by Mars Dorian
“You can’t win against me, Bammy,” the freak said, ”Violet’s love makes me stronger than anything you’ve faced before.”
Yadda yadda. More swoon-spitting from the armored freak. He tumbled into a standing position, tried to get back in stance when Bam kicked him into the freezer area. Pudding, yogurts and milk containers splashed all over his armor.
“Noooo,” the freak said with arms stretched, “my beautiful suit, you ruined it.”
Comes with the terribletory, Bam thought. He moved two meters in front of the guy, stretched his legs out for optimal fighting stance. Bam raised his arms, ready for the next round of beating.
“Why do you keep attacking us? What do you want?”
The armored guy tried to drag himself out of the freezer showcase. More pudding splattered on his body armor.
“Violet needs help. She said it during the show, said how much she needs me. I can’t leave my little girl alone, not when freaks like you are around.”
Look who’s talking, Bam thought.
“She said that publicly during the show?”
The freak found his balance again, reached for the baton attached to his side holster.
“It doesn’t matter, because either way, this show is over for you.”
He swung the mean melee weapon into position and aimed it at Bam’s head.
“This time I’m going to bam your head like a melon. Time for blood puree.”
He launched his baton attack, but Bam evaded him to the right. The guy launched another swing, but the armor slowed him down, and Bam’s stunt training came to full effect.
He danced around the berserking freak. A ballet of evasion.
“Hold still, you Violet hater,” he said.
Whatever.
Bam evaded the last swing, but slipped on Whizzard’s blood that was sprayed on the floor. The freak used the moment, hit Bam’s shoulder, made him crash into the confectionery aisle. Collateral candy damage. Bam fell to the ground, rolling sideways. The numb sensation of the baton beating choked his breath.
Get up, he told himself, this is not the time to play victim. The armored freak hissed a cat-like laughter, a cacophony stretched through a subwoofer system.
“Look at you now, down below me.”
Bam didn’t know what was worse — the numbing pain in his chest or the freak sounding like a stilted, second-rate Anime character. The armored guy pranced towards Bam, looked up, saw the Vorb filming this scene up close.
“At least I give you an honorary death. The famous crash vlogger Bam will die in a viral video. It’s fitting, and more than you deserve.”
The freak moved into position, raised his baton like a Katana sword.
“Violet forever,” he said and charged for the attack swing.
It never happened. A shrapnel shot blasted into his armor and blew the guy off the floor, right into the nearby aisles. Break. Dozens of wrapped products either blew up or got tossed around in a confetti-like explosion.
Bam gasped, saw the store kid smiling with a scattergun clutched between his small hands.
“I don’t tolerate rude customer behavior.”
Bam nodded.
“Good to know.”
He moved towards the armored freak on the ground. Rainbow-colored liquids, plastic pieces and food crumbles covered his blasted armor. It looked like a candy store exploded on him. Bam knelt down and checked the freak’s pulse. The kid joined him.
“I don’t think he’s dead, I filled my scattergun with stones.”
Bam nodded and neared the freak’s armor. It was torn apart with scratches and holes, but no signs of serious wounds were discernible. He waved some of the remnant smoke away and told the kid to call the police. The kid stashed the gun behind the counter and watched Bam.
“What are you waiting for? Aren’t you on a mission on something? Time limit and stuff?”
“What about you? Will you be ok?”
“Sure, I’m the one with the scattergun after all. If Mr. Armorfreak wants to get back up, I’d load another shot. Show him more of my customer policy.”
“Sounds like you’re in charge.”
The kid gleamed.
“BTW — I tell all my family to ‘luv’ your fanpage. I hope you win the Blogbuster. You’re bambastic.”
“Cheers.”
Bam waved him goodbye and ran out the store. Checked the digital map on his eScroll and located Whizzard’s and Elli’s position. A block away, he found the slowpokes. Their faces flushed with fear.
“What’s the matter?”
“Time,” Whizzard said, ”we just ran out of it.”
Bam pulled up the countdown timer on his eScroll. He couldn’t believe the number he saw.
96
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
Mission = over.
Might as well be, game = over.
Bam needed another full five seconds to realize what was going on.
“No way.”
“Yes way,” said Laci over the flying Vorb.
Her quirky voice was as welcomed as a baton hit to the face.
“I’m sorry to say it, team Gold Crush, but the mission is over. Spoiler alert : you lost.”
Now Elli lost it, too.
“Why did we lose? We have two points. How many does the other team have?”
“As of now? Three. Why? Violet’s three-point task involved talking a fan into sabotaging your progress. He won.”
“But I beat him,” Bam said.
“Yeah, in a fist fight. But he still delayed your mission progress till the countdown. Hence, you lost. Sorry folks. Get back to the BBB and prepare for the courtroom session. Spoiler alert : Stax is going to rip you apart.”
And whooosh. Her voice disappeared from the Vorb. Elli gnarled. Clutched her feline fists and gnarled some more. She looked like a meltdown with lipstick. And burst just like one.
Like, raaaaaaaaaaaaawr.
