Alais was struck by the severity of his tone. Up until now, he had always been gentle and considerate in his dealings with her and this, more than anything else, made her understand that he viewed this as a very important matter. “Very well. I will do as you say, though with misgivings. I will trust your judgment in this one thing.”
He handed her a bundle of clothes and she knew that he had never been prepared to take no for an answer. “Will you send Sarah to assist me? I do not know how to put these on.”
“I will,” he promised, “but you must learn to do it for yourself. There will be no one to help you on the journey.”
This was not at all what she expected, she reflected as she went back into the screened-off room. She had expected to travel in the style befitting someone of her rank and that of her husband. Now she was being treated as a servant, as less than a servant. She had hoped that her husband would respect her as she had hoped to respect him. Now that looked unlikely and she wondered what exactly her reception would be when she finally reached Liss.
Sarah joined her and together they took off her dress and replaced it with the hooded tunic and hose that Hugh had given her. Sarah made it clear that she was scandalised, but made no comment, contenting herself with tutting and clicking her tongue. It proved to be more difficult than Alais expected, to dress as a man. Nothing seemed to fit properly but Sarah assured her that she looked respectable enough and she went back into the hall to present herself to Hugh.
Hugh looked up as Alais came back into the hall. Even wearing his clothes, there was no disguising the fact that she was a woman. If anything, the clothes served to accentuate her shape, despite the fact that he had, until now, thought it boyish rather than womanly. It was her hair that struck him. The colour of deep chestnut, it hung in a thick long plait down her back. It was the first time he had seen it and it almost dazzled him. Even running from the French she had managed to keep it demurely hidden and now it was displayed before him. He realised that she had done it on purpose, to humiliate him and to remind him that she was committing a sin. He took a step towards her and reached out to touch it. Then he came to himself and remembered what he was doing. He pulled his hand back. Alais had noticed the action, but her puzzled frown told him that she did not know what he had intended.
“No, no,” he said, shaking his head and thinking quickly, “that will not do at all. Loosen the belt.”
Alais did as she was told and the tunic hung a bit more shapelessly. “At least the cap will cover your hair.” He hoped it would. Most people, seeing someone in man’s clothing would see what they expected to see – a man. Only the clever and curious would see anything else. He should be able to avoid that if all three of them worked together.
As he thought about her hair, it occurred to Hugh once again that Alais had lost everything and did not even possess a comb. “Sarah,” he called. When the woman arrived, he asked her to go through his mother’s and sister’s belongings and pick out anything that would be of use to Alais.
“No, my lord, please. It is too much,” protested Alais.
“They are of no use to me, my lady, and you have need of them.”
“But surely they are of value to you.”
“I spend too much time with ghosts. It will be good for me to let them go.”
It was true. Believing he had no future, he spent much of his time with his memories, where other men in his situation would be planning their futures. He was sure that if his younger brother, Stephen, were the heir, he would be planning every last detail of what he would do with his inheritance when their father was dead, but Hugh had no desire to plan for possessions that were not likely to be his and that he did not want. The past was important to him, not the future. Perhaps now was the right time to let the past slip away.
Alais was right, he did value these mementos from Lady Maud and Isabella, but it seemed easier for him to imagine Alais enjoying them than anyone else. Not that there was anyone else who would have them. He would not let his sister or sisters-in-law have them. They had helped neither his mother nor Isabella when they had needed it. Alais had no connection with either, so he thought it would cause him less pain to see her in their clothes or using their belongings. That there would be pain he was certain. He had loved no one else in his entire life. He was close to Edmund and Edmund’s wife and daughters, but he did not think he loved them. He would grieve if they died, but he did not feel the same instinct to protect them. He had done his best to protect Lady Maud and Isabella, but he had failed and they had died. He knew that it was not his fault entirely, but he knew that he was far from innocent.
