by Leanne Davis
“My father was a giant, like Chris. My mother was like me, unusually small. And that’s how things go in the gene pool.” Tully waved her hand towards Chris.
Julia looked at the bald head. The tattoos. The bodybuilder physique and brute strength. None of it seemed the least bit connected to the small, petite, classy, dressed-to-the-nines sophisticate that he called his mother. Yet, Julia plainly saw that pure affection for each other shown in both of their faces. Such as she never imagined could exist.
Julia worried that their relationship could be too attached, and not just an affection they shared. She wondered if his mama-boy status would become an obstacle, something she could never break through or even be a part of. But so far, Tully was very hospitable between her gracious smiles, sincere eye locks, nods, and friendly facial expressions. She behaved as if Julia were already a part of them, and not an unwelcome intruder. Julia relaxed when Tully started asking her innocuous, easy-to-answer questions about herself and her family. There was no trace of prying or demands to know all about Julia right then and there.
Dinner was every bit as delightful as the woman who made it. Light, crisp salad greens with homemade gourmet balsamic dressing was the first course. She also served lightly grilled salmon with egg noodles in Alfredo sauce. It was delicious. Chris ate four servings before taking a breath. The aroma of her homemade garlic-buttered breadsticks was divine. Chris broke one open and hot steam wafted out of it. “Thank God for the bread. Who were you planning to feed, Mom? The ladies’ book club?”
She laughed and hastily replied, “I don’t have to make buffalo steaks or chicken-fried steaks or deep-fried side dishes any longer, Chris. Your dietary needs, or shall we say, anything edible that you shovel into that bottomless pit you call your stomach are no longer the main influence of my cooking preferences.”
“I thought dinner was perfectly cooked and presented. Thank you,” Julia said, folding her hands on her lap.
“That’s right, suck up.” Chris leaned over and kissed Julia’s cheek with a laugh right in front of Tully but she merely laughed too.
Rising after everyone was finished, Tully cleared the table and came back with a triple layer chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing. “I did, however, prepare something special just for you.”
Chris rubbed his hands together, his eyes sparkling at the sight of the heaping pile of processed sugar. “Now we’re talking.”
Chris ate half of the cake in no time while Julia and Tully each had a small slice topped with vanilla ice cream. Conversation was easy and it kept going on long after dinner. Julia offered to help with the dishes, but Tully waved her off. “Nah, just sit there and keep me company while I do them.”
She and Chris sat at the bar overlooking the kitchen sink and remained there for at least two hours. Tully finished the dishes and cleaned the kitchen before she leaned against the counter. They all entered her living room, and Chris lounged on the couch, resting his gunboat feet on her glass-topped coffee table. Tully didn’t say a word about it, so he must’ve done it often. On and on they talked for another hour. Chris eventually lumbered to his feet and said, “Okay, I’m getting tired. We’ll be here for breakfast if we stay any longer.”
They got up to leave and Chris took the leftover cake and tucked it at his side, beaming with gratitude. “Now you be sure and share it with Julia,” Tully reminded him as he dutifully leaned down, way down and kissed her cheek.
“Don’t know if I can do that, ma’am,” he replied in a faux Southern drawl.
Tully pretended to punch him in the stomach and teased, “Then I won’t ever make it again.”
Chris sighed dramatically, “Fine. But the things you ask of me…”
Tully rolled her eyes and turned to Julia. This time, Julia stepped forward, eager to hug her. They embraced and a mutual warmth flowed between them. “Okay, you drive carefully and all that. It was so nice to meet you, Julia.”
They exchanged more goodbyes and then climbed into her car, and Chris drove. It was almost midnight. Julia never dreamed meeting someone’s mother would last so long, yet it seemed like it flew by. She had an amazing time.
“Oh, my God. Your mother is not what I expected, not at all. She’s wonderful.”
He beamed but kept his gaze riveted on the road. Giving her a quick, warm, loving glance, he replied, “I hoped it would be that way. I thought it would. I just didn’t want to pressure you about it before it happened.”
