by M. J. Haag
I snorted. “You mean all the other fey. And I doubt that. They’ll probably be drawn to it.”
“Still not changing my mind.”
I gave her a grateful smile.
“Thanks.”
We ate lunch together, and I felt bad that Merdon missed it. The regular cheeseburger was amazing and something I thought I wouldn’t have again.
Most of the day, we just talked. Emily ended up telling me more about the sister she’d lost, and I told her a little about mine. She already knew that Katie had been attacked by the infected, thanks to the fey rumor mill. And though I couldn’t bring myself to tell Emily about me letting go of Katie’s hand, I told her what happened later. How Katie had found me and I’d had to kill her.
We both cried, and Emily hugged me. I felt guilty about the comfort, but Emily shared the same sentiment that Merdon had.
“If you hadn’t made the choices you had, I wouldn’t be here now. I would have given up a long time ago. Maybe I’m selfish, but I think it was supposed to be you who survived, Hannah. Don’t let guilt rob you of the chance at life you’ve been given.”
As promised, Merdon returned just as Emily pulled dinner from the oven. With his perfect timing, I suspected he’d been watching us through the windows but didn’t call him out on it. How could I? I’d enjoyed every moment I’d spent hanging out with Emily even if a few of them created a deeper hurt. I now understood just how much she’d been starved for me to treat her like the sister she’d become. The sister she’d wanted me to be. I vowed I wouldn’t go back to the selfish person I’d been. That each day, I’d get a little better. For her. And for Merdon. Because even though he’d left again for all the best reasons, I’d missed him like crazy.
We ate a companionable dinner, enjoying light conversation until Emily set her fork down abruptly.
“I can’t keep pretending that you never gave your word, Merdon. If taking her out is that dangerous, don’t do it. She’s just as important to you as she is to me.”
“No. She’s—”
“All right, you two, no fighting over me. I get it. I’m important to both of you,” I tried to joke. But Emily wasn’t having any of it.
“I want your word,” she repeated.
“I swear, we will both return unharmed.”
She stared at him for a moment then left the kitchen. The soft click of her door was like a gunshot in the quiet.
“She thinks I’m not coming back,” I said.
“I know.”
I snorted at his typical answer but couldn’t truly feel any humor. Emily was scared. Something I understood all too well because I felt it too. Yet, Nancy was right. There was no more safety in staying here than there was in leaving.
My mind in turmoil, I finished my dinner and wrapped up what was left of Emily’s like she’d done for me countless times. Merdon watched me in silence. Patient but all too observant.
“Am I being stupid for wanting to go?” I asked.
“No. You are brave.”
“Not at all. I’m sticking to the one person I know wants to keep me alive. I feel safer when I’m with you.”
His gaze searched mine for a moment, then he wrapped me in his arms and smoothed his hand over my hair. Setting my cheek to his chest, I let out a shaky exhale.
“I feel safe when you’re with me, but when you hold me like this, I feel like I’m home again,” I whispered. “I don’t want to hurt Emily, but I don’t want to leave you. Any chance you’d consider just staying here tomorrow and letting Thallirin lead the group to the place where the animals are?”
The movement of his hand slowed.
“Emily will not be hurt when you leave. She will be afraid. That is her choice. Yours is to continue to live in the dark world your mind has created or to face your fears and build a better world.” He tipped my head up to meet his gaze. “I hope you face your fears, but know that I will live with you in whatever world you choose.”
I nodded slowly, understanding what he was saying. I needed to decide for us.
It weighed heavily on my mind as we went upstairs and got ready for bed. So heavily, in fact, that I didn’t realize he was sitting in his usual chair until I’d slid under the cool covers.
Rolling to my side, I looked at him. After what we’d shared in the shower, I’d assumed there’d be a continuation tonight. Had Nancy not arrived, we probably would have picked up where we’d left off immediately after the shower, given what I’d heard from the fey. When women said yes, it tended to be a green light for a sex-fest. Yet, Merdon was in his chair, calmly sitting there, watching me back.
“Why are you over there?” I asked. “Wouldn’t you rather be right here?”
I patted the empty spot beside me and didn’t miss the hunger that flooded his gaze.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Thoughts of the next day vanished as Merdon stood with a slow prowl that set my heart racing. He removed his shirt in a fluid motion and tossed it aside before reaching for the band of his pants. There, he hesitated, his gaze sweeping over my face. Whatever he saw caused him to join me under the covers without undressing further.
He pulled me close, and with a sigh, I rested my head on his shoulder. Safe and comfortable in his arms, and not as distracted as I’d hoped I would be, my worries returned.
“What are we going to do?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Even if we find animals, how are we going to continue to live? How long do solar panels and water heaters last? Eventually, what we have now will break, and we’ll be back to depending on fire for warmth. How will we get water when water pumps start to go? None of that stuff is going to last forever. What happens when we have to leave Tolerance more than we do now in order to survive? What will the next generation do? How will they feed themselves through long winters? Will they need to migrate south just to be able to continue growing things?”
His hand stroked over my hair.
