"Uh, fine."
"See you later."
I heard them leave and slumped down in one of the chairs. I should have gone with my instinct and stayed in Pine Falls.
~~~~~~~
I cocooned myself in bed the next morning not wanting to venture out and see Zach. Fortunately he'd come home alone, but did that really matter? And what if she ever spent the night? The thought gutted me.
I knew he liked to go to the gym Sunday mornings so I waited until he left. I pulled myself out of bed and lumbered into the kitchen, making myself coffee and looking through yesterday's paper. I couldn't even think about food.
I'd asked for this. I'd pushed him away and he'd moved on. My only option was to deal with it.
I looked at the clock. I'd offered to take a shift at Julian's to make an assortment of cakes and cookies. It would be a nice escape from the apartment. I took a shower, got ready and left a note for Zach that I wouldn't be back until evening. With keys and purse in hand, I grasped onto my phone as I walked out the door. It wasn't until I was in the elevator that I saw the text.
000:000:0000: Watch your back you ugly bitch.
Me: Get a life.
Sure, I was defiant, but I was also a little frightened. I wouldn't put it past Bianca and her friends to try something. I doubted they'd try anything serious, most likely something more subtle. Harass me at school or work. Follow me around campus. Throw things at me. Trip me in a hallway. It wouldn't be the first time I'd been bullied.
000:000:0000: Why don't you string yourself up and end it already.
Dread came over me. It was nice that Bianca had left me alone for a few weeks, but now that classes started tomorrow, I guess she wanted to remind me what a monster she was. I thought to delete it, but keeping it seemed like the best thing to do. It would be good evidence to show Jake one day, if he ever came around.
"How were your holidays?" Jessica asked when I arrived at Julian's.
"Good. And yours?"
"Lots of eating, so try to make something healthy."
I laughed. "Students don't buy healthy."
"I've got some good news for you," Jessica said, struggling to hold back a smile.
"You won the lottery?"
"I wish. No, Billie told me to inform you that you're back on floor duty. No more hiding you in the kitchen."
"Really? That's great."
"You're the hardest worker we have. You never complain about hours, show up on time, do what you're asked to do . . . you're the best employee here, after me, of course."
"Of course," I said.
"When you're finished in the kitchen, get your apron and get back out here."
I spent half my shift in the kitchen and the other half on the floor. I made chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, ginger snaps, banana nut bread and chocolate oat squares. I wanted to make carrot muffins, but ran out of time. The showcase still looked a little sparse so I left a note for Billie telling her I'd be happy to come in any time she needed me. Being around the apartment was the last place I wanted to be.
I trudged through the snow to the bus stop and saw a group of students. Had I been alone waiting for the bus, I probably would have headed back to Julian's and called a cab. If nothing else, Bianca had succeeded in spooking me a little. Despite the fact that Zach no longer felt Bianca was a threat, I made sure I was always aware of my surroundings.
I read on the ride home to keep my mind occupied and luckily for me the bus stop was half a block from Zach's. As I scurried home, I cursed Bianca and myself for being scared. Each time she sent one of those ominous texts, she scraped away at my defense.
"Hey, why didn't you call me? I would have picked you up," Zach said from his usual position in front of the television.
I hung up my coat and shrugged. "I wasn't sure how long I was staying."
I didn't stick around to make conversation. It was already past eight and I wanted to change, get my books together and go to sleep. I retreated to my room and organized. A knock at my door interrupted me and I let Zach in.
"So what's up? Why are you acting weird?"
"I'm not. I'm just tired. It was a long day today."
His brown eyes searched me, looking for cracks. "Are we going to school together tomorrow?"
"Yes. What time are we leaving?"
"My first class is at nine-thirty."
"So is mine."
Unsatisfied, he left. I finished putting together my school bag and changed into my pajamas. I pulled out a mystery novel and tried to escape my life.
~~~~~~~
More silence in the car the next morning. I stared out the window, watching the snow-covered streets and boulevards whiz by. Sure, this was awkward. We used to chat the whole ten minutes about anything from politics to hockey, but I didn't feel like talking and I didn't have much to say. The minute we parked the car I went one way and he went another. We agreed to meet at Drake Hall at two-thirty.
I sat through classes, barely taking notes. My mind wandered to all sorts of places, like were they already sleeping together? Probably. When did they start dating? Likely right after Christmas. I bet they even spent New Year's Eve together. Worst of all, when would he bring her back to the apartment for a sleepover? The thought of making breakfast for the three of us made my skin itch and burn.
I hiked across campus to Drake Hall, kicking at sticks peeking through the snow. I was mad at myself, but not mad enough to do something about it. And even if I did something, what would it be? I couldn't tell Zach to dump her and then do what? Tell him what?
I found Zach with Heather at our usual meeting spot. Neither saw me as I leered at them. She couldn't stop smiling as he spoke about who knows what. Jealousy devoured me. I turned away from them and waited by the doors and when I glanced back just one time, they were locked in a kiss. It felt like someone was reaching into my chest, yanking out my heart and squeezing it as hard as they could. I faced the doors, this time not vowing to look back.
