“Granddad Enthorpe.”
“Right.” Van dropped the tie into the basket.
“How about this?”
“A reindeer head sticking out of a chimney.”
“Owen,” they both agreed.
“And here’s one of Santa kissing Mrs. Claus,” Van said. “That’s perfect for Joe Jr.”
“What about Joe?”
Van grinned. “Look at this.” She held up a bright blue tie with a decorated tree topped by a big star.
“He did cut down the trees,” Haley said dubiously.
“But wait,” Van said. She fiddled with the back of the tie. The star lit up and began to blink.
“Cool.”
The tie went into the basket with the others.
“Do you think there’s something for Mom . . . Enthorpe here?” Haley asked.
Van nodded. “Something for Mom Enthorpe and something for your Mom.”
Haley cast a quick look at Van, and that quick look said it all. Van swallowed an unwelcome lump in her throat.
“Actually why don’t we go someplace a little nicer? Maybe a scarf or jewelry or something.”
They spent a few more minutes just looking at all the merchandise. Plastic snow globes with little churches in them, cellophane packages of mistletoe, cocktail napkins with disparaging quotes about Rudolph’s red nose.
Haley seemed enthralled with everything and Van realized that the three Davis kids might be spending Christmas at the Enthorpes. Had anyone thought about presents for them? Santa? It looked like she’d have to make another clandestine trip to the store before Christmas.
Van paid for the ties and they moved on to the next store.
“I need to get something to wear that’s . . . you know, more Christmassy,” Van said. “How about you?”
Haley shrugged. Van knew she was about to step into uncharted territory here. She’d love to buy the girls Christmas dresses, but maybe they had them at home already.
Well, they could always use them for something else.
“I know a store down the street where they have pretty decent clothes.” And a children’s department, though she wasn’t sure what size Haley might be. She was small but not exactly little-kid-sized. If she’d been smart she would have asked Mom Enthorpe all these questions before they’d left. She made a mental note to do so in the future. If there was a future with Haley. She and Owen and Kayla might drift out of their lives as quickly as they’d come. The thought left her oddly deflated.
They passed several stores, with Haley slowing down to look into the decorated windows. Van slowed down to look, too. They didn’t have to hurry. Mom Enthorpe had the party preparations under control and everyone was bringing dishes. It would be a feast.
They stopped at the women’s clothing store window. On one side of the door the window was filled with cocktail dresses and party clothes; the other side with girls’ and children’s wear. Van cast a quick eye over the adult side. Really? Black was the main choice for a Christmas party?
Van had plenty of black. It was all she usually wore. Since returning to Whisper Beach she’d tried to color up her wardrobe. No way was she regressing to black for the holidays.
She crossed over to where Haley was checking out a red, black and white yoga pants and tunic ensemble. A nice compromise. “That’s pretty cool,” Van said tentatively. Since the Davis kids had been staying with them, Van hadn’t noticed any discernable style choices. Maybe Joe had packed their clothes and just hadn’t chosen well.
Maybe she should call him and find out.
Or maybe you should just figure this out on your own.
They went inside. Haley led the way and Van expected her to go right to the kids’ department, but she didn’t. Several feet in, she stopped, turned to Van.
“What?” Van asked.
“Nothing.”
Okay. “Why don’t we pick out a bunch of stuff then go try them on together?”
Haley frowned. “Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“I can get something?”
“Yes. Are we shopping til we’re dropping? Or not?”
Haley made a face. “You’re weird.”
“One of my best qualities. So . . . do you know what size you wear?”
“Small.”
Van lowered her chin and raised her eyebrows. “As in not medium or large?”
Haley made a half shrug.
“I think we need a salesperson.” Van looked around, there were several. A middle-aged woman, ringing up a purchaser, a young woman refolding tee-shirts and looking bored and another younger woman, who looked slightly hipper than the other two. Van caught her eye and she came over.
“May I help you?”
“We’re looking for her size, but we don’t know it.”
“Ah, let’s see.” She looked at Haley then riffled through the rack of dresses. She held one up to Haley. “I’d say size eight. Depends on the designer. Some run small, some run true to size.”
Van nodded, smiled, thought, TMI. She took the dress.
“Now if you’re interested in leggings, we have some really cute ones over here.” Van and Haley followed her toward another rack of clothes. The saleslady went through the same holding-up process. Chose the size.
“Thanks. That’s a great help. I think we can take it from here.”
The saleslady smiled. “Just let me know if you have any more questions.”
Van smiled. Turned to Haley. “See anything you like? And don’t shrug. Just yes or no. I’m not good at subtlety, especially when it comes to shopping.”
Haley screwed up her mouth, looked around. “That.” She pointed to the outfit they’d seen displayed in the window.
“What about a dress for the Christmas party and another for Christmas morning?” Van knew immediately from Haley’s expression she’d said the wrong thing and hurried on. “Or for some other time. Why don’t you pick out a few things and we’ll see what you like best?”
