by Daisy Allen
The blood rushes to my groin, and I want her. Want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. She groans against my mouth, feeling my need grow hard against her. Even surrounded by the cold, she heats up every part of me. I’m immune to it all, everything but her.
“Marius…”
“Fuck, Anca… God, I can’t get enough of you,” I growl against her mouth as we pant for breath before tracing the line of her neck with my tongue.
She purrs in response, and I feel her reach under the water, in that space between us, grasping my hardness in her hand. It’s like an electric shock through my whole body, and I can’t help but bite down against her shoulder.
“Ugh… Marius…” She groans, as if in pain.
“Sorry...”
“No… I liked it.”
“Don’t tell me that. Or I’ll do it again.”
“Okay,” she says, her hand gripping me tighter, making my brain lose all function. “I like everything you do to me,” she rasps in my ear.
I move my mouth to her nipple, taut and hard under the t-shirt, wrapping my mouth hard around it.
“Holy fuck… Marius…” She groans, arching her back, pushing herself harder against my mouth. Her need for more increases the intensity of the moment, and I push her hand away from my cock and push aside her panties as I thrust forward, driving myself deep inside her.
“Oh!” Her moan catches in her throat as I lift her ass, driving her hard against me.
All I want in that moment is to feel her come. And somehow hold off my own orgasm until she does.
“You are so fucking sexy, baby…” I groan into her ear, as the sound of the water splashing around us grows faster, my hips thrusting short and fast into her sweet, tightness.
Her breath catches as she wraps her arms around my neck, meeting my thrusts with her hips, each rock forward pushing the tip of my cock deeper into her.
“Marius…” she moans huskily into my ear, and I bite my lip, distracting myself from my impending orgasm. I want to feel her body give into me before I release.
“Come for me, Anca… I want to feel you succumb to me.” I urge her.
Her hands move to hold my face and her eyes lock with mine as I feel her clamp her legs tighter around my waist.
Her hips start to rock faster against me, and I can barely hold her without us both falling into the water.
Her eyelids start to widen, and I know she’s almost ready.
I pull away from her gaze for just a moment, to drag my tongue over her hardened nipple, and in that instant her whole body contracts, tightening around mine like a boa.
“Oh god!” she screams out, her muscles rippling under my fingers, and I can’t hold on any longer, I feel my cock squeezed like a vice. I drive myself faster and faster into her, feeling my own body jerk and jerk and jerk until there’s nothing left. I’m empty, inside her.
Her legs fall from my sides and we sink into the water. Her legs straddling my hips, as her arms brace against my chest.
My skin sizzles against the coldness of the lake, as my body boils from the inside.
And I can’t help but want to do it all over again.
I reach forward, tucking a wet wisp of hair behind her ear.
“You’re such a sexy wet nymph,” I whisper and she giggles. The sound flittering over the surface of the calming lake.
“You’re the one who brought me here to seduce me with a skinny dip.”
I smile at her, saying nothing.
She pulls herself to her feet, and drags my own body up, taking her hand.
We step quietly and carefully toward the shore, the water streaking off our clothes to return to the glass like reflection of the night. I lead her back towards the bike, wrapping my still dry jacket around her arms and pull her against me
“I didn’t bring you here to seduce you, Anca.”
“Then why did you bring me here?”
I just stare at her, trying to figure out how to answer her.
“Marius? Why did you bring me here?”
Shit. You know it had to be done, and yet you let it come to this. Do it now, Marius. You have to do it now.
I pull away from her, and she settles onto the seat of the bike, watching me as I take a step back.
“Marius? Talk to me.” she prompts me again.
I close my eyes before I speak.
“I brought you here, to tell you… we can’t keep doing this.”
She doesn’t make a sound. Or even move.
It neither gives me the courage to continue, nor stops me, so I keep going, before I lose my nerve.
“I can’t do it to Jez. I… just can’t.”
This time she does speak.
“And did you figure this out before or after you fucked me one more time.”
“Anca…”
“I can’t fucking believe this,” I hear her mutter under her breath. And it breaks me. “What IS this place, Marius?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, is this just some random empty plot you found along the lake, and you brought me here to break up with me because no one could hear the things I’m about to say to you?”
“NO! I…”
“So I’m asking you again. Where. Are.We?” she demands, and I know she knows.
“I… I own this plot.” I finally admit.
She slides off the bike seat and turns a full 360 degrees. She waves her hand, gesturing around her. “This piece of land…”
“I own it.”
“Since when?”
“For a few years now.”
“And you brought me here…”
“Because I thought it was a nice place we could talk.”
“Bull shit.”
“Anca…”
“Why did you bring me here?”
“I don’t know… because it’s quiet.”
“Double bull shit.”
“Tell me then, why do you think I brought you here?”
“Apparently to sleep with me, once last time, before you broke my fucking heart.”
“No. And you know that’s bull shit, as well.”
