by T. K. Leigh
“Is that supposed to be a hint?” I asked, staring into Mackenzie’s hazel eyes that were full of depth and grief. “Is learning the flamenco the only way for me to keep you always?”
“You want to keep me always?” she asked coyly.
My expression remained unmoving and I simply nodded. “Yes. I do. But only if you want to be kept.”
She scrunched her nose playfully, her demeanor carefree. “What do I get in exchange?”
“Me,” I replied.
“And?”
“That’s it. Just me.” I grabbed her hand in mine and held it over my heart. “And this. You already have this, Mackenzie.”
She tilted her head back, her eyes searching mine. “Tyler, I−”
“Shhh…,” I said, running the pad of my thumb across her bottom lip. I gently caressed her cheek, my fingers lingering on her ethereal face. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that it’s yours if you want it.”
“You don’t half-ass anything, do you?” she asked.
“No. I told you, Mackenzie. I’m all in. I don’t make small bets. It’s all or nothing with me. I know it may seem we’re moving fast−”
“That’s what I’m scared of,” she interrupted. “I’m scared that it’s too fast, too soon. That it’s hot for a second, but then will turn cold real quick.”
“Not a chance in hell. Like I said, I don’t want your answer yet. I’m not done finessing you.” I winked. “Your father timed his approach with your mother very carefully. And I’m doing the same with you.”
“Even though you’re already sleeping with me?”
“We’re sharing a bed. We may fall asleep next to each other, but we’re not sleeping together. Not yet, anyway. Soon, you’ll never want to fall asleep next to any other man.”
She clutched my hand in hers. “I already don’t want to,” she hummed softly.
“Me, either,” I murmured, kissing the top of her head. “Sleep well, mi cariño.”
Mackenzie
A LOUD BEEPING WOKE me the following morning and I furiously attempted to shut off my incessant alarm. My eyes were fuzzy as I got my bearings, the sunlight streaming in the room too bright for my taste. Finally finding my cell phone, I turned off the alarm, groaning. I had no desire to actually stick to my normal Thursday schedule. Instead, all I wanted was to stay in bed with Tyler for the rest of the day.
Tyler, I thought, snapping my head to the side of the bed that had become his. I scowled at the emptiness that greeted me. In Tyler’s place was a small piece of folded paper. Opening it, I beamed as I read his words.
Mackenzie,
I had to get up to take care of some business early this morning. I hated to leave without saying goodbye, but you looked so peaceful sleeping, like an angel. I didn’t want to wake you. The picture of your beauty will be permanently ingrained in my mind, and will surely help me through the mundane tasks that require my attention today. I’ll be thinking of you and those delicious pink lips, counting the seconds until I can taste them once more.
Yours,
Tyler
I flopped back onto my bed, sighing dramatically and pulling Meatball against me. I felt like a teenager in love for the first time, an excitement pervading everything. I felt it from my heart to my toes. I was on cloud nine and I had no desire to come down anytime soon.
“Swoon. He makes me swoon, buddy,” I said to my cat.
“And I didn’t?” a familiar voice said, startling me. I shot up to see Charlie standing in my doorway.
“What the fuck, Charlie?” I hissed. “Do you make it a habit to break into all your ex-girlfriend’s homes?” My body tensed before relaxing as I surveyed his tall stature. His expression was soft, a slight smile on his mouth. A bit of stubble had grown on his face since I had last seen him a few days ago. He wore a pair of dark cargo pants, a form-fitting olive green t-shirt, and a hat. His eyes were kind, no longer crazed as I had remembered from all those years ago. I knew I should have been on edge about being near him, particularly after his break-ins during the week, but I wasn’t. Something about the way he gazed upon me in an affectionate and brotherly kind of way made me feel strangely at ease. He looked like the old Charlie again. The Charlie I knew freshman year. The Charlie who swore he would always take care of me. The Charlie who was ready to devote his entire life to me. The Charlie who I loved with every last piece of my heart.
“No, just yours.” He winked.
“Well, what did I do to win the jackpot?” I pulled my hair into a ponytail and couldn’t help but be reminded of all the times I would wake up in my dorm to see him sitting at my desk, a coffee in his hand. I couldn’t go another second without seeing your face, sweet pea, he had told me. You look beautiful first thing in the morning, and I needed that image in my head to get me through the rest of the day.
“I just wanted to apologize for startling you the other night, Kenzie,” he explained, his tone light and steady. “And for… Well, you know.” He tore his gaze from mine, staring down at his feet.
“You already apologized for lying to me all those years ago, Charlie.”
“And I’ll tell you how sorry I am every time I see you until you realize this isn’t an empty apology.”
I slung my legs over the side of the bed and strode toward him. “What do you really want, Charlie? Why do you keep breaking into my place? If my math is correct, this makes four break-ins!” I pushed past him and started down the hallway, needing some coffee.
“What do you mean four?” he called after me, following me into the kitchen.
“Well, let’s see. You’re here now, so that’s one. There was the one after the club on Sunday night. Then the open window Monday afternoon. Plus the smashed window Monday night or Tuesday morning, depending on how you look at it.” I placed a pod in my one-cup brewer, the smell of coffee filling the air.
