Maybe This Life

by Grider, J. P.

“I agree, but it's not your place to tell him so.”

  “Somebody had to.”

  “But we hardly even know Lena. Couldn’t you just ignore him?”

  “No,” Rick answered adamantly. “Did you see her face? He was humiliating her. She didn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve her. He’s an asshole and she’s….she’s perfect,” he whispered.

  “Rick…she’s getting married soon. Stay out of it.”

  “That’s the thing. She can’t marry him. He’s no good for her.”

  “And I bet you think you are though.”

  Rick didn’t respond to that. But he did know the answer.

  The rest of the weekend Rick spent working on the old barn that sat behind his Craftsman style house on his four acres of property on White Lake Road in Sparta. He'd been renovating the barn so he’d have a sound proof room to record his music and a place big enough to put an air hockey table, a large screen TV, and a place to hang out. Rick started the project when he bought the house five years ago. He had a stable for his two horses, and he didn’t really need a barn for its original intended use, so he thought he’d make himself a huge rec room. Besides, he enjoyed physical labor.

  The lumbering was tedious, so by Sunday evening, an exhausted Rick retired to his favorite spot in the house – his recliner. As he relaxed in the dark, he lit a cigarette and attempted to reach his precious Angie from long ago…

  Tonight….he was in luck….

  “Let me walk you to church, Angie.” He called after her while she hurried down the street, obviously late for Mass.

  “Oh.” She turned to see him pacing behind her several feet.

  He reached her instantly. “I know you’re running late, but I’d like to walk with you.”

  She smiled. Her eyes were golden-brown, her peaches ‘n cream skin, flawless, and her chocolate-brown hair, sparkling in the early morning Sunday sun. “Okay.” Her demure voice, music to his teenage ears.

  He reached for her hand, and she placed it in his. They strolled to church hand in hand and remained that way all through Mass, stealing glances at each other while the priest celebrated Mass.

  Afterward, they walked through town and shared an egg cream at the drugstore around the corner from Angie’s house.

  “So Angie, why do you always go to Sunday Mass by yourself?” asked a curious Richard.

  She shrugged her frail shoulders. “My mother doesn’t even know I go. She sleeps late every morning. I bet she has probably never stepped foot in a church in her whole life.”

  “So why do you go?”

  “I guess I just need to hope there is someone out there looking after me.”

  That had been the first time he'd heard the desperation in her words and saw the sadness in her eyes. And that had been the first of many Sundays they would share a pew together at Mass.

  Chapter Six

  Monday morning came way too fast for Lena. Since she spent her whole weekend fretting over what her new co-workers were thinking about Vince, her stomach churned. She knew he would end up embarrassing her; he never did know how to present himself in public. That’s why she hadn’t invited him to go with her to The Tavern. But Vince, being the possessive and untrusting fellow he was, insisted on accompanying her. Now she had to endure the consequences of his actions. To his credit though, he had only been discourteous to Lena. Until he had seen disapproval written all over Rick’s face, he had been good. But nothing gets him riled more than when someone passes judgment on him – and Rick did that by looking at Vince with disgust. Once Vince caught that, Lena knew things would go downhill much too fast.

  She couldn’t understand it though. Why would it bother Rick so much? He barely knew her; why would he feel the need to come to her defense like that? Not that it didn’t make her feel just the tiny bit flattered. It certainly did. But it shouldn’t have. What she should have been was mad, because he didn’t mind his own business. How Vince treated Lena was her business, and if it didn't bother her, then it shouldn't have bothered anyone else.

  But it did bother her. Every time Vince ridiculed Lena with his belittling words, he managed to diminish her self-esteem. She knew his abuse hurt her, but she couldn’t tear herself away. His abuse hurt her both emotionally and physically. In public, he may only scold and scorn her, but in private, when his rage reached its highest limits, he imposed on her, physical pain. How many times had she had to come up with an excuse for a black eye or a bruised arm? Lena knew it was wrong, but she also knew Vince couldn’t help himself, and she knew deep down that Vince never really meant to hurt her.

