She rolled her eyes and let out a long sigh. “Cheyenne, I’ve heard it all before. I mean, I fuck with Scorpio as a means to an end. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. You think I don’t know his history? I’m not trying to marry the nigga. He got fifty-eleven women out here in CI. But right now, this nigga is keeping clothes on my black-ass back. I ain’t got nobody doing shit for me. I mean, look, I’m damn near living with y’all because Peaches’ fucked-up ass ain’t never did shit for me. Scorpio gives up the loot. I give up the ass and we got an understanding,” Kelsi told me.
I guessed that was as honest as she could be. Kelsi was already known around our way for being a gold-digger and a user. We were the complete opposite when it came to that. Cheyenne Turner wasn’t depending on a man for shit. I saw where that had gotten my mother.
“Well, why don’t you do me a favor? Tell Scorpio to leave my baby brother alone. Tell him don’t let Li’l Kev work for him or fuck with that business at all. I don’t think my mother can take my brother getting knocked. She already suffered twelve years of heartbreak with my father,” I said seriously, my voice trailing off.
It had already been twelve long, hard years since my father’s arrest. Life had surely not played out the way I thought it would’ve back when I was nine years old.
“You think I haven’t already tried that? Li’l Kev is far gone in that shit, Cheyenne. Believe me, my ear is to the street. He got his own thing going on and ain’t nobody gonna stop that. Scorpio acting like Li’l Kev daddy now, teaching him the ropes, protecting him, and, most of all, influencing him,” Kelsi said solemnly.
Hearing that shit broke my heart. We had a father. Absent or not, Li’l Kev didn’t need no two-bit drug dealer acting as his father. An ominous feeling came over me. Nothing good could come of my brother being in the game. Nothing good at all.
“Surprise!” I almost jumped out of my skin when I walked into the Carey Garden’s community center. My cheeks flamed over and my heart thundered with excitement. There were so many people huddled together. I didn’t even know what to say or do at that moment. I was frozen, mouth and eyes wide.
“Aha! We got you!” Kelsi yelled as she ran straight into me with a big bear hug, breaking up the awkward moment.
“Surprise, baby girl!” my mother yelled, grabbing me and kissing me on my cheek. Everyone in the room starting laughing, talking, and cheering me on.
“Oh my God! I can’t believe y’all got me so good. I really thought I was coming here for Tanya’s baby shower,” I replied, red faced. The crowd laughed. Cell phones were everywhere snapping pictures and video of me.
“Yo! You are so hard to surprise. You are mad nosey! All day you kept asking me where I was going, what I was doing, why I’m not coming with you to get your hair done. Then caught a attitude because I wouldn’t tell you! Damn! You are one nosey-ass chick!” Kelsi complained jokingly. Ha! She was right. I thought she was brushing me off all day so she could be with Scorpio’s dirty ass.
“Yes, Lawd! Hiding stuff from you is almost impossible. I had to keep everything for the party hidden in the nurses’ lounge at the hospital,” my mother followed up.
I gave my mother another big hug. She could never know how much I appreciated her.
“Well y’all both know I am a investigator on the low. Neither one of y’all can do anything without me so this was totally a surprise. Y’all did real good hiding this one from me,” I joked. I was over-the-moon happy. I loved my mother and Kelsi so much.
It was definitely a party. The entire neighborhood was there. Even Ms. Lula, who had gotten so fat over the years it was hard for her to get out of her apartment, was there shaking her cane to the music. Some of my high school and college friends were there too. I couldn’t believe my mother and Kelsi had pulled it off without me even having an inkling something was going on.
“What up, sis? Congrats on graduating and happy birthday,” Li’l Kev said dryly as he gave me a quick tap hug. He acted like he was embarrassed to hug his own sister. I noticed he had about six dudes with him. I guessed they were supposed to be his thug entourage. Yeah, right. He was my baby brother. Period.
