“You couldn’t be accessible from my place?”
“Even if I wanted to, you live on the other side of town. If Lucy or Patty, or the boys need me, I’d be too far away.”
“Isn’t Annie more important?” Feet planted wide apart, he rested his hands on lean hips and glanced at the baby, happily babbling while playing with a stuffed doll.
“She’s the most important person in the world. And I’d never do anything to compromise her welfare.” She took a deep breath. “But those teenagers and the children they’ve brought into the world are important, too. They need guidance more than ever because of the little boys depending on them. And because their families threw them away when they got pregnant they have no support system and nowhere to go.”
She didn’t miss his small wince and knew he was remembering his soliloquy on the benefits of being alone. “To remain here, they must go to school, either for a GED, college classes or a vocational program. I insist on it because the only way they’ll be able to take care of themselves and their kids is with an education. With help, they can raise their children and become productive members of society, instead of living dependent, wasted lives.”
Emily hadn’t had the choice to keep her baby. She’d loved her child with every fiber of her being and couldn’t bear the thought of him being hungry, cold or sick. She couldn’t bear it if he’d needed something she couldn’t give him because she was too selfish to do the right thing. Her baby boy had needed a warm place to live with a father and mother who wanted him more than anything.
Cal blew out a long breath. “You’re really dedicated to these kids, aren’t you?”
“Absolutely,” she answered without hesitation.
“Why?”
Her reasons were deeply personal. Though giving him up for adoption was the right thing, it still pained her unbearably when she wondered if he was doing okay. Did he ever think she hadn’t cared about him? Was he angry and resentful that he didn’t know his biological mother? Did he have any idea what he’d have endured if she hadn’t made the choice to give him away?
Her motivation was to save as many girls as possible from having to go through a similar agonizing experience. But all she said was, “It’s the right thing to do.”
“I know all about doing the right thing,” he said.
“Of course you do. You’re the guy in the white hat. The knight in shining armor.”
“When I was in medical school the time came when I had to decide on a specialty—medical or surgical. And I picked emergency medicine for children.”
“Because you like the adrenaline rush of the emergency room,” she guessed.
“It’s more than that. The kids I see usually have parents who are emotionally invested in their children. They’d move heaven and earth to make them better. Do what it takes for a good outcome. And I never see those kids again.”
“Which is the goal,” she said.
“Right.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “But they’re the kind of moms and dads who’d pick up and move if there was a better place to raise an asthmatic child. Mortgage their life to the hilt to pay for whatever treatment necessary to make a child well.”
They’d talked about this once. She knew he was dedicated to saving every child in the E.R. whose life was at risk and would never understand that she’d given her child up for the very same reason.
“Your goal is to never see a child in your E.R. again. My girls need ongoing help and I won’t abandon them.”
“Even if Annie would be better off somewhere else?”
“Look, Cal, do you really think I’m a bad mother? Because a bad mother wouldn’t put her child first and—”
“That’s not what I’m saying—”
“Yes, you are.” She put her hands on her hips as she stared up at him. “Everything I do, every decision I make is with Annie’s welfare in mind. Including telling you that you have a child in case something happens to me. And right now I have to say that’s a decision I’m beginning to regret.”
“And why is that?”
“You’re butting into my life,” she answered.
“Did you really think you could tell me about my child and not expect me to become involved?”
“You wouldn’t be the first,” she said, thinking about the first biological father she’d never set eyes on. And she’d never felt as alone as that fifteen-year-old girl who told the boy she’d slept with that he was going to be a father, then never seen him again.
“I’m not like Lucy’s FOB.”
“I agree. Complete opposite. You drop by unannounced.” What she didn’t share was how happy she’d been to see him, which was part of the reason she was on the defensive now.
“If I’d called, would you have made an excuse to put me off?” he asked. “Or keep me from coming over because there was something you didn’t want me to see?”
“I get it. Really.” Em pointed at him. “You don’t trust me. You didn’t believe I was telling the truth about Annie being yours or that I have a lump.”
“Can you blame me?”
No, but he’d never hear that from her. “I’m not going to live my life proving that everything I say or do is sincere and truthful. I don’t lie, Cal.”
“Except by omission.”
“I’m not perfect. I make mistakes but apparently the people in your world aren’t allowed that luxury.”
“That’s a little harsh.”
“Then why did you go into guard-duty-surveillance mode?” she demanded.
“I think that’s a father’s prerogative,” he retorted. “Just like you’re doing with Helping Hands.”
“I won’t let those girls be alone.” Not like she’d been.
“And I won’t let Annie be alone. Wasn’t that why you came to me in the first place?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“Then you can’t have it both ways. You can’t tell me she exists then keep me out of the loop. I’m not irresponsible. I’ll step up and take care of her, but I want a say in what happens. Legal rights.”
“Okay.”
He blinked. “As easy as that?”
“You call this easy?”
“Now that you mention it…”
Annie crawled over and pulled herself to a standing position, again using Em’s skirt for leverage. She picked her up and settled her on a hip. “Hey, baby girl.”