The cloud passed and soon Haley was picking out different clothes and Van breathed a sigh of relief.
The saleslady came back and took the clothes to put in a dressing room and Van and Haley moved on to the women’s department. Van picked out several dresses for the party and a couple of sweaters that were festive without being gaudy. Really, she had to draw the line somewhere.
“Okay, man your dressing rooms,” Van said.
Haley gave her a look before disappearing into the dressing room next to Van’s.
“Yell, if you need help,’ Van called as an afterthought.
“I’m okay.”
Good, thought Van. She was already exhausted.
They came out simultaneously. Looked at each other, shook their heads and went back inside. Repeated this so many times that Van was beginning to despair, but at the end of half an hour, they both had chosen two outfits and headed for the cashier.
“What about Kayla?” Haley asked.
“Right. What do you think she would like?”
“That one.” Haley pointed to a red empire-waist velvet dress with gold smocking embellished with little pearls across the top.
Van went over to the rack. Pulled one off the bar. “Does this look like the right size?”
Haley frowned and Van was about to put the dress back when she said, “Yes. You’re getting better at this.”
“Thanks.” Van added the dress to the others and dropped them on the counter.
They carried their packages outside. “I’m glad you came with me,” Van said. “How about lunch?”
They ate in the local luncheonette, dropped by Untermeyer’s Five-and-Dime, which had managed to survive all the gentrification of the downtown area, bought some goofy gifts and four reindeer antler headbands “for the girls” that Haley and Van wore out of the store.
They got back in the car and Van turned on the radio, fiddling with the tuner until she found a Christmas station, and they headed for home.
By the time they pulled into the
driveway they were on ten lords-a-leaping of the “Twelve Days of Christmas” and the first snowflakes began to fall.
“We should have bought you a warmer coat. Kayla, too. I’m—”
“No.” Haley yanked the reindeer antlers from her head. “I don’t want this, none of it. You’re not my mom.”
“What? Where did that come from?”
But Haley had pushed open the door and was getting out.
Oh man, how had she not noticed what had been happening? She was trying to give Haley a fun day, not supplant her mom. She saw it clear as day now.
Van got out of the car.
Haley was running toward the house.
“Haley, wait. I don’t want to be your mother!”
The front door opened and Haley slipped inside.
Haley was gone, but Joe stood in the doorway, staring back at Van, and blocking her way back in.
Chapter 10
For an eternity Van and Joe stood looking at each other. She knew what he must be thinking, but how could she explain that she’d only meant that she wasn’t trying to take Kathy Davis’s place. That she understood that no matter how weird your life got, your mom would always be your mom, even if you couldn’t be with her, even after she was dead and you found out she wasn’t the perfect person you thought she was.
She just wanted to be a friend, make the journey a little easier, let Haley know that she wasn’t alone. That you had to be tough but you could also accept help and love. All the things she was just learning in these last few months. And she’d botched it.
But the look on Joe’s face . . . She’d never be able to explain this to him.
He started to move toward her and she panicked. She jumped back in the car and began to back away. But it was too late; he’d already reached the car.
Don’t lose it. Don’t make a scene, she told herself. Don’t make everyone else unhappy.
He knocked on the passenger window.
Don’t make a scene. She let the window down.
“What happened?”
She smiled ruefully. “Too much chocolate and candy canes?”
He frowned at her. And she wanted to kiss it away. She knew that expression like it was her own, the confusion, the worry. She didn’t think she could last much longer without having a meltdown just like Haley.
“Then come inside.”
He started to open the door.
She slammed on the locks. “I have more errands.”
“But it’s getting dark and it’s starting to snow again.”
“Then you better let me go, because I still have things I have to do.”
“Do them tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow will be all-day party prep and I need to do them today.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No, it’s Christmas.”
Finally his expression lightened. “Is this Santa related? Because Dad and I went today just in case the kids’ mom doesn’t get home for Christmas.” He winced. “Sorry.”
“Stop it, Joe, just stop it.” She stopped herself, took a breath. “If you want anything under the tree, you’d better let me get to the store before it closes. Scoot.”
He let go of the car and she backed away before he could change his mind.
When she reached the end of the drive he was still watching her. He waved as she pulled onto the road; she honked as she drove away, just like any normal day. It didn’t feel normal.
She slowed down at the curve in the road and looked back through the trees to where the lights on the Christmas boughs festooned across the eaves of the farmhouse looked like a Christmas card. The symbol of idyllic happiness.
No. Not idyllic, but a place for affection and squabbles, hard times and happy times. Early mornings, backbreaking work, hearty meals prepared in love. And so much more. There was a place for her here, if only she was sure they wouldn’t grow to regret welcoming her to the family.
She drove on. She meant to stop at Dorie’s, get some kick-in-the-butt advice from the woman who had never failed her and whom Van hoped she’d at least begun to repay.