  “Good Morning, Lena. Happy Monday.” Lindsey beamed walking into Lena’s cubicle. Lena began work by 7:50am, hoping to avoid everyone on the elevator. However, she couldn’t avoid the co-workers that worked directly with her, and that included bubbly Lindsey. It amazed Lena that Lindsey's professional appearance at work misrepresented her personality. Friendly, bouncy, and anything but professional, Lindsey always managed to make Lena smile.

  “Good Morning, Lindsey.” Lena grinned. “Happy Monday, back.”

  “Hey, sorry about Rick butting in the other night. That must have been so uncomfortable for you.”

  Lena just shrugged.

  “I don’t know what possessed him to do that, he’s usually so reserved and in control,” Lindsey continued.

  “Really?” asked a wide-eyed, Lena. “I just thought Rick was like that. You know, that he lashes out easily and….I don’t know.”

  “No. He never lashes out. He’s a pretty laid back guy.”

  “Good morning, Betty,” Lena addressed the Engineering Secretary when she also entered Lena’s cubicle.

  Lindsey turned toward Betty. “Happy Monday, Bett. I was just telling Lena how uncharacteristic it was for Rick to get so worked up like he did Friday night.”

  “Yeah. I agree. Rick’s not usually so impulsive, but…” Betty trailed off, pausing to look at Lena. “Honey, we really need to talk.”

  Lena averted her eyes and focused on her computer screen, not ready to hear what Betty had to say about Vince.

  Betty shook her head. “I’m not done, sweetie. We will have that talk.” Betty walked away.

  “Sorry about that, Lena. I guess we should just get to work. How ‘bout we go to lunch together today?” Lindsey asked.

  Lena looked up at Lindsey and smiled. “Yeah. I’d like that.” Grateful, Lena admired Lindsey's ability to lighten things up. Thanks to Lindsey's lunch invitation, Lena wasn't feeling as tense as she was earlier. The rest of the morning kind of flew by.

  At lunch, Lindsey did most of the talking; though when Lena managed to get a few questions in, they were mostly about Rick. She tried not to seem too interested, but her curiosity to find out about the man who battled over her nobility, won. She found out that Rick Murphy did not date much. Though interested in woman, it appeared that Rick would only date someone for a while before losing interest. Jackie from the Customer Service department was one such unfortunate woman. Lindsey remembered last summer when Jackie came to her in tears, because Rick had told her that his heart belonged to someone else. Rick had been so wonderful to Jackie that she never saw it coming. Lindsey assured Lena that Rick had never been cruel; he just hadn't wanted to lead Jackie on when he couldn’t find it in his heart to love her. Lena contemplated this and tried to fit it into her puzzling opinion of Rick. Was he old-fashioned, or just a jerk?

  The rest of the week went by with a quiet intensity. Lena avoided the Engineering department, hoping to escape the well-meaning concern from her new friends. And every time Rick walked through the PR department and past her glass cubicle, Lena pretended to be engrossed in something on her desk or computer screen. She could not bring herself to come eye to eye with him. Besides, she had been looking forward to the weekend. On Saturday, she would take a trip down to Seaside Heights with her sister Katrina and her boyfriend Joe. And of course, Vince.

  Lena awoke Saturday morning saddled with overwhelming emotion. Trou
bled by yet another dream weighing on her spirit, she began to believe they were images meant to communicate some underlying meaning – like fragments of a puzzle only she could piece together. But this puzzle was riddled with abuse. Why would she be dreaming of the same poor girl now being beaten by a man she called Timothy? Timothy who? Who was this girl?

  Lena didn’t have time to ponder last night's nightmare. Katrina, Joe and Vince would be here soon. Lena attempted to put aside her doubt and face today with a smile. Today would be a good day. It had to be. And like every day, she would block out the emotions she held behind her vibrant mask.

  They took the scenic Garden State Parkway down to Seaside. Lena drove so Vince could drink his two-quart container of Gin and Tonic.

  “Leen,” Lena’s baby sister by three years called from the back seat, cuddled close to Joe. “Why don’t you put on some music?”

  “Sure. I have Daughtry, Matchbox Twenty ….and oh….an old Holland CD.”

