‘No?’ I repeat, astonishment plain in my voice. ‘We’ve discussed this you know why I have to go.’
‘Actually, I don’t. After the week we have just enjoyed, I don’t understand. I never wanted to feel what I do, Sophie. In fact, I was determined never to let a woman into my heart again,’ I gaze open mouthed at him, stunned by his honesty. ‘You want open with our feelings? I’ll tell you. I’m in love with you. I want you in my bed. I want to make babies with you. How about that for fucking openness?’ He watches as my mouth opens and closes like a goldfish.
‘But what about Myers, the drug dealers?’ I finally manage to ask.
‘What about them? Why should they have any bearing on us being together, London?’ his lips tighten. ‘If you felt half as much for me,’ he shakes his head.
‘That’s not fair,’ I gasp.
‘What’s not fair is that it should be something we decide to deal with together, a separate issue entirely,’ he continues. ‘You are making a life decision on a problem that could resolve itself in weeks, months, or could already have been sorted. It’s a cop out.’
I swallow the melon sized lump in my throat. ‘I am leaving for several reasons, one of them being to prevent the people I care for being hurt,’ I announce, my wobbly voice betraying my emotional state.
‘That’s bullshit!’ He scolds. ‘You’re scared, London, to give you to anyone. You prefer to remain alone, untouchable,’ he scoffs. ‘I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own family,’ he updates me. ‘You are running, running from me. I get that everyone you have loved has left, one way or another, but you have to know how I am with you, how we are together, I’m all in, Sophie, if you gave us a chance, I want forever with you.’
‘You want forever with me,’ I repeat, the words flying around my head like a puzzle, I am attempting to link the words together, but they are alien.
‘I can see how that has freaked you the fuck out. I will leave that to you to contemplate while I get provisions,’ he turns to the loft door. ‘Don’t open the door to anyone,’ he warns, stepping out and slamming the door with a thud. I jump at the sound, dumbfounded by the sudden swerve of Nate’s mood. Not an hour previous, we had been out walking and wandering around the city, stopping for coffee and a sandwich, arm in arm, totally chilled. As soon as we arrived back to the loft, his attitude had altered.
I move to the window, to watch as Nate mingles into the Denver crowd. He loves me, wants babies with me? How the fuck did that happen?
I pace up and down the loft, eager for Nate’s return, anxiety curling inside my gut. Could I stay? My life is in London. Is he right, am I running not from the drug dealers, but from him?
By the time Nate re-enters the loft, I am frantic.
‘What about all the bad memories of Ollie, Lee Myers?’ I tip my chin up stubbornly as he places the brown bag gently onto the breakfast bar. ‘I would constantly be looking behind me, waiting for it to happen again.’
He stands and regards me for a moment, a frown on his forehead, ‘what about all the good memories we have made during the past week?’ He questions quietly, I stare blankly at him unable to answer. ‘Do you think you won’t be looking over your shoulder in London? Do you think criminals don’t have passports? I hate to break this to you, babe, but they want you, they will find you wherever you are.’
‘Nice!’ I explode, ‘that’s great Nate, thank you for that!’ I continue my pacing, my mind filling with scenarios, which involve me or Nate being captured by drug dealers. ‘I am scared,’ I admit. ‘I’m scared that they will hurt you, or Ellie, or Marnie,’ I admit, ‘I couldn’t live with myself if I caused another death,’ I sob, my hand flying to my mouth to catch the grief.
Nate is at my side and crushes me to his chest, ‘no one’s going to die, babe,’ he declares, his voice determined.
I push my face into his neck as the shuddering breaths rack through me, ‘I don’t want to leave you, you think I want to leave you? I am cursed,’ I mutter in between hiccups of anguish.
‘You are not cursed,’ Nate half laughs before announcing. ‘Women die during childbirth, thankfully not often nowadays, but it happens. You didn’t cause your mum’s death, and Ollie brought on his own destiny. Sophie, you are only in the line of fire because you cared enough to come and find justice for him. That makes you a good person in my eyes, babe. Not someone who’s cursed.’
