“Her name is Jessica Kincaid. She said she was returning your call. Sounds like a teenager to me.”
The room started to spin. Samantha clung to the edge of her oak desk.
Nick had changed his mind!
Perspiration soaked her body. She stood up, then felt so weak she had to sit down again. For thirteen years she’d been waiting for this moment. Now that it was here, she didn’t know what to say, let alone how to say it.
“I—I’ll take the call, Lori. Thank you.”
As if it had a will of its own, her hand crept to the receiver. She lifted it to her ear, then pressed line two to connect them.
“Hello, Jessica?”
“Hi.” The female voice sounded young and tentative.
“Hi, yourself.” Emotion had practically closed off Samantha’s windpipe. “After all these years, I can’t believe I’m talking to my own daughter.”
“I can’t believe it, either.”
Samantha’s body started to shake and couldn’t stop. “When you were born, your father told me you had red hair.”
“Yup. And blue eyes. A long time ago Dad gave me a picture of you. We look a lot alike.”
My darling girl. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I would give anything in the world to meet you in person.”
“Me, too.”
“Honestly?”
“Yes.”
Maybe she’d given birth to Jessica, but there was no doubt the girl was Nick’s child. Samantha could hear it in the mature, forthright manner she had of expressing herself.
He had probably told Jessica about the cancer. It was possible her daughter had only made this phone call out of a mixture of obligation and pity. If that was true, so be it—Samantha was through second-guessing feelings or motives. His unselfish goodness had brought about this miraculous exchange. She would consider whatever happened from here on out a blessing she didn’t deserve.
“I understand you live in Grand Teton National Park. I could come there if you’d like.”
“How soon?”
The rapid-fire question thrilled her. “As soon as your parents say it’s all right.”
After a slight pause Jessica said, “There’s only Dad and me.”
“Oh.” Once again Samantha’s world reeled.
“Do I have any half brothers or sisters?” her daughter asked in a quiet voice.
“No. Only you. I never married.”
After a silence, she asked. “Are my grandparents still alive?”
Tears stung Samantha’s eyes. “Yes. And a great-grandma and great-grandpa who are both in their early nineties.”
“Dad’s parents died when he was a little boy.” With that comment her daughter had just discreetly steered the conversation back to her life and Nick’s.
“I know.” Samantha had to clear her throat. “How is your great-uncle Willard?” The older brother of Nick’s father had been a widower by the time Samantha met him. He’d raised Nick along with his own children after Nick’s parents had been killed in a fatal car accident.
“He died of cancer when I was eight.”
Samantha’s body shuddered at the news. The fact that her daughter hadn’t hesitated to give her that information led Samantha to believe Nick hadn’t told his daughter about her illness. But she couldn’t be positive about that.
“I’m so sorry. He was a terrific man.” No doubt he’d helped Nick to hire an attorney to make certain he retained full custody of Jessica.
“I loved him! Dad and I go to Gillette on the holidays to visit his cousins and their kids.” Another silence ensued before she asked, “Have you ever been to the Tetons?”
“No, but I’ve always wanted to see them. I bet you think you live in the greatest place on earth.”
“We do!” Her enthusiasm fairly leaped through the phone line. “Where do you live?”
“In Coeur D’Alene. That’s in northern Idaho. It’s French for Alene’s heart.”
“That’s pretty. Do you have a house?”
“No. A condo.”
“What kind of job do you do?”
“I’m an attorney.”
“Whoa.” Her daughter made a sound of surprise, provoking a chuckle from Samantha.
“Are you in eighth or ninth grade?”
“Ninth.”
“Do they have a high school in the park?”
“No, we’re bused to Jackson. It’s about a half hour from Moose.”
“I see. Do you like school?” Samantha wanted to know anything and everything about this fabulous child of hers. She couldn’t get the questions out fast enough.
“I love it.”
“I did, too. What’s your favorite subject?”
“Science and math. What was yours?”
“Science and math.”
They laughed at the same time before Samantha said, “Your father was brilliant in both.”
“I know. He’s so smart he makes me sick.”
There was a wealth of personal information she could tell her daughter about Nick, but she didn’t dare. Not yet. Depending on a variety of factors, maybe not ever.
“Your dad’s views on the preservation of nature in the wilds had such a great influence on me, it’s the reason I work for the Idaho National Wildlife Federation today.”
“That’s so cool!”
It killed Samantha to think of bringing this conversation to a close, but she had an idea Nick was close by, waiting for her to get off the phone. He wouldn’t appreciate it if she took advantage of the situation.
“Jessica? Why don’t you have a talk with your father and decide when would be the best time for me to visit.”
“Okay,” she said in a wistful tone, as if she didn’t want the call to end, either.
The problem was, Samantha was flying blind here. This was the first contact she’d had with her daughter, and she didn’t want to push too hard at this precarious stage.
“I could come to Jackson and stay overnight at one of the lodges. Maybe you would meet me for dinner. How does that sound?”
