by Marta Perry
“No.” He took a step back. “I’m sorry, Violet.” His voice cracked. “I know you mean well, but I can’t do it. Please, forget that idea. Okay?”
There was so much pain in his eyes that she hated herself for having brought it up. “Of course. I’m sorry, Landon.”
“It’s all right.” He forced a smile. “We’d better get back to work.”
Chapter Fourteen
Maddie glanced at her watch as they got into the car after their fourth nursing center visit on Saturday afternoon. “I think we’d better call it a day. By the time we get home we’ll need to get ready for Teen Scene.”
Maddie sounded as down as Violet felt.
“You’re right, I guess.” She slid into the passenger seat, and Maddie backed out of the lot and headed down the main road.
Violet rubbed her forehead. Good thing Maddie had volunteered to drive on this excursion. As down as she was feeling, she might have run them right off the road.
“Discouraged?” Maddie glanced at her.
“Very. I didn’t realize it would be so hard just to find a place that had room for Mom. Let alone one that we like and that has the facilities she needs.”
“There are still a few left on our list.” Maddie was trying to sound upbeat. “We’ll find the right one. I’m sure of it.”
“You know, I might have envisioned needing to do this nursing facility search sometime in the very distant future. I sure never thought I’d be doing it at this stage of the game.” Violet rubbed her temples again. “And the costs—I had no idea. Of course, Mom didn’t think of having insurance that would cover nursing care. She’s still a young woman. Why would she?”
“Nobody wants to consider all those somber possibilities,” Maddie said. “That’s only human nature. But don’t worry about the costs. If we find the right place, we’ll grab it, regardless of cost. I know Dad will want to help. He’ll want her to have the best.”
Violet nodded, but in her heart she wondered. They still had no idea what had caused their parents to take such drastic action in splitting them up. Maybe Brian Wallace wouldn’t be so eager to rush to his ex-wife’s aid.
Had Belle and Brian even been married? They’d been assuming so, based on the original birth certificate for Maddie that Landon’s researcher had found. But that was one of the things they still didn’t know for sure.
She didn’t want to say that to Maddie. One problem was enough at a time. Now they had to find the right place for their mom.
“What about that nursing home next to the clinic in Grasslands? I notice you didn’t have it on the list to visit today.” Maddie frowned, concentrating on passing a pickup pulling a horse trailer.
“We can stop in there on Monday. It’s a nice place—very clean and homelike, and convenient to the clinic right next door. But it’s so small. Most of the patients are there because they’re elderly and can’t take care of themselves anymore, without family that can help. I thought one of the bigger places would be more likely to have the kind of therapy Mom needs.”
“Maybe we’re not going to find the perfect place.” Maddie sighed with resignation. “We’ll just have to figure we’ll make up for whatever is missing. We can always bring in a therapist to work with her if need be.”
“That’s what Landon said.” Her thoughts shifted to Landon—something they did too frequently these days.
“Speaking of Landon, I gathered you didn’t want me to say anything to Jack about your romance.” A smile tugged at Maddie’s lips.
“It’s not a romance,” she protested. “Or at least—well, maybe it could be, but everything’s so complicated right now. Can you imagine trying to explain to Jack that Landon used to be engaged to you and now he’s paying attention to me?” Her head spun at the thought.
Maddie chuckled. “He’d probably head for the horsewhip.” She reached across to touch Violet’s arm in a comforting gesture. “Sorry. I’m just kidding. Don’t listen to me. And don’t worry about Jack. Your love life isn’t his business, anyway. And Landon can take care of himself.”
Those words started a train of thought that Violet didn’t welcome. Landon could take care of himself under almost any circumstances, she felt sure of that. He was strong and confident, a man of solid faith and character.
Except in one particular area of his life. His response to her suggestion that he talk to the kids about drunk driving had shown her only too clearly that he hadn’t dealt with his sister’s death at all.
Or more likely, it was his guilt about her death that he hadn’t dealt with.
Landon was a man with an overly developed sense of responsibility. Normally she’d find that admirable. But in this case, she suspected it was crippling him.
* * *
Landon made a final check of the restrooms, being sure everything was in order, and walked back through the games room. Funny how this place had become so familiar to him in such a short time. He almost felt as if he belonged here, though the contrast couldn’t be greater to the huge church he attended in Fort Worth.
Violet was in the games room, although he couldn’t see her face, since she seemed to be looking at something underneath the Ping-Pong table.
“What are you doing?”
She got up quickly, narrowly missing bumping her head. “Landon, I didn’t know you were here already. I was just making sure the brackets were secure. In theory there’s nothing on this table but the net. But I can’t tell you how often I’ve found kids sitting, leaning, or climbing on it.”
“And are they? The brackets, I mean.” He moved closer, smiling at her. Her face was flushed from bending under the table, and her hair was escaping from its ponytail. She looked adorable.
“They’re fine.” She gave the table a little shake. “All is well here, and everywhere else. Maddie’s dealing with the kitchen, and aside from the smell of fresh paint, it’s ready to go.”
“Good.” He glanced at his watch and saw that they had a few minutes before the other volunteers started arriving. “How did the nursing home search go today?”