“So, why did you bring me here, then, Marius?”
And I tell her, even though I shouldn’t.
“I DID bring you here to talk. But, I brought you here to show it to you. Because no one else knows about it… and I wanted to show it to you. I wanted a memory of you here, with me. Before…” My voice trails off.
“Doesn’t sound like something you’d do with someone you want to walk away from.”
“I don’t. Want to. And you know that. But we can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what, Marius.” Why does she keep making me say it?
“This. Being together. You KNOW that it’s going to hurt Jez.”
“But it doesn’t have to.”
What is she talking about? Has the cold gone to her ever-loving mind?
“It will. You know better than that.”
“Look, what I mean is, it won’t hurt him, if he doesn’t know. We don’t even know what this all means, Marius. But don’t we owe it to ourselves to find out? Don’t you want to be with me?” There’s a crack in her voice, in it feels like it’s traveling down my heart as well.
“So much it hurts, Anca. But… you don’t know what I owe him.”
“It can’t be more than what I owe him, Marius. But even I know that all he would really want is for me to be happy. And he’d want the same for you as well.”
I take a moment to hear what she’s saying. Can it really work out that way? What kind of person am I that I can do this to one of my best friends?
“Anca, I- I didn’t bring you here to have sex with you one last time…”
“I know.”
At least there’s that. “I don’t want to lie to him, Anca.’
“We’re not. We’re just taking some time to figure out what this all is. It might come to nothing, and then we won’t have hurt him for nothing.” I shake my head. It can’t be
that simple. It’s just delaying the fact. “Marius… look at me. Let’s just give it a few more days, okay? We’ll figure out what this is, and how to tell him. Believe me, I know my brother, he only wants what’s best for me.”
“He’s not going to think that that is me.” He might love me like a brother, but no one is ever going to be good enough for Anca. And I can see why he thinks so.
She pulls gently on my shirt, forcing me to lower my mouth down to meet hers in a soft, gentle kiss. Damn. I can’t walk away and she knows it. “You ARE what’s best for me. And we’ll make him know it too.”
I can only hope that she knows Jez as well as she thinks she does. But something tells me, I might know him better. For once, I wish that I’m the wrong one.
Chapter Twenty-three
Anca
“Where the fuck have you been?” Jez yells at me when I step into my hotel room.
I push Marius back out into the hallway before Jez sees him and close the door behind me.
“What’s up bro?” I say, pushing past him and into the bathroom, turning the shower on.
“I said, where the fuck have you been all night?”
“I went for a walk, I was still too hyped up from the concert. What’s the big deal?” I try to keep my voice light, my hands busy so I don’t give myself away.
“Well, I called you at 6, to tell you that they’ve moved the call time up, and you AND Marius both missed a briefing meeting this morning. Where were you?”
“Nowhere in particular. I ran into him on my walk and so we went to grab a coffee. We didn’t know there was a meeting, not our fault we missed it,” I shrug.
“No, I know my guys, they never miss meetings. He didn’t even pick up his phone,” Jez says, like he knows it’s my fault. If only he knew it was because Marius’s hands were busy roaming my body to answer the phone.
“Well, that’s not my fault! Anyway, get out of here. I need to take a shower so I can be on time for you and your precious band’s rehearsal.”
“Anca.” He says my name. Like he does every time he’s about to give me the third degree about something.
“What?”
“What’s going on?’
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You better not. Be careful, Anca. There’s a reason why I’ve kept you apart from this life.”
“You didn’t keep me away from it. I was in school. But I’m a big girl now, Jez. It might be time you start to get used to that.”
“You might be a big girl, but I’m still your bigger brother. And I’m telling you. Don’t do what I’m thinking you’re doing.”
“I’m showering, that’s what I’m doing. And you’re leaving.”
He looks at me for a moment before he grabs his phone and leaves.
And I take Marius’s jacket off and hold it to my chest before hanging it up, reluctant to wash his scent off me.
But it’s not Marius I’m thinking of as I get ready to shower. It’s Jez, and how he’s really going to react when he finds out. And what I’m going to do if I have to choose between them.
***
One year ago
“Anca, this is your big brother. If you don’t call me back within 12 hours, I’m breaking down your door. Listen to my voice. Do I sound like I’m kidding? Call me back, Anca. I’m worried about you.”
I delete his voice mail and pull the blanket tightly around me. The light from the phone screen is too much and I switch it off completely. The room falls into complete darkness, and it’s only then I can take a full breath.
Knowing that the phone isn’t going to ring again.
That it’s not going to be Jez looking for me.
Or the Maestro.
That no one can reach me, at least for the moment.
The problem with darkness is that it’s the perfect canvas for thoughts.
Memories of the night before come crashing back.
Me, frozen on stage, the entire panel looking up at me, waiting, judging, finding me wanting even before I’ve played a note. Here, in Nice, of all places.
He said that I was a star.
