Zach climbed into the car, started the engine and drove. For minutes we didn't exchange a word. I was beyond embarrassed and ashamed. What did he think of me now, other than a lot of pity which I hated more than anything. I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me.
"That was really shitty," Zach said, breaking the heavy silence.
"Yup. And I wasn't snooping. I forgot my phone." My voice sounded small and defeated. I hated showing weakness.
"I know. You don't have to justify it to me."
"Were they all making fun of me?"
"No one was saying much of anything. I grabbed my gear and took off."
I wanted to be sick. My stomach churned and I closed my eyes trying to catch my erratic breath. What would I tell Dad and Grandpa? They'd want to know why I was home. If I didn't tell Dad the truth, he'd see right through me and I didn't want what Jake did to affect Dad's friendship with Uncle Ron. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned my cheek against the cold passenger side window. What if I threw up in Zach's car?
"Are you sure you're okay?" Zach asked, glancing over.
"I'm fine," I managed to get out.
"You say that, but you can't stop tapping your foot on the floor and you're kind of bouncing in the seat like a bomb that's about to go off."
I gulped in another deep breath. "I don't know what I'm going to tell my dad."
"I'd go with the truth. Your dad should know what an asshole Jake is."
I stole a peek at Zach. He had the beginnings of a scruffy face and it looked good on him. His dark eyes were warm and trusting and I hated that. I hated trusting him.
"The thing is that Jake's brother, my Uncle Ron, is Dad's best friend."
Zach's eyebrows furrowed and by his bewildered expression I knew he was computing and calculating my statement. "Are you Jake's cousin?"
"No, I just call him Uncle Ron. He and Dad are best friends from high school."
He nodded but the befuddled expression remained. "If your dad and your uncle are best friends, how does that work? How is everyone related?"
Here it came, the explanation I hated. Zach would then view me like a lab experiment gone wrong and his demeanor would change because he'd have a reason for my weirdness. "Here's my deal. My birth mother and Dad weren't careful and she got pregnant when they were fourteen. She and her family wanted her to have an abortion, but my grandparents refused. She had me and basically handed me off to them and went on with the rest of her life. My dad and grandparents raised me. Uncle Ron is Jake's oldest brother."
I waited for a reaction, but didn't get one.
"That's kind of cool. So your dad is what? Thirty-four? It must be awesome having a young dad."
I scratched my head. Why didn't he think it was strange? How come he didn't pass judgment on me, my dad and grandparents like most people did? "I guess so. My dad's pretty great."
"That explains why your mom isn't around."
"Yup."
"That also explains why you don't want to tell your dad. I still say tell the truth."
I bit on my fingernails. I couldn't do it. Dad and Uncle Ron were like me and Jake, well, what I thought Jake and I were. "I need to think about this."
"What's your gut telling you?"
"To go home for a week or so. I'll come up with something to tell my dad."
"Bad idea. You go home, I bet you won't come back. Take a few days to think it through. If you need to, you can crash at my place."
What I really wanted to do was go home. "Thanks for the offer. I'll keep it in mind."
"What Bianca said in those texts was out of jealousy. I'm sure it eats her up that you and Jake are so close. As an outsider looking in, I can see how much you care for the guy, but I also see how much he loves her. He already threw you under the bus. If he was any kind of man, he would have come after you and apologized."
"I know."
We didn't say much else for the rest of the ride. I gave him the directions to my apartment and he walked me to the front door.
"Look Emma, if you need anything, call me. My offer still stands for a place to stay. I've got an empty bedroom and everything. I sent you a text that way you have my number. Text or a call later so I know you're okay."
"I will. And thanks."
I went inside to the elevator. The moment I stepped into the apartment and shut the door behind me the tears flowed. I had no friends, no Jake and I couldn't turn to Dad. I had nothing.
Chapter Four
Emma
I sent Zach a text and he sent a few back. I didn't want to chat and told him to have a good night, thanking him one more time for all his help. I stared at my phone and not once did Jake even make an attempt to contact me, and not even a text to see if I was alive.
I sent Dad a checking in text. I was too afraid to call him, fearing he would hear something in my voice. A few days would pass and I could hide it better. In the meantime I still didn't know what to do. Did I go home, stay in the apartment or find a place of my own?
Since I didn't know when Jake was coming home, I holed myself up in my room with textbooks. In a few hours I was all caught up and reading ahead. I was going through my anatomy notes when I heard the key slip into the front door. I didn't move and listened as he came in and set his overnight bag on the ground. Silence. Was he listening for me? I waited, hearing nothing until the light rapping on my door.
"Emma, are you in there? Can I come in?"
My heart pounded and a wave of nausea and panic set in. "Yes."
He sheepishly stepped inside, a look of shame marring his handsome face. He stared at me, sitting on my bed, my school books all around me and tried to smile.
"I'm sorry," he said.
My bottom lip quivered but I told myself not to cry. "You were so mean," was all I could say.
"I know. I don't know why I texted those things. Maybe because it was easier than fighting her."
