“Eva, you never answered me.”
“Mmmmmm,” inhaling his scent. He smells so freaking good. Like the ocean and something male, some musky “Jesse Williams” scent.
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
I sighed. Whatever. Why not? It was probably going to end badly and hurt like a bastard but I know I’m way too wrapped up in him already. I think about him constantly, even in my dreams.
“Yes.”
He pulled back, arms still around me, and searched my eyes in that piercing way of his. He liked what he saw because he pulled out that golden god smile, that megawatt grin, and pressed his lips down on mine. We shared one of those scorching kisses that only happen in movies and books, making my knees actually go weak, pathetically. He kissed my nose then, gently, and gathered his coat, promising again that he’d come back after school. I’ve been sitting here writing this ever since he left so when it goes bad and he dumps me, I’ll have these memories to read again and again.
Jesse
Jesse lay sprawled out on Eva's bed, flipping through the older notebooks she kept in a box hidden under her bed. She explained that sometimes she didn't have a notebook, and she would find random drawings on papers or napkins, anything really that could be written on, and that she threw those away. Still, the ones in the notebooks were frightening. People decapitated, eviscerated, gouged, cut, shot, hung, drowned...the list was endless. Some of them were words with pictures, or just words on the pages. He thought the one that said "BALLS" was funny at first but as he delved further into the collection he began to find it as creepy as the rest.
Eva was sitting at her computer at the desk, kind of ignoring him, which stung his male pride a little. Didn't their kiss mean anything to her? Or did she not feel that way about him? He hated not knowing where he stood with her. But he didn't know how to approach her either. Frustrated, he pulled himself off the bed silently and peered over her shoulder.
"I've never even had a boyfriend, for crying out loud. I have no idea how to act." He read a bit more about her insecure feelings about their budding relationship. Well, well, well...that gave him a surge of hope. He put his lips close to her ear and whispered something flirtatious. They ended up tussling on the bed in the most pleasant manner until he blurted out a question about being his girlfriend. He didn't have much more experience than she did. Yeah, he'd had a couple of girlfriends and had kissed a few times, but for a high school senior he was embarrassingly innocent. He wanted to wait for the right girl, and didn't think it was anyone's business what he knew or didn't know about it. Not that any of the other guys in the locker room knew that. He could talk the talk with the best of them.
Of course, his bumbling attempt at expressing his honest and fervent wish to Eva went over as well as a pet rock can fly. Instead of losing his temper, though, Jesse backed off. He asked if she wanted him to leave, and she threw it back at him. Did he want to leave? That was a no brainer. He stuck around, asking quietly if he could read more notebooks. She wasn't going to get rid of him easily. He was getting use to being in her presence, more quickly than he would have thought. He cursed himself for all those wasted years, for listening to his dumbass brother, and for not being able to find a way to get through her emotional walls. He decided to try a different tack. As soon as he figured out what it was.
And after a while, reading through her notebooks, a thought began to percolate through his brain. What if there was a way to communicate with these things that used Eva's body to break through from wherever they were, in purgatory or wherever? Could he help Eva make them go away?
"Eva, can I ask you a question?"
"Hmm? Sure what's up?" her tone was mild, no longer annoyed and he breathed a sigh of relief.
"What do you think these writings mean? What do you think the intentions of the...things...writing them are?"
She turned to look at him. "What do I think they mean?"
He nodded.
"Well..." she said slowly, as if really thinking about it the first time, or saying it out loud for the first time. "I guess they have to be like spirits or ghosts or something, right? Someone who has something left to say. I think they just want to be heard in some way."
"Do you ever know when it's coming?"
"I don't, but I guess you know about my seizures at school?"
He nodded.
"I can't believe you didn't find out before now, really. Our families have always been so close."
Even when they weren't friends, he thought but didn't say. It was nice of her not to point it out, again.
"Anyway, I guess there are some physical symptoms of a seizure that I have before I have a spirit writing."
He nodded again. "Yeah, I knew about those. We weren't allowed to play together unless I ran to get an adult when I saw it happening, so I never stuck around to see the aftermath. Do you have any other gifts? Like premonition or clairvoyance?"
He could tell from the look on her face she was simultaneously annoyed and impressed.
"You have to stop calling it a gift, Jess. It's really a curse; you have no idea how hard it is. But no, I don't have any of that other stuff."
Jesse nodded a third time and then dropped the subject. He didn't want to antagonize her but he had a plan to find out what these things were, if they were really ghosts or something else, and how to get rid of them, but he needed to do some more research first. He picked up the scattered notebooks and put them back into the box, sliding it under her bed. He stood up and stretched, then read a bit more over her shoulder as she typed. Boring schoolwork was up on the screen, but he wasn't fooled. He knew her journal was still up because it was on the bottom menu bar. He grinned, knowing she couldn't see him, and said he had to get going.
She tried to play like she didn't care that much, but he was hoping she did. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, wishing he could run his hands down the soft curve of her spine and press her so close to him they would become inseparable forever. He wondered if she felt the same. He hoped so. But he had some unfinished business of his own before he went home.