“What do you mean, Kenzie? That wasn’t me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Sure.” Turning my back to him, I focused my attention on the brewing coffee, ignoring the uneasy feeling forming in my gut from his denial. A firm hand landed on my arm and, before I could react, I was staring into Charlie’s blue eyes, apprehension and distress covering his face.
“I swear to you, Kenzie,” he said, his voice strong, urging me to believe him. “I promised I would never lie to you again. I mean it. I did not break in on Monday. I wasn’t in town then. I’m not about to poke my head out or I’ll be court martialed. I have to stay hidden.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Why will you be court martialed?”
He looked down and it all began to make sense.
“Did you break out of the hospital?” I whispered so no one would hear us, which was unnecessary considering I lived alone.
“I had to,” he admitted, slowly nodding his head. “They were pumping me full of drugs, making me practically comatose. My shirts were covered with my drool, for crying out loud!”
I spun around and, against my better judgment, placed another pod in my brewer to prepare some coffee for my uninvited, but alarmingly welcomed guest. “You seem to be just fine to me.” I thrust the mug at him. “Still take it black?”
He eyed me with a look of longing on his face. “Yes. I still take it black. I’m glad you remember.” Walking around to the other side of the island, he sat down in one of the stools, grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl, and peeled it.
“Help yourself,” I said, somewhat joking.
“It was my doctor,” Charlie explained, ignoring my comment.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s a good man. A very good man. And a damned good doctor. About a year-and-a-half ago, my old doctor retired and he replaced him. He knew I wasn’t schizophrenic, but he didn’t have a choice. He had to give me those drugs or risk losing his job…or worse. He started to secretly videotape me when I was on the medication, making me watch what my behavior was like during our sessions. I had no idea why at the time. Gradually, he began diluti
ng the dosage of the meds I was on, so much so that I was no longer cloudy. But we couldn’t let anyone else know that. So whenever I was in the community room, or anywhere else, I had to play the part. The only times I didn’t have to was during our private sessions.” He took a long sip of his coffee, keeping his eyes forward.
I scanned his figure, the physical state of him certainly backing up his story. He was noticeably less muscular than I recalled, although he was still rather intimidating in his stature and build. If what he said was true, I wondered how he could have survived each day, knowing he was somewhere he didn’t belong.
“Why were you sent there if there’s nothing wrong with you, Charlie?” I asked. “And why−”
He squared his shoulders at me and grabbed my hands in his. “Kenzie…” He sighed, regret obvious in his eyes. “I am so sorry. I hate myself for what I did. Every day, I get up and look in the mirror and I still see your eyes.”
Raising his hand, he brushed a tendril of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my face. “Your beautiful hazel eyes. But I see them full of sorrow, of despair, of heartache. And that sight, Mackenzie… That sight has stayed with me every single minute of every single day. And I don’t think I’ll ever not see it. I loved you. I still do, actually, but I know you’ll never be able to return those feelings. I don’t expect you to. I’m not looking for your forgiveness. What I’m asking you is to believe me. To listen to the words I say. There’s something so much bigger, something so much scarier going on. That’s why I was sent away. When I took the job with Cryptology, the first words out of my supervisor’s mouth were to never go digging somewhere I shouldn’t.”
“But you did,” I offered, keeping my hands enclosed in Charlie’s. The roughness of his calloused hands made me feel a sense of home and belonging, despite what had transpired between us.
“Yes, I did.”
“The other night, you said you were doing a favor for a friend of a friend. Who was this friend?”
He sighed, his shoulders falling. “I… I want to tell you. I want to tell you so fucking bad, but I can’t. My life was ruined because of it. I can’t ruin someone else’s.”
“Always so noble, aren’t you, Charlie?” I pulled away from him, sitting on the barstool at the kitchen island. Looking over my cup of coffee, I commented, “Sometimes to a fault, though. Why not come forward? By doing so, don’t you think you’d be able to clear your name?”
“Believe me, Kenzie. It’s better if I take the fall for this one. Those last few weeks, it all went to hell and someone must have thought I was getting close to figuring out whatever was going on. I put my life at risk, and yours, hoping I could get to the bottom of what happened all those years ago, why your father disappeared, and why you and your mama were sent away and given new names.”
Instead of arguing and telling him he was wrong, I remained silent and stared straight ahead, trying to show no emotion. He knew so much, and I didn’t know how much longer I could possibly deny the truth. He pledged to be honest with me. I needed to at least consider doing the same with him. Charlie was a brilliant man and perhaps he could tell me the story my father refused to.
“And my mother? How did you know−”
“I crack codes.” He shrugged. “I read between the lines.”
“Who?”
“I wish I knew,” he said earnestly. “If I did, I wouldn’t need to ask for your help. All I have to go on are a series of suspicious events. But I just know that within all of this is one massive government conspiracy. Arms deals. Military secrets. This guy, whoever he is, has been using his security clearance for profit, harming his country and its citizens, not to mention supplying arms to whoever he wants. These are the people responsible for 9/11, for the bombing of consulates and embassies across the world!” His voice grew more fevered and impassioned the longer he spoke. Years ago, perhaps even days ago, I would have been on edge, fearful of a repeat of what had occurred freshman year, but I wasn’t today. He simply wanted to protect and defend his country.
