Ryder

by Dale Mayer

  “I want to. I want to get back to what we had.”

  She tilted her head sideways and gave him a lopsided grin. “How about something new? Maybe better than what we had.”

  He chuckled. “What we had was pretty special.”

  She flushed, intensely. In waves. Could only imagine a multitude of red shades coloring her complexion. But she nodded her head as she said, “It was indeed. I have to run.” Then she dashed out of the tent, once again running from him.

  But she’d admitted what they’d had was special.

  Now he had to convince her to go there again. Whistling, he left to grab his duffel bag and meet up with his team.

  Life was good for the first time in a long while.

  Chapter 11

  Caitlyn couldn’t stop grinning the whole trip. She was headed into a new phase with Ryder. She didn’t know what that would mean. She only knew what she wanted it to mean.

  At the same time, some major healing was happening inside. She couldn’t hear his voice without the same pain as before. She couldn’t think of their time together without cringing. She couldn’t think of the weekend they’d spent making crazy wild love without slamming a door on the memory because it hurt so much. Even the things they’d done as kids. Movies they’d watched together. His shoulder she’d cried on more than a few times.

  When she finally landed at the military base just outside Baghdad, she caught a ride to the hotel, the closest to the base she could find. Baghdad was still on the traveling shit list, but it was a hell of a lot nicer than where she’d been. Besides she was only here for a couple days. After unpacking, she headed to the shower, then would visit Mac.

  She didn’t know when Ryder would arrive. She hadn’t had a chance to ask him. She walked into the medical center and checked which room Mac was in. Following directions, she went to his room to find the door closed. She heard voices inside, and she thought maybe the doctor was in with him. She sat down on a chair in the hallway, leaned back and waited. She pulled out her cellphone and sent several messages to friends and colleagues, letting them know she’d arrived and had checked in.

  When she heard male laughter from inside Mac’s room, she smiled. It was good to hear Mac doing so well.

  The door opened, and a man spoke before leaving the room.

  “Okay. I’ll check in with you in a couple days.”

  She recognized the voice. She jumped to her feet and stepped forward, her gaze going from Ryder to Mac and back.

  Mac looked at her, frowned and said, “You and I need to talk too.”

  She glanced at Ryder. He grinned and said, “You at least got a shower. I came straight here.”

  She frowned, asking slowly, “Why? I didn’t think the two of you were good friends.”

  Ryder gave a crooked smile and said, “We’ve always been friends.”

  Mac chuckled. “We’ll talk to you later, Ryder. Caitlyn, where is my hug?”

  She walked over to the bed, gave him a gentle hug and sat down on the side of his bed. Mac was a huge man. There wasn’t a whole lot of space for anybody else on that hospital bed. “What was that all about?” His gaze went to the doorway, and she realized Ryder still leaned against the open door.

  She frowned at him. “Don’t you have some place to go?” She heard Mac suck in his breath, but her gaze was on Ryder.

  He raised an eyebrow and said, “I was going to invite you for lunch.”

  She flushed. “What is it about you that makes me socially awkward and inadequate at the same time?”

  This time both his eyebrows rose. “I have no idea as it’s the opposite of the way I’d like you to feel around me.”

  “I need to talk to Mac,” she said quietly. “Would you mind closing the door?”

  “Are you going to lunch with me?”

  She glanced down at Mac, seeing only encouragement in his eyes. “Fine. After I talk to Mac,” she said firmly.

  “I’ll wait for you out here then.” Ryder closed the door with a snap.

  She stared at the door for a long moment, then turned to Mac. “What did he talk to you about?”

  It was Mac’s turn to raise an eyebrow. He didn’t answer.

  She wanted to shake him. “It was about me, wasn’t it?”

  “In a small way maybe but not really. It was more about Ryder himself.”

  She studied Mac’s face but only saw a sense of peace on it. “He didn’t say anything to upset you?”

  Mac shook his head and smiled at her. “No. Ryder is a good man.”

  “I know.” She crossed her arms over her chest and said, “It feels so very different. A little uncomfortable,” she admitted. “Like we’re strangers but not. Dancing around each other warily.”

  “Take your time, go slow, make sure there are no more misunderstandings, and you’ll do fine.”

  “What if I want more than friendship?”

  “You mentioned that before.” A grin whispered across his face. “It might be a lot easier than being just friends. I can’t say for sure.”

  “Men and women can be friends, you know?”

  He stayed quiet and stared at her for a long moment. “It wasn’t the right time. You both had to get to where that’s what you each wanted. I don’t know what happened between you two, and, no, I don’t really want you to explain it to me. But, going forward, you need to be as honest as you can be. Ryder took a major hit over this. I tried to help you see him again several times, but you weren’t ready. Now you are, but this situation’s still fragile,” he cautioned.

  She groaned. “Maybe.” She leaned forward, kissed his cheek and said, “Let me know when you’re sprung from this place, and we can go have some fun times again.”

  “That won’t be for a while. Not back to active duty for a bit.”

  “The bullet must have done some real damage.”

  He nodded. “It embedded itself in my shoulder blade. Caused some deep-muscle tendon damage.”