“Thanks, baby bro. But, you know we need to talk, right?” I said to him seriously.
He had not been home in three days. He had not been listening to my mother at all. My mother and me had been worried sick over him. I was glad to see him there safe and sound, but I intended on giving him more than just a piece of my mind when we were alone.
“Nah, we ain’t gotta talk. I’m a man. I’m a’ight. Enjoy your party . . . nerd,” Li’l Kev said, trying to make light of the situation.
I saw the strain on my mother’s face as she watched our interaction. For her sake, I dropped the subject. For the time being.
The music was pumping. My mother had gone all out on the food. The decorations were beautiful. Everything was gold and purple. My mother always said those two colors together reminded her of royalty.
I was making my rounds, saying hello to all of my friends, when the music suddenly stopped. We all turned to see what had happened. I mean, stopping the music at a hood party was like keeping the earth from rotating. I saw my mother standing next to the DJ setup.
“Hello! Hello! Can I have everyone’s attention please,” my mother said into the DJ’s microphone.
We were all facing her. The room got quiet. I looked at my mother and she still had it. All of the years of hard work and sleepless nights had done little to her beautiful face. Of course she had gained a few pounds, women do as they age, but she still had a nice stomach, legs, and round hips.
“Today is a very special day for me, my family, and especially for my daughter. I don’t think God could have blessed me with a better daughter. Cheyenne, you are kind, smart, beautiful, and all a mother could ask for in a daughter and best friend. I am very proud of you. We have been though a lot as a family but you never left my side.” My mother choked out her words. I was already crying.
Kelsi swiped at her face trying to make sure no one saw her tears. Li’l Kev rolled his eyes and put his head down. He was trying to hide his emotions too.
“I wanted to give you this party as your coming out. You are a woman now. There are things you will learn as you get older. I will be here for you through it all. So, with that said, I wanted your twenty-first birthday to be more memorable than you could’ve ever imagined. I have one more surprise for you,” my mother said behind the bright smile that danced on her face.
Hushed murmurs immediately spread over the crowd like a wave. I could hear some people whispering, “She’s gonna get a car,” and “Maybe it’s the keys to a new condo.”
My eyebrows were raised into arches. My mother had done enough for me. She had paid for my entire college education, books, food, clothes, and everything. She had told me I did not have to work while I went to school. I knew that had taken a financial toll on her. I’d watched her work overtime shifts, come home, get five hours of sleep, and head right back to work. All for me and Li’l Kev. I just couldn’t imagine her giving me much more.
“Cheyenne, for years I have wanted to give you this gift. I prayed and I prayed about it. Well, today, I can finally give it to you. Come on in!” my mother yelled into the microphone excitedly.
My face crumpled in confusion. We all watched as the door at the right of where the DJ was set up opened slowly. The room was pin-drop quiet. Then loud cheers, yells, ohhhs, and ahhs erupted in the room.
My eyes flew open as wide they could go. I felt hot all over my body. My stomach curled into a knot. Tears sprang to my eyes.
“Oh my God! It’s Big K! Big K!” Kelsi was the first one to acknowledge him verbally. She dashed for him and ran into him for a hug.
He smiled and returned her embrace, but he never took his eyes off of me.
I couldn’t move. My feet were rooted to the floor. My mouth was suddenly cotton-ball dry. I hadn’t laid eyes on my father in the six years since I’d stopped going to the visits.
He was the same, but different. I tried to remember the last time I’d seen him, but my mind drew a blank. I was blinking rapidly, but I could tell I was crying. His silhouette was blurry as the tears obscured my vision. I put my hand over my chest; my heart was racing painfully against my chest bone. I was choking on my own breath now. Daddy? Is that really you? My daddy? I was saying in my head, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Congratulations, baby girl,” my father said, his voice just as deep and soothing as I remembered it. He grabbed me and pulled me into him.
