that I don’t know for sure,” she said in a voice little more than a whisper. Her humiliation was now complete as she stared at the floor.
Vernon swallowed the lump in his throat as his mind flashed back to Ebenezer. “How is that possible?” He didn’t think anyone could be that naïve, which meant that his fears about what Ebenezer had been doing with the opiate Vernon had given him might be realised. He prayed it wasn’t true.
“I think I was drugged, and the next day, I did feel some discomfort” Abbey flushed. She couldn’t bring herself say the words. Had she been in denial? She swallowed hard. “I had only a few sips of wine, but I don’t remember anything from that night. I know this sounds impossible, but it’s the truth, Doctor. I swear.”
Vernon felt sick. So, it was true. Ebenezer had drugged this poor girl, and who knew how many others? And Vernon had been inadvertently helping Ebenezer by supplying the opiate.
Abbey looked at the doctor. She took his expression as disgust. “Don’t think poorly of me, Dr. Mead. I only went to see this man because we had something to discuss. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I never suspected he’d do something so terrible.”
Vernon was horrified. He couldn’t believe the man had stooped so low. “I think” He struggled to say the words. “I believe you may be with child, Miss Scottsdale,” he said in a voice that had become raspy with emotion. “It’s a little early to be certain, but there is a good possibility.”
“Oh, God forgive me,” Abbey mumbled, covering her face again and sobbing.
Vernon knew it was partly his fault, and the guilt he suffered was overwhelming. “Please don’t be upset, Miss Scottsdale,” he said, pushing the urge to ask her forgiveness to the back of his mind. “I know it’s not your fault.”
Abbey blinked. “You do?”
“Yes,” Vernon said, thinking belatedly that he should be careful with his words. “I can see that you are a decent girl,” he said. He felt ill himself. Why, oh why, had he given Ebenezer Mason the opiate? Why hadn’t he paid attention to his misgivings and suspicions?
“What am I going to do about the baby?” Abbey asked. She tried to imagine telling Jack and Sybil that she was with child. How would they react to such shocking news?
Vernon didn’t know what to say. “I take it that this man doesn’t know?” he said. He thought she’d expect the question, even though he already knew the answer.
“No, and telling him is out of the question,” Abbey said, not wanting to disclose that she’d awoken the next morning to find him dead. It was too horrible. Besides, everyone around here knew each other, and he might guess the man’s identity.
Vernon became consumed with guilt. It was almost suffocating. “There’s nothing you can do, Miss Scottsdale,” he struggled to say. “When the baby comes, I suggest you give it up for adoption.”
“Adoption!” Abbey hadn’t thought that far ahead.
“Unless you think this man’s family will help you?” He thought it was the least Heath Mason could do, but he couldn’t say such things out loud.
Abbey tried to imagine telling Heath that she was carrying his half-brother, and felt faint. She was sure he’d want nothing to do with her. She could live with that, but not with the idea that he’d believe she had willingly consented to lie with his father. “I don’t think that is an option,” she said, lifting her chin.
“I understand, believe me, I do,” Vernon Mead said. “And forgive me for saying this, but you are not in a position to let pride stand in your way.”
Pride, Abbey thought wearily. I barely have any pride left.
***
Abbey left the doctor’s room in a trance. She walked straight out onto the street without stopping, which left Clementine to follow along behind.
“Abbey, wait,” Clementine said. She could see by her shocked expression that the diagnosis had not been good.
Abbey stopped, but she couldn’t speak.
Clementine took her arm. “I said I’ll help youremember?” she reminded her. “What can I do?”
Abbey opened her mouth to say something, but she didn’t know what to say. She kept seeing Ebenezer Mason’s face in her mind, and she was repulsed. Just the thought of him touching her made her want to retch. “I’m ruined,” she whispered through tears.
With her chastity gone and a baby on the way, no decent man would ever look at her again. So much for her father’s ambition of her marrying well. Not only was she with child and all alone, but she couldn’t stay with the Hawkers and bring shame on their household, even if they allowed it. She would never make it public knowledge that she was Ebenezer Mason’s legal wife, even if it saved her reputation.
“Everything will be fine, Abbey,” Clementine said soothingly.
“I seriously doubt that,” Abbey replied bitterly.
“There are places you can go,” Clementine said, thinking of a convent far away from Bungaree.
“Places?!” Abbey looked at her through watery eyes. “Are you talking about a home for unwed mothers?” She tried to imagine herself locked away for nine months in one of those shameful places. She pictured someone taking the baby after its birth and then shoving her out the door, with nowhere to go.
“Yes. You’d have to go away for the sake of your reputation. The people at the home will put the …” Clementine glanced around and then lowered her voice. “ They will put the baby up for adoption,” she whispered.
Abbey groaned. “I don’t want to tell the Hawkers about this just yet,” she said. “Promise you won’t say anything, Clementine. I confided in you because I needed to talk to someone, but the one thing you can do for me is keep my secret.”