  “I’m sorry.” She winced. “Stateside would be perfect. Lunch is on me when we both get back.”

  “You’re on.”

  “You take care of yourself.” She walked over to the door.

  “And you take care of you,” Mac said quietly. “And of Ryder.”

  Taking his words to heart, she opened the door and smiled at the man waiting. “Ready? I’m starved.”

  His gaze was intense as he stared at her. “I’m starved too.”

  Her face flushed as she realized so much meaning was behind his words. Was she ready for that? Hell no. It had changed everything between them before. She didn’t think she could do that again. She really wanted him back in her life. But not as a weekend fling. She wanted … more. With a lighthearted voice she hooked her arm through his and said, “Food. I need to eat real food.” Together they walked out of the hospital.

  *

  “It’s good to hear you laugh.” He sat back. He hadn’t expected those words to come out of his mouth. In his mind he’d been planning something neutral. Something that wouldn’t rile either of them.

  She glanced up from her salad in surprise. “I have to admit I haven’t done a lot of laughing for a while.”

  He nodded. “You used to laugh all the time.”

  “You used to be more lighthearted and fanciful too,” she said quietly. “But, when you’re hurting, and you’re hurting others, there’s nothing funny about that.”

  He reached across and offered her a french fry. “You used to love these too.”

  She snatched it from his hand, popped it into her mouth and gave him a big grin. “Still do. Especially other people’s.” She snagged another one off his plate.

  He protested. “Hey! How does that work? You’re stealing two?”

  “Three …” And with her other hand darting across the table, she grabbed the third one.

  He chuckled. “You know I can buy you some fries of your own.”

  She shook her head. “These are enough. Not to mention the fact I can’t possibl
y eat a full plateful.”

  “You used to.”

  She glanced at the fries, looked at her salad and said, “I used to do a lot of things. Now I try to eat healthier.”

  He winced and looked down at his fries and a burger. “Ouch, that hurts. I love my burger and fries.”

  “But you’re also in great shape. I haven’t been doing anywhere near the workouts I used to,” she admitted. “For a while I became a hermit. Now I’m getting back on track. Unfortunately that means making a few less happy dietary choices.”

  “Where’s the fun in that?”

  She chuckled. “You’ve always been able to eat everything, including the damn kitchen sink, and never had a belly to show for it.”

  “High metabolism,” he said modestly.

  She snorted. “No bragging allowed.”

  He grinned. “Honestly I work out a lot, so I can eat what I want.”

  “And that brings us back to the conversation we started with. I haven’t been working out.” She rolled her eyes and grabbed another fry. “But this is making me really want to.”

  He studied her for a long moment and returned his attention to his plate. He wanted to spend more time with her and help her get back in shape. “How about we work out together?”

  She shook her head. “Oh, no. I can imagine how that works. You browbeat me into doing way more than I feel like I can do, and then I can’t walk for a week.”

  He chuckled. “I wouldn’t do that. You need to build up slowly.”

  “When I get home,” she said, “I’ll start jogging again then. But I’ll start gently. Work my way back up.”

  “We could jog together.”

  She shrugged but wouldn’t commit.

  He pressed slightly. “We used to run together all the time.”

  She nodded. “That’s when I was in good shape.”

  “No, that’s when you were in great shape and maintaining. We had a lot of fun on our runs. You need that again.” He offered her another french fry with a teasing look on his face. “Consider this a bribe.”

  She stared at the fry, growled in the back of her throat, snatched it from his fingers and ate it. “That’s just mean. I’m only on holiday for a few days. I don’t want to work out now.”

  “You used to do it for fun,” he reminded her.

  “That was before.”

  “I’ll pick you up at six in the morning. We’ll just do a short run.”

  “That sounds terrible,” she said, laughing.

  The waitress arrived with the coffeepot. He let her fill his cup and took a sip of the hot brew. “I really missed this.”

  “Are you trying to cut back?”

  He shrugged. “I meant having coffee with you. Joking, laughing.”

  What he didn’t want was her to feel so uncomfortable, so insecure, that she wouldn’t run with him. “I mean it about going for a run. Honestly, we’ll take it easy. Figure out what you need to get back into shape. And approach it in a manner you can handle.” He studied her. “I find it hard to believe you’re out of shape. You walked for miles after your kidnapping. Plus, you look really good,” he said honestly.

  But what he didn’t say was she was looking damn good. She always had to him. Something about that fresh all-American-girl look. She was tall, but she’d always been slim and lean.

  She studied him over the top of her water glass. “Okay. You’ve got to promise not to overdo it.”

  He grinned. “Never.”

  She rolled her eyes and said, “I know I’ll regret this.”

  Chapter 12

  So many regrets. Not about how she’d actually agreed to go for a run with him but that she’d let herself get out of shape. She was three miles into the run and already flagging. She used to run five miles easily, seven miles on good days, and ten miles for events. Even then that wasn’t anything compared to what Ryder could do. But the difference was really showing up now. She’d never felt competitive with him before. She always just accepted they had different fitness levels. But, as he had maintained his, she’d let hers go. And that sucked in a big way.

  He slowed down, and she recognized her hotel coming up. He motioned to a park on the far side. “We can cool down over there. You need to walk this out.”

