Connor looks up at me and the flame flickering behind his eyes dampens. He looks down at Marcus. “You’re not worth it,” he snarls, standing up and brushing himself off.
Marcus gets his feet under him and looks at me with the most profound disappointment I’ve ever seen etched in his face. “Forget this. I’m done trying to look after you,” he points his finger at me.
“I told you already, don’t talk to her like that,” Connor growls, his shoulders tense and hunch over like he’s about to pounce again.
“Fuck you, Connor,” Marcus throws a dirty punch and cuts open Connor’s cheek before racing back to his car and maneuvering around the truck blocking the driveway and taking off.
Connor glides his fingers over the cut, “Son of a bitch!” he murmurs, but then stops short and looks up at me. “Lottie, I’m so sorry about this. Let’s go inside and talk, please,” his green eyes implore me.
“Talk? You wanna talk? Don’t you think you’ve done enough talking for one day? I told you I wanted to tell Marcus on my own time and you gave me, what? Like thirty minutes before you had to go let him know you got me pregnant?” Anger boils up inside me.
“Charlotte, I didn’t mean to…”
“Enough!” I hold up my palm. “I don’t want to hear anymore. I’ve heard enough for one day. Go home, Connor.” My voice is as cold as my heart feels right now.
“Listen, just hear me out,” Connor walks toward me, but I step back inside the house.
“No. Go home. I don’t want to see you, and I don’t want to listen to you. Leave me alone,” I slam the door in his face and tears spill down my cheeks as I listen to him walk away.
As his truck roars to life and he pulls out of the driveway, I crumple against the cool door and my body shakes as the sobs overtake me.
Why does everything that can go wrong explode on bad days?
22|Connor
One Week Later
I step out of the shower and pat myself dry before cinching the towel around my waist. Picking up my phone from the edge of the vanity, I swipe my thumb over it, knowing full well that I haven’t missed a damned thing. Charlotte isn’t the only one who seems to have disappeared into the ether. It feels like everyone in my life has abandoned me in my darkest hour. I’ve been trying to get a hold of Ryan, my SEAL buddy who helped me with the renovations, but he’s still off on some kind of crazy road trip. I’ve even reached out to the other guys on my SEAL team, Gabe, Jackson, but everyone has moved on. It’s crazy how we all spent so much time together, we were a family. I thought that would never change, but only a year after most of us walked away from that explosion, it’s starting to feel like they were never a part of my life at all. Hell, even my own parents aren’t around to talk to. Of all the weeks they could decide to take off on a romantic Alaskan cruise, they chose this one.
The mother of my child won’t return my calls, my blood brother hates me, my brothers-in-arms are off living their new lives and my own parents are out of town.
Loneliness is too cheerful a word for this void of misery engulfing me. I feel like the darkness I’ve tried so hard to keep at bay, the emptiness that first came after our Humvee got hit, is back. And it’s going to swallow me whole.
I streak my hand across the mirror, wiping away the steam from the shower and stare at my reflection. I dab my fingertips over the bruised cut that Marcus left on my cheek and anger expands in my chest like hot air in a balloon.
“Who the fuck does he think he is? I can’t believe he’s thirty-two and still acts like a toddler who didn’t get his way.” I sigh.
I can’t believe the guy looking back at me in the mirror is only thirty-two. The isolation and worry I’ve dealt with over the last week have aged me by ten years.
I hate this feeling. This helplessness. This isn’t me. You don’t lead a SEAL team by being passive. You don’t win the battle by giving up.
Plucking my phone off the edge of the sink, I push Charlotte’s contact again and listen to it ring as the air deflates from my lungs.
Voicemail.
Again.
I slam the phone down so hard I may have cracked it and storm out into the living room. Walking over to the coffee table I pick up the old album that, only a week ago, Charlotte and I laughed and reminisced over. I start to take it over to my bookshelf when something falls free from the pages. It’s her letter. The one she handed me when she was only thirteen and I was heading off for a new life in the military.