“Of course, I won’t say anything, Abbey. I know Sybil will be terribly embarrassed, and Jack will be horrified, I’m sure, but it’s not something you can keep a secret for very long, is it?”
Hot colour crept into Abbey’s cheeks. “No, but I need a few days to digest this.” She took a deep breath, aware that passers-by were staring at her. They couldn’t know her secret, but it felt as if they did. She tried to summon all the courage she could, but suddenly a picture of her father flashed through her mind, and she thought about how disappointed he would be in her. This thought brought tears to her eyes again, but she dried them.
“Let’s go to MacAvoy’s Emporium,” Clementine said.
Abbey groaned again. “What
for? I don’t intend to go to that silly dance,” she said bitterly. She’d been looking forward to the dance. It would have been the first she’d ever attended, but fate had robbed her of that pleasure. It wasn’t hard to imagine that her difficult childhood was going to seem pleasurable compared with what was to come.
“Oh, but you must,” Clementine insisted. She still wanted to see Heath and Abbey together, and a small part of her wanted to see Jack squirm. Now that she knew there could never be anything between him and Abbey, she was no longer worried. She could observe the three of them and enjoy herself.
“How could I possibly pretend to have a good time?” Abbey asked resentfully. How could she go to a dance with Heath when she was carrying his father’s child?
“If you don’t go, everyone will wonder why, Abbey. You said yourself that you want a few days to digest this, so you must behave normally in the meantime.”
Abbey knew Clementine was right, but how on earth was she going to behave normally when her world had just turned upside down and her situation affected so many other people?
***
At MacAvoy’s Emporium, Abbey felt numb. She couldn’t pick a new dress, so Clementine did it for her. Sybil had told both women to put their purchases on her account, which they did. Afterwards they went to William’s to select shoes, but Abbey couldn’t think of anything other than her dire predicament. How she would keep it from Sybil, Jack, or anyone else, for even the shortest time, she didn’t know.
***
At Bungaree, Jack had just put Napoleon back into the paddock with the other rams. He’d been the last of the three missing rams they’d found. Napoleon had wandered onto a neighbour’s property and had somehow gotten in with his sheep. It had taken Jasper and Rex almost half an hour to cut him from the flock and get him back to Bungaree, because he continually tried to butt them. In that time, Jack had missed Max’s skill. He’d have done it in no time.
“Women shouldn’t be trusted with paddock gates,” Elias commented.
Fred Roundtree was standing beside him and Jack. “Ah, but which of the women left it open?” he said.
Jack was puzzled by the remark. “What do you mean, Fred? Only one woman went into the paddock with the rams that I know of, and that was Miss Scottsdale.”
“She could have been killed,” Elias muttered, shaking his head at her foolishness.
“That might be so, but then afterwards Miss Feeble was here, too. I saw her from the swaggie’s cottage.”
“Afterwards? Do you mean she was here after Miss Scottsdale went back to the house?”
“Yes, I saw her. I saw both of them. They weren’t together, though. Miss Scottsdale headed back to the house a few minutes before Miss Feeble.”
“That’s odd,” Jack said. “She didn’t say she was here, too.” He thought about what Clementine had said, and it now seemed she’d deliberately tried to give him the impression that Abbey had left the gate open.
***
By the time Abbey and Clementine arrived at the tearoom, Sybil’s friends had gone.
“Did you get something nice?” Sybil asked them excitedly. She was so full of all the news about the theatre that she barely noticed that Abbey was especially quiet.
“Yes, we got two lovely dresses and some matching shoes,” Clementine said. “Thank you so much for letting us put our purchases on your store accounts, Mrs. Hawker. It was very generous of you.”
“Yes, thank you,” Abbey whispered.
“It was my pleasure,” Sybil said happily. “I don’t suppose the dresses are as good as what you make, though, Clementine.”
“I believe they’re made by seamstresses in Adelaide and sent up here. The stitching is not quite up to my standard, but perhaps I am biased.” Clementine’s smile faded. “I’ve lost all my materials, cottons, and needles. I don’t know when I’ll be able to sew again, but I’m just grateful to have something to wear.”
“It’s not much fun purchasing things for myself these days,” Sybil said, “but I’ll enjoy seeing you girls get dressed up.”
Clementine glanced at Abbey, who hadn’t said a word. She still appeared to be in shock. “Did you have a nice visit with your theatre friends?” she asked Sybil, hoping to distract her.
“Oh, yes, I’ll tell you all about it on the journey home.” Sybil looked at Abbey, thinking she was still very pale. “Do you still feel ill, Abbey?” she asked in concern.
“A little,” Abbey said in a small voice. She couldn’t meet the other woman’s eyes. “But it’s passing,” she lied. She’d grown quite fond of Sybil, which made the thought of leaving Bungaree all the more heartbreaking.