“I’ll check with Dad, then call you later. Oh—you probably won’t be at work then. Do you have a cell phone?”
“Yes. If you’ve got a pen, I’ll give you the number.”
“Just a sec and I’ll get one.” By the time her daughter came back on the line, Samantha’s face was bathed in moisture. “Okay. What is it?”
Once she’d given her the information Sam said, “I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”
“Don’t turn off your phone.”
No, darling, I won’t. “I’ll leave it on.”
“Good. Sometimes Dad forgets. Bye for now.”
“Bye.”
Before Samantha broke down completely, she punched in Marilyn’s cell phone number. To her chagrin she got her voice mail.
“Marilyn? It’s Samantha. I spoke to my daughter for the first time a few minutes ago! She’s so wonderful I don’t know where to begin. Call me back as soon as you can. I’m going to die if I can’t talk to you.”
WHEN NICK DROVE IN the garage at six, Jessica was waiting for him in the doorway leading to the kitchen. The fact that she came running around to the driver’s side of the truck meant she had made contact with Sam. The excitement in her eyes blinded him.
She opened his door before he could. “I just got off the phone with my mother.”
Nick drew in a sharp breath. He’d hoped she would have waited until he arrived home, but it was too much to expect.
Sam had only left a work phone number with Mindy. Nick’s daughter had been forced to suffer through the whole weekend, then put in a full school day before making the most important phone call of her life.
“That must have been an amazing experience.”
Her nod caused the red-gold curls to bounce. “At first I was really nervous.”
“And now?”
“She was easy to talk to, like Leslie.”
His body quaked. Putting Sam on a par with Leslie Gallagher was hig
h praise for someone his daughter hadn’t even met yet.
“When I told her I wanted to meet her, she said she would fly to Jackson and stay at one of the lodges so we could have dinner together. Would that be okay with you?”
Nick felt relief Sam had suggested a meeting on neutral ground. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“When should she come?”
“Not on a school night.” Though he was aware both mother and daughter were anxious, Jessica had to be his first priority. The emotions already building would drain her in ways she couldn’t possibly anticipate.
“How about this Friday? I’m supposed to baby-sit Logan, but I’ll call his mom and tell her I can’t come.”
Friday—that was only four days away. He broke out in a cold sweat. “If she can come that soon, it’s fine with me.” Better to get this over with right away.
“She’s never been here before. Which lodge should she stay at?”
Trust his little nurturer to be worried about her mother’s accommodations.
“I’m sure she’ll be coming with her husband. Let’s let them take care of those details.”
“She doesn’t have a husband, Dad. She said she never got married.”
Not married?
“Dad?”
He took a steadying breath. “In that case the Elk Inn is comfortable and has a good restaurant,” he muttered.
It sat on the outskirts of town, where they’d be less likely to run into people Nick knew. For thirteen years he’d kept his past private. That was the way he intended things to stay. Two redheads at one table would be a dead giveaway.
The uncomfortable thought that Sam might have lost her glorious flame-colored locks tugged at him. He had no idea what physical shape she was in, after her fight with cancer.
Obviously she wasn’t too weak from the chemo or she wouldn’t be able to fly here. Nevertheless, that didn’t preclude the possibility of her arriving in a wheelchair, wearing a hat or a wig.
Though she’d told him the cancer was in remission, the fact that her voluptuous body had come close to death at the age of thirty-one was still anathema to him. His thoughts flicked to her parents.
Though he’d never had any reason to like them, there was no question they adored their daughter. Being a parent himself, he realized they had to have been grief-stricken when they’d first learned about her illness. The joy they must be feeling now to learn it was in remission would be indescribable.
“Dad?”
Once again his daughter’s voice brought him back from his torturous thoughts. “Yes, honey?”
“I was asking if we could pay for her room. I’ll give you my baby-sitting money.”
Bewildered by her question, he said, “Why would you be concerned about that?”
“Since she’s never been married, I thought it would be a nice thing to do. She lives alone in a condo.”
To hide the shocks his daughter kept giving him, Nick levered himself from the truck.
While he was reaching for his carrying case in the back he said, “Since she’s the one who phoned you and made plans to come, I think it best to let her handle her own arrangements.” His daughter’s protective instincts were working overtime, the very thing he’d hoped to prevent.
“Okay.”
Jessica followed him through the modest ranch-style house to the third bedroom, which he’d turned into a lab a long time ago. He set his case on the floor.
“Guess what? Math and science were her favorite subjects in high school, too.”
“Your mother had a brilliant mind. So brilliant, in fact, she took college classes while she was still in high school.”
“She said you were brilliant, too.”
Nick grimaced, not wanting to hear any more. Talking about Sam made it feel like yesterday, but in reality thirteen years had gone by. She still wasn’t married?
“Will it be all right if I phone her now and tell her to come on Friday? Dad?” she prodded.
He jerked his head around and nodded. “Go ahead while I shower, then we’ll fix dinner.”
His daughter remained in place. She gazed at him with soulful eyes. “Do you really feel okay about my seeing her?”
