When he finally spoke, his words surprised me. “Dance with me, Shan,” he whispered, taking my hand and pulling me into the center of the dance floor. All eyes were on us, including Rachel and Mac.
The music was soft as Charlie pulled me into his strong arms. I had to fight back tears as I noticed the song that was playing: Ray Charles’ You Don’t Know Me. The lyrics were almost breaking my heart…word-by-word.
“Is it true?” Charlie whispered in my ear after a few moments. “I need to hear it from you.”
I looked into his eyes. They were cold—so different from the eyes I knew and loved. “Shannon, is Mac my brother?!” Charlie yelled, pulling away from our embrace.
I stood in the middle of the dance floor as tears fell down my face. Everyone in the room was watching us. I could see my mother making her way through the crowd.
“Yes, it’s true,” I whispered as I began to sob, stretching my arms out towards him. Charlie backed farther away, though, out of my reach.
“I don’t know who you are, Shannon,” he stated emotionlessly as he began to exit the dance floor.
“Charlie, please!” I begged, screeching through my tears. “I love you.”
He turned to me, hatred glistening from his face. “If you loved me, you would have told me the truth,” he spat before he pushed his way through the crowd, disappearing from my sight.
I wanted to chase after him but I couldn’t. What could I say to him? Charlie was right; I had let him down.
Before I could look around at all of the faces watching me, I ran as fast as my feet could carry me in the opposite direction of Charlie and into the nearest room. Closing the door behind me, I collapsed as my heart began to shatter.
So much for my fairy tale, but then what did I expect? I should have known it would end badly. When was my life ever straightforward?
“Shannon, please! You’re scaring me,” my mother called from the other side of the door. “Whatever happened, we can sort it. Charlie will be back.”
“You don’t understand,” I cried.
“Then let me in so you can tell me,” she begged.
“I lied to him,” I replied, opening the door. My mother wiped the tears trickling down my face as she came into view.
“It can’t be worth all these tears, my Lizzie,” she soothed, pulling me into her arms as more sobs erupted from my chest.
“Harry Mac is Charlie’s brother,” I muttered in her arms. “I’ve known for months and never told him.”
“Are…you…serious?” She almost lost her words from the shock.
“Yes,” I replied, looking up at her. “Charlie knows I kept it from him, but I was waiting for Rachel to explain. I wanted to tell him, but she…”
“Rachel!” My mother said her name like a disease as she dropped her arms from around me.
“It’s been hard for her, but she promised me she would tell him once he came back to New York.”
“How did Charlie find out?”
“He heard us arguing outside earlier.”
“Right, that’s it,” she snapped, walking towards the door.
“Where are you going?” I asked, tears still streaming down my face.
“To get some answers from Rachel. She has just ruined the most important night of her son’s life.”
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“Shannon, Charlie was going to ask you to marry him tonight,” my mother whispered as she touched my face. “He has been planning it for weeks. All this was part of the plan. It was the fairy tale proposal he knew you wanted.”
All I remembered was blackness as my heart gave out, pulling me to the cold, hard ground.
“Shannon, Sweetheart, wake up.” I was sure it was Charlie calling me, but as I opened my eyes, he was nowhere to be seen.
“Shannon, how are you feeling?” Mac was cradling me against his chest. As soon as my eyes met his, I flinched and pulled away from him. “She’s okay,” he chuckled.
“I still want the doctor to check her over,” my mother responded.
“Stop fussing, Jennet,” Rachel replied. “Shannon will be fine. We need to find Charlie.”
“Rachel, seriously, you have done enough. I would keep your mouth shut,” Mac called over towards her, then turned to look at me. “Shannon, we need to find Charlie. Do you have any idea where he may have gone?”
I knew exactly where he would go, but I wasn’t about to let them know that. I needed to speak to him first…to make him understand.
“I have no idea where he could be,” I whispered. “Where is Frank? I want to go home.”
Luckily, my mother didn’t argue and let me leave with Frank fairly quickly. I was in the car heading towards the mansion within minutes.
“Frank,” I turned to look at him as I spoke, “I need you to take me to Charlie’s apartment in Brooklyn.”
“Shannon, I…”
“Please, Frank. I might not get another chance to set things right,” I pleaded.
His eyes grew soft as he called to the driver. “Tony, we are going to take a little detour.”
Chapter Eighteen
I stood looking at his front door. Why was I suddenly referring to the door as his and not ours? Had I lost hope already?
I wasn’t even sure Charlie would be in there, but I needed a chance to explain if he was. I pushed the key into the door and opened it. My eyes fell on him, clutching a bottle of whiskey. His shirt was ripped open as he sat on our kitchen stool.
I walked woodenly towards him, wondering if he would throw me out.
“Charlie,” I whimpered.
“What are you doing here, Shannon?” He turned an ice cold stare at me as he swigged from his bottle. It dented my heart.
“I had to see if you were okay.”
Charlie laughed. “You should have considered that while you and my mother were keeping secrets from me.”
“I’m sorry. I…”
“Sorry?” He was up on his feet and stood inches away from my face. I could smell the whiskey on his breath. “You’re not sorry.”