“Charlie,” I said compassionately, “I wish I could give you the answer you need, but I can’t. The last time I saw my father was when I was ten.” As far as I was concerned, that was true. The man I visited every few weeks was not Francis Galloway. He was Father Baldwin.
“That was when you and your mother fled Fort Bragg, wasn’t it? Didn’t you ever wonder why you had to leave so quickly and quietly?”
I stood up, heading to the sink to rinse out my coffee mug. “Of course, but my mom assured me she would eventually tell me everything.”
“And now she’s dead. Coincidence?”
I glared at him, not answering.
“Please, Mackenzie, Serafina…whatever you want me to call you. I know you’ve been hiding who you really are for years, and I bet you have no idea why. Don’t you want to finally be able to tell people your true identity and go back home? Don’t you miss your friends?”
His plea struck a soft spot and I nodded. I missed that life. I missed the house I grew up in. I missed sitting in the tree outside my bedroom window, swinging on the branches with my best friend, Damian. I missed hearing him call me Fi. It had been years since I had thought about him, but the memory of digging “land mines” and “trenches” in our yards to reenact some great battle was as clear as if it just happened. I wondered if he still thought about me on occasion, whether he was sad when he woke up the day after we fled to find me gone.
“I haven’t felt as if I’ve had a home since…” The words flowed from my mouth before I had a chance to stop them.
“North Carolina. Fort Bragg. You can say it. I promise, I’m not going to reveal to anyone who you really are. Or who your father really is. I know this must be difficult for you, trying to decide whether you can trust me. But you need to know I did not date you just to find out information about your father, despite what you want to believe. I dated you because you were the most beautiful woman on the fucking planet and I could not stop thinking about you since the minute I first laid eyes on you. I know my reason for first approaching you was to confirm whether you were who I thought you were, but I didn’t have to date you to get that information. I dated you because I wanted to. So, please, whatever’s going through that brain of yours right now, understand I love you for you, not for whether I think you may or may not have information that could be useful to me.”
“Galloway. My real name is Serafina Galloway.”
“I know, Kenzie. And I know something suspicious happened involving your dad, but I can’t figure out what. All I know is he went to Liberia on a mission and was never heard from again. A week later, an embassy in Liberia was attacked, leaving over sixty dead. I tried to access his files to see what he was working on before his disappearance, but no one can access it, no matter what kind of security clearance you have. I think he may have known about the planned embassy attack and was about to blow it wide open, but something happened and he went into hiding, possibly to save his life. Perhaps they were coming for you and your mother next, and that’s why you had to hide and change your names. It will never be safe for you until these people are put behind bars, but I need your help, and your father’s, to do so.”
Leaning on the counter, I took a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. When I woke up that morning, the last thing I was anticipating was ever seeing Charlie again, let alone having coffee with him. As much as I wanted to believe him, I was hesitant. What if there was more to it? What if he was simply doing this to trick me into telling him where my father was? Until I was certain, I needed to be cautious.
“I’m sorry, Charlie. I just… I need more time to think about all of this.” I turned away from him and walked toward the large floor-to-ceiling windows, hoping the crashing waves of the ocean would give me some clarity.
“I get it. Take time to think, but not too much. My clock’s ticking as it is. If the wrong people realize I’m out and investigating this again, I have a feeling that instead of going back
to Walter Reed, I may go to Arlington National Cemetery.”
I spun around and could see the panic he was fighting to hide from me. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” I said, my voice wavering a bit. “Don’t be all noble if you don’t have to. Just… Be smart. I don’t…” I looked away.
He stepped toward me, tilting my chin and forcing me to look at him. He curved toward me, our bodies close.
“You don’t what…?” he asked, his voice smooth.
“I don’t want to lose you again, Charlie. Now that you’re back, and I see the real Charlie, I just… I’ve lost too many people I’ve cared about. I don’t want to add you to that list. Okay?”
“I promise. I’ve survived so far.”
“But everyone’s luck eventually runs out. Just be smart. You have an enormous brain on those shoulders of yours, but an even bigger heart. Use your brain, not your heart.”
I pulled away from him, needing distance from one of the few men who knew the real Mackenzie. The Mackenzie who was carefree. The Mackenzie who took risks. The Mackenzie who broke from her routine, loving the spontaneity of life. I stopped abruptly, realizing that Mackenzie had slowly begun to return over the past few days, and it wasn’t Charlie’s reappearance that caused it. It was Tyler.
“Fuck! Tyler!” I screamed, spinning around to face Charlie. “How long were you in my condo?”
Charlie grinned. “Don’t worry. I waited for your new beau to leave.” He winked. “Nice catch, Kenzie.”
I reeled back, surprised by his comment. “What do you−”
“I just want you to be happy and, seeing the smile on your face this morning when you were reading your note, I’m pretty sure this guy has made you happier than I’ve ever been able to. So I’m happy for you. But, I swear, if he hurts you in any way, I will teach him a lesson he won’t soon forget. Now go get ready for the gym. It’s almost nine.”