"I have never done anything to her," I said, my eyes stinging with tears.
"I know."
"All those things you both said. They hurt me so much."
"You don't know how terrible I feel."
"Then dump her."
His jaw tightened. "Emma, I love her. Sure, she said some horrible things, but it's not like you two have to be friends."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "After all she said about me, don't you see the person that she truly is?"
"She's threatened by you. That's all."
I massaged my temples, trying to collect my thoughts. What was he talking about? "Jake, we've been friends our entire lives and you would let her say those things about me and still defend her? And you agreed with her!"
His face hardened. "Emma, here's the thing. You've been here a few weeks and haven't made any friends. Do you know how hard it is for me to be your only friend? I feel like I can't have a life unless you're included in it. It's not fair. I have a girlfriend and I love her. She happens to not like you. What do you want me to do? I need you to give me space, to not do everything I do. I need you to get a life!"
Another tear slipped down my face. When had I become such a weepy wreck? I usually had it all under control. "Zach is my friend."
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Zach feels sorry for you. In a week he won't remember your name."
"Why are you acting like this?"
"Because I'm frustrated. I can't babysit you all the time. When you said you were enrolling at Western my first reaction was that you'd latch on to me and never let go. I've made a life for myself and it can't always include you. I have Bianca, and I can't even bring her here because of you. Do you know what that feels like? I'm sorry that I'm being a jerk, but I've been feeling this way for a long time and now I've said it. I think you need to hear it."
Something passed over me, like a moment of clarity when all the clouds seemed to float away leaving only the sun and bright blue sky. "You're free," I said, my voice taking on a
stronger tone. "Consider yourself unburdened."
"What does that mean?"
"It means you and I are no longer friends. Isn't that what you want?"
His eyes opened wide. "Wait, that's not what I want."
"You can tell Bianca that your little dog is running away. And that starts with me finding my own place."
Horror set in for him, but I didn't care. He came over to my bed, but I got up and walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. He followed me. "Emma, I wasn't saying I didn't want to be friends. I just want you to make some friends."
"Friends don't do and say what you did to me."
"I know you're upset but we can get past this. I'll talk to Bianca and we can work it all out."
"I don't want anything to do with Bianca!"
"Fine, I understand that, but you can't throw away our friendship because I made a mistake. I know I screwed up royally and I'll do anything to fix this."
His pleading didn't make sense to me. Something wasn't adding up. "If you mean it, then dump Bianca."
"That's not fair and you know it."
"It's totally fair. I would defend you to the death if someone called you a filthy mutt or wished you'd go die somewhere. But you didn't. You went along with it. Who's the dog?"
He sunk his head in shame. "I know, but if you met a guy and fell in love with him, you'd understand where I'm coming from."
Silence. I couldn't get through his thick skull. "I'm going home. I'll be leaving in the next day or two. I don't want anything more to do with you. Jake, you broke my heart. What you did was the ultimate betrayal and I can't forgive you."
"You can't go home! Everyone will flip out."
Eureka! The moment I'd been waiting for. I nodded my head in disgust. "Yup, that's really what you're worried about. What I'm going to tell Dad."
He reached out to grasp onto my arms, but I stepped out of his reach. His hands fell to his sides and his body slacked, an attempt to calm himself. "If you tell your dad, he'll tell Ron. You may think you're hurting me, but you're hurting them too. They are going to take sides and don't you think that will ruin their friendship?"
"Not once they hear what you did."
"Emma, you know I'm sorry. Why would you do this to them?"
"I'm not going to lie to my dad. And as for Uncle Ron, I think he'll see things my way."
"You do this, and we won't have a friendship anymore. I won't forgive you, Emma. So promise me you'll take a couple more days to think about this. And know that deep down in your heart I am sorry. I was stupid. And I don't want you to go."
Playing to my sympathies was a good strategy only because I didn't want to tell Dad. I didn't want to have to explain it all and relive my humiliation. It was bad enough all the people from the cabin knew. Who knows how many people they'd tell.
"I don't know what I'm going to do yet."
"All right, good. Take some time to think. I promise you that the whole Bianca thing will be resolved. I'll talk to her. She'll never do anything like that again."
Chapter Five
Zach
I met the guys after hockey for some beers. We sat around drinking and replaying the events of the game. I'd scored twice and one goal was a real beauty, but we still lost 5-3. We had a decent offense and great defense, but our goaltending was killing us. How did you get your best friend to admit he was the worst goaltender in the history of our rec league?
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through texts. Two from Becca. I groaned. I still hadn't broken up with her and I'd been avoiding her since the cabin incident. She was still pissed at me for not driving back to pick her up. Why would I have done that? It didn't make any sense, especially when everyone else offered her a ride home.
I scrolled past her texts and was surprised to see one from Emma. It was a few hours old.
Emma: Hey, how are you? Decided not to go home. Thought I'd tell you. Have a good night.
Me: That's good news. You did the right thing. Still gonna stay with asswipe or are you looking for a new place?
A few minutes passed before she replied. In the meantime we ordered pizzas and the discussion had moved to football. My phone buzzed.