“I was secretly afraid you’d have this weird relationship with her that didn’t include me or that she’d be all evil and grasping and refuse to share you with anyone.”
He tossed his head back. “I figured you might have thought that. You were practically tearing your cuticles off in chunks. But nothing I could have said would have calmed you down; you had to meet her for yourself and see.”
“I understand why you’re so close to her.”
“She’s easy to be close to, without interfering in my life or telling me what to do. She was the reason why I came after you at the hotel. She never asked me what happened when I obviously didn’t show up with you. I let it go for about four months before I told her what happened.”
Startled, Julia glanced at him. “Does she know about Lloyd?”
“No, of course not.”
Julia let out a huge breath. “Oh, thank goodness.”
“Why? She wouldn’t hold it against you. She’d probably hit me upside the head if she thought for a second I judged you for it. It’s a lot like how I got here.”
“Really?”
“How do you think I ended up here?”
“Well, I keep wondering why you never mention the word dad or father. It’s all about your mom. I wasn’t sure if he died or…”
He slipped a glance her way. “You can ask me. For God’s sake. We still discuss Lloyd, my boss, your boss, your ex-lover. He’s still my boss. And your boss. You can ask me about my father.”
“Okay, then, where is he?”
“She had an affair with her boss while he was married. She got pregnant with me, and left him and had me. He never knew about me. Her parents didn’t want to know about me either so she moved here and started over. All alone. I don’t know how she did it. Or didn’t manage to fuck it all up but you met her, and I think you’ll agree she’s pretty indomitable.”
“She is. But looking at her, you’d never know it. I thought I was miniscule compared to you. She’s… wow, you and she are opposites. My God, her jewelry, alone, must have cost a small fortune. She’s so classy and sophisticated. I always imagined dressing like that, but I don’t know how to. But to your mom, it seems to come so naturally and she just exudes good taste. It comes to her so effortlessly, without a touch of snobbery.”
“Are you suggesting that I’m not classy or sophisticated?” His mock offended tone stopped her monologue.
“Um… no. But the tattoos alone? Well, you know I love you now. To me, you’re the big, giant teddy bear I know I can trust and adore. But at first glance? Chris, you look like an aging high school linebacker, who joined a motorcycle gang, and later became a nightclub bouncer.”
He swiftly turned her way. “God, Julia. You and your ever evolving descriptions of me. I think you’ve called me a biker, bouncer, mafia hit-man and now a former high school football player?”
“Well…” she pushed on his shoulder affectionately, “you kind of do look like all of those. I wouldn’t mess with you, that’s for sure.”
“Do you know how often I get surprised reactions about how I look? The assumption that I must be stupid or lethal or a Neanderthal. As if my size somehow dumbed down my brain?”
She studied him long and hard. “Chris… I…”
“You even found me amusing. I hate being amusing. Why is it so shocking or even odd that I like cats and my mom?”
Chagrinned, her gaze clung to his. His tone wasn’t playing around. “It’s not. It should be no more surprising than I like my mom.”
“Wel
l it is. I’m a joke more often than not.”
“You’re not,” she hissed it. Insisted. “You’re not a joke, Chris. To me. Or anyone. I swear to God, I don’t think like that about you. In fact, you are one of the most articulate, helpful, intelligent people I’ve ever known. You are a natural leader and it has nothing to do with your size. It’s your quiet authority and common sense opinions and answers to people. It’s how you guide and teach instead of yell and punish. You’re far better at all that than even Lloyd.”
He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, staring out the windshield. Contemplative. “Lloyd. Goddamned Lloyd. Always going to be between us, huh? No matter how much we pretend otherwise.”