“I didn’t tell you yet, but Sabu is going to let me help in the kitchen,” Sybil said. “Can you believe that? He told me that it’s very hard for him to cook when he’s fasting.”
Despite how dejected she felt, Abbey was pleased.
“It hadn’t occurred to me before,” Sybil continued. “And I’m a little ashamed to admit it. All this time, I thought he was just being difficult.”
Abbey wondered if Sabu had mentioned his family back in India. It didn’t seem he had, but at least he’d made a start.
“Don’t tell me you actually want to cook,” Clementine said, aghast. She hated domestic duties. When she married Jack, she had no intention of cooking, let alone doing any other chores like dusting or making beds. As far as she was concerned, that’s what servants were for. Near her store on Clare’s main street, there was a butcher, and she’d employed his wife to do her cooking and cleaning while she concentrated on her work. “I wouldn’t consider marrying a man who didn’t employ house staff,” she added.
Sybil was a little startled by this revelation. Although she’d never been a good housekeeper herself, she had hoped her son would marry a woman who’d help keep house if the need arose, someone domestic like Martha. “I never thought I’d say this, believe me, but I enjoyed helping Abbey with lunch yesterday. Abbey makes cooking look simple, and she turns out delicious food.”
“It is simple, or it should be,” Abbey said, wishing everything in life were so simple. If there were a simple way out of her present predicament, she couldn’t see it.
***
Abbey remained quiet on the journey home while Sybil chattered happily about what was happening in the Rubenstein Theatre Company. She told Abbey and Clementine all about Esmeralda, Bernice, and Leonardo, and the colorful lives they’d led. She also told them about the plays the company had produced. Clearly, she was enthralled with theatre life and missed it dearly.
Abbey was only half listening. She kept trying to imagine Jack’s and Sybil’s reactions to her situation. She knew Jack was a kind man, but even if he didn’t ask her to leave Bungaree out of pity, she couldn’t inflict her shame on him and his mother. It wouldn’t be right. There was no other choice. She had to leave. She’d attend the dance because Sybil had been so generous in buying her a new gown and shoes, but the morning after, she would leave without giving an explanation, and she’d make Clementine swear to keep her awful secret from the Hawkers.
***
When they got back to Bungaree, Abbey asked Sybil if she’d mind if she went to lie down for a while.
“No, of course not, dear,” Sybil said. “But if this illness doesn’t pass soon, I’m going to insist you see a doctor, either here or in town.” Sybil felt it had gone on too long to be insignificant, and she had a lingering fear about the cause. She planned to keep such fears to herself for the time being, however.
Abbey glanced at Clementine with wide eyes. “I’m sure I’ll feel better soon,” she muttered before running upstairs.
“Are you worried about Abbey?” Clementine asked Sybil in an effort to find out whether she suspected the truth.
“Yes, a little,” Sybil admitted.
“What do you think is the matter with her?”
***
Abbey was still in her room that evening. She told Sybil that she was feeling too unwell to come down to dinner. Later, Sybil took something up to her, but Abbey was too distressed to eat. Jack thought she might be upset because he’d practically accused her of leaving the paddock gate open, and he felt awful. After dinner he suggested that he and Clementine take a walk in the garden. Anticipating a romantic encounter, Clementine was thrilled.
“It’s a lovely evening, isn’t it?” Clementine said as they sat down on the seat under the blue gum tree. Moonlight was streaming through the branches above, casting a dappled silver light over the bench and nearby grass.
“Yes,” Jack said, preoccupied. Fred had left Bungaree after the rams had been caught, eager to get home, but Jack hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what he’d said.
“I understand you were out walking yesterday evening, too, Clementine,” Jack said. He leaned one elbow on the back of the bench so he could clearly see her reaction.
Clementine’s heart began pounding in alarm, and she avoided looking at him.
“I was told you were near the paddock containing the rams after Abbey had gone back to the house. Is that how you knew she was there?”
Clementine’s mind raced. She was certain that Wilbur and Ernie had been out with the sheep and that Elias had also been busy. Sybil had sent him to deliver a note to Heath, saying that Abbey would meet him at the dance because she’d travel to Manoora with Jack, Clementine, and Tom. That meant Fred Roundtree must have seen her from the swaggie’s hut. She knew he was now gone, so it was safe to contradict his story. “I went out for a walk, but not as far as the rams, Jack. You know I don’t like livestock and avoid them whenever possible. As far as I’m concerned, they’re smelly creatures, so whoever told you I was near the rams must have been mistaken.”
Jack felt saddened and disappointed because he knew that Clementine was lying. There was no reason for Fred Roundtree to claim she’d been down by the rams if she hadn’t been, and he’d been certain she was there. Fred had nothing to gain by making something like that up. For the first time, Jack wondered if Clementine was jealous of Abbey, and if so, whether she have gone as far as opening the paddock gate and hinting that it was Abbey. It certainly seemed so.
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