"Eva, you never answered me," he reminded her. She tried to play dumb but he wasn't fooled. "Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked again, holding his breath for fear of her saying no to him, again. He braced himself for the pain of rejection, telling himself not to give up, to just give her a little time.
"Yes."
No way. He pulled back, searching her face to see if she was being real. Her amazing sapphire blue eyes sparkled with a blend of emotions. He saw fear, and all the old pain of their past, and even excitement in their depths. He grinned at her, promising silently that he was going to wipe away all the sadness and replace it only with love. He kissed her then, pouring the heat of his promise and the depth of his feelings into the kiss and left before he grabbed her up against him and never let her go.
Eva
November 22, 2013
Getting really tired of seeing this crap in my notebook. Can I buy a vowel please? I don’t understand what you want. Me to die? Me to help? I guess Jesse's questions are getting to me, cuz now I want to know what the hell these things want from me.
November 23, 2013
I was super happy when Jesse came back over after school like he said. My parents came home to find us studying in my room like good children, though we had been making out like crazy when we heard their tires crunch on the driveway. Thank god for two-story houses. And they totally trust Jesse because they’ve known him his whole life. I think my mom can tell stuff is different between us, though, cuz she keeps looking back and forth at us when she thinks I’m not watching. And I swear to god I saw her smirking.
So Dad asked Jesse if he could stay for dinner; Jess texted his mom and told her where he was and what he was doing. She said to tell my mom to call her because there was a change in the PTA meeting and blah, blah, blah. It was a pretty uneventful evening except that JESSE WILLIAMS, MY BOYFRIEND, WAS AT MY HOUSE FOR DINNER! A month ago, I'd have pu
nched anyone who said such a thing would happen. Go figure.
November 24, 2013
I went over to Jesse’s for Thanksgiving, and then he came over to my house for dessert. I told him it’s a damn good thing his brother, Aaron, couldn’t make it home from college for the holidays, or I might have to deck him for telling Jesse to screw me and get it out of his system when Jess and me were only twelve and eleven years old. We have a reckoning coming, Aaron and I.
I have verification that the parental units know that there’s something between us because Jesse’s mom said how nice it was to see me again and his dad said he was glad we worked it out. They were beaming those William’s family megawatt smiles at me, like really friendly sharks. But I love Jesse’s parents, I always have. They know I’m not normal but they treat me like I am, and it’s really refreshing.
After dessert, we went upstairs to my room. We were super quiet when we kissed so no one would know what we were up to. Then he said he had to go home, and I was all sad and pouty but I understood. It’s not like he can live with me now that we’re officially together. Get a grip Eva.
But I was kinda worried about school. I was supposed to go back Monday now that whatever I had been sick or possessed by had passed. What was it going to be like? I could only imagine what those assholes had done to my locker while I was gone.
“Can I come by and pick you up in the morning, go out to the beach for a while?” Jess had asked me before he left. I said yes, of course, and he kissed me chastely before leaving, saying he’d see me tomorrow. Sigh.
November 25, 2013
November 26, 2013
November 27, 2013
November 28, 2013
There has been one of these every day for the last several days. Starting to get worried. Jesse was here for the last one. He told me that it was the most frightening thing he'd ever seen in his life, both in movies and in real life. He told me that we were talking, and then my eyes went sort of blank, then filled up with black, like my pupils expanded to cover my entire eyes, and the room got freezing cold. My hands hooked the fingers into claws and I scrabbled at the bed for my notebook and pencil. He told me that one thing he noticed later was the complete lack of sound; he felt like all the sound had been sucked out of the world and filled up my inkjet eyes. I guess I went ahead and scribbled the lovely drawing above this post and then fell back onto the bed, flinging the pencil at the wall my bed sits up against. I threw them so hard that the pencil broke in half.
Then the room got warm, but when I saw Jesse with my own eyes again, all the hairs stood up on his arms and he was pale as, well, a ghost. I was so worried; he looked like he was completely terrified of me. I started crying, naturally; I asked him if he was going to stop being my boyfriend. He shook his head no. He just held me for the longest time.
Jesse
Jesse was on cloud nine. He had a girlfriend, and it was the girl of his dreams. Eva was smart; wicked smart. But he had to admit her cuteness factor was also a pretty nice perk. Her face was perfect, her skin soft and creamy, her hair dark and lustrous, her eyes luminous, her body smoking hot...he thought about her in terms of textures and shapes, very nice shapes. He thought about her shape a lot.
The time spent with her at her house, or his, was amazing. It was like they'd never left each other as far as their parents were concerned. It was almost eerie, as though they'd seen this coming for years and now he and Eva were playing things out exactly as they'd planned. It sure made things like having dinner at each other's houses and holidays, like Thanksgiving, much easier if both sets of parents were cool with it. Plus they could make out in either one of their bedrooms and get away with it; usually one set of parental units was hanging out at either house or at the school for various functions or meetings. It was totally awesome.
Until the weekend before school, that is. They were hanging out in Eva's room, Jesse laying on her bed stretched out to full length, hoping she would notice his shirt was tucked up a little and his abs were showing. She seemed to have a weakness for his well-toned muscles and he took advantage of it every chance he got. She was sitting at the computer, typing away, and studiously ignoring his display of manliness, but he saw her sneaking peeks now and then. Sometimes he'd read a passage of his book to her. Romeo and Juliet, romantic that he was.