"Waiting long?" Zach asked a minute later. He was at my side, a satisfied smile on his face.
"Just got here," I lied.
"What are we having tonight?" he asked as we drove home.
"I have a killer headache. Could you order out?"
"Oh, okay."
He sounded dejected and I didn't care. The moment we were home I barricaded myself in my room and didn't come out.
Chapter Twenty-six
Zach
I rummaged through the fridge and made myself a sandwich. Emma had been in her room for nearly three hours, not coming out for even a glass of water. Did I know what was wrong? Sure. I'd heard some rumors that Bianca had seen the photo from the paper. It seems everyone had seen it. Brett was still breaking my balls about it. But Bianca was seriously pissed off. I couldn't figure out why she even cared.
I'd cornered Brett that afternoon and asked him what he knew. He said nothing, but by the way his eyes kept shifting, I knew he was full of shit.
"Tell me what you know."
"Not much. I heard she had some temper tantrum or something. Started saying that she wasn't finished with Emma."
I pulled out my phone and searched through my contacts for Bianca's number.
"Hey, you're not calling her, are you?" Brett asked. "Don't stir it up again. I'm sure she's over it."
"Doesn't sound like it," I said, my jaw clenching in anger. Bianca had a real screw loose.
"If it helps, I even said a few things to one of Bianca's friends. I told her that Bianca was showing a little too much crazy."
I narrowed my eyes. "You actually did that?"
"Look, I don't know Emma, but this is getting stupid now. Bianca needs to knock it off."
"You hear anything else, I want to know."
"Fine."
I was pretty sure Brett told me everything and I was also pretty sure Bianca had contacted Emma somehow. Had she shown up at Julian's? Got that idiot Jake to send h
er a message? Whatever it was, Emma wasn't telling me about it.
I ate my sandwich and watched some Monday Night Football. Emma finally came out of isolation and walked past me without a word and into the kitchen. A few drawers opened, some clanging of pots and then the smell of chicken soup, her soup, the one she made tons of and froze whenever there was nothing else to eat. My mouth watered and I followed the aroma into the kitchen.
"Any for me?" I asked.
"Sure," she said, her face focused on the pot. She was so detached and then I wondered if she was mad at me for something? For not texting her again over the holidays? About Heather?
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Headache," she said, pointing to her head.
"Have you taken anything for it? I think I have some Advil."
"No, I'm good."
I got some bowls and she continued to stir, like I was a ghost in the room. Yes, something was bothering her and the only person I could think of who might be able to get it out of her was Genie.
She poured the soup into the bowls and we ate in relative silence other than a few sentences about school. She then got up, washed her bowl and went back to her room. Once I knew she was tucked away, I called Genie.
"So you want me to find out what's wrong? Did you ask her?"
"Of course I did."
"I'm going to point something out to you because I know you're a bit dense. When did your problems with Emma start?"
"After the kiss."
"But you talked to her after that by text? Everything seemed fine?"
"Yes."
"And what changed when she got back?"
"Nothing."
"Think harder, weenie."
I was at a loss. I had no idea what had changed and then it hit me. "Heather?"
"You're the biggest weenie I've ever met. What possessed you to get involved with her? I'm sure she's nice, but are your balls that blue? Emma is nervous, it's that simple. She's never had a boyfriend, and what do you do? You start dating some girl the second she gets back. You're an ass."
"But it's so casual."
"Ugh! Really! Are all boys this stupid? I bet her mood will lift once that girl is out of the picture, unless you like that girl."
"She's nice, but . . ."
Genie let out a pained groan. "Then dump her before she gets too attached." She paused for a long moment. "I'm going to ask you something, and don't even think about lying to me because I can see through your shit. Did you start dating this girl to piss off Emma? Get her to react? To prove to yourself that she likes you?"
"No." I said it so quickly I didn't believe myself.
"Are you twenty going on five? Emma isn't the kind of girl you do that to. In fact, you don't do that to any girl. What were you thinking?"
"I didn't intentionally do it!"
"Sure you did. You needed to validate that she likes you. I already told you that she does, so why push her buttons?"
"I wasn't doing that. I don't even know why I started dating Heather."
"Because you are a–"
I cut her off before she could finish. "Yeah, I get it."
"Like I told you before, give Emma a little space, and if you find yourself getting horny, get romantic with one of your hands."
With that she hung up.
I hated when Genie was right.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Emma
Genie called and asked if I wanted to go out with her, Lucy and Andrea on Friday. I accepted her offer immediately. The thought of dancing the night away with a few vodka and 7s was my idea of a good time. All week I looked forward to it and even went out shopping to pick up some new outfits.
Thursday after class Zach was waiting for me alone. No Heather. She'd been a fixture every day, saying goodbye with their long drawn out kisses. Yuck.
"I'm the driver tomorrow night," he said. "I'll drop you guys off and pick you up later."
"You have a hot date?"
"No, hanging out with the guys."
"What about Heather?"
"We stopped seeing each other. Nice girl but not right for me."