His tone was defeated and surly. She nodded. Unsure how to respond without making it worse, she held her tongue. Chris continued, his tone still reflective, sad. “He met me, interviewed me and didn’t say a word about size or strength or how that would be a positive skill set for working on his job sites. Instead, he asked me where I saw myself in five years. Did I have any interest in learning management? Plans reading? No one had ever asked me what I intended to do in five years. I was twenty-three and worked at a lumber yard, where how much I could lift was about my only superior skill set. And the only one ever acknowledged. He was the first person to offer me more. To tell me I might have a chance towards something different and better.”
Her breath stalled. Listening to him her heart squeezed in regret for teasing him and… yes, writing him off as everyone else did.
But Lloyd hadn’t.
“He was the first person to teach me anything.”
“That must have been powerful stuff to a guy who had no male influences in his life.” She pressed him, her tone soft and kind.
He whipped his gaze to hers, eyebrows lowered in puzzlement. “Yeah. I suppose it was.”
Quiet fell between them. She said in a soft sad voice. “Lloyd became your father-figure, Chris.”
He sucked in a breath. Hands tightened on the wheel. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do. And then I came along and stole that from you.”
“You didn’t…”
“I did,” she interrupted. “I’ve often thought about how you came after me in Medford the first time and then at the airport. You were determined. Sure. Confident. And then you seemed to wilt and change your mind. That puzzled me. But it was Lloyd. Each time when you were faced with Lloyd you stopped yourself from speaking up to me. He came to my hotel room door and suddenly, you only had an apology to tell me. Same as the airport. There he was beside me and you had nothing to say to me. It was Lloyd. You knew that having me meant giving up Lloyd. The one man who had ever given you time, help, guidance, mentoring, the things a father might. And you knew speaking up for me would cement losing him.”
“I don’t… know.” His expression turned confused and her heart twisted in regret.
“I do. Your anger at me was fueled by how I put you in the position to lose him. To have me, you couldn’t have him. Yes, you were mad I chose him, but your reaction wasn’t normal for you at all. I knew that. I couldn’t put my finger on what was making it such a strong reaction. It was about who I chose to be with, as much as it was about not being with you.”
He let out a breath. “I threw a chair.”
“What?”
“After the first time I yelled at you about Lloyd. I threw a chair at the job shack wall. It shook me up. I never react that strongly. I understand the damage I can do. I’m careful to keep it in check. Then, there I went throwing a chair. I kept yelling vile things at you. I couldn’t control my jealousy and therefore, anger. It scared me.”
She suddenly turned. “I’m to blame in this. I did something carelessly, on a whim, for fun and you suffered for it. You almost lost your job and the man you see as a father.”
“But I don’t suffer now. We have each other. And oddly, we still have Lloyd.”
“You didn’t want to lose him. Not because of me. And you shouldn’t.”
“That’s sick to want to still work and be mentored by the guy my girlfriend—”
“But that’s what the situation is. There is no shying away from it. I think you and I have a lot to wade through, and we can’t pretend we started the day we had our first date. It would be disingenuous. We have to work this stuff out and let it be part of us instead of someday rearing up and surprising us and possibly ruining us.”
“Maybe.”
“It has to be hard for you.”
“Well, yeah. How would you feel if I’d slept with Vickie and now I was with you? It’s hard to get out of my head.”
She cringed. But let the feelings flow through her. “That’s… yeah, that’s a pretty clear comparison. But the difference between me and Lloyd and me and you is, we share love. We can work through this. I believe that.”
Quiet met her statement. She peeked at him. His brow wrinkled as if in contemplative thought. “Chris?”
He glanced at her as he pulled into the parking lot in front of his apartment. She unclicked her seatbelt, leaning over and reaching up to bring his face down to hers. She touched her lips to his and stared right into his eyes. “We do share love between us, don’t we?”
He smiled. “We do. Yes. We share love.”
“It makes all the difference.”
He nodded. “It does.”
Still something nagged at her. Some insistence she couldn’t make up for what he might lose in having Lloyd in his life. “Is it enough to make up for all that came between us?”