Em had never thought of herself as the kind of woman who didn’t share well, but now she wondered if Cal was right about her wanting it both ways. She’d worked very hard for her independence because she never wanted to need anyone again. Then she’d met Cal and made the mistake of letting him in once.
It was obvious that her attraction hadn’t ended with their relationship, which meant stopping it altogether would be about as easy as reversing the effects of global warming. She’d tried to forget him, but never quite managed to pull that off. Maybe because he’d fathered her baby.
The fact was they were both responsible for this child and he was determined to be a father, so she needed to find a path to peaceful coexistence. But moving in with him, relying on him, leaning on him was a path she wouldn’t go down.
He smiled at Annie, who looked more curious than wary. “Is that a truce?”
“I think a cease fire is an excellent idea,” Em agreed.
And she hoped she didn’t regret those words. It would be so easy to fall in love with him and that scared her more than being alone.
* * *
Cal wasn’t above bribery. His goal was to know his daughter and if that meant buying Annie’s good will so be it. He wanted Em’s as well, which was why he’d called first before showing up at her door bearing gifts galore for his child. All age appropriate, of course.
He rang the bell, not easy with his arms full. Since seeing over the stack was difficult, it was more by sound that he knew when Em answered the door. And laughed. God, he’d always loved her laugh, a sound so full of amusement it always made him smile
.
“Cal? Is that you? Or did Santa and the elves make a major screw up?”
“Ho, ho, ho.”
She laughed again, but he wouldn’t let it make him smile. A truce only meant he had to get along with her. Nothing in the rules said he had to like her. No way was he getting sucked in again by a deceitful woman. He’d married the first one and divorce ended any obligation to communicate. He’d fathered a child with the second and communication was required if he wanted to know his daughter. But as far as his attraction to untrustworthy women was concerned, it was way past time to break that pattern. And he was trying his best to ignore how much he was still attracted to this one.
“Come on in, St. Nick.”
Her sweetly seductive voice conjured up visions a saint wouldn’t know anything about, proving that Cal was no saint. He remembered her throaty moans when he kissed her breasts and belly and a sensitive spot behind her knee. The memory made him hot all over, a heat that had nothing to do with triple-digit temps in the Vegas Valley.
He set the stack of boxed toys down just inside the door. In the center of the living room, Annie’s big blue eyes followed his every move. With interest instead of wariness, he noted. That was a step in the right direction. Her blond hair was still damp, evidence that her mom had already bathed her before bedtime. The little girl wore pink princess pajamas with a tank top and shorts bottoms. It was all he could do to keep from grabbing her up and hugging her tight.
And that’s what ticked him off the most. He knew how to deal with kids of all ages who came to see him in the E.R. This little girl was his flesh and blood, and he didn’t have a clue how to proceed. Except that he didn’t want to make her cry again.
He looked at Em who was also watching him. She was wearing a yellow camisole-type tank with white shorts that revealed her smooth, tanned legs. His palms itched to slide over that soft flesh and make her quiver with desire the way she once had. A lifetime ago. A time before he knew what she was capable of. It was on the tip of his tongue to lash out, because anger made a great shield against the strong feelings he couldn’t control. If there were a surgical alternative, he’d gladly go under the knife. For now all he could do was pray for winter when she’d need to wear more clothes.
“So,” he said, selecting a package on the top of the stack. He walked past Annie whose gaze followed him all the way to the sofa where he sat. “I picked up a few things.”
“Yes, you did. If this is for nothing, I can only imagine what her first birthday will be like in a couple weeks.”
At least he hadn’t missed out on that milestone. “I didn’t sacrifice quality for quantity. Everything here meets the age criteria. Not a choking hazard in the bunch.”
“I’d expect nothing less of Mercy Medical’s pediatric E.R. star.”
“Star?” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Apparently that’s not your call to make. The Review Journal has none of your self-deprecating modesty.” She pointed to the Las Vegas newspaper on the bar. “They did an extensive article about the hospital’s emergency room staffing a pediatric trauma specialist 24/7.”
“Yeah. Administration has been pushing the idea for a long time. Jake, Mitch and I need to find a couple of pediatric trauma specialists for the group so we can increase our E.R. coverage. I remember talking to a reporter about it a few weeks ago.” He put the toy on her coffee table. “I didn’t think they were going to use the material.”
Em put her hands on shapely hips, a pose that did amazing things to her already amazing body. “Think again. There were pictures.”
“Oh?”
She nodded. “Of you. In action. But the text included lots of nurse comments about the playboy, bachelor doctor who’s so good with the littlest patients. I believe the last part of the article said something like, ‘He’s dated half the women in the Vegas Valley and after reading this the other half will be forming a line for introductions.’”
He didn’t deny it. There was a reason every TV soap opera featured a hospital. Rumors and stories spread faster than an immunization-resistant strain of the flu. The truth was, he dated. A lot. But as soon as a woman made noises about taking things to the next level he put on the brakes so no one got hurt.
Cal studied her, trying to figure out if his active social life bothered her, but her expression gave no hint. It wouldn’t bother him one bit if she was bothered. As the saying went—payback was hell.