I stumbled and nearly hit the ground. Zach grabbed my arm to steady me. "You okay?"
"Tripped over my own feet." What I wanted to do was a happy dance. "Sorry to hear about Heather."
"No big deal. So what are we eating tonight?"
"It's nothing too exotic, just some Crockpot chili. I didn't have time for anything else."
"Homemade garlic bread?"
"Yup, but the bread is frozen. No time for fresh."
"Before you came along, dinner was either a sandwich or something I could nuke."
"Then you must be happy to have me around."
He smiled. "Yup, you're okay."
My body warmed and my skin tingled. "I was thinking of making roasted chicken tomorrow with lemon potatoes and a Greek salad."
"I love your lemon potatoes."
"I could use the rest of the lemons to make a meringue pie."
"I love lemon meringue pie."
I smiled. We were back to normal, just the way I liked it.
~~~~~~~~
I loved dancing. Andrea, Lucy, Genie and I danced at Diablo's, the latest and hottest club to open, and I didn't have a single care. With Heather out of the picture, the dark cloud that had been hanging over me for weeks had finally lifted. I was having fun again.
"Let's talk," Genie suggested. We were both glistening from sweat and in dire need of drink refills. We found a quiet part of the bar with a bunch of sofas and tables while Andrea and Lucy continued to dance.
"Thanks for inviting me," I said. "I'm having a great time."
"You're invited anytime. To be honest, this is first time I've been out since we got back to school."
"We've got to do it more often."
"Let's toast to more girls' nights out."
I sucked back half my drink, letting the alcohol roll down my throat. I could have done a toast to fake IDs, but that was for another time. Instead I scanned the crowd, a contented smile plastered on my face.
"How have you been? We really haven't talked much," Genie said, sipping her rum and Coke.
"I've been good. Work and school keeps me busy."
"Any Bianca sightings?"
I stiffened a little. She, or one of her cohorts, had sent another text. "No, I don't see her."
"And everything is good with my brother? He hasn't driven you crazy yet?"
"No, we have a good time."
"You know, he cares about you."
"I'm care about him too. He's done so much for me and I don't know how I'll ever repay him."
Genie grinned devilishly. "That's not what I meant."
So many times things went straight over my head. For instance, my friendship with Jake was full of hints that I was a bother to him, but I'd missed them all. Or the time at summer camp when I was twelve – my only summer camp. I was hanging out with a couple of girls who I thought liked me up until I caught them in the showers telling other girls how creepy I was because I read a lot and didn't like to talk about boys or talk about much at all.
But this hint was hitting me straight in the face.
"I know what you're thinking but I'm sure you're wrong."
"I've known Zach for twenty years. We shared a womb together so I've got a pretty good read on him. I know when he likes a girl and he likes you a lot."
My mouth went dry. Coming from Genie, this was serious. Although I'd only known her a few short months, she wasn't the type of person to bullshit anyone. "I still think you're wrong."
"And how do you feel about him?"
"I don't know," I said, avoiding eye contact and stirring my drink over and over again. If I kept it up, I'd stir the fizz right out of it.
"Do you still like that Jake guy?"
"Not a chance."
"Then what's the problem?"
"We have a good r
elationship so why complicate it?"
"Don't hate me for asking, but have you had a boyfriend before?"
"No, not really."
Genie chortled. "What kind of answer is that?"
"Well, a few months before my grandma died, I dated this guy at the tennis club. He was nice and I was curious. We went out a few times and had sex once. Looking back I think I wanted to know what it was like even though I didn't really feel a connection with him. It's not something I regret."
Genie sucked back her drink and motioned to the bartender to get us refills. "You know, I have a lot of respect for that. You were curious, you got it out of the way. Was he cute at least?"
"I guess so. It was his first time too, so we were a bit of a mess. I didn't call him, he didn't call me and we were both happy about that."
"The first time isn't memorable unless you really like the guy and he's super cute and has an amazingly beautiful sister."
I rolled my eyes and finished my drink. "Zach is great, but he scares me."
Had I said that aloud? Damn alcohol. And it wasn't like I was tipsy.
"Zach isn't scary. Why do you say that?"
"I don't want to go out with a guy for a few months. When I meet the right guy it has to be long term. Zach isn't a long term kind of guy."
"That's because he hasn't met the right girl. You're the right girl."
My cheeks flushed. "You don't know that."
"Remember, I shared a womb with him. I know what he's thinking before he does."
I fidgeted on the sofa. Did I tell her about the kiss? Maybe she already knew about it. My head was a whirlwind of jumbled thoughts, none helped by alcohol. "I'm not his type of girl."
Genie's eyes narrowed. "Oh yes, you most certainly are. And he knows it too and that's why he's been very cautious with you. I think you should give him a chance."
The bartender came around with our drinks and right after that Andrea and Lucy joined us on an empty sofa. All discussion about Zach ended and I wasn't sad about that.
~~~~~~~
Saturday night, as I nursed the last of a mild hangover, Zach ordered pizzas. While I devoured a slice of pepperoni, mushroom and black olive pizza, he found a movie for us to watch.
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