I put the book down on the shelf and pick up the envelope, carefully opening it and tugging out the note inside. I chuckle dryly at the little hearts she made over the I’s and the doodle of an owl she drew in the margin of the loose-leaf. It’s hard to remember her being so young. Always there in the background. Always at my side. The girl who would eventually grow into the woman who my heart longs for. It’s funny how some things, such profound and life defining things, can be right under your nose and we just take them for granted, or worse yet, we ignore them.
I read the words that have already been tattooed into a memory and try to swallow the lump growing in my throat.
Connor,
I can’t believe you’re leaving. I can’t imagine waking up tomorrow or the day after that, for months or even years, knowing that you’re gone. Somehow, I always thought that my greatest enemy, time, would eventually lose. But it looks like it will win again.
Time has already cursed me, making me five years younger than you. The time between our ages is something I try to wish away every single day. If I wasn’t so much younger than you, maybe you could love me like I love you. Maybe your heart could fill with joy when you saw me, the way I do when I catch even a glimpse of you. But now, even that small joy is being stolen from me.
This doesn’t feel real. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you leaving my life. I’ve known since I was little that you were the only one for me. I refuse to believe that I will go the rest of my life without knowing your love.
So, I wish you the best of luck with the SEALs. I really do. But, please know that while you are gone, I will wish on every single shooting star I see, and every single dandelion puff I blow into the wind, and every set of birthday candles, for you to come back and see me as the real me.
Not the little girl you grew up with, but the woman who loves you with all of her heart. Because eventually that birthday cake will have eighteen candles on it, and when it does, I’ll still be here, loving you.
Lottie
I hold the letter against my heart and fight back my emotions. Tears prick the corners of my eyes as I breathe in deeply, pushing them back down. Now isn’t the time to cry. It’s the time to get Charlotte back.
And this time, I’m not taking no for an answer.
23|Charlotte
I kick off my cute flats in the front hall and slump down on the couch, still wearing my office clothes. Normally when I get home, the first thing I like to do is get changed into something more comfortable than this pencil skirt and button up blouse, but I just don’t have the energy. I stretch out on the sofa and feel thankful that Marcus isn’t around much these days as I drift off to sleep.
The world around me begins to slide away. The long day at the office, answering calls at the dental office I work for becomes a part of another world, far away. Soon the only thing I see is a haze of shapes and colors that dance behind my eyelids and swirl around. Until they form up and I see…him.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
I spring up from the couch and look at the front door. For a second I think about ignoring it. It’s probably just some Girl Guides selling cookies or something like that. Although, on second thought, I could go for some mint chocolate right now. I make my way over to the door and turn the knob in my hand, my watering mouth drops open as the dreamy figure that was just visiting me in my sleep stands before me.
“Connor,” I whisper.
“Charlotte, I have something to say and I’m not leaving your yard until you hear me out. If you st
ill want nothing to do with me when I’m finished then I’ll leave, but I at least deserve five minutes.”
Honestly, he’s a sight for sore eyes. My heart flutters as I soak him in. I know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but does it also make heat bloom in your lower belly, spreading out through your entire body, slickening your clenching pussy and burning up in your cheeks?
No? That’s not a thing?
I know that look of determination flickering behind his eyes all too well. It’s the same one he would get whenever the rest of us failed at something. If we couldn’t climb to the top of the tree, Connor would grit his teeth and that glint would appear in his eyes as he showed us all how it was done. If he says he’s not leaving until I hear him out, I wouldn’t be surprised if he camps out in my front yard until I give in.
Luckily it doesn’t have to come to that. The truth is, I’ve missed him.
“Fine, come in,” I step back from the open door and let him pass by me. “Let’s go downstairs, I’m not sure if Marcus is coming back or not.” I lead him down to my basement suite.