And here was his father’s wife and he wanted to save her from what was ahead, but he was helpless, as helpless as he had been to protect his mother. His rôle was to ensure that she arrived safely at Liss, then his responsibility would end. He could, he would, do no more.
He realised that Lady Alais was looking at him expectantly. “There is one other thing. Do you think you could manage to wear a sword? Or would it be too heavy? I could give you the scabbard if you cannot manage the whole thing. It would at least give the illusion that you were armed.”
“Let me try,” said Alais. Hugh handed her one of the swords he had taken from the Frenchmen. He had little hope that she would be able to hold it, let alone wield it, but it was the appearance that was important. He wanted to put off attackers. He did not expect Alais to join in any fighting.
The sword was much too long and heavy for her and, even when she was on a horse, he could see that she would not be able to manage it. As he took it back, Hugh hefted it in his hand. “It is not well-made and the balance is wrong. Perhaps my own sword...”
Alais shook her head. “If the French swords are so bad, I should feel safer if you kept your own sword.”
“A dagger?” he suggested.
This seemed to be an acceptable compromise. Alais managed to wear it ostentatiously, so that it would be obvious to even the most casual of observers. Unfortunately, although she looked extremely comfortable wearing it and had handled it well when he had given it to her, Hugh knew that she would be unable to use it and he hoped fervently that such an occasion would not arise. “At least outlaws will think twice about attacking three armed men. Very well,” he said, assessing her once more. “You will pass as a boy from a distance. And when we get to the inn tonight, you must stay silent and not remove your cloak or your cap until we are alone.”
“I am to be a boy at the inn as well?” cried out Alais.
“Of course, my lady, where else do you think outlaws find out who are the best people to attack on the road?”
Alais was horrified and then another thought occurred to her. “And the rooms, my lord, how many rooms will there be?”
“One” said Hugh firmly. “But I will make sure that there is a truckle bed for you.” It took a lot of effort, but he held her gaze. She had to understand what a dangerous situation this was. Their mutual embarrassment was nothing compared to the risk of being set upon by robbers and thieves.
Alais sniffed, this was going too far.
“My lord, this is hardly proper.”
“No. And if I had been brave enough to do what was not proper for you and your mother and have you both stay here at Hill, she would still be alive. You would not have been in St Michael’s, but here.”
Alais was silent. It had not occurred to her to consider that she and her mother might have stayed at Hill, but now it did seem strange that they had not. She had never considered that they might have stayed there once she had learned that the manor belonged to her stepson and not her husband. Alais bit her tongue to stop herself from speaking. Her mother’s death was her husband’s fault! If he had sent a proper escort for them, they would have been travelling and not in St Michael’s at mass. He should have sent an escort for them to bring them from Leigh. “Perhaps,” she said, deliberately, “it would be better for me to return to Leigh and for your father to send a proper escort there.”
“My lady,” Hugh was embarrassed, “my father does not intend to do you any honour on your journey to him, whenever you make it.” He had hoped to keep this terrible truth from her. Whatever she might have guessed about her husband’s character over the years, he doubted that she had ever considered this, but he was surprised.
“It is because of my father.” Her response was immediate, as if she had already given the matter much thought. But then, she probably had. A pretty young bride would have to find some explanation as to why her new husband had left her behind when he had returned to his home and Jean de Montjoye’s daughter would not have far to look to find one. He could see tears filling her eyes, but they did not fall and he admired her restraint.
“Not entirely” He was surprised at how cold and remote his voice had become. He struggled to maintain his control and not tell her everything he knew or suspected. It would do neither of them any good. “But he knows he will get little criticism for treating you badly. You have no one to stand up for you. If you had you would be married to one of their sons, not an old man.”
“Your frankness surprises me.” He was astonished at the ease with which she matched his tone exactly.
“It is not frankness, my lady. The truth is obvious to those who would look for it.”
“But you do not think my situation calls for such treatment.” Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him.