“My first memory is of a soft glow in the darkness. My brothers and I didn’t know where we were. We had no food, few weapons, and almost no light. We survived in the caves with much less than what is on the surface now. We will survive again. This time, we will do so with the humans at our sides.”
His words gave me a little hope, and only further proved that I needed to face my fears and leave Tolerance. Yes, I’d left it plenty of times to cross to Tenacity, but never to gather supplies. I’d left that risk to others.
Knowing that we’d be leaving in trucks that made noise, which attracted the infected, terrified me. My hold on Merdon tightened.
“Why’d you leave your pants on?” I asked.
“I want to be your focus, not your distraction from fear.”
“I’m pretty sure I would have been very focused.”
He grunted, and I ran my fingers over his bare chest, teasing the skin as much as I was memorizing it. He let me go for a bit before he caught my hand and laid it over his rapidly beating heart.
“Go to sleep, Hannah. Dawn comes early.”
I smiled to myself, liking this version of Merdon better than the one who spanked me with no good reason. Well, not any reason I’d liked. Although, he’d been right about the sting of pain motivating me. I cringed, recalling the few times we hadn’t been on the mats and his hand had still smacked my backside. I’d earned those for being a brat. Still, I wouldn’t have acted so badly if I’d known what was going on. I’d thought he was just acting like a mean son of a—
My eyes went wide, and I lifted my head to look down at him.
“Can I ask you something without getting spanked for it?”
His eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he nodded. I almost grinned but managed to withhold it.
“I swore at you so much and called you so many names, which I’m sorry for, by the way. Mostly.”
He grunted, and I could see the hint of a smile tug at his lips before he smothered it.
“No matter what I said, you never lost your temper with
me. Except for one phrase that earned me a spanking every time. Why did ‘son of a bitch’ get me in trouble when all the others didn’t?”
“I have no memories prior to my life in the caves. None. No father. No mother. But I am someone’s son. I can endure your disrespect of me, but not my parents. That I cannot allow.”
In the dim light, I studied his serious expression and melted a little more for the man.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He tugged me down for a gentle kiss then coaxed my head to rest on his shoulder once more.
“You were hurting, Hannah. When you hurt, we will hurt together.”
With those words, I acknowledged what I’d felt for some time now. I was Merdon’s, and he was mine. Heart and soul.
I drifted off a while later, comfortable in his arms. How long I remained that way before my familiar nightmare woke me, I couldn’t be sure.
Heart racing and covered in sweat, I jerked from Merdon’s hold.
“You are safe,” he said as I looked around the room.
I nodded and put my head back on his chest even as my eyes continued to search the shadows.
“It’s like Katie’s still there, waiting for me to take it all back. To make things right,” I whispered.
He ran his hand over my arm as I continued to tremble.
“Nothing can change the past, Hannah. You know this.”
I did, and I hated it.
Lifting my head again, I looked at him in the dark.
“Can you be my distraction just for a minute?”
His hand stilled.
“And I don’t mean taking me to the basement. That’s not the distraction I want.”
I trailed my hand from his chest to his stomach, reveling in every twitch along the way. He stopped me just after I passed his navel.
“Please,” I whispered.
He growled, and a second later, I was pinned under him. This time I reveled in the feel of his weight pressing down on me even as his lips brushed the skin over my collarbone. The sensitive spot was one of the places he’d often nipped while we were on the mats. My breath quickened, and I threaded my fingers in his hair in anticipation. He didn’t disappoint. A zing shot through me at the first nip of his teeth, and I moaned. He licked the spot and moved further south, his lips caressing my skin until he reached the scooped neckline of my cami.
He lifted his head and looked down at me.
One little nibble and a trailing kiss already had me panting. Merdon was no mere distraction. He was the air I breathed.
“More,” I whispered.
He dipped his head again, bit my shirt, and tugged it low enough to expose one breast. The hot, flat stroke of his tongue set me on fire, and I let out another groan when his mouth closed over the peak.
When he pulled back, I took his face in my hands and leaned up to kiss his lips softly.
“This is me focused on you, Merdon. I will choose to face my fears tomorrow, but don’t let me do that without experiencing you. All of you. Life is fragile, and neither of us knows what will happen. Give me this. Please.”
He growled and kissed me savagely. His tongue stroked mine, each thrust imparting his need for me, and I knew this wouldn’t be sweet lovemaking. Not this time. He proved me right by grabbing the front of my cami and pulling hard. The straps bit into my shoulders before the material gave way.
Breasts fully exposed, I waited for him to end the kiss. He didn’t. He continued to consume me hungrily as his hand roved to my shorts.
I broke away.
“Wait,” I panted. “Clothes aren’t endless. Let me take them off.”
He pulled back and looked down at me. The angry light in his eyes and dilated pupils made him look feral and out of control. That didn’t bode well for my shorts.
I tried removing my hands from his hair, but he grabbed my wrists and held my hands over my head.
A knee wedged between my legs, separating them. The second joined the first. Then he settled his hips against mine. Each movement was a methodical exercise in control that heated my blood because I could see how much he was struggling.