  She nodded. They came to a stop at the crosswalk and headed to the green grass in the gardens. She bent over and gasped for breath.

  “You did great,” he said with a big smile.

  She shot him a look. “I did great? Ha. Only if we forget about what I used to run.”

  “That’s exactly what you should do. Forget about where you used to be. That’s history. You can’t change it. Today you start fresh. So that wasn’t so bad.” He grinned a wide infectious smile she couldn’t help but respond to.

  She chuckled, grateful she’d caught her breath enough to do so. “How is it you manage to maintain any sense of humor with the work you do?”

  “It’s about balance,” he said. “Without it, I’d burn out. And my friends make a huge difference.”

  “SEALs don’t make it much longer than eight to ten years, do they?”

  “After ten years it’s tough. It’s physically demanding, emotionally difficult, and spiritually … Well, it’s just plain hard and almost impossible after a certain point.”

  As they walked, he pointed out a garden bed of flowers. “That’s a pretty spectacular orange.”

  “It is indeed.” The flowers had no smell, yet the tall stalks were stunning. And the color was spectacular.

  “Your profession is also demanding,” he said.

  “Yes, but I’m out soon and not signing back up. I’m considering a small-town setting.”

  He turned and looked at her in surprise. “Why?”

  She shrugged. “A lot of reasons. One of the biggest is, maybe it’s time for a change.”

  He studied her. “And maybe also because your reason for taking overseas positions is no longer so pressing.”

  She nodded. “That’s part of it. I never intended to do this for long. I needed it at the time. Now I’m not sure what to do.” She shrugged. “I don’t mean to be evasive. I’m just reassessing my future.” She watched as he nodded slowly. “Maybe I need to go to a shrink and talk,” she said in a half-joking manner.

  He surprised her when he nodded. “Even talking with friends helps. You saw a lot of action here. You were kidnapped. Maybe a therapist is a good idea.”

  In the past he would’ve been the very best friend she would have talked with. In his absence, she had turned to Mac. “Point taken.”

  Ryder nodded. “Just don’t run away again,” he said in all seriousness. “And, no, I don’t mean to bring up the past. You do what you need to so you can move forward.” He glanced at his watch. “I also heard rumors I’ll be heading out soon. How long is your leave?”

  “Two days,” she whispered, looking at her watch. So much time had sped by. They’d been catching up and enjoying their time together but at the same time skirting the one big issue. That damnable delightful weekend.

  She smiled. “Since we’re two old friends who haven’t seen much of each other, we need to make the most of the next few days.”

  He looked up in surprise. “What have you got in mind?”

  She chuckled. “Well, one of the things I wanted to do was …” She listed off several tourist places.

  He grinned. “Sounds to me like we’ve got enough to do for the next few years.”

  She stopped, looked up at him and said, “Unless you have someone else you want to spend some of that time with?”

  He shook his head. “I’m spending it with who I want.”

  She flashed a smile. “Great. So am I.”

  Inside her heart was light. Could they really get back to where they’d been before? And, if they were lucky, go forward? They had so much potential …

  *

  He really hoped he could have these next few days with her. They needed what time they could before duty interfered. The worl
d was full of conflict. Still, in order to make the best of it, they would do what they could. Laughing, he pointed out a coffee shop and said, “If we’re really going to cram as much as we can into these next couple days, we’ll need energy.”

  She snorted, motioning at her outfit. “I’m hardly dressed for cafés and restaurants. I need a shower first, then a change of clothes.”

  “Or we can have breakfast first, then spend a few hours doing the tourist thing,” he said persuasively. “If we eat now, we can hit several of the tourist attractions on your list before the sun gets too strong. The arid desert atmosphere can be a lovely temperature, but, after a while, it can get to you. By midafternoon you might be ready for relaxing at the pool back at the hotel.”

  She studied him for a long moment, and he wondered what she was thinking. He had no ulterior motive here. He didn’t quite know how to persuade her. Then he realized there really was no need to. She was on vacation and could do as she wanted. He didn’t mind. He relaxed and said, “If you want a shower first, that’s cool. We can be back here in an hour, have breakfast and then carry on.” He shrugged. “So it’s all good whichever way you want to go.”

  Her smile brightened his morning. “As much as your first idea makes sense, I like that second idea better,” she said. “You’re right about the pool too. And quite possibly I’ll need a second shower. She glanced down at her pants and T-shirt and said, “These are hardly the right clothes for what I’ve got planned though.”

  He nodded. “Let’s do a quick change and get some food.”

  Laughing and joking like two little kids, they raced back to the hotel while he sat and waited outside for her to change. When she came back out into the hallway looking for him, she stopped and frowned. “You didn’t change,” she said.

  “I have to return to the base for that,” he reminded her. “You’re on vacation, and you’re in a hotel. I didn’t want to take the time to go there and back.”

  She nodded. “Are you okay with what you have on?”

  He glanced down at his running gear and shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

  He held out his arm; she slipped hers through his, and together they walked back down toward the restaurant. “Now that there are options,” he said, “do you want to sightsee here at your hotel or where we were this morning or maybe downtown and find something to eat?”