‘I’m petrified,’ I repeat, ‘of what I feel for you, for the danger that I’m putting us all in. I walk around permanently afraid, I am weak,’ I whisper. ‘I hate that trait in a person.’
Nate moves us over to the sofa, grabbing a box of tissues along the way. He sits and brings me onto his lap, I lay against the crook of his neck and take a tissue from his outstretch hand.
‘Babe, I’m in love with you, you think I’m not scared, you think I want to open myself up for the hurt that could potentially bring?’ His lips find my hair. ‘You think I didn’t fight it?’ He whispers.
‘You fought it?’ I whisper back.
‘Yeah, I fought it. Fell in love with you the moment those hazel eyes hit mine,’ he admits, romantically. ‘So sad, and yet totally mesmerising,’ he adds. ‘I was a goner, knew it the moment you refused to tell me your name.’
‘That’s so sweet,’ I sniff.
‘Fuck, you going to cry over sweet stuff too?’ He teases.
‘Yes!’ I snap, playfully.
‘Come on Soph, take a chance on us,’ he cajoles.
‘My life is in London,’ I remind him, ‘I have a business, a flat, friends, what am I supposed to do with that?’
‘I get you would be giving up a lot for me,’ he declares. ‘Here, you already have friends, people that love you, a home with me, a business in Krystal if you wanted it, although I understand if it’s too early for all of that.’
‘I don’t know if I can go back to Krystal, Nate,’ I shudder at the thought of standing in Jessie’s where Myer’s put his grubby hands all over me.
‘Then we stay here, this is where I live, I work, you can take your time in deciding what you want to do next. There’s no pressure, I got you.’
‘You want me to move in?’ I glance up into his thoughtful face, gorgeous but serious.
‘Fuck yeah, you choose me, you stay by my side,’ he asserts. ‘I’m thirty-six years old, and I know when something is real. Me and you, we are real, Sophie Parker,’ he states. ‘All the other shit, we deal with when it comes along. I get that bastard getting a hand on you has cut you deep, but we keep on making them good memories and the bad will eventually fade. Look what we have achieved in just over a week of just us,’ he shakes his head. ‘Babe, you’re everything that I want and need and a whole lot more besides, you gotta decide whether I am enough for you,’ he proclaims.
I snort, ‘Bloody hell, Nate, are you kidding me?’
His lips tilt, ‘say what?’
‘You are more than enough for me, that was never the issue,’ I explain.
‘Then what’s the issue?’ He pushes.
‘Say I stay here, we settle, I stop looking over my shoulder and bam! It all disappears, you are hurt or worse, that would stop at my door, baby. I can’t risk that. The other way around, I am hurt or worse, you take revenge, you get hurt or worse. If I go home, no one will look to you or your family, you all stay safe.’
‘That’s like saying don’t cross the road just in case you get run down!’ He scoffs. ‘Life is a risk, babe. I am willing to take that risk on you, be nice if you could reciprocate.’
I gaze into his glorious gaze and know I am being played. ‘Emotional blackmail, seriously?’ I arch an eyebrow.
He grins. I send a teary grin back.
‘You want forever with me?’ I question.
‘Yeah babe, you want that with me?’ He murmurs, softly.
‘I could only dream of forever with you,’ tears fill my vision.
His thumb catches a tear, ‘I love you, Sophie Parker,’ his lips find mine and s
educe me entirely.
********
Chapter Twelve
‘I’m coming back!’ I urge, Nate.
He doesn’t look convinced. We are at departures, at DIA. After agreeing to stay in Denver with Nate, I had announced that I would, however, be keeping my flight home today.
I needed to touch base with the salon and work out what I intend to do with it, sell it or become a silent partner? I also had to face Shauna personally and inform her that her worst nightmare had indeed come true, and I would be staying in Denver with the love of my life. She knew I was sleeping with him, or she did, I haven’t spoken to her other than briefly find an excuse why Nate was chasing up my whereabouts last week.