“Of course.”
“Even if you didn’t, you wouldn’t tell me. Leslie was right. You and Pierce always act tough no matter what.”
He reached for her and wrapped her in his arms. “It’s not an act, honey. You have every right in the world to see your mother now that she has decided she wants to meet you.
“I lost my parents when I was very young, but I have memories of them. Now you’ll have a memory, too. It’s important, so stop worrying about my feelings.”
She raised up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Dad. I love you.”
“I love you.”
“Oh…” She paused in the doorway. “Guess what? I found out she’s an attorney.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Nick acknowledged. “Her father’s a very well-known, wealthy corporate lawyer in Denver. After she graduated from Harvard, I’m sure she went to work in his firm.”
After his daughter’s eyes widened at that unexpected piece of information, she said, “No, she didn’t. She works for the Idaho National Wildlife Federation in Coeur D’Alene. And guess what else? She says you’re the reason why.”
SAMANTHA TIPPED THE LIMO driver, who’d carried her suitcase to the front desk of the lodge.
“Hi!” said the friendly female receptionist. “Welcome to the Elk Inn.”
“Thank you. I made a reservation for Samantha Bretton.”
“Let me look it up on the computer. Have you ever been to Jackson Hole before?”
“No, but I’ve heard about it all my life. The area is more breathtaking than I had imagined.”
“I know what you mean. We’ve had bad weather all week, but today it cleared. You flew in at the right time. There’s no sight like the snow-capped Tetons from the air just before the sun goes down.”
“The mountains are incredible.”
More than ever she could understand her daughter’s excited outburst about living in the greatest place on earth. Nick had been working here eight years. They’d already experienced so much of life in this beautiful part of the world without Samantha being a part of it. Pain pierced her heart.
“Found it. If you’ll sign the register, I’ll get your key.”
Samantha filled it out and gave her a credit card. The receptionist handed her some brochures, then directed her to the hall on the right. “Enjoy your stay.”
If only the receptionist knew what this visit was all about.
Since Samantha only intended to be here for one night, she’d packed everything she would need in a small, easy-to-carry suitcase. Halfway down the corridor she found her room and let herself inside.
Once she’d hung up the clothes she planned to wear to dinner, she lay down on the queen-size bed, which had called to her the minute she’d locked the door behind her.
Physically, her stamina was pretty good. She owed it to the strict routine of exercises and meditation she followed when she was away from her qigong class. Obviously the fatigue she was experiencing right now had everything to do with her emotional state.
She was scared. In fact, terrified was more like it.
Though a person’s voice might not change over the years, Samantha was certain there’d been plenty of changes in Nick’s life—and in her own. Like the fact that she was no longer the barely eighteen-year-old mother Nick remembered from his visit to her hospital room.
That girl was gone.
What he would think of her now, she couldn’t imagine. When Samantha looked at herself in the mirror, all objectivity left her.
Marilyn insisted Nick would see a beautiful redhead who looked to be in her late twenties. If he were really observant, he would detect her suffering in the fine lines around her eyes and her weight loss in the faint hollows of her cheeks. Ah, the lies of a good friend…Samantha loved Ma
rilyn for it.
Her gaze drifted to the black suit she’d bought. From junior high to the advent of cancer, she’d stayed five feet four and had always worn a size ten. Though still the same height, she now fit into a size four and could buy the styles she liked at Ann Taylor.
The blouse she’d purchased to go with the suit was an oyster-pink with white trim on the lapels and wrist cuffs. She hadn’t thought the color would go well with her hair until she’d tried it on. Even before all three salesgirls raved that the outfit was made for her, she’d felt it suited her.
Never in her life had she cared so much about the way she looked. Not just for Nick, but for her daughter. If this was the only night they would have together, she was desperate to appear at her best despite the illness that had ravaged her body for more than a year.
Samantha had told Jessica she would meet them in the lobby of the inn at six-thirty. That gave her an hour to rest before she had to shower and get ready. Succumbing to a sudden lack of energy, she closed her eyes with two prayers on her lips.
Let Jessica like me a little bit.
Don’t let Nick completely despise me for what I’ve done.
NICK LEFT HIS OFFICE to find Pierce. He didn’t have to go far. His friend was walking down the hall toward him at a fast clip.
It was after five and the receptionist had already gone home. On Friday nights headquarters emptied fast before the skeletal night crew arrived.
“How about a beer before you and Jessica have to leave for Jackson?”
“Do I look like I need one?”
Pierce flashed him a penetrating gaze. “The truth?”
“Always.”
“I’d say you’re a candidate for a bottle of Jack Daniels.”
“Don’t think I haven’t thought about it.”
“No matter how late it is when you get back, Leslie and I will be up if you want to talk. Don’t bother to phone. Just pull in the driveway and I’ll hear you. Jess can sleep on the other twin bed in Cory’s room.”
“Thanks, Pierce. I just might take you up on your offer.”
His friend nodded. “What’s the verdict on the cutthroat?”
To Be a Mother Page 4