Bam and Whizzard covered their ears in vain.
“Calm down.”
Elli’s voice burned.
“Failure. Failure. Failure. That’s what I get when I work with two primates who have more dick than brain.”
Bam grimaced.
“Gimme a break, I just risked my life to help you both. You’d be dead if it wasn’t for me. D-e-a-d.”
“BS,” Elli said, ”I was going to be safe no matter what. You two were simply incapable of keeping up with me.”
“Says the girl who runs off at the first sight of danger,” Bam said.
“Listen, you two punchheads,” Whizzard said, “you can smash your pretentious little heads back in the BBB. Let’s get out of here before the armored freak shows up again.”
They both shut up and looked at Whizzard who for the first time since forever said something semi-smart.
“Fine,” Elli said.
“Deal,” Bam said.
All three left suburbia with an attitude of disturbia. The vloggers survived the physical danger, but the verbal one was just about to get smashed into their faces. And in a way, it was going to hurt much more.
97
Meanwhile, the official channels of the Blogbuster flooded with comments.
Blogbusted2theBone wrote.
Can’t. Stop. Watching. The Crazy. Ness.
Skeptix wrote.
Come on now, a blind boy with no eyes could see it’s fake. That’s not even real blood dripping from Whizzard, it’s way too bright.
#scamalert
LittleBigBoyz wrote.
So much fun. I told my family to watch the show with me, but they thought it was too boring.
I told them ‘no way, it’s full of blood and peeps going crazy’ and now they assembled in front of the home screen. Seriously, I want to thank you, Blogbuster team and vloggers, for providing SO MUCH family entertainment.
PS — please stay alive Whizzard, at least till the final mission. Every show needs a good evil guy
.
SocialJusticeWanda wrote.
So, is this the pinnacle of human entertainment? To turn gullible fans into hate-filled purveyors of violence and send them after the rival vlogger team? To have them beat each other up in front of millions of feeble-minded viewers? Congrats Mr. Stax, congrats for depraving humanity once again. I hope there’s a hot torture chamber reserved for you in hell.
ActShinJax wrote.
YOur show needz more scattergun fire. just sayin…
#violenceFTW
98
Courtroom, take two.
Roman Stax sat on his throne again, inspecting his mighty hammer that was soon to pass judgment on the vloggers. He looked forward to using it again. If it was up to him, he’d make the whole show about him verbally abusing the people down below. And although that would be the apex of entertainment, it wouldn’t fit into the overall plan. And the plan mattered more than anything else, even more than his pride. For now.
“Let the vloggers in,” he said to Laci.
She gave a signal to the crew outside which opened the dark wooden doors. One vlogger after another walked in, each one more jaded than the previous one.
“Where’s Whizzard?” Roman said.
“In the infirmary, sir,” Laci said, “because of the armorfreak attack.”
“Ah, yeah, I remember. That was a great scene.”
He waited till every participant sat into their chairs. He hammered his throne, three times, and opened the Stax ‘slay’ session.
“Look at you, my crazy media whores. Whenever I think it can’t get any crazier, you piss on my argument and take it to the next level of mental instability.”
He looked around. No one nodded nor shook their head, probably because they were all too exhausted.
“Guys, guys. I know this was a demanding round, but keep in mind we’re still on air.”
He pointed towards the Vorb floating above their heads. Bam looked up and posed the official Bambastic stance he practiced before the mirror. But the lack of energy was evident — his half-hearted attempt resembled a zombie doing the twist after taking a bottle of anti-depressants. The girls tried to keep their dignity by somewhat sitting with elegance. The only one who looked awake was Trigger. He squinted his eyes, intertwined his fingers, like a student waiting to soak up the knowledge. Roman moved on.
“I know, life is tough, today was tougher. You tried your best, rallied your fans and sent them on a witch hunt.”
He focused Violet exclusively.
“You got some hardcore fan, Mrs. Gear. Don’t invite Mr. armorfreak to a private meetup though — he may blow up, and you with him.”
“He was a sick and twisted bastard, sir. Most of my fans are positive individuals who want to grace the world with their creativity.”
“Sure, and I bet they all ride on unicorns and paint rainbows.”
Violet eyed Roman. She didn’t know how to respond to that. Her ability to crank out witty one-liners took a holiday from today. She wanted to get over with this, as soon as possible.
“I’m just glad he’s taken care of.”
“Yeah, unfortunately, that ain’t the case. He disappeared,” Roman said.
Violet frowned. Bam looked up. He thought of the kid in the convenience store, remembered how he aimed his scattergun at the freak on the ground. Bam told him to call the police asap.
“Sir?”
Bam stood up.
“How did he got away? He appeared to be immobilized.”
“Well, sometimes things aren’t as they appear to be. Shortly after you left, he jolted up, grabbed the kid’s scattergun and escaped. The police’s after him, but with so many freaks walking around the city, it’s going to be a toughie.”
“Was the boy hurt?” Bam said.
“No,” Roman said, “except for the punch in the face. Don’t worry, the kid’s going to survive. Teeth are overrated anyways.”