“Believe me, I am,” I cried.
“How could you keep that from me, Shan?” Charlie was pulling on his thick, matted hair as he spoke. “I love you so much, but right now I…” He couldn’t finish his words.
“What is it?” I pleaded. I needed to hear what he had to say, whatever it was.
“I can’t even stand to look at you,” he whispered as tears filled his beautiful eyes.
I could feel the sobs low in my chest as I took his words in. “Charlie, please…”
“I need time, Shannon. I can’t do this right now,” he answered, backing away from me and walking towards the balcony.
“How much time do you need?” I asked as tears fell down my face.
“I don’t know.” He put his whiskey bottle on the table. “How does anyone begin to get their head around the fact that they have an older brother, and the one person they cared for more than their own life kept the secret from them?”
“I’m sorry.” It was all I could say. Why couldn’t I make him believe it?
“You keep saying that, Shan, but right now I am finding it difficult to believe.” He turned away from me to watch the New York skyline.
I wasn’t going to let it end this way, not when I knew Charlie was going to ask me to marry him tonight. I was going to fight for us until he threw me out the door.
“So this is it then?” I yelled, grabbing his arm and making him face me. “I make one mistake and that’s it? Charlie, after everything we have done, are you really turning your back on us?”
“Shannon, please—not tonight,” he winced, looking away from me.
“I know what you had planned for this evening,” I replied, taking his hand in mine, “and I would have said yes.”
Charlie looked at our hands, almost studying them for a time until he slowly moved his away from mine. “Shan, I love you, but I need to get my head around all of this.”
“But
I want to help you. Mac is not…”
“Shannon, please. I can’t cope with this right now,” he pleaded. “The fact that you lied—it’s all too much.”
“But can you understand why I did it, Charlie? I was protecting you.”
“I think you need to go. I don’t want to say anything that will hurt you.”
“Please don’t send me away,” I begged.
“We need a bit of distance. I’ll come and see you in a few days.”
“Please, Charlie!” I pleaded, but I knew it was no use. His eyes were cold and his mind was made up. I needed to give him space. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
“Shan?” he called before I reached the door. “This isn’t over. I just need time.”
“I understand.” I forced a smile before making my exit.
As much as I hoped he would, Charlie didn’t stop me. Frank met me outside the front door and escorted me back to the car.
“Things will work out, Miss Downing,” he smiled as the car set off.
Could I even hope for that, knowing that I had let down the one person I loved the most in this world? I had to, because without Charlie, I had nothing. I had become so dependent on him that I had no idea anymore where I finished and he began.
All I could do was give him the time he needed and hope our love was strong enough to make it through this.
“I really wouldn’t bother with the papers this morning,” Lorna replied, grabbing them from the table before I even got the chance to touch them.
“Are the headlines that bad?”
“Some are not that nice,” Grace answered, handing me a glass of orange juice.
“Has Charlie called?” I questioned hopefully, but Grace shook her head.
“Brad said his mother was with him all last night.” Lorna put her hand on my shoulder. “You should have told me about all this. I could have helped.”
“He really hates me,” I whimpered. “You should have seen the way he looked at me last night.”
“It was a shock. Just give him some time.”
“We spent six months apart and when we can finally be together again, this happens. Is my life that doomed?”
“This is just life, Shannon. Whatever happens, it can only make you stronger,” Grace replied, sitting down next to me. “I have canceled all your meetings today.”
“Thanks.” I played with the bowl of cereal in front of me.
“You really should eat something.”
“I’m not that hungry.”
“Why don’t you go for a swim in a bit, then. It might help clear your head,” Grace suggested. I nodded; it wasn’t such a bad idea.
I must have been swimming for an hour, because once I started, I couldn’t stop. I pushed myself faster and faster, feeling the ripples of water skim over my body as I tried to clear my head. The faster I swam, though, the more clouded my mind became. I couldn’t stop the images that were on repeat in my head: Charlie slipping through my fingers, the devastation on his face…the way he looked at me last night. He could have been a stranger with the fire in his eyes, burning with hatred. I had no idea how I was going to put this right or if he would even give me the chance.
When I could push myself no farther, I lifted myself out of the pool, stunned to see Charlie sat watching me.
“Charlie,” I said in shocked. “How long have you been sat there?”
“Not long.” He smiled weakly when he got up, collecting my towel as he moved. I watched him as he wrapped the towel around my body. He made no eye contact with me, which stabbed at my heart second by second. “Mum tried to explain everything to me last night,” he stated as he finally looked me in the eyes. His blue-green eyes were dim…full of pain.
“She did?” I all but whispered.
“Did you know my real father wanted her to abort me?”
“Yes,” I whimpered as tears filled my eyes.
“I guess my father already had a son. Why would he need another?” Charlie spat, releasing his hands from around me. “I don’t even know how to deal with all this, Shan.” He was pacing, and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him.
“Charlie, you don’t have to go through this by yourself.”