  “Ooh…Holland…please. It's so great that Cousin Mara is dating Tagg Holland, isn't it? Dating the lead singer of a famous rock band; how cool is that?”

  “Jesus Christ, Lena. Sissy stuff?” Vince complained, not allowing Lena to respond to her sister's question. “No Metallica or Bullet For My Valentine?”

  “Sorry, Vince,” Lena said softly.

  “Whatever.”

  Lena sang along to Holland’s She’s My Only, singing above the volume, when Vince found the need to deflate her.

  “Oh for Crissake, just shut up already,” he ordered.

  Lena felt her face flush. She looked in the rearview mirror to see her sister’s reaction. Katie and Joe seemed to pretend that they hadn’t noticed. The rest of the ride, Lena didn’t sing. For the rest of the ride, Lena remained silent and punctured; another pin pricking at her battered soul.

  Barren of patrons in late April, the Seaside Heights boardwalk was very cool and windy. Lena loved the Jersey shore in the Spring. She loved the shore all year round, especially during its off-seasons. There weren’t the crowds to distract from the beauty of the ocean or the wonder of the worn-out boards of the boardwalk. Lena never stopped to think about why she had loved the boardwalk and its over-used boards; the emptier it was, the more she felt like she belonged.

  For the last few years, every time Lena would be down the shore, she’d get these visions of Seaside Heights that played out like an old-time movie. The carousel would revolve on its platform while the children whirled around the Wurlitzer organ on their ornately designed carousel horses. The children’s cherubic faces and formal dress signaled an era almost a century old, yet these children were familiar…especially one particular wheelchair-bound little girl. The same children, the same boardwalk, and the same ill-treated woman repeatedly haunted her nightmares.

  Today had been no different. Sitting across from the carousel on a bench on the boardwalk, Lena, Katrina and Joe enjoyed Kohr’s ice cream, while Vince drank away his time at the bar. Lena’s mind began to drift back in time.

  Back on the carousel, the now familiar woman placed her handicapped little girl on the merry-go-round’s bench, and the child blew her a kiss. The woman blew one back as she whispered the name Emmie. Emmie? She knew that name. Did she know that girl? Her mind told her she couldn’t have known her; her heart told her she did.

  Transported back to reality at the exact moment Vince came stumbling across the boards, Lena recognized his inebriated state. Vince must have noticed the annoyed look on her face, because suddenly he raged with defensive fire. She saw the fury in his eyes before she heard the ire in his words. “What’s your problem, bitch?” He came at her and grabbed her shoulders. “You’re looking at me like I killed someone, I’ll give you something to be afraid of.” He wasn’t making any sense.

  “Vince. No, I don’t have a problem.” Lena shook in fear, afraid of what he'd do. “Are you okay? You just looked like you were sick or something.” She scrambled at anything to calm him quick, trying to avoid a drunken scene.

  Lena trembled. Vince’s hands moved from her shoulders to her wrists as he pinned her against the railing that separated the boardwalk from the beach. He closed in on her; he was nose to nose now. Then with all of his drunken force, he head-butted her. Lena’s head whipped back, her knees buckled beneath her, and she went down.

  Lena’s vision went black for a second before everything became hazy. In the blur, she saw Joe pull Vince away from her and then fist him right in the face, knocking him to the ground. Joe hurried to help Katrina with Lena. Lena insisted she was okay, but Katrina wanted to get her home. Kat and Joe helped her to the car, leaving Vince to fend for his drunken self.

  Lena started crying. Mad at Vince for his behavior, she still felt sad for him. He didn’t mean to be that way. She knew deep down that he hated himself for it.

  “Joe,” Lena finally said once they reached Route 35 heading out towards the Parkway. “Please turn around. We can’t just leave him there.”

  Lena saw Katrina look at Joe and shrug.

  “Okay, Leen, if that’s what you want…but the guy’s an ass. If it were up to me, I’d leave him here.”

  “Thanks, Joe.”

  After a very quiet drive home, Vince decided he was not worthy of Lena’s love and demanded his engagement ring back. Knowing better than to argue with him, she slid the ring off her finger and slipped it into Vince’s hand. After he calmed down, she thought, she’d talk some sense into him.