Bam frowned, but sat back down again. The day was draining enough, it didn’t improve through Stax’ snarky remarks.
“A vlogger life is a violent life, and it’s not going to get any easier now. Spoiler alert — one of you will be busted from the show. Now.”
A moan roared through the vloggers. Elli, who didn’t say a thing, stood up for the first time.
“After all what happened today? After all the terror, the testosterone-filled aggression and the public shaming, you still want to punish us?”
The courtroom grew silent for a second. Stax looked at her the same way he’d look at a cute panda doing a magic trick on a tricycle.
“Relax, freckleface, I’m not going to bust you.”
“Oh.”
She sat back down, the anger vanished from her face. Roman swapped his attention back to everyone else.
“But one of you will say bye bye to the chance of becoming my Head of Online Content.”
He cleared his throat, prepared another one-liner, but Trigger beat him to it. He shot up from his chair and waited till everyone paid attention to him.
“Sir, I don’t think you have to fire anyone today.”
Roman leaned forward and raised his eyebrows.
“Now why is that?”
Trigger looked at all the vloggers looking back at him.
“Because I’m leaving.”
99
Roman delayed his answer. Not to add drama, but because he was speechless, probably for the first time in his life. Thankfully, it didn’t last.
“Trigger, I think a fairy just pooped into my ear channels and mangled your message. It sounded like you were going to quit.”
“I am.”
Roman’s eyelids moved up. His attention raised to a whopping one hundred percent.
“Why in the world — you realize you’re giving up the most prestigious position in online media, not to mention the seven figure salary?”
“I’m very well aware of that. And I’m thankful for that, sir. The Blogbuster was an incredible experience. But it has reached a point where my morals can no longer function.”
“Morals,” Roman said.
He made it sound like a word from some distant star in a galaxy far, far, far away.
“You didn’t kill anyone.”
“No, but this show is moving into a dangerous direction where egopride and viewership is more important than human lives, and I don’t want to be a part of that anymore.”
He bowed, turned around and headed out the courtroom doors.
Bam intercepted him.
“Dude, are you serious? You have come so far.”
Trigger smiled, it looked genuine. He moved closer and whispered.
“This is only the beginning, Bam, the best is yet to come.”
He added a wink and left the courtroom in swift steps. Bam watched him go and pondered Trigger’s last statement. The best is yet to come? Another cryptic statement. He wanted to go after him, ask more questions, but Stax’ hammer smashing tirade brought him back to reality. He twisted around and found Roman smiling.
“Well, that was fast. I was kind of hoping we’d have a vibrant conversation going on, oh well.”
He put away the hammer and posed the victory sign at the Vorbs above.
“Session is over, folks. The final mission will start on Monday. Enjoy your weekend, don’t drink and vlog, and more importantly, prepare for the showdown. It’s going to be…intense.”
He left his elevated throne and disappeared through the back door. One Vorb followed him, the others floated near the ceiling of the courtroom. Laci walked down the judge row and blasted her finest smile.
“You heard the man. You’re all released now. Yay.”
She threw a half-assed fist into the air. No one cared. Elli jumped from her seat and dashed towards the exit. Fitnessy, who played her best to be invisible today, stood up next. Violet passed by Bam and stopped. He said,
“Don’t you think it’s strange that Trigger leaves all of a sudden?”
“I’m too tired to care.”
100
Relaxation time.
Bam decided to stay at the BBB for the weekend. Good food, swimming pool, gym and some attractive ladies were more welcoming than the trash can he called home. Plus, he had a bunch of interviews lined up.
A talk with Techsplosion, five fan sessions, and another vlogger interview in the auditorium. In short, the boy was in demand, and he enjoyed every second of it.
He lay in his bed, with his arms and legs stretched out. The quick visit at the BBB infirmary did him good, and he didn’t even have to pay for it. Still, the pain of the freak’s punches lingered in his limbs. At this point, he wanted to sink into the soft pillows and chillax to the max. But the world didn’t let him chill just yet.
Because, knock knock.
Five hits on his suite’s door in rapid succession.
Bam moaned.
“Who is it?”
“Laci yo.”
Bam closed his eyes. Laci Steem, the bubbly host with the personality of a glitzy unicorn caramelized with cotton candy flavor. A minor drag during the show, a major drag during his leisure time. Bam craned his head towards the closed door.
“What do you want? I thought there were no tutorials lined up for today.”
“No tutorials, I have a really big surprise for you.”
“I hate surprises, especially if they come from you.”
“This one you’ll like, pinky promise.”
Bam rolled his eyes. Pinky promise up his popo. Still, his mind remained curious. He moved his right leg and swung it onto the floor. It was followed up with the rest of his limbs, schlepping his body towards the slide door to unlock it.
Laci grinned at him, straightened her back and revealed a greenish elven outfit and a big, fat sack hung around her back.
“Christmas is coming early this year.”
“Presents? For me?”
“Sorta.”
She dragged the sack inside his room. It was almost as big as her and probably twice as heavy.
“You’re really going to like this,” she said and sent him a wink.