I finally took enough air into my lungs to keep myself from passing out. I swallowed the tennis-ball-sized lump that was lodged in my throat. I didn’t know what to say to him or how to react toward him.
“Daddy,” I finally croaked out breathlessly.
My father kissed the top of my head and squeezed me harder with his huge, muscular arms. He was bigger than I ever remembered him being. He also had a full beard. I could feel the beard hairs on my head.
“Yes, baby girl. It’s your daddy. I’m home. I’m finally home,” he said. I could tell he was crying too. “I’ve missed you so much. You’re so beautiful. I’m so proud of you,” my father spoke into my ear.
I inhaled his scent and silently thanked God he was back. When he finally let me go, he wiped away his tears and mine. He held me out in front of him and took a good look at me.
“Wow! What a lucky man I am to have such a beautiful baby girl,” he huffed, like his breath had been taken away. I smiled. He still had some of the qualities I remembered.
“Where’s my little man at?” he asked me, scanning around for Li’l Kev.
The crowd opened up so my father could go embrace his son. Li’l Kev was standing with his little crew talking like nothing was going on. He acted like his father being home didn’t faze him one bit. Li’l Kev’s face went stony when he saw my father moving toward him.
My heartbeat sped up again.
“What’s up, Junior?” my father said proudly, stretching his arms out to embrace my brother.
Li’l Kev sidestepped. His eyes went into slits, his lips pursed. He looked my father up and down like he was a stranger in the street.
“Yo, nigga. My name is Kev. I ain’t none of your Junior,” Li’l Kev spat, scowling and poking his chest out toward my father.
The entire room watched the exchange. My mother stepped over.
“Kevin! Don’t you dare be disrespectful! No matter what has happened, he is still your father,” she interjected.
I could see the hurt on my father’s face, yet he still smiled. He never took his eye off Li’l Kev.
“Nah, it’s all right, Desi. I understand. I got penance to pay to my li’l man. I got years to make up. I’m willing to put in the work,” my father said, a fake smile painting his face.
“Nah, nigga. You don’t owe me shit. The streets is my daddy now. I don’t need no just-free-nigga trying to tell me how this is done,” Li’l Kev growled, brushing past my father and mother.
His crew of cronies gave my father dirty looks as they followed Li’l Kev out. I felt hot with embarrassment for my father. He wasn’t used to that kind of rejection, especially publicly. When my father left Coney Island, he had been a man who commanded respect from everyone . . . family or not.
“Kevin! You come back here. Kevin!” my mother screamed at my brother’s back. Tears were running from her eyes. She must’ve felt the same shame and embarrassment that I felt on behalf of my father. I wasn’t even a man and I felt emasculated for my father. It must’ve been something for my father to take the high road in front of all of those people.
“Let him go. Things will get better with time. I’m no stranger to challenges,” my father said as he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “This celebration is about my baby girl anyway right? So let’s party. There’s a lot of things to be happy about today!” my father cheered. The crowd agreed and the party started back up. I watched him closely after his fake pep talk. I could see my father’s jaw going square. His homecoming wasn’t going to be as happy as he thought.
Chapter 10
That first night my father was home our apartment seemed much smaller than it had in years. My father’s presence took up more space than any of us was used to. With the exception of Li’l Kev, we all sat around talking the night after the party.
My father had aged a lot in twelve years. His newly grown beard was sprinkled with grey hairs and he was starting to lose his hair in the middle of his head. Still strikingly handsome, a few lines had begun to branch out from the sides of his eyes. His teeth were not the bright white I’d remembered them always being when I was a kid. He’d gained a lot of weight, but it was all solid muscle. Everything about him seemed foreign to me. His voice was louder; his body was bigger than when he’d left. The only thing that didn’t seem to change were his expectations. My father thought things with all of us were the same as they had been in 1996 when he left our family. I could tell he was going to have a hard time learning that he was no longer the center of our world.