I had avoided telling her the truth over the phone about the assault and my meeting with my dad, determining that needed to be a face to face conversation. Instead, I had updated her that I had needed some space and had taken myself off for a while. Shauna knew me well, taking myself off was something that did I regularly when I felt hemmed in, or things were going a little crazy around me. I had promised her a complete rundown on the happenings in Krystal when I arrived home. She permitted my vagueness only because I had assured her that I would be home shortly, and she could pin me down for details.
There was also the matter of my flat. I had a two-bedroom flat in Battersea, which I adored. It was something that I scrimped and saved for, something I craved for myself. A place of my own where I could be myself. I was proud of my achievements in life, even if they came at a price, one of the costs being accepting my dad’s money. I wasn’t proud of this fact.
I hadn’t heard a thing from my father since my call to find out where to collect the money to pay the drug dealer, last week. Nate had spoken to him twice, but I had no desire to converse with him. I had nothing to say to him. He’d been a stranger for the first thirty-one years of my life and knowing what little bit I did disgusted me, he couldn’t improve on that.
‘Maybe I should come with you,’ Nate runs an anxious hand through his hair, clearly uncomfortable with me leaving him in Denver.
‘Nate, I have things to tie up. My business, my home,’ I remind him. We had been through all of this last night. Nate wanted me to sell up all my connections in England, rather than keep them, stating he wants us to build a life together here in Denver. He didn’t want me keeping them as a safety net, he wanted my full commitment to him, which in his eyes meant detaching from my old life.
‘I can’t protect you over there,’ his troubled gaze finds mine, and I almost melt at the love apparent in them.
‘I will be there a couple of weeks, at most’ I promised. ‘I need to speak to Shauna, collect some more of my belongings and speak to my staff.’
‘Maybe I should speak to your dad, get Kris back on the case,’ he suggests, absently.
‘No, Nate. You are the one that stressed the importance of us leaving the danger behind and living our lives regardless. You can’t have it both ways,’ I glare.
‘Okay,’ he nods, pulling me into his arms. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to worry you,’ he relents. ‘Call me when you land,’ he commands. ‘Shauna picking you up?’
I kiss his jaw, ‘yeah, going to miss you,’ I purr up into his anxious gaze, engraving it on my memory.
‘Me too, babe,’ he palms my jaw and kisses me long and hard.
‘You going down to Krystal to sort out the suspension?’ I confirm, once his lips had left mine.
‘Yeah, my boss doesn’t see it as a problem, there’s no one to confirm his version of events,’ he confides. ‘It will be fine, babe.’
‘In future, you share information like that with the woman you love, yeah?’ I scold him, mildly.
We had discussed Nate’s suspension the night before, Nate being extremely pissed that Ellie had laid that on me. I had defended her by insisting that if he had told me himself, I wouldn’t have had to hear it from his sister.
His lips re-found mine, and kissed me quiet, ‘don’t you forget,’ his thumb brushed my cheek.
‘Forget?’ I echo.
‘How much I love you,’ his lips tilt up to one side, providing me a glimpse of that dimple that sends my insides mushy.
I grin, ‘I won’t forget,’ I whisper.
‘Just saying, still waiting, babe,’ his eyes hold mine.
‘Still waiting?’ His spellbinding gaze hypnotises me.
‘Fuck if there isn’t a fucking echo in here,’ his lips twitch. ‘Still waiting for you to tell me how you feel,’ he adds.
‘You know how I feel,’ I push myself wantonly against him.
‘Still wanna hear it, London. You work on that, yeah?’ I look up and know he doesn’t look too put out by my reluctance to pronounce my feelings. I have never told anyone I love them before; it doesn’t come easily to me expressing my emotions.
‘I’ll work on that, Nate,’ I step up and kiss him quick, ‘got to go, baby.’
Another long, wet kiss and I walk away, my stomach tingling, I already miss him.
********
Shauna, with a pink form strapped to her chest, beams as I step into the arrivals at Heathrow airport. I wave, grinning hugely as I step around the crowd to reach my best pal.
We hug, as much as we can with a baby in between us, and she directs me to the car park where her vehicle awaits.
‘I have missed you,’ she grins. ‘How are things?’
‘All good,’ I assure her, ‘how’s this little bundle?’ I ask.
‘Hard work,’ she rolls her eyes, but her smile is bright.