He turned and stared at her. Then leaned across the seat and gripped her chin in his hand. He leaned forward and touched his lips to hers in a long, lingering kiss. “I love you, Ju-Ju-Bee. That’s what matters now. That’s where we start from.”
She smiled and for the first time in her life her rising anxiety started to settle back down. She was to blame for things almost lost or gave up. Things that should never have been put into jeopardy. But somehow they’d still found a way to each other. Now to stay together they would have to be more honest than most. When they got out of his car he took her hand and they walked to his apartment. Together. Quiet. At peace. And Julia was ready to be honest about who she was, what she wanted and that she deserved it, for the first time in her life.
Chapter Sixteen
JULIA GLANCED UP TO see Vickie heading directly for her. Looking around, she soon determined there was no easy escape. She was stuck in her office and Vickie was on her way. Vickie stopped in the office doorway and they stared at each other for a prolonged, and perhaps, Julia would later concede, profound moment.
“Please let me have a few minutes with you.”
“I really don’t want to. For one, this is my work and I’m busy right now being productive, something I’m sure you can’t imagine. And second, you know I don’t want to see you. You know why too. I don’t want to rehash it.”
She nodded, her blonde hair curling at the ends and swaying over her shoulder. “I know. But some things have happened and changed. Please let me talk to you. Twenty minutes? Can’t you spare that? I’ve respected your wishes. It’s been over five years now and I’ve respected what you wanted. Can’t you—?”
Julia plopped back down in the desk chair, keeping the desk in front of her as a kind of shield. “Don’t you lecture me about what I should do. Or should I lecture you about all the things you should have done and didn’t do? You’re twenty years too late and now you can’t have all my attention or interest.”
“Julia—”
She waved. “Fine. Sit. Close the door. No reason to broadcast our dysfunction. I’d like to keep my job professional and not turn it into a bitch fest that people can gossip about. Although your outfit, alone, will have plenty of people talking.”
Vickie sat and crossed her legs, stiffening at Julia’s insult. “Don’t be such a prude, Julia.”
“I am a prude though. You don’t like that about me either, do you? If only I could have been more fun. I
magine how you could have embraced me then.”
Vickie’s mouth twisted up. “Please don’t say that. I’m not here to fight or bicker or rehash the mistakes of the past.”
“Then what do you want?” Julia snapped. She couldn’t stand to be put in her place by Vickie, of all people. “What do you want or need? What have you screwed up now? Do my parents know yet?”
“They don’t know. Not yet. I’m… I came to you because you were the only one I wanted to see.” She shrugged, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.
Julia rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’ll bite, Vickie. What tragedy has befallen you now? What has sent you running to me in scorn or shame or whatever else could’ve possibly brought you here?”
“Cancer. Cancer is what brought me here.”
Julia sat upright but her facial expression didn’t change. She wasn’t sure she registered the words correctly. “Cancer? Did you say cancer? Are you saying… you…”
Vickie nodded, pumping her leg up and down, her shoe falling half off her heel. “Yes. I’m telling you that I’ve been diagnosed with cancer.”
Julia swallowed hard and leaned forward, folding her hands on her desk and appearing all proper while her heart hammered loudly in her chest. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Julia.”
Julia tapped her fingers on her desk. “You better not be making this up. This isn’t a stunt to get me talking to you, is it?”
Horrified, Vickie’s big eyes met Julia’s cool, assessing gaze. “Julia!” she snapped. “I know you have anger issues with me and the way I raised you—”
“Or didn’t.”
Her head snapped up. “What?”
“I was clarifying that you didn’t raise me. Tracy did. Dad did. Kylie and Ally and eventually, even Dane and Nate did. Half of the same people you divorced or left or left me in the care of while you were off doing… what was it again? Oh, yes, doing whatever you wanted. Whenever I was inconvenient, you left me with other people. All of them were good people, thank God, I will give you that much credit. You picked the right people to cover for you and make up for your total neglect. So while I would never wish you ill will, it doesn’t mean you can suddenly show up and magically change what our relationship never was.”