Mac tugged on his own clothes while he waited impatiently for her to return. As soon as the door opened, he started speaking, although she didn’t acknowledge that she was listening.
“Everything was all mixed up. I saw us at our wedding. We were cutting the cake, but just as you held up a piece for me to take a bite, you became Elsa.”
She ignored him as she walked to the closet and pulled a scrub suit from the closet.
“In the next scene, she was standing there, taking to Liz. Corey came running up but, instead of going to her, he went to you. And when it was time for us to leave, everyone waved goodbye to her instead of us. I remember feeling sad that she was going, but at the same time I was glad because you were with me.” He stared at her. “Bizarre, isn’t it?”
She paused, then tugged her tunic top over her head.
“I saw the house where she and I lived when we first got married but, instead of coming home and finding her, I found you. The last thing I remember was that we were both at the hospital and Elsa warned me that you were in trouble.” His eyes narrowed “You’re not pregnant, are you?”
This time she met his gaze. “No. Under the circumstances, it’s for the best.”
“Oh. But do you see what I mean about it being odd?”
“Look,” she said, “I appreciate that I was worthy enough to share your dream with your former wife. However, all it tells me is that you’re confused about who I am and who you want. Unfortunately, life stuck you with me.”
“I chose you. It has nothing to do with being stuck.”
She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “One of us can’t sleep indefinitely on the sofa, so when I get off work I’m going to buy twin beds.”
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset. You wouldn’t be angry if Rob or Gail had been in my dream.”
“Because I’m not competing with them.”
“You’re not competing,” he protested. “You have your own place. You’re my wife.”
“So was Elsa. I may have been the one marrying you in your dream, but Elsa put in an appearance.”
“I knew she didn’t belong in those scenes. I tried to ask her why she kept popping up, but she’d never answer.”
“Fine.” She finished tying her shoes and stood. “Tell me how you’d feel if I called out Glenn’s name.”
“If it wasn’t during a moment of passion, then I don’t care whose name you call when you’re asleep.”
“And what happens when I turn to you afterwards? Will you wonder if I’m still thinking of Glenn or of you?”
She had a point. “That wouldn’t happen,” he said firmly.
“How do you know?”
“Because you love me.”
“I appreciate your confidence, but I don’t have the same luxury. I don’t know if you love me.”
Did he love her? Rob’s comments finally made sense. Elsa had appeared in his dream, but Lori was the one who’d remained with him, the one who shared his house and the one his son knew as his mother. He loved Lori, but his love hadn’t come with the same flash of intensity. It had grown slowly but surely, which was why he hadn’t recognized it until now.
“I love you,” he stated unequivocally. Her unconvinced expression forced him to remember her experience with Glenn. He added, “I’m not saying this because it’s what you want to hear.”
“Aren’t you?” Her tone sounded weary, defeated.
“No.”
She turned away, but Mac stopped her before she made it to the doorway. “Let me explain because it’s important. I loved Elsa from the beginning, but I suspect now that it was more a combination of lust and her being the first woman who meant something to me. What we had was exciting, I’ll admit, but with you it’s been an entirely different experience.”
“If you’re trying to make me feel better, you’ll have to work harder,” she warned.
“That’s why I couldn’t acknowledge what was between us,” he argued. “At first, I didn’t want to admit it was love, but Rob pointed out the obvious. You see, my feelings for you grew out of friendship and respect rather than the flames of infatuation. You said that we could look at each other over the breakfast table. Well, I want to do that for the next forty or fifty years, and if that isn’t an example of my love, I don’t know what is.”
Lori’s eyes glistened before she stared at a point over his shoulder and rubbed the back of her neck. “I want to believe you.”
“Then do,” he urged.
She turned her sorrowful eyes toward his. “Right now, though, I can’t.”
Mac didn’t know what else to say, what other argument to put forth. He should have told her over a candlelight dinner, not after he’d called out someone else’s name. If the circumstances had been reversed, he’d be leery, too.
The question was, how did he convince her?
“I’ve got to go.”
“I won’t let this drop,” he warned her. “We’ll talk again tonight.”
Lori paused, but didn’t answer. Mac wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her, but he suspected she wasn’t ready for such an overture.
It was going to be a very long day.
“You and Mac had a fight,” Talia guessed.
Lori managed a smile. “How could you tell?”
“You’ve barely said more than two words for the last three hours. Plus, when Dr Grant walked in, the air temp dropped twenty degrees.”
“You’re right. We hit a rocky patch. A very rocky patch in our relationship.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Then she asked, “How can you tell when your husband’s being honest?”
“You think Mac lied to you?”
“It’s more a case of stretching the truth.” She hated to think she’d been as gullible the second time around. Glenn’s shoe-box of IOUs represented more than a legacy of debt—it was a shoe-box full of mistrust. What would Mac leave her?
“What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything,” Lori said, not willing to mention specifics. “Just answer my question.”
Talia shrugged both shoulders. “I suppose it would be the same way you’d know if anyone wasn’t being honest. They’d fidget or they wouldn’t look you in the eye—unless, of course, they’ve honed lying through their teeth to a fine art. I’ve heard con artists can.”