Her expressive face told him, even before she put it in words. “Nothing good enough yet. But we’re not giving up. Maddie and I will hit every care facility in the county if we have to. We’re going to find it.” Those deep brown eyes seemed to darken with worry. “I just wish Jack would get involved. I know he hates to think of Mom sick, but…” She hesitated. “Well, he’s my big brother. I know I’ve always complained because he treated me like a baby, but this is one instance where I’d like to see him taking the lead.”
The annoyance Landon had felt over Jack’s behavior bubbled up again. “Big brothers are supposed to take the lead.” The words came out more harshly than he’d intended. “That’s their responsibility.”
Violet looked at him, her eyes startled and a little wary at his tone, and he was angry with himself for putting that look on her face.
“Jack’s always been good at watching out for me,” she said. Naturally she’d defend him. “He just feels so guilty over his quarrel with Mom. He can’t help but think that had something to do with her accident.”
Landon discovered that he was gritting his teeth to keep from saying what he thought about Jack’s actions. Suddenly, he couldn’t do it any longer.
“I don’t care how you dress it up, Jack’s behavior is selfish. He’s let you deal with everything while he wallows in his guilt. You shouldn’t make excuses for him.”
“Wallows?” Violet’s voice rose, and the concern in her face turned to anger. “I don’t think you have room to criticize Jack for his actions.”
“What do you mean? I’m not like Jack.” He rejected that idea quickly.
“Aren’t you?” Violet planted her hands on her hips. “You’ve done the very same thing. You’ve blamed yourself for your sister’s death, never giving a thought to all the other people who shared responsibility for what happened. You’ve let your guilt affect the rest of your life, even planning to settle for a marriage wi
thout love, and…”
She stopped abruptly, looking horrified at herself. Probably knowing she’d gone too far.
Landon’s heated anger turned cold. He could almost taste the bitterness on his tongue. He’d been fool enough to tell Violet things about himself that he’d never told anyone else, and at the first opportunity, she’d used that knowledge to betray him.
“Landon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…I shouldn’t have…”
Violet was holding out her hand to him, but he turned away. He couldn’t stay here any longer.
Heedless of her words, he stalked out.
* * *
Violet stood there, gripping the table with both hands. What had she done?
She’d let her shaky emotions get the better of her, said things she shouldn’t have, and now Landon was gone.
She took a deep breath, then another, reaching out in silent prayer for strength and clarity. She shouldn’t have thrown his own actions back at Landon that way.
But at heart, she knew what she’d said was true. Landon had let his guilt over his sister’s death affect every other aspect of his life. Unless he could manage to forgive himself, how could he ever have a deep relationship with anyone?
He couldn’t. And after what she’d done, even if he could, it would never be with her.
Now that their relationship was broken beyond repair, she knew just how much she’d grown to love him. She pressed her hand against her heart, trying to deny the pain.
“Violet?” Maddie came in from the kitchen. “What’s going on? The volunteers are starting to come in. Where’s Landon? I thought he was in here.”
Violet blinked rapidly. She wanted to collapse in tears or crawl into a hole and stay there, but she couldn’t do either. She had a job to do. No matter how much she hurt, she had to go on.
“We had a quarrel,” she said, the words blunt because she had to get them out quickly. “He left.”
Maddie reached out to her, obviously wanting to comfort her but probably not knowing how. “What did—” She stopped, cleared her throat, started again. “You don’t want to talk about it now. We’ll talk later. Listen, if you’d like to go home, we have enough people here to help.”
Violet shook her head, knowing she couldn’t do that, but loving Maddie for offering. “No, it’s all right. I’ll be better off here.”
“Okay.” Maddie’s expression was troubled. “But if you change your mind, just let me know.”
“I won’t.” She managed a smile.
Maddie patted her hand. “Everybody quarrels. Don’t take it too seriously. Landon will probably be back, ready to make up before you know it.”
She nodded, because it was easier to agree than to say what she knew to be the truth. Her relationship with Landon was over before it had a chance to begin. Now she’d have to learn to live without him.
Chapter Fifteen
They’d had more youths than ever at Teen Scene tonight. That surprised Violet. Were they all coming out as a show of support? If so, perhaps the vandals had actually done them more good than harm.
Like Joseph in the Old Testament, telling the brothers who had sold him into slavery in Egypt that though they had meant their action for evil, God had used it for good.
Sometimes it was hard to see God working in a difficult situation…like Belle’s injury. So she was glad to be able to rejoice in this one, at least.
A few kids were starting to filter out the door as the clock counted down the time to closing. Headlights from parents’ cars passed the windows as rides home appeared to collect the teens.
Violet had managed to keep thoughts of Landon at bay by staying busy, but soon she’d have nothing to do but think and regret.
Violet glanced into the kitchen to see that Maddie and her helper were just about finished clearing up. They’d stopped serving food a half hour before closing, so the kitchen volunteers wouldn’t get stuck with cleanup after everyone else had left.
Maddie saw her and waved. Then she came over, scanning Violet’s face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m holding up,” she said, grateful for the concern. “We had a great turnout tonight.”