It was great, until suddenly Jesse noticed the preternatural silence filling the room like helium in a balloon. The pressure in his ears intensified and he looked up at Eva in alarm, to see if she noticed. But what he saw sitting at the computer was no longer the girl he loved.
It was the creepiest thing he'd ever seen in his life, both in movies and in real life. Eva's eyes were completely blacked out, like someone had pricked a hole in the pupils of her eyes and the inky color had bled out into the rest of her eyeball. The room's temperature dropped as fast as the sound left it, and Eva's hands began shaking, her fingers curled into claws, seeking, seeking, seeking something...she lurched for the bed and Jesse launched himself out of her way. Her demon hands scrabbled at the notebook and pencil she kept at the headboard and she began scribbling furiously in it, rocking back and forth. She made absolutely no sound and she didn't appear to see anything.
As soon as she was finished scribbling, or whatever had finished using her body was done, she threw the notebook and pencil against the wall her bed rested against with unexpected violence. Jesse jumped in fear, then stood there watching. Eva fell back against the bed, her back arched and only her head and heels touching the mattress. Jesse watched, terrified for her but afraid to touch her, afraid whatever it was would come back, wondering if he should go for an adult. As soon as he thought it, though, the room's temperature began to thaw and sound began to seep back into the world, slow and faint at first but soon back to normal.
Well, everything was back to normal except Jesse.
Eva lay still on the bed, but after a moment, her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at Jesse with her own, normal, beautiful eyes.
Jesse felt as though he may never sleep again. What had just happened to his girl was about the worst thing he'd ever imagined. He didn't know how he could look at her again, how he could be around her when she was taken over by whatever the hell it was, spirits, or ghosts, or fuck even demons. He didn't know. The hair on his neck and arms stood out in reaction to the adrenaline and fear coursing through his body, even though the apparent danger was gone. He watched Eva recognize his fear and saw her eyes fill with tears. She was obviously afraid of the very things he'd been thinking a moment before.
"Are you going to break up with me?" her voice quavered.
He shook his head no. How could he leave her now?
And when she started crying, without the usual rage that accompanied her tears, Jesse's paralyzing horror subsided and he gathered the girl he loved in his arms and just held her, for the longest time.
Eva
December 2, 2013
Today was my first day back at school since right before Halloween. Most of my teachers were really nice except, Clausen, that jerk. He docked points from my MacBeth assignment since I wasn’t in class to participate in the discussions, though Jesse and I had finally gotten around to doing some homework and my questions were spot on. Even McGhee was nicer to me than that a-hole.
Nothing can bring me down right now, though. I haven’t had any writings in my notebook in a few days, after that blitz the week before school. And the best part is that Jess is with me in public at school too. Like he picks me up and drives me in his awesome Jeep Willys that’s all retro, and amazing looking, holds my hand in the hallway, sits by me in chemistry. It's literally all I can freaking do not to stick my tongue out at that she-dog, Natasha, every single time. And we have lunch together at his table. His friends, who I always thought of as unevolved gorillas, are all really nice to me and make me feel ashamed of the mean things I thought about them. Ok a little ashamed. They’re still high school boys, therefore unevolved gorillas.
Jess read that
over my shoulder and started tickling me. We ended up on my bed kissing of course.
December 12, 2013
Today at school was the best day ever. That evil, bitch, Natasha, was making snide comments about Jesse slumming it with me in chemistry today, and he said, “No that was when I was hanging out with you. I’ve always loved Eva.” HE SAID LOVED ME IN PUBLIC!!! Like. A. Boss. In front of that whore too!
I was floating on cloud nine and then, at lunch, a couple of Natasha’s friends came to the table Jess and me were eating at and sat down. I know they just came to sit with their boyfriends, who are friends with Jesse, but they were really nice. I guess they finally made their choice who to hang out with; teenage hormones win every time. I mean, I knew all of them but never hung out with them; after all, this is Brookings. Everyone knows everyone.
They were talking about the Winter Formal and the guys were talking to Jess about getting a limo, and I swear to god, Beth Nichols turns to me and started talking to me about dresses. She’s never even looked at me before. I wanted to be all high and mighty, but Jess winked at me over her head and resumed his conversation, so I mentally shrugged and started talking fashion. Like I know anything about it, me, the hoodie queen.
Beth’s father owns a boutique in Eugene and he said Beth and a friend could have their pick of dresses. And she asked me to go with her next weekend! I never thought I’d be excited to go shopping for dresses with Beth Nichols, but I actually am. And the best part was the look on that hag, Natasha’s face when she saw all of her friends sitting with Jess and me. She huffed and flung her blond locks behind her shoulder like we cared. I saw out of the corner of my eye where she went over and sat with the emo/goth kids, flirting outrageously with Justin Perkins, the boy with the black, spiky Mohawk and multiple face piercings. As if that was going to make Jesse jealous or something. HA!
Dead in the Water Page 4