“Then why do I feel so alone?” He turned to me, his eyes the haunting stare I had witnessed last night. “I might have been able to get my head around all this if you hadn’t been in on these lies, as well.” Charlie placed his hand on my face. “Why didn’t you tell me, Shan? I just don’t understand.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” I whimpered.
“You have hurt me more by not telling me.” He lifted my chin up so I was looking directly into his eyes. “I love you so much, Shan, but right now I can’t do this. I need time alone to get my head straight.”
“You’re breaking up with me?” I whimpered as big, thick tears fell down my face.
“No, I’m just giving us a bit of distance. I think if we try to work things out together now, we may end up destroying what we have.”
“Charlie, I can’t do this without you!” My voice was so broken. “I don’t care how pathetic it sounds, but I need you.”
“Shan, as much as it kills me to say it…I can’t be with you at the moment, ” he winced, stroking my face. “I am doing this for us. I don’t want to lose you, Shan. I have to do this.”
“Will you be staying in New York?”
“No.” Charlie watched my eyes widen. He knew I needed more of an answer. “I’m going to travel for a little while.”
“Travel?” My whole body tensed as if I was about to have a panic attack. Why did it feel like this was it…that I had lost the only thing I wanted in this whole world?
“Yeah, I think it will do me some good.”
“I’ve destroyed us, haven’t I?” I hadn’t meant to speak out loud, but the words just slipped out.
“This isn’t the end. I wish I could make you understand,” he said as he caressed my face. “I love you, Shannon Downing. I always will. I just need time.”
“Please don’t take too long,” I whispered, pulling myself closer to him. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to cope.”
“Trust me, this is killing me, too. My heart is telling me one thing while my brain another, but I know I have to do this. I’m not prepared to lose you because of my mother’s lies.”
“Why is everything always stacked up against us?” I sobbed into his chest.
“We always come back stronger, Sweetheart, and no matter how hurt I feel, it hasn’t taken an ounce of how much I love you away.”
“When do you leave?” I sighed, tracing his chest with my fingertips.
“This afternoon.”
“So soon?” I was dazed by how quickly everything was happening.
“I thought it would be best.” All I could do was nod. “You know I would take you with me if I could.”
“Would you?” I smiled faintly, wishing I could see the passion in his eyes, but it just wasn’t there.
“Don’t doubt my love for you, please, Shannon.”
“After what I have done to you, it’s difficult not to.”
“Stop that. I’m not going away because of you. For my entire life, my mother has lied to me. My father never wanted me and I have a brother who I can’t stand. That’s why I need to get away!” he almost yelled, pulling at his hair. It was heart wrenching to watch.
“Charlie…” I pulled his hands out of his hair. “Go then. The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back to me.” I stood on my tiptoes to press my mouth against his, and as our lips met, he lifted me up in his arms. I could tell by the urgency of our kiss that this wasn’t the end for us. Charlie kissed me with such tender, lust-filled love, leaving me with no doubt about his feelings for me. A separation—no matter how short—was the only answer. I had no choice but to let him go.
“I will let you know when I land,” Charlie whispered against my hair. “Be good while I’m away.”
“I’ll miss you,” I mumbled
. “And I’m sorry.”
“I know, Sweetheart.” He smirked and it made my heart fly as I caught a glimpse of the man I loved. “I love you.” When he began to pull away, I couldn’t let him go. “I have to go, Shan.”
My arms stung from the loss when I finally released him and watched him walk away.
“Charlie!” I called just as he was about to disappear from my view. “Don’t forget me.”
“That would be impossible. You are all I ever think about.” With one last smile, he was gone.
I was still trembling in my bedroom hours later, perched on the end of my bed, and wrapped up in the towel Charlie had draped around me earlier. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to. My eyes were fixed on my clock, watching the seconds tick by and knowing that with each movement the hands made, Charlie was moving further away from me. How far would he be going? I had no idea, but the reality was finally hitting me. I didn’t know when he would be back, or if he would really want me when he returned. What if in his travels, he realized he was better off without me? I knew I had to have faith in his words, but I had gained so much in these short years. Karma would surely make me lose something—the most important thing—the one person I couldn’t live without. Was that always my fate? Was Charlie never meant to be mine for keeps? I wanted to snap out of these thoughts but I couldn’t.
“Shan?” Lorna snuck around my bedroom door. “Look at you. You’re still in your swimsuit.” She crossed the room to sit next to me. “You’ll catch your death. Aren’t you cold?” she asked, wrapping her arms around me.
“I’m not cold,” I whimpered. “I just need to be on my own for a while.”
“I don’t like leaving you alone like this.”
“Please, Lorna?” I begged, looking up at her as my tears began to fall.
“Oh, Shan.” I couldn’t stop myself as the sobs broke from my chest. The emptiness had found me. “I’m not leaving while you’re like this,” Lorna whispered, holding me tighter. I couldn’t argue as I rested my head on her shoulder.
Chapter Nineteen
Lorna stayed with me until the early morning. I could vaguely remember her wrapping the duvet around me as I began to fall asleep. I had cried almost the entire night and my body was exhausted.
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