“Yes. Too bad Landon didn’t stick around to see it.” Maddie’s annoyance with him showed in her voice. “The kids really cleaned us out in the kitchen. Why are they always so hungry?”
“It’s the natural state of teenagers,” Violet said, trying for a show of cheerfulness she didn’t feel. She glanced toward the outside door and frowned. “That’s Tracey’s father coming in. I wonder why.”
She started toward them, seeing Tracey’s dad scan the small group of kids who were still playing basketball. Then his look seemed to move on to the knots of chattering girls on the gym balcony. Concern deepened on his face. Obviously, Tracey must not have been ready for pickup at the appropriate time.
She grabbed Maddie’s arm. “Look over there—the man in the denim jacket. That’s Bob Benton, Tracey’s father. Will you tell him I’ll go find Tracey and send her out?”
“Sure thing. I’m done here.” Maddie waved thanks to her helper and started toward the door.
Violet walked back through the games room, vaguely anxious. It wouldn’t be the first time that a parent, tired of waiting, had come in to haul a kid out, but Tracey wasn’t careless about things like being where she was supposed to be. If anything, she was overly conscientious, maybe because she was worried about her family. Still, there was a first time for everything, so the saying went.
Violet had been able to find some reassuring information for the girl after she'd confided her worry about being taken back to Mexico by her mother. Still, the attorney she’d talked to had said it wasn’t very clear-cut, especially if a parent left the country with a child and then refused to return. At this point, all Violet could do about the situation was pray and try to be available if and when Tracey wanted to talk.
Tracey wasn’t in the games room. Reminding the kids who were still playing that it was time to wind things up, Violet crossed into the social room, but it was empty already.
Worry edging along her nerves, Violet looked in the restroom and the adjoining hallway. Empty.
She went back through, automatically checking the other doors, but all seemed as it should be. They had to have more than one exit available, of course, in case of emergency, but the kids knew they were not to go up through the church for any reason, and she hadn’t heard the bell that would sound when that door was opened.
She checked the rooms again as she walked back through, her concern growing. By the time she reached Bob Benton, it had reached the level of worry.
Maddie, standing with Tracey’s father, turned to her as she approached. “Mr. Benton says Tracey was supposed to meet him at quarter ’til in the parking lot, but she never came.”
Violet faced the man, a rough-hewn cowboy type who wore a worried frown at the moment. “Is it possible that Tracey could have misunderstood something about the arrangements, Mr. Benton? Maybe thought she was supposed to ride home with someone else?”
He shook his head. “I always pick her up. Are you telling me she’s not here?”
“I’ve checked all the rooms, but let’s not panic. We’ll look again, but the first thing to do is see when she checked out.” She turned to Harriet, who had been manning the door.
But the older woman was shaking her head already. “I’ve been over the list a dozen times already, Vi. I’ve got her checking in at seven-ten, and nothing afterward.”
“Maybe you missed her,” Bob said.
Harriet might have been offended at the suggestion, but her face softened in sympathy when she looked at him. “I couldn’t have, and that’s the truth of it,” she said. “I haven’t left my post for a second in the past hour.”
“And I saw her more recently than that,” Maddie put in. “She came to the pass-through for a soda, and we chatted a few minutes.”
Violet thought about the conversation she’d had with the board in regard to handl
ing just such an emergency. The possibility had seemed so remote then. Now she was glad they’d put policies in place.
“Harriet, call Pastor Jeb. And nobody leaves until you’ve talked to them in detail about when they last saw Tracey Benton. Those who remember seeing her should wait here in the gym until we have a chance to talk to them. If any parents are upset by that—”
“I’ll deal with them.” Harriet’s expression was grim, and Violet knew no one would get past her.
“Maddie, Bob, we’ll start working our way back through the rooms. Check every place, and ask all the kids who are still here if they remember seeing her and who they saw her with. It’s always possible she slipped out somehow to go home with a friend.” That was the most reassuring thing she could think of to say.
Maddie and Bob Benton nodded, and they split up to work their way from one kid to another in the gym. Leaving the gym to them, Violet went on into the kitchen. Nobody was there, but she checked the pantry just the same. An upset teenage girl might look for a secret spot to cry.
There was nothing in the pantry but brooms and the usual paper supplies. Frustrated, she took another look around and headed back to the games room. She hadn’t thought to check the tiny office area, and she should.
Ten minutes later, Violet was no further along than she had been. She went back to rejoin Harriet at the door. As she entered the gym, she saw the other adult volunteers questioning kids. When Violet reached Harriet’s table, Pastor Jeb was coming in, with Landon right behind him.
Her heart thudded uncomfortably, but she forced herself to walk toward them. “Pastor Jeb, I’m glad you’re here.” She nodded toward Landon.
“Maddie called me,” Landon said shortly. “She knew I’d want to know. Any news?”
“Nothing. I just don’t understand how Tracey could get out of the center without our knowing.”
She glimpsed movement from the corner of her eye and realized it was one of the boys Landon had played basketball with. He was looking at Landon, and something in his face told her he wanted to speak to him, but the kid backed away when he saw her watching him.