My eyelids are drooping before we reach my flat. As we pull up I yawn. ‘Do you mind if I just hop out?’ I call over to Shauna, who is fiddling with the baby from the front seat. ‘I am fit to drop.’
‘Of course not, that’s fine, lunch tomorrow?’ She tests.
‘Lunch tomorrow!’ I hug her tight, ‘good to see you, babe.’
‘Good to have you home, Soph,’ she responds.
My stomach dips, Shauna is going to be extremely pissed at my news.
I wake up at eleven the following morning, jet lag sticking to the lids of my eyes. I had notified Nate, by text, when I had arrived home safely telling him that I was heading directly for bed. He had immediately called, I answered, we ended up having a long conversation of whispered promises before I fell into a dreamless sleep.
I slept well in my own bed, and I have to say it felt great to be in my own environment, amongst all my belongings. But, I missed waking to Nate, his arms wrapped around me, his lips moving over my body. My stomach flutters. I lay and gaze at the ceiling, I need to wind things up pronto and get back to building a future with the man I love. I smile, me being in love still astounds me, I could eat, breath and sleep Nate and still never get bored with him.
I shower and dress for lunch with Shauna. I debate my jeans, but decide that Nate is right why let Myers change who I am. I had been dubious about appearing slutty with my clothes since the assault. It was hard, but I forced myself to wear one of my short shift dresses with a linen jacket and stockings, as the weather was fine but chilly. I was going on to the salon, so applied my work makeup and styled my hair as if it was a normal work day.
Sitting in the busy restaurant, my friends face drops.
‘What the fuck, Sophie!’ Shauna looks devastated. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, actually why didn’t you immediately fly home?’
‘I wasn’t actually in any state to fly home, Shauna,’ I express.
‘I knew you shouldn’t have gone all that way by yourself,’ she tuts, pushing another spoonful of baby rice into Emily-Jane’s mouth. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yeah, Nate brought me to his loft in Denver and made everything alright,’ I smile. ‘I was a mess,’ I confide, ‘but things are good, we are positive that the bastard being arrested and not given bail, will signal the end of everything.’
‘But the debt still hasn’t been paid?’ She checks, her thought process similar to mine.
‘No,’ a cu
rling hits me in my gut at her expressing the one niggle that I still have.
‘Then it’s a good job you’re home now, how did you not know this about Ollie, Sophie?’ She shakes her head in disgust at the knowledge of my brother being so heavily into drugs.
‘I don’t know,’ I mumble, disappointedly. ‘You met Ollie, would you have said he was a druggie?’ Shauna had met Ollie during his visit last summer when we had spent many a night having dinner together, along with Shauna’s husband. Everyone had loved Ollie, he was a kind and gentle soul. There was no way there were any outward signs of drug usage.
‘Absolutely not! Do you think it was a new thing?’ She asks, softly.
‘The amount of debt, I doubt it,’ I scoff. I need to tell Shauna my plans. ‘Babe,’ I call, she glances over, and a cloud moves over her gaze.
‘You’re going back,’ she states, reading my regretful expression.
‘I love him, Shauna,’ I whisper. ‘I’ve never loved a man before.’
‘And the drug dealer?’ The baby becomes unsettled, and Shauna lifts her out of the highchair. ‘Okay baby,’ she coos, attempting to settle her.
‘We are going to deal with it together,’ I express. ‘I have to take this chance of happiness, Shauna,’ I assert. ‘You can all visit, whenever you like, and I’ll come and see you guys.’
Shauna sends me a look of resignation, ‘I know I should be happy for you, and I am honest. Only, I worry about you Sophie, and now there seems there is more to worry about. Are you not sure you’re not knee-jerking, clinging onto Nate to protect you?’
‘Nate and I were already together before the attack happened, Shauna,’ I defend. I didn’t like that she was disrespecting mine and Nate’s relationship. She didn’t know Nate, hadn’t seen us together, how could she judge? ‘Contrary to what you believe, I am more than capable of realising love when I find it.’
‘That’s not fair,’ she jiggles the baby in her arms. ‘I am only thinking of you,’ her voice is hurt.
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