While he and Em talked, Annie crawled over to the stack of toys piled by the door and used it as leverage to stand. Babbling like crazy, she smacked her little hand on the cellophane covering of a play set that included a Cinderella coach and fairy-tale figures. With a sweeping motion, she pushed that aside and did the same thing to the toddler radio just underneath it.
Emily squatted down beside her. “Be nice, Annie. Your daddy brought these for you. Can you say thank you to Daddy?”
Daddy? The single word filled him with awe as well as the awesome responsibility the title implied. Protection. Guidance. Welfare. Education. And a lot of other components that made up childhood and would shape his little girl into a productive woman. Which is what Em was doing with her Helping Hands program. Respect for her efforts threatened, but he wasn’t going there.
“I wanted to get her a fancy doll, but there were multiple warning labels.” He smiled at Annie who’d stopped babbling when she heard his voice. “Have you ever noticed that three is the magic age where the toy world opens wide?”
“As a matter of fact I have noticed,” Em agreed. Her dark eyes sparkled with humor. “I’m guessing that’s the magic age when she’ll stop putting everything in her mouth, which cancels out the choking hazard.”
He nodded. “Then we have to hope she doesn’t put stuff in her nose and ears instead.”
“Oh, God,” Em groaned. “You’re kidding, right?”
He shook his head. “It’s not the number one trauma, but you wouldn’t believe what I’ve had to extract.”
She steadied Annie and slid him a look somewhere between wry and concerned. “The world of toys and toddlers is a very scary place for a parent.”
“Tell me about it.”
Was this parental bonding? A shared concern for their daughter. Eleven months late, but better than not knowing at all. An excited screech from the little girl reminded him that coming over here wasn’t about bitterness and retribution. Or bonding with Emily. He was here to connect with Annie.
He made a noisy spectacle of opening the packaging of the doll to get her attention. She glanced over her shoulder and watched him with great interest. After several moments, she plopped on her bottom, then went on hands and knees into crawling mode. In nanoseconds, she’d made a beeline to him and fatherly pride at the little speeder filled him.
Cal glanced up at Em who smiled and nodded, indicating she understood and approved of his plan. It was a signal of cooperation and nice to know he had her support.
Annie crawled beside him and used the coffee table to stand up. She watched as he pulled the pink stuffed, terry-cloth-covered soft doll from the box and undid the excess of fasteners holding it in place on the cardboard.
“They don’t make it easy, do they?” he grumbled.
“That’s an understatement,” Em agreed. She walked over and sat on the other side of the table, staying close by but in a neutral way.
Again Cal felt the cage of his resentment rattle and struggled to keep it from opening and slipping away. Where could he hide if it was gone? He finally freed the doll and set it on his knee where Annie could touch it. She rested a small hand on the sofa for balance and he realized that she was basically standing on her own.
“See that?” he asked Em.
“I know.” She smiled tenderly. “But if she realizes it, she’ll sit down. Physically she’s capable of taking her first steps, but mentally not so much.”
“She’s ready to walk.” Again fatherly pride in her accomplishment filled him even as he automatically sc
reened her growth and development. “Right on schedule.”
“Yup,” she agreed. “Any day now I expect her to be walking. She’s completely, blessedly normal.”
“Normal’s good.” The downside of doing what he did was seeing the not normal stuff and again he felt the weight of responsibility to keep Annie’s world perfectly ordinary.
She poked a tiny finger at the doll and started to babble, grunt and wiggle closer.
“I think she wants you to pick her up,” Em said.
His gaze jumped to hers. “Really?”
“Yeah, she’s a typical woman. Retail strategy works like a charm.”
“Busted.” He looked at his daughter. “Hey, Annie. What do you think about a vertical lift?”
He set the doll on the sofa beside him and put his hands around her middle, gently lifting her to his knee. When she instantly leaned forward but couldn’t reach the toy, he handed it to her and she happily squeezed the pliable doll against her chest.
“And we have a successful mission,” he said. “Contact without crying.”
“Congratulations,” Em said. “See, all it takes is time.”
“That, and judicious use of a credit card.”
“A stroke of genius.”
And he rode the wave as far as it took him. For the next hour he opened the gifts he’d brought one by one and played with his little girl. She voluntarily crawled into his lap and handed him things, asking him to show her how they worked. He made her smile and laugh. It was a long time before she got grumpy and that behavior was accompanied by the rubbing of eyes, which meant she was tired.
“It’s time for this little girl to go night night,” Em said when Annie crawled into her arms and rested a head on her shoulder. “I’m going to change her and put her to bed.”
She stood and stopped in the hallway before turning back. “You can come with us if you want.”
He did and watched her competently and confidently diaper then rock Annie to sleep. Em put her on her back in the white crib with the pink princess sheets and blanket. After covering her to the waist, she turned on a night-light and led him back into the living room.
Cal didn’t have the words to describe the excitement and exhilaration of holding his child and taking positive steps in gaining her trust. But trust didn’t extend to he and Em.
Committed to the Baby: Claiming King's BabyThe Doctor's Secret Baby Page 19