The devil in me demanded we test him and the thick feel of his length pressed against me. Merdon read my intent in my eyes, though, because his free hands clasped my hip and stilled me before I even started.
“Do not move, Hannah.”
His rough voice abraded my senses, and I shivered with need.
He bared his teeth at my reaction and forcefully arched into my hips, giving me what I’d wanted. A whimper of pure bliss escaped me.
“You are mine. You will listen to everything I say and do nothing until I tell you. Do you understand?”
I nodded, tingling in anticipation from head to toe.
“Now and always, Hannah. In bed and out of bed. Do you understand?”
I nodded again, not caring what I was agreeing to. I was that desperate for him to touch me again.
He dipped his head and took my other breast into his mouth. I panted then squeaked when I felt the gentle scrape of his teeth.
“Quiet or I stop.”
I did my best to remain silent as he did his best to get me to make a noise again. Liquid pooled between my legs, and I ground against the hard length nestled there.
“Be still,” he warned.
It nearly killed me not to rub against him again as I lay there, throbbing with need.
“Please. Let me take my shorts off.”
“No.”
He released my hands, skimming his palm down my side and hooking his fingers into the waist of my bottoms. He tugged them down slowly, his mouth skimming from my breast to my stomach to my navel as my shorts traveled the length of my legs.
I was shaking by the time he had them off and his breath was fanning my core. He drew my right knee up to my chest, caressing my inner thigh along the way. Guiding me, he had me hold that leg then the other until I was spread wide for him.
A flash of embarrassment over the position passed quickly when his tongue caressed my soft folds and his fingers found my entrance.
“Quietly,” he whispered.
It was the only warning he gave before unraveling my existence and reshaping me into a new version of myself. A version that couldn’t imagine a world without Merdon. A version that needed his touch more than it needed its next breath.
He brought me to the brink again and again until I forgot to hold my legs and my hands roved wildly over his head. When I accidentally brushed his ear, he bit my inner thigh in warning. I almost came then.
“Please,” I begged. “Please.”
He growled and was on top of me. I tasted myself on his lips as he kissed me savagely and settled his naked weight on my hips. I didn’t have time to wonder when he’d ditched his pants before the head of his massive erection was pressing into my center. Slick from my need, my body welcomed him even as my channel stretched to accommodate his size. In and in he slid. I felt every ridge and bump stroking me, building the fire burning inside of me until he was fully seated.
He shook on top of me, and I looked up at his strained, shadowed face.
“Do not scream,” he warned.
“Why would I—”
He pulled out and thrust back in, no coaxing or patience left in him. My eyes went wide, and my mouth fell open when he filled me to the point of pain. Then he retreated again, only to return.
I gasped at the bruising force even as more heat flooded me. He growled, paused, and wrapped one of my legs around his hips to adjust my angle. The next thrust, while no less forceful, seemed to have more room. He grunted in satisfaction and proceeded to drive into me ruthlessly. I held on for dear life, letting the building pleasure in my core pulse my inner walls. He set a wild pace.
The bed squeaked and hit the wall, but I remained silent as promised. I wanted to be loud. I wanted to howl my pleasure, but I was too afraid he’d stop and rob me of what I wanted most.
I could feel him getting closer. His head swelled. His thru
sts grew shallower. My insides tightened. The first jerk of his cock inside of me set off fireworks in my body and behind my eyelids. His lips muffled my scream as I came apart in the mother of all orgasms. Then, his lurching strokes slowed when he emptied himself completely.
Heart thundering in my chest, I lay under him, completely spent and unable to move.
He claimed my lips for another slow kiss and rolled us on our sides so I was curled in his arms.
“Sleep now, Hannah.”
It was an easy command to follow.
He woke me before dawn with his hand splayed over my belly, stroking my skin.
“If there was time, I’d lick your pussy again,” he murmured in my ear, “and thrust into you until you quiver around me.”
My insides clenched.
“I like when you quiver.”
He nipped my ear.
“Do you remember your promise, Hannah?”
I blinked, trying to focus. He was doing things to my ear that no one had done before, and it was beyond distracting.
“What?” I breathed.
“You promised to listen. To do exactly what I said. Do you remember?”
I nodded, eager for round two.
“Good,” he said with a light swat on my backside. “Get up and shower. Be downstairs in five minutes. We need to leave.”
He rolled from the bed, leaving me turned on and confused.
“What?” I asked sitting up. “We have to go already?”
He paused, his heated gaze sweeping over my breasts. I let him look his fill, then reached up to caress my nipple.
“It could be fun,” I said, watching the thick length of him harden.
He considered me for a long moment and slowly shook his head.
“You are my distraction, too, Hannah, and today, I need to focus. We will have more fun when we return tonight.”
He showed his commitment to self-denial by tugging his pants back on.
“Are you going to let me make some noise then?”
“No.”
“Why do I have to be quiet?”
“It upsets Emily when you scream.”
That didn’t seem like Emily. She was more the type to either high-five me or quietly leave the house to give us privacy. She’d never begrudge me having a good time.