Glenn might have fit in the latter category, but Lori was sure of one thing. Mac didn’t.
She interrupted before Talia’s tangent took them totally off course. “I’m talking about regular people.”
“Well,” Talia said thoughtfully, “Caleb’s voice changes when he’s hiding something. Oh, and he always rubs one eye. I figured all this out last Christmas when he was trying to keep me from knowing that he’d bought an engagement ring. The main thing, though, is how you feel in here.” She patted the region over her heart.
Lori replayed their conversation. Mac had met her gaze, hadn’t fidgeted and his voice hadn’t wavered. By Talia’s criteria, he’d been honest. Her heart wasn’t as sure.
He’s not Glenn.
She nearly laughed aloud at her little voice’s reminder. All this time she’d been afraid of Mac comparing her to his beloved Elsa, while she’d been guilty of the same crime. Glenn had always told her what she’d wanted to hear, and although she’d accepted his answers, deep down she’d never been truly satisfied.
Mac wouldn’t do the same, her heart told her. It would have been far easier for him to declare undying love when he’d proposed his marriage of convenience, but he hadn’t. He’d been honest, brutally so, when a well-placed reassurance would have been the better tactic for a man who was intent on his own agenda.
He could have said that he loved her just as he’d loved Elsa and the issue would have ceased to exist. But no. He’d been forthright and had tried to explain how his love was different, how it was still a love that would last a lifetime.
Mac loved her. He truly loved her.
&nbs
p; The realization brought tears to her eyes. “Oh, Talia. He really loves me.”
“Well, of course. A blind man could have seen that.”
Lori blinked rapidly to clear her tears of joy. “I have to talk to him.”
“You’d better hurry. We’ll be getting a varicose vein removal and a tonsillectomy before long.”
“I will.” Lori dashed from the PACU. She wouldn’t be able to say much, but she wanted Mac to know that everything was all right.
How could she have faulted him for loving her in a different way? She’d been waiting for the same hot-flash-of-youth sort of love that he’d shared with Elsa, but it hadn’t happened. Instead, her love for Mac had crept up on her, too, although she’d recognized it sooner. She had the passion she’d wanted, but it was much like he’d described—the slow, simmering sort that built to a steady, blazing fire.
How could she have missed seeing what had been under her nose?
According to the surgery schedule, his hip replacement case would start soon. Intent on finding him before then, she rushed to the surgical anteroom where the staff administered the pre-op meds. She poked her head through the first curtain, but the area was empty.
Lori went to the next and stopped as soon as she saw Brad. “Have you seen…?” The rest of her question died unspoken as she comprehended his actions.
Brad’s sleeve was rolled past his elbow and he was injecting the contents of a syringe into his arm.
“What do you want?” he growled as he turned his back from her to slip the syringe into the biohazard container.
“I was looking for Dr Grant. My gosh, Brad. What are you doing?”
He rolled down his sleeve and drew up another syringe full of fluid as if nothing unusual had happened. “I’m getting ready for my patient.”
“No, you’re not,” she protested. “I saw you. What did you take?”
He dropped the filled syringe on the tray and advanced. “You didn’t see a thing. Do you hear me?”
Lori shook her head. “I’m not lying for you. You have a problem, Brad. A serious problem.”
“I don’t either.” His harsh tone softened. “This was just something to kill the pain in my back. Some days it’s worse than others.”
“You can’t help yourself to meds whenever you feel like it,” she protested.
“Everybody does it. With all the access we have, who’s going to know?”
Suddenly, all the inexplicable situations over the past few months coalesced into a picture that she couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen before. His mood swings, days of inattentive behavior, his willingness to run errands to the pharmacy—they had all been pieces that she hadn’t fit together.
“How long has this been going on?”
“Nothing’s going on,” he insisted.
“Brad,” she said firmly, “you have a problem. You need help. Professional help.” She turned to leave, but Brad grabbed her arm.
“You can’t tell anyone. It won’t happen again.”
He sounded sincere, almost pleading, but Lori knew what she’d seen. Even if she believed him—which she didn’t—she couldn’t remain silent.
“Brad, if something happens to a patient you’re—”
“I can handle my job.”
Arguing wouldn’t get her anywhere. Agreeing with him and gaining his trust might cause him to relax enough so she could break out of his bruising hold. “You’re hurting me, Brad.”
He grabbed both shoulders and shook her until her head hurt. “You can’t tell anyone.”
The glazed look in his eyes scared her, as did his superhuman grip. “I won’t. I promise.”
His expression became more threatening. “You’re lying.”
“No. No, I’m not.”
“You are, too. You’ve caused me enough trouble. I worked hard for this job and I won’t let you take it away.” With that, he released her, only to squeeze her throat instead.
Lori tried to pry his fingers loose, but he was too strong and she couldn’t get enough oxygen. Her vision turned dark around the edges and she gasped for breath.
“Don’t…do…this…”
The pressure around her neck increased and her strength began to waver. Mac, she cried inside her head. Before she could form another thought, everything faded to black.