  But did she really want to? Maybe she should seize this opportunity and let their engagement end. She hadn’t been happy with Vince in a long time, and he did seem to get angrier each passing day.

  Instead of deciding right this minute, though, Lena went to sleep. Maybe those nightmares she had were trying to tell her something. Maybe they’d talk to her tonight.

  Chapter Seven

  “Angie, sweetheart, you look beautiful,” he said when he met her across the street; she, waiting for him to pick her up and walk her to Sunday morning Mass.

  “Thank you.” She blushed, as Rick threw his cigarette down on the ground and took her hand.

  While strolling hand in hand on their way to church, he handed her a small gold box wrapped with a silken red ribbon. “What’s this?” she questioned, her eyes wide in surprise.

  “Open it.”

  She blushed again and let go of his hand to unwrap the gift. In it was a thin gold chain with a small heart locket that hung from it. “Oh my goodness, it’s…beautiful, but…”

  “Open it,” again, he insisted.

  Upon opening the delicate heart, she found a tiny picture of him pressed inside. He took the chain and locket from her hand and tenderly slipped it around her neck, holding the heart and placing it delicately over her chest. “Now…I will always be close to your heart…” He looked down at the ground and frowned. “No matter what.”

  “Oh…but don’t you realize,” she took his chin with her slender fingers and turned him to face her, “you are always close to my heart.”

  Rick bolted from his daydream when, instead of hammering the nail into a wooden slat, he pounded his own thumb with the tool. “Damn,” he uttered, his cigarette falling out from its hold between his lips.

  His entire weekend was spent renovating his barn. Rick had been disappointed all week, because he was unable to talk with Lena. He had felt bad about causing that scene with her boyfriend, and he’d wanted to apologize. But every time he made it a point to walk by her desk, she seemed to purposely avoid him. She was mad at him, as well she should be, but it just didn't sit right with him to not have apologized. Even though Vinnie, or whatever his name was, should be the one apologizing to Lena. So crass and vile, Vinnie did not deserve a girl as sweet as Lena.

  Rick wondered what she was doing right now. Was she with that monster? Was she not? Was she thinking about Rick, like he was thinking about her? Since the day he ran into her in the parking lot, Lena sat at the forefront of his mind, occupying every other thought…and his hea
rt. Since Lena’s presence graced his existence, the empty space in his heart began filling with life. Now he just needed to find an opportunity to spend time with Lena so that he could win her heart.

  On Monday morning, that opportunity presented itself. Dan Shoup was unable to attend the franchise meeting in Alpine with Rick. So in his place he sent his assistant Lena Giordano. Perfect. Rick would get to spend over an hour each way with her sitting merely inches away. Now hopefully he wouldn’t mess up this God-sent turn of events.

  Lena seemed somewhat surprised when Rick swung by her office to pick her up. “You ready, Lena?”

  “Uh, yeah, uh sure…I guess.” She turned to Dan and with a shaky voice asked, “Are you sure you want to send me? I’m new here. How could I possibly answer any of their questions?”

  Confident in his response, Dan answered, “You’ll be fine. Anything you don’t know on our end, just tell them you’ll get back to them tomorrow. Besides, today is the technical part of the meeting. Patrick will be doing most of the talking.”

  “Patrick?” Lena’s puzzled expression made Rick and Dan chuckle.

  “That’d be me, Lena,” Rick answered from behind her.

  “Oh. I thought…”

  “I prefer Rick to Patrick or Pat. It suits me better.

  “You two better get a move on,” Dan interrupted, “meeting starts at 10:30.”

  Lena followed Rick to his Wrangler, now adorned with a roof and doors, where he opened the passenger side door to allow for her to step in.

  “Thank you,” she offered, as he closed the door after her.

  “So Lena,” Rick began, searching for something to talk about on the road. “What’s your story?”

  “My story?” She shook her head, “I don’t have a story.” She spoke softly, portraying an uneasiness about her present company.

  Rick shrugged. “Everyone has a story, Lena.”

  Lena pursed her lips, unsure of what to say.