His expression thawed. “I cannot see that you are to be held to account for what your father did when you were a child. Did you influence him to turn against his rightful lord?”
Alais shook her head.
“Then no, unless you give me cause to do otherwise, I shall always treat you with the respect that is due to you as my father’s wife.” Alais took a step back. He thought he must have insulted her. He blinked in surprise at the sudden change in her attitude. Taking a deep breath he attempted to gather his wits. They had discussed everything important to do with their journey. He tried to smile, to show her that the worst was over, but he suspected that there was more to come. “Now, if there is nothing else, we can waste no more time here. We have many miles to travel today.” Alais’ attention snapped back to him and she moved back behind the screen.
Hugh went outside to join Edmund who was preparing the horses.
“Did you succeed in convincing her to sin?” he asked, with a smile.
“Yes,” Hugh replied grimly. “Another item to add to the many already on my conscience.”
Edmund’s face clouded. “You can’t be responsible for everything.”
“How can I not be responsible for this? She is alone and unescorted.” Somehow his encounter with Alais had left him frustrated and now he took it out on Edmund.
“She is your father’s responsibility, not yours. If you want to blame someone, blame him.” Thankfully, Edmund did not seem to take his anger personally.
“Do not worry. I know where his share of the blame lies in this.”
“You think to save her!” Edmund’s face showed his sudden comprehension.
Hugh shook his head despondently. “I know I cannot. I wish I could. I just take her to her fate.”
“Then what is this about?”
“I do not know. But I think it would have been better for Lady Alais if we had left her to be killed by the French.”
Eventually Hugh, Alais and Edmund were gathered together in the hall to break their fast. Hugh had told Edmund not to comment on Alais’ clothing, but when he saw Edmund frown slightly as he caught sight of Alais before he turned to take his seat at the side table, he knew that Edmund feared, as he did, that Alais still looked far too much like a woman and not enough like a boy. Hugh was angry with himself for risking their lives in this way, but there was nothing else that he could reasonably do. He had to get Alais to Liss within the next three days and this was the safest way to do it.
None of them was inclined to talk as they ate. Hugh was aware of the servants staring at Alais. However well-trained they were, they knew it was a sin for a woman to dress as a man and they were scandalised. It could not be worse if she were sitting there naked. Hugh quickly put that though away. It would not do to dwell on something like that. He did not want to make Alais feel any more uncomfortable, so he said nothing to the servants, but resolved to do something on his return. Alais had noticed the servants’ reactions, for she squirmed in her seat uncomfortably. She blushed, as well, and Hugh thought how pretty she looked. Then he realised that he had something else to worry about and his anger grew. Alais caught him staring at her and he turned his head away in embarrassment and frustration. Until this morning, he had been looking forward to this time with Alais. Now he thought it would be torture of the cruellest kind.
Although he knew it was making her uncomfortable he could not stop himself staring from time to time. He found himself wondering what his reaction would be if he saw Alais and did not know that she was a woman. No one would be closer to her than he was now. With her hair under her hood as it was now, she would bear distant scrutiny, but someone sitting by her at meal-time must surely recognise her for a woman. He and Edmund would have to make sure that they were always between her and any strangers. He sighed loudly and realised that both Edmund and Alais had turned to look at him. He frowned at them and they quickly turned their attention back to their food.
After an eternity the meal ended. The servants fussed around them clearing and tidying and then they were ready to leave. They walked out into the overcast morning to their waiting horses. Hugh took it upon himself to help Lady Alais mount. He wanted her to know that he was more concerned about her needs than anything and that he knew it was no small thing that she was doing. She was going to a strange place, with an inadequate escort of two strangers and dressed in a way that would scandalise all who knew what was happening. Certainly everyone at Liss would know that she had travelled in his clothes. He would have to make time to explain to Father Alonso what had happened, but it was Sir William’s reaction he feared the most. How would his father feel about the wife he did not really want coming to him dressed as a boy? Perhaps it would be best if they stopped just out of sight of the manor house so that Alais could change into her own clothes. That would definitely be best, even if it was another addition to the list of things to worry about.