I never know when my brother will be home anymore. Ever since he found out I’m carrying Connor’s child, he’s been scarce. Not that I’d even know when he is home. He’s giving me the cold shoulder, barely uttering a word. Sometimes I wonder if he’d break his icy silence even if the house was burning down. Or would he just let the flames consume me?
Marcus and I have had our fights before, there’s no brother and sister in the world who haven’t, but this is different. I can see the disgust in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s hard not to feel completely alone when the only family you have left seems to hate you.
Connor silently follows me to my room and I plop down on the bed and look up at him expectantly. “I’m listening,” I tilt my head and try not to think about Marcus. Instead, focusing on what Connor has to say.
“I’ve been trying to call you all week,” I can see the hurt in his pinched expression.
“I know, I just needed to think things through,” guilt cyclones in my gut and the pain reaches his eyes.
Connor rubs his hand over his neatly trimmed scruff and then down over his black hair. His eyes are locked on the paper in his hand. Did he make notes?
“Charlotte, I’m sorry that I told Marcus. I really am. I never meant for it to slip out. We started arguing and before I knew it, I told him you were pregnant. It was an accident,” he looks down at me, searching my face for forgiveness.
“I know,” I nod curtly.
“I read your letter again today, the one you gave me when I left,” he looks down at his hand and unfolds the paper in it, holding it up like evidence at a trial. “Do you remember what you said?”
“I do,” my voice creaks as the memory of writing those tear-stained words come back.
“Listen, I know things have been fucked up. I know this isn’t perfect between us, but you’re perfect for me,” he closes the gap between us and kneels on the floor beside my bed, looking up at me.
I can’t move or blink, I’m not even sure if I’m breathing. When he looks at me like that, with the sunset glimmering over his rugged face and his eyes pleading with me, it’s impossible to look away.
“You wrote that you wished away the time between us. Between our ages and between our bodies. Well, it’s gone now, Lottie. I’m back and all I want to do is be with you. I want you to be in my life. I want to raise this child with you,” he grazes his fingertips over my belly. “Those five years between us don’t mean a single thing now. The only thing that matters to me anymore, the only thing I wish for, is for you to give me another chance. Because I love you, Lottie and every day without you is like a day when the sun doesn’t rise. I need you.” He lays his head down in my lap and I run my hand over his hair. Never in my wildest teen fantasies did I ever think Connor McLean would pour his heart out to me like this. For a second, I wonder if I’m still on the sofa upstairs deep inside a dream.
As I feel the heat of Connor’s skin against mine, I know this is real. Just like our love. It’s all real and I’ve been a fool to push it away.
“I love you too,” I confess, looking down at him. Connor lifts his head and I can see streaks of tears down his cheeks, disappearing into his beard. My own vision blurs as fat tears fill my eyes and spill down my face.
“Don’t cry, Lottie,” he climbs up onto my bed and scoops me up in his strong arms. He rocks me against him as I let all my confusion and sadness burst forth.
“I’ve been so alone without you,” I admit through my choking sobs. “Marcus hates me, he won’t even talk to me anymore. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve missed you so much,” I throw my arms around him and feel like the world is a place with problems in it that can’t touch me anymore. Like I’m protected and safe as long as I’m next to Connor. Instantly, the tension that’s been dragging me down like cement shoes is eased. I feel like I can finally breathe again. Like the crushing weight I’ve been carrying around all week has been lifted.
“Come live with me, Charlotte,” he holds me against his chest and I can hear his voice rumble against my ear as he speaks. I love how soothing his deep baritone is, washing away the last fluttering ripples of anxiety inside me.
“What?” I know what he said, but need him to say it again. I need to know that he means it. That he really wants us to take this step and isn’t just caught up in this moment.
“Come live with me. I don’t want you to stay where you feel lonely and isolated. Besides, I hate every morning that I wake up and don’t roll over to see your face beside me. I can’t stand any distance between us. Move into my place. Our place. Let me take care of you. Let me love you.” His voice is thick with a symphony of emotions. The same ones that are playing in my heart.