But there were no cars in the driveway. Of course. It was the dinner rush and Dorie and Dana would be at the Blue Crab. Suze’s car was gone, too. Probably out doing last-minute shopping. That would be so much like Suze, to put off everything until Chaucer let go of her and she remembered there were only two more days before Christmas.
She drove to where the next block ended at the boardwalk. A half block north the Blue Crab’s new sign shone through the increasing snowfall. There were cars already parked along the boardwalk. Excellent. Van had known business would boom if Dorie would only spruce up the restaurant and open during the off season. It had been hard, but once Dorie was convinced, she’d thrown herself full force into the renovation.
Van turned toward the restaurant but didn’t stop until several parking spaces beyond it. She cut the engine and just sat in the quiet, looking out at the sea while darkness fell and she could no longer tell the sand from the snow.
Then she got out of the car, zipped up her jacket and walked down the wooden steps to the beach.
Joe stood watching as Van drove away. He knew in his gut that she wasn’t going shopping. It was just an excuse to get away from him. Them.
He went back in the house, feeling sick and knowing he was missing something essential. Something of life-changing importance, and he worried that his chance of figuring it out had just driven away.
His mother was down the hall with Haley, so he sat down with his father and granddad and waited. None of them spoke when she finally came back to the living room alone. She didn’t sit down but stood facing them.
They all sat a little straighter.
Joe opened his mouth to ask what happened, but a look from his mother stopped him.
“Now we’re going to have a little talk, but I’m going to do the talking for a change.”
They waited.
“The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone. But especially if your mother is in the hospital and you’re staying with strangers. No, Joe, don’t interrupt me.”
Joe didn’t know which Joe she was talking to, so he kept his mouth shut.
“And especially if you’re not used to celebrating the season. There’s not much we can do for those children except make them feel welcome. But we can give Van a place to enjoy the holidays. Think about it. She’s been working nonstop since she came back. Setting up the vineyard financials, getting the gift shop ready for the party, starting her own business. Participating in the family, buying presents, making cookies, dealing with three children we didn’t expect.”
“I shouldn’t have brought them,” Joe said. “I didn’t know she would freak.”
“As for freaking out, I don’t think Van has ever freaked out in her life.” His mother huffed out an exasperated sigh. “Joe—and Joe and Joe—I love you all dearly and I know you all want what’s best, but you can’t push people into being what you want when you want it.”
“What did we do?” Granddad asked.
“You, for one, keep dropping wedding hints every chance you get.”
“And why not? When you get a good one, you don’t want to let them get away, right, son?”
Both Joe and his dad nodded.
Mom laughed, but he knew she wasn’t finished. “Joe and Van have issues they need to resolve before they go any further.”
Joe looked down. He loved his family but he didn’t really want to listen to his personal life laid bare.
“Hell, if you’re talking about kids,” Granddad continued, “we got plenty already. And we’ll be good with whatever you decide. Just look how those three have taken to her.”
“But Haley came home crying,” Joe said. “And Van yelled at her.”
His mother threw her head back, not a gesture they saw often, it was about as outwardly upset she ever got.
They braced themselves.
“Your granddad is right at least about the last part. Owen
totally gets her.”
Joe nodded. He did and Van got him.
“And Haley is in there crying her eyes out because she was having such a good time with Van that she forgot about her mother being sick and in the hospital. Van was trying to reassure her, not push her away.”
“Damn,” said Joe.
“That’s not language for the holiday.”
“Sorry. I didn’t understand what was happening.”
“You didn’t take the time to understand.”
“She drove away before I could.”
“Maybe she needed a moment to regroup. But there you were, asking her what was wrong or trying to make her feel better. Sometimes a woman doesn’t need a man.”
His father gasped.
“You’re not being funny, Joseph.”
“You’re in trouble now,” his granddad said under his breath.
“And so are you.” Mom turned to Joe. “You’re so worried that things aren’t going to work out that if you’re not careful, you’re going to drive her away for good.”
Joe knew she was right. He ran his fingers through his hair.
“Don’t be so hard on the boy,” his dad said. “We were all guilty of it. But da—arn, she’s one of the family already.”
“To us,” his mother said in a much quieter voice. “The Enthorpes are wonderful but sometimes a daunting force of nature. It’s hard when you’re the new girl in the family. I remember and I didn’t even have Van’s issues.”
“I’m such an idiot,” Joe said.
“But you’re a lovable idiot. And she loves you.”
“I’m going after her.”
“Joe.”
“No, Mom, I waited the last time and I didn’t see her for twelve years. I’m not taking that chance again.”
She nodded and handed him his jacket. “Don’t try too hard.”
He nodded. She turned him around and buttoned his jacket like he was about Owen’s age. “You’d better have the best Christmas present in the world.”
“I do. I hope.” He kissed her and left.
His mother was probably right. Van might need a little space, but Joe wasn’t taking any chances this time. Twelve years ago he’d sulked, intending to forgive her for doubting him once he’d gotten over being mad at her.
Christmas at Whisper Beach Page 8