At last they set off. Hugh was angry and knew that his anger made him a poor companion. He felt that Alais was angry with him for causing her to sin and Edmund was keeping his distance for reasons he did not yet know. It would not be a secret that Edmund would keep for long.
The weather had turned colder and rain threatened. He had looked forward to this time with Alais, even though he knew that it was wrong. Now he was wasting it with his anger, but he could not change it. The journey was endangering all their lives and even though that had been his own choice and to a lesser extent, Edmund’s, it was not Alais’. She had gone from one dangerous situation to another and the risk of danger would not end when they reached Liss.
Alais, too, was miserable. He knew she was uncomfortable in his old clothes and he wondered which humiliation was the greater, the one that his father had put on her, or his own. At least he had the consolation that he had had no choice. This was the best way to keep her safe. He wished he could have agreed to her plan to return to Leigh, but then she would still have had to make the journey to Liss alone in the future and she would have to face his father’s anger.
At least she rode well. Hugh rode beside her and then behind her to convince himself that she rode like a boy. In that one thing he was assured that she would not give herself away. Now he only had to worry about anyone seeing her face, hearing her voice, catching sight of her hair or looking too closely at her figure.
Edmund said nothing and Hugh preferred it that way, for the moment. He seemed to disapprove of Alais and Hugh knew that he would have to find out why. He trusted Edmund’s judgement.
He could at least let Alais know that one of her problems would be resolved before t
hey arrived at their destination. He guided his horse closer to Alais’ side.
“My lady, I was at fault this morning.”
She turned towards him, but said nothing.
He continued, “I should have told you that you do not have to wear my clothes for the entire journey”
“No? For how much of the journey must I travel naked?”
Hugh ground his teeth as he tried to decide whether he wanted to laugh or think again about Alais naked. “There is no chance of that, my lady, unless we are set upon by robbers.” He was relieved when she laughed with him. "When we get near to Liss it would be best if you changed into your own clothes. You need not cause any scandal there. I doubt my father would approve and the priest would preach against you for many months.”
“I thank you, my lord.” Now she smiled warmly at him and he knew that she understood.
Alais was not used to travelling in this style and at this speed. Apart from Edmund, there were no servants. Hugh’s clothes were not very comfortable. They seemed to fit nowhere except where they were tied against her body. It had been ridiculous to think that Hugh’s clothes would turn her into a convincing boy; he was so much bigger than her. The cold air seemed to attack through every gap and there were many of those. At least they were of good quality. Hugh did not strike her as vain and his clothes were not particularly fashionable, but they were made of a very good cloth, so they were not as uncomfortable as they might have been. The strangest thing was that they smelt of Hugh. He had assured her that they were clean and she had no reason to doubt him; she could smell their freshness, but there was a faint smell of Hugh, a combination of man and horse and leather. She wondered absently if he would think of her the next time he wore them. Would they then carry her scent? And what did she smell of?
They had very little baggage, so there was nothing to sit on when they stopped. They ate and drank standing by the horses. Both men seemed to be in foul moods and there was little conversation. Alais was bored and uncomfortable after the first hour. Despite her anger with Hugh, she had frequently tried to start a conversation with him. She accepted that he had done what was necessary to keep her safe and it was not his fault that her husband chose to humiliate her, but Hugh had barely responded. He at least had been civil. When she had turned to Edmund he had responded merely with grunts; he had been more talkative when he had carried her to safety and when they had been alone at Hill. She felt her humiliation was complete. Then, in the early afternoon, it started to rain. Already tired, she was relieved when Hugh called a halt. They were approaching a small monastery and he indicated that they would request shelter from the storm and for the night from the monks. As they rode towards the monastery, Hugh leant towards Alais, “Your name will be Alfred.”
The Traitor's Daughter Page 8