He said they weren’t ready for me.
Maybe what he meant all along is that I’m not good enough for anyone.
“My angel, angela, what did I tell you? You should only ever play for me. No one else deserves you. No one else understands your talent.”
His words creep along the insides of my veins and I can’t block it out.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will quit the music program and go home. I tell myself, I promise myself.
The promise brings me relief and I pull the blanket against my face to catch the tears.
But it doesn’t stop the thoughts. I’m a failure. I’ve failed. I will never be able to face Jez again. I will never be able to tell Mommy and Daddy that I did it. I was a good girl after all.
***
“You have no one to blame but yourself, Anca. You insisted on performing without my approval, without my consent, and what happened? Do you think I tell you these things to hurt you? No! No, my girl, I tell you these things to protect you.”
I sit at my harp, hands in my lap, and all I can feel are his words filling my brain like acid.
I shouldn’t have gone against his advice. He was right.
“I thought I was good enough…” I whisper.
“But you are not. Not yet.”
“Maybe I never will be.”
“You will be if you listen to me. And only me.”
“I just want to perform. I want to share my music.”
“But only for those who deserve it, Anca. And they don’t. They will only laugh.”
He comes up and runs his hand over my head, cradling the back of my neck as I lean against him, the tears streaming down my face.
“Shhh, quiet, little one. Come away with me, and we will create our music together. Music that only we can appreciate, that only we can understand.”
“JUST WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU”RE DOING?” the door slams open and before I can react, I feel a hand wrap around my arm and yank me to my feet.
“Jez!”
He ignores me and spins around to the older man, backing away against the harp. “You stay away from her, you talentless, perverted hack!”
“JEZ!” I try to pull my arm out of his hold. He just tightens his fingers around my wrist. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Young man, I think you should leave.” The Maestro says, that voice, that voice that scratches along the inside of your brain.
“You’re not going to think I’m so young when I’m done with you,” Jez growls at him.
“Jez! Let me go!” I yell, trying to break free from his hold. What is he doing here?
“No, you’re coming with me, Anca.”
“No! I can’t…”
“Stop… for fuck’s sake, stop saying that!”
“She’s right. She can’t go with you. She’s going with me.”
“Over your dead body,” Jez hisses and he takes a step towards my teacher.
The Maestro takes a step back. I’m not surprised, Jez is tall and very intimidating. “Now, calm down. I think this is all a misunderstanding. Let’s just sit down and talk.”
“No, I think the time for listening to you talk is over. Anca. Get your things, we’re going.”
“Anca. You know what will happen if you leave with him,” the Maestro warns me. Warns me, that there’s no place for me out there.
I rip my hand away from Jez and step away from him. “He’s right. There’s no point, Jez. I’m better off here. It’ll be better for you too.”
For a moment, the hurt in his eyes almost penetrates my self-pity. But I know it really will be better for him if my troubles aren’t his.
He takes a step towards me, and this time gently takes my hand in his.
“When will you learn, nothing is better without you in it, Anca. You’re my little sister. There’s nothing more importan
t. And I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to come back for you. And that you’ve been suffering alone here with all these lies. But I’m not going to let you waste away here another minute longer. Now pick up your things, and let’s go.”
The dam in my chest breaks, and the tears flood my eyes. And for the first time in years I Iet myself hear the voice that loves me. It’s time. To go with Jez. I know it is. Jez has come to save you. Let’s go, Anca. Let’s go.
I turn to pick up my bag and reach for my harp.
“If you leave, you leave the harp as well. You don’t deserve it.” His words cut through my temporary relief like a firebrand.
“No. I… I can’t..” I turn back to Jez.
“Anca. Wait for me by the door.” He tells me. I hesitate and he smiles, and I know I’m safe. “Go.”
As I move to my escape, Jez takes a step towards the instrument, looking in the middle of the room, then with a force of rage I’ve never seen from him, I watch as he slams his hand against the wooden curve, and watch it splinter under his fist, the strings crumbling into a discordant mess.
“Jez!” I yell. The Maestro just stands there, mouth agape. He looks so much smaller than even just a moment ago. I turn back to the harp,and suddenly I feel as the crumpled strings are falling from my wrists, the broken restraints releasing me.
“Come on, Anca,” Jez says as he strides towards me, taking my hand in his. “Let’s go.”
I linger, just for a moment.
“No, don’t look back. Only forward from now on.”
I swallow, and force myself to echo his words.
“OK, Jezzy. Only forward.”
He saved me. Jez came back to save me. Just like he always said he would.
Chapter Twenty-four
Marius
Jez steps out into the hall from Anca’s room before I can pretend I wasn’t pressed up against it, listening.
“Hey, man…” I say, trying to come up with an excuse for being there.
He reaches over and slams me against the wall. It’s more the shock of it that renders me speechless than the force.
“Stay away from my sister, Marius. I mean it. I’m not going to say it again.”