Emma: Not sure yet. Might stay here until the end of semester. Finding housing mid-year is going to be next to impossible.
Did I offer my place again? She didn't seem keen the first time. It wasn't like Genie used her room.
Me: Let me know if I can help. Did you make those éclairs yet? I'm dying to have one.
Emma: I'm going to do a test batch this weekend. If they work out I'll text you.
I put down my phone and Brett was staring at me.
"Are you going to talk to us or text?" he asked.
Brett was one of the few guys on the planet who hated his phone. The guy never texted and his idea of an app were some spicy wings or a heaping plate of nachos. His phone was almost never on or he didn't have it with him. And if you had your cell out in his presence, watch out.
"I'm done now."
"And who is more important than us?"
"I was texting Emma to make sure she was okay."
"Who's Emma?"
"From the cabin four days ago? Remember? Jake's friend?"
Recollection washed over him. "How could I forget?" He turned to the rest of the guys and recounted the events of that day. "She was a fucking loon!" he told them. "She starts reading off these texts that make her look like a cracker jack! Poor Jake. I felt sorry for that bastard."
"Wait a second," I said, holding up my hands. "You felt sorry for Jake? The guy humiliated her."
Brett laughed. "Man, are you serious?" He turned back to the guys. "This is a chick who spent the day either in her room or sitting around reading a book. She didn't say a word to anyone. She's a loon all right."
My back was up. "Actually, she cooked and cleaned for you and your lazy date."
Brett's cheery asshole demeanor disappeared. "Excuse me?"
"If you or your flavor of the week bothered to get to know her, you may have noticed that she was normal and interesting."
A smugness came over Brett. "Oh, I see now. You want to tap her. No accounting for taste."
"The girl was freaking out and I was the only one who offered her a ride home. She's a nice girl, so cut it out."
"Whatever."
The conversation returned to football. Our pizzas arrived, I wolfed down a few slices and made my escape. I texted Becca that I'd be stopping by. It was nearing ten on a Wednesday night, but dealing with her wouldn't take long. She was in her dorm room, leafing through a fashion magazine when her roommate let me in. Becca vaulted off her bed and kissed me.
"I'll be back in twenty," her roommate said. For the life of me I couldn't remember her name.
She left and Becca snaked her arms around my waist. "We've got some time," she said, her voice deepening.
"I can't stay long. I thought we should talk."
She took a step back, her blue eyes inspecting me. "Talk about what?"
"Us."
"Why?"
No need to beat around the bush. I wanted to get this over with. "Do you think this is working?"
Her face frosted over. "You're not dumping me, are you?" Her voice had lost all its seduction replaced by snark.
"Becca, I like you and you're a great girl, but I'm not feeling a connection. Someday you'll meet a guy who's right for you, but that's not me."
"You are such a son-of-a-bitch," she said, her nostrils flaring. "Is it someone else?"
Strangely, she didn't seem sad, just angry like I'd forgotten her birthday and she'd forget about it, and me, in a few days.
"There's no one else."
"It's that chick in your Poly Sci class, isn't it?"
"There isn't anyone else. I want to be single for awhile and focus on school. We can still hang out and be friends."
Her eyes narrowed, ready to shoot laser beams. This side of Becca wa
s ugly. "Bianca warned me about you. She said you'd date me for awhile and dump me. You think you're some god because you're dad's a senator. My dad could buy your dad any day of the week."
I let out a sigh. Her attempts to rattle me weren't going to work. "Well, I should go. I know you're pissed, but if you want to talk about it later, we can."
"Go fuck yourself."
"I guess not then."
I left and she slammed the door behind me. That was taken care of and not nearly as difficult as I'd expected.
Chapter Six
Emma
I lied to Dad and told him everything was fine. It wasn't. My relationship with Jake was definitely different something akin to being on life support. We didn't talk much and I made a point of staying late at school to study, or would leave for school before he was even up in the morning. I didn't want to talk to him and the feelings seemed to be mutual.
The next few weeks I immersed myself in school and my job. I was up to date with all my assignments. At work I was baking up a storm, so much so that Billie hinted that I was making more than we could sell. So on a Friday night when all my classmates were out having fun, I stood behind the coffee counter watching people on their first dates, or with their heads hidden behind laptops.
Julian's was pretty quiet. I was working with Jessica who was nice enough, but we didn't interact a lot. She was a graduate student who worked for extra cash and took any shift available. She'd trained me and other than normal chit chat, I knew little about her.
I busied myself but I could only wipe down the same empty tables so many times. To ward off boredom, I'd tucked a mystery novel in a shelf with napkins and stir sticks and given the chance, I'd casually read a page here and there. Jessica didn't care and often had her books out too. Reading for fun was getting harder and harder to do with all my school work mounting, but since I was lacking in the friends department, I enjoyed a fictional escape here and there.
"Any éclairs?"
I jumped and smiled when I saw Zach standing at the counter. "Sorry, I'm still perfecting those."
Breath Of The Heart Page 3