My father’s was the first voice I heard when I awoke the day after he came home. I guess it felt strange since I wasn’t used to hearing a man’s voice in our house. I could tell that he wasn’t alone. I was correct in my assessment.
When I padded into the kitchen in my robe and slippers, my father and Kelsi were up together. They were so engrossed in their laughter and conversation they hadn’t even heard me approach. As I walked closer, I could see the side of Kelsi’s face. She was glowing like a teenager meeting her first love as she spoke to my father.
I raised my eyebrows at the sight of them.
“Y’all up early,” I said, my voice still filled with remnants of sleep.
Kelsi’s face was turned away from where I stood now. When she heard my voice, she jumped like I was a ghost she wasn’t expecting to see. I thought her reaction strange, but I put it out of my mind. My father smiled. He was a bit jumpy and jittery too.
“Hey. Baby girl,” my father sang, quickly pushing away from the table. He came over and kissed me on the cheek. “I hope we didn’t wake you up. Kelsi was just telling me all of the Peaches stories I’ve missed. Boy, I tell you, gone for twelve years and some things ain’t change one bit. That Peaches is something else . . . always has been,” my father rambled. Something was funny about his voice.
Nervousness mixed with trepidation is the best I can describe it now. At the time any suspicions I had went as fast as they came. Why would I suspect my best friend and my father? That was crazy!
They sure didn’t seem like they were talking about Peaches. All that laughing. Ain’t shit funny about how Peaches is whoring herself out and smoking all of the crack she can find, I was saying in my head as my father and Kelsi broke up their little powwow. Kelsi had never joked with me about Peaches. Mostly she avoided speaking about Peaches at all.
“Where’s Mommy?” I asked my father, looking around. I wanted my tone to show that I didn’t appreciate all of his and Kelsi’s laughing and reminiscing without my mother there. Especially since I hadn’t gotten a chance to have any alone time with my father yet. I also thought reminiscing, laughing, and sharing light moments should have been for my mother to be doing on her husband’s first full day home from a twelve-year bid.
“That crazy lady went to work. Can you believe her?” Kelsi answered right away.
A flash of heat spread through my body. I shot Kelsi a look. She ignored me.
“Hmph, her husband just came home after all this time and she agreed to work someone’s shift for them instead of staying home. Not me; I would be locked in a room somewhere laid up with my man for days . . . Even my kids wouldn’t be able to get in or interrupt our flow,” Kelsi continued, trying to sound like she was joking.
I could hear the disgust underlying some of her words when she spoke about my mother leaving to go to work. I tilted my head to the side, squinted a little bit, and gave Kelsi the side eye. I didn’t like an
yone talking about my mother. Kelsi of all people knew that about me.
“Um, she is not crazy. She has a job. Which is more than I can say about a lot of people. Plus, I’m sure she had good reason to go in today. I guess she figured he’s home now and he ain’t going nowhere, with nobody else, so why not make the money. It’s probably just for a few hours anyway,” I grumbled defensively.
I thought I sent the message to Kelsi and my father. She was quiet. He had a big dumb grin on his face.
I grabbed a breakfast shake out of the refrigerator and started back toward my room.
“How about we go down to the rides today,” my father yelled out as I walked away. I didn’t know if he was trying to make light of the tension-filled exchange that had taken place or if he was serious.
I paused for a few minutes. He can’t be serious. How old does he think I am? I rolled my eyes without letting him see me.
Kelsi didn’t say a word. She had to be thinking what I was thinking. He has clearly been gone too damn long.
“Um . . . yeah. You’ve been gone way too long. The rides are no place to go nowadays. Half of them are gone or broken down. Nobody dares eat at that Nathan’s anymore. Trust me, nothing around here, including the rides, is like it was in 1996,” I lectured, trying to keep the obvious disappointment out of my voice. I immediately felt sorry for my father. This transition home wasn’t going to be easy if he continued to live in the past.
Girls From da Hood 9 Page 8