Mac strode into the PACU, intent on finding a chart he’d left there earlier. He also had hopes of finding Lori in a more forgiving frame of mind.
Surprisingly, she wasn’t in the unit. He knew her personal code of ethics wouldn’t allow her to leave Talia fending for herself with two patients unless it was an emergency.
“Where’s Lori?” he asked.
“I don’t know. She went looking for you about fifteen minutes ago.”
“Did she say what she wanted?”
Talia smiled. “It wasn’t work-related, if that’s what you’re asking.”
He wasn’t certain if he should be happy or worried that Lori was hunting for him. If she was upset…
“Don’t worry,” Talia said kindly, as if she’d seen his thoughts reflected on his face. “She has good news.”
Mac was relieved. Talia probably knew more than she was telling, but he didn’t care. What puzzled him was why, if Lori had been searching for him, she hadn’t found him. He hadn’t wandered too far from the PACU or the surgery suites all morning. While he didn’t believe in premonitions, something bothered him about the situation. The warning from his dream popped into his head.
A monitor beeped and Talia hurried to check it. “When you see her, remind her that I’m a little busy.”
“I will.”
Following his instincts, Mac decided to take another stroll through his usual haunts. As he approached the preop rooms, a muffled crash caught his attention. Immediately, he changed direction and went to investigate. In horror, he saw Lori hanging limply from Brad’s hands.
His adrenalin kicked in. “Let go of her,” he ordered as he tried to pull Brad’s hands away.
“She’s not going to tell,” Brad threatened, his face red from exertion.
“Oh, my God,” a nurse said from behind.
“Call Security,” Mac shouted. He had no idea how long Lori had been unconscious, so time was of the essence. Determined to force Brad to release her, he changed his strategy. He threw a punch to Brad’s face, and felt grim satisfaction as he broke the man’s nose.
Brad howled and clutched his face. Mac caught Lori inches before she hit the floor. In the next instant a crowd of people had gathered, including a security guard, but Mac hardly noticed.
Lori wasn’t breathing.
Her neck was red and beginning to show bruises, but she still had a pulse. “Oxygen,” he demanded.
“The hose won’t reach.”
He didn’t waste a moment. He covered her mouth with his and gave her several breaths, carefully watching the rise and fall of her chest.
Lori didn’t respond.
“Help me get her up,” he demanded.
Hands came from all around him and within seconds she was lying on top of a gurney.
Mac fitted the oxygen mask over her face and willed her to breathe. The situation seemed surreal as he waited and watched. This wasn’t just any patient he was concerned about. This was Lori. “I want an LMA.”
LMA was shorthand for a laryngeal mask airway, which had become the latest in airway crisis techniques. It involved inserting the deflated mask down into the hypopharynx with the index finger as far as possible. Once the operator felt resistance, the cuff was inflated and the tube exiting the mouth secured. Without knowing what, if any, damage had occurred to her trachea, this was a less invasive alternative for establishing adequate air exchange.
Someone wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm while he began listening to her heart through his stethoscope. “Hang in there,” he told her, hoping she could hear him.
“Here’s the LMA.” A nurse thrust it at him and he inserted it with an ease borne of practice an
d training. Immediately her chest began to rise and fall. Mac allowed himself a few seconds of relief, but while they’d overcome the first hurdle, there were more ahead.
“Keep her on oxygen. I want Radiology to take a few pictures, stat.”
People scattered to obey. He glanced around to discover Brad missing. “Where is he?” he demanded.
Mac didn’t need to mention names. Everyone knew who he was talking about. “Brad’s with Security,” a nurse admitted.
Satisfied that the man responsible was in custody, Mac focused on Lori. “Come on, sweetheart. Don’t leave me now.”
Lori was floating in a gray mist. The darkness she’d seen before had lifted, but exhaustion weighed down her limbs and her throat hurt. She wanted to go back to the black void where pain was non-existent, but a voice kept calling to her.
“Lori. You have to hang on.”
She didn’t want to obey. It sounded far too hard a task when all she wanted to do was sleep.
“Lori. Come back. You can’t leave me. I love you.”
The deep voice sounded frantic. It was Mac’s voice, she realized idly.
“Ronnie and Corey need you.”
Mention of the children caught her attention. She really didn’t want to leave Ronnie behind.
“I need you.”
Mac needed her. She liked to be needed. Maybe she should stay for him, too.
“I love you.”
She remembered him saying that. Remembered how she’d finally believed him.
“Don’t leave me. I couldn’t bear it.”
No, she couldn’t leave, she decided. She couldn’t do that to Mac, not after he’d lost one wife. They had an entire life ahead of them and she didn’t want to miss any of it.
She struggled to raise her eyelids but the bright light made it difficult. Finally she opened her eyes and saw Mac’s face hovering above hers. He’d never appeared this worried before, not even in an emergency.
He clasped her hand in his and raised it to his lips. “You’re back.”
She managed a nod. Her voice wouldn’t work for some strange reason.
“Don’t try to talk. We inserted an airway until we see what’s going on.”
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