“Yes.” I whisper, snuggling in against his broad, hard chest. “I’ll move in with you.”
24|Connor
I roll her over onto the bed and she giggles as her head hits the pillow. “Are you serious? Don’t mess with me, you’re gonna move in? Let’s pack your stuff, I can take you now,” I kiss her quickly on the lips and start to move from the bed.
For someone so small, she’s got a powerful grip. She clings to my shoulders and pulls me back down onto her. “Don’t leave, we have plenty of time for that,” she looks up at me from under her eyelashes and my body immediately responds. My cock grows rigid as she lifts her hips under me and rubs up against me.
Fuck. How did I ever get so lucky? She’s sweeter than sugar ninety-nine percent of the time, but oh, that one percent is so sinfully dirty, and it’s all mine.
I kiss a trail down her neck as I quickly unbutton her shirt. It falls open around her, exposing her perky tits, barely contained by her bra. Her tits are already getting noticeably bigger from the pregnancy.
Charlotte squirms out of her blouse while I free her from her long skirt. As much as I love how it hugs her thick thighs, I’d rather see it on the floor. She lifts her hips as I tug it down over her full ass and yank it free from her legs.
“Fuck you’re sexy,” I run my thumb over her baby blue, silky panties. I can feel the heat between her legs inviting me to take a taste. A taste of heaven.
I kiss a quick trail down her body, hastily making my way to her sweet pussy. I hover over her heat and hook my finger under the edge of her feminine underwear, exposing her glistening mound.
“You’re already wet for me, aren’t you babe?” I look up the length of her body up into her eager eyes.
“You always make me wet,” she whispers and opens her legs for me. I don’t even bother pulling off the cool fabric of her panties. Instead, I tug them aside and hold open her shimmering lips, smirking at the pearls of her desire forming inside. My mouth is literally watering, it’s been too long since I’ve felt her honey splash over my tongue. I feel like it’s been an eternity since I last heard her cry out my name.
Burying my face between her legs, I take a long, tantalizing lick of the entire length
of her slick slit and groan as my cock throbs. She has no idea what she does to me or how much restraint I use when she drives me crazy like this.
I twist my finger inside my mouth, letting my saliva coat it and slowly press it inside her. Pushing it up against her front wall, I wiggle it around until I find her spot. Not that it’s a big mystery, the way she mewls and thrashes against the mattress are a dead giveaway that I’ve pinpointed her g-spot.
Sliding my tongue along her lips, I open them until I can see her sensitive nub, taut and ready to be licked into ecstasy. I flicker the tip of my tongue over her clit as I hook my fingertip against her g-spot, curling it up and toward me with every swirl of my tongue.
Charlotte throws both her hands over her face and cries out as she chases her pleasure with her hips, lifting them from the bed to meet my mouth.
I lick another finger, making it drip with spit and slide it between her ass cheeks, pressing up against her tight asshole as she trembles beneath me.
I love how I can make her quake at my touch. I love how her juices taste on my tongue. I love how her body squeezes down against my fingers as I push one into her asshole and continue to stroke her g-spot. Charlotte is powerless to her bliss, she can’t form any words, and instead, all she makes are guttural, primal sounds as she gives in to the sensations.
I batter my tongue over her clit relentlessly, circling her nub with the edges before flicking against her with just the tip. Around my finger, Charlotte’s asshole clenches down tight and I can feel her thighs squeeze against my ears as she shudders against me. Her legs squeezing my head aren’t enough to block out the sounds of her intense screams though.
“Oh! Fuck! Connor!” She yelps as her entire body twists up like a corkscrew and then slumps back against the mattress.
I sit back up and lick her nectar from my lips as I smirk. There’s nothing I love more than watching her grapple with the overwhelming pleasure I bring her. That’s not true. There’s only one thing I love